Chapter 5: The Dazzling Deceiver of the Sapphire Marches
There are many kinds of suffering in the world. War, famine, heartbreak… and being forced to go on five consecutive dates arranged by your father's vassals.
If there were an award for endurance, I should have received a medal by now—one that came with a very much needed vacation.
After the incident with the weeping prince, I thought my father would finally give up. But no. The vassals had apparently met and decided I needed a proper suitor of noble blood, sound mind, and exceptional breeding.
That's how I found myself standing at the palace dock this morning, staring at a small gilded boat shaped like a swan and mentally preparing myself for another disaster.
"He is the son of Grand Archduke Voryntharaxissalindrovax the Resplendent," Vaelory was whispering beside me as if that explained everything. "The heir to the Sapphire Marches! A man of beauty, wealth, and refinement!"
"His father's name sounds like a curse that could summon demons," I muttered.
Vaelory gasped. "That is a very beautiful name, mind you. The demons could never have a name like that, and we do not speak of them."
Due to how much I've been consumed by these dates and potential suitors, I haven't had the opportunity to investigate why the mention of demons was not allowed within the kingdom. But I'll find out.
"They say he is devastatingly handsome," Vaelory told me.
"Good," I sighed. "At least one of them should be easy on the eyes."
And then I saw him.
Thaloryssivandralaxion Voryntharaxissalindrovax—yes, really—stepped off the docked barge with all the poise of a painting come to life. He was tall, broad-shouldered, and radiant in a cream silk tunic that looked far too pristine for sea spray. His blond hair fell in soft waves, his eyes the color of polished amber, his smile warm enough to melt steel.
Finally. A suitor who didn't look like he'd been baked too long in the sun.
He bowed deeply. "Your Highness, the pleasure of meeting you in person outshines even the legends of your beauty."
"I hope the legends included my tendency to be late and sarcastic," I said.
His smile widened. "I find both qualities charming."
I blinked. Did he just—agree with me? Most men here would've called that unbecoming or something equally dull.
I glanced at Vaelory, who was nearly swooning. "Your Highness," she whispered, "he smiles like the sun."
"Yes," I said under my breath, "and laughs like a dying goose, apparently."
Because when Thaloryssivandralaxion—Thalory—laughed—which he did then, delighted by something I hadn't even said—it was… something else. A wild, braying, high-pitched "HEE-hee-hee!" that echoed over the water and made the swans flee for their lives.
I bit the inside of my cheek so hard I tasted blood.
Still, handsome is handsome, and if I ignored the laugh, the day might actually be tolerable.
The boat was small and ornate, its edges trimmed with gold filigree, petals scattered over the seats. The oars shimmered faintly with enchantment—self-rowing, of course. Heaven forbid anyone of noble birth exercise.
We stepped in, and the boat glided from the dock. The water rippled gently beneath us, catching sunlight like shards of glass. The breeze carried the scent of lilacs and the faint hum of magic.
"This is quite beautiful," I admitted.
Thalory turned his dazzling smile on me. "Beauty suits you, Your Highness. It bends itself to your presence."
I rolled my eyes, though not entirely without amusement. "Careful, your compliments might drown us."
He laughed again—that same horrendous, hyena-like sound that shattered the moment's grace. I winced and pretended to admire the water lilies instead.
We talked as the boat drifted lazily down the river. He was charming—almost suspiciously so. Every opinion I had, he shared. Every joke, he found hilarious. Every criticism I made of court life, he echoed in agreement.
"Women should be free to make their own choices," I said casually, testing him.
"Absolutely," he said immediately. "Freedom is the foundation of happiness."
"And they should be able to wear whatever they like without judgment."
He nodded fervently. "Indeed! Corsets are instruments of oppression."
Vaelory would faint if she heard that, I thought, almost smiling.
I narrowed my eyes. "You agree with me a lot."
"Only because you are right," he said smoothly.
Oh, he was good. Too good.
Still, as the light played over his golden hair and the soft rhythm of the water lulled us, I found myself relaxing. Maybe I'd been too harsh on these arranged meetings. Maybe someone like him—
He reached for my hand then, fingers brushing mine gently. His amber eyes held mine, and I felt something warm in my chest.
I leaned slightly closer. Just slightly.
And then... his nose twitched.
I blinked.
It twitched again, like a rabbit's.
Then it started growing.
I froze. "Um… Thalory…"
He jerked back, one hand flying to his face. "Ah! The pollen! My sinuses... I have terrible allergies, you see..."
But I wasn't buying it. I'd seen enough enchanted nonsense to recognize it when it was staring me in the face.
"Pollen doesn't make noses... elongate," I said slowly.
"It's a rare... noble condition!" he stammered.
Suspicion flared. I murmured a simple dispelling charm under my breath and snapped my fingers.
The illusion shattered like glass.
Where a flawless prince had sat seconds ago, now crouched something that could only be described as a cross between a man and a rodent. His body ballooned in width, his elegant tunic splitting at the seams. His once-perfect hair thinned into a few tragic wisps clinging to his scalp. Two enormous front teeth jutted over his lower lip, and his eyes—tiny, slitted, and panicked—blinked up at me.
"Oh stars above," I whispered.
He squeaked—actually squeaked—and tried to hide his face behind his hands.
"Don't look at me like that!" he pleaded, his voice still charmingly smooth but distinctly nasal now. "It's just a small enchantment! Appearance is everything in politics!"
I stared at him, utterly dumbfounded. "You turned yourself into... that?"
"I was born this way!" he squeaked again, his voice breaking. "You don't understand what it's like being mocked for having a face that frightens your reflection!"
My jaw dropped. "You catfished me with magic."
"Catfish?" he asked with a tilt of his head.
"You pretended to be something you are not!" I told him.
"Ah!" he said in understanding. "But it's not really catfishing if I intended to tell you after marriage!" he protested desperately.
That did it.
I stood up in the boat so fast it rocked violently. "You deceived the princess of the realm to trick her into marrying you?!"
"Trick is such an ugly word," he whimpered. "I prefer gently mislead!"
I pinched the bridge of my nose. "You're lucky I don't turn you into an actual mouse."
His beady eyes welled up. "Please, Your Highness! Look past my... appearance! My love for you is sincere!"
"We met forty minutes ago!"
"Time is but an illusion when souls align!"
"Apparently so is your face," I snapped.
He squeaked again, this time in despair, as I sat back down and crossed my arms. "Take me back to shore," I ordered the boat, which immediately obeyed.
As we glided back toward the palace, he continued pleading, sniffling loudly the entire time. "I can change! I'll get a new spell! I'll—"
"Please don't," I said flatly.
When we docked, I stepped out first, adjusting the loose folds of my dress and shaking the wrinkles from my sleeves. I didn't even glance back as I marched toward the palace.
Behind me, his pitiful voice echoed over the water.
"Your Highness, wait! Beauty is but a shell! My heart is what matters!"
"Then marry a mirror!" I called back.
Vaelory, who had been watching from the pier with a horrified expression, scurried after me. "Your Highness, what happened?"
I glared at her. "What happened? Tell me you didn't see that the same person who smiled like the sun is actually nothing but a skewer rat who was going to trick me into marrying him."
She swallowed and stared in shock. I didn't care. I was done with this nonsense. How was it that not one suitor was even mildly acceptable? Not that I was going to accept them anyway, but at least... make an effort!
Where the hell were they getting these men from? And how was it that in a place as beautiful as this, flowing with handsome men, I was only caught with the ugly ones?