The spaceship took more than two days to make the journey.
Sam carried the gem carefully in both hands as he brought it into the ship's central lounge, a fairly small room. A round table sat in the middle, while automatic massage sofas were neatly arranged along the walls. Various pleasure devices, both for personal and recreational use, were scattered carelessly across the floor.
"What's that smell?" Sam paused and sniffed the air, catching a faint fruity scent lingering in the room.
"Oh! It's me. Hahahaha!"
He gently set the gemstone down on the table. Embedded in the tabletop was a mineral analyzer, a rectangular scanner large enough to hold an object about the size of a human thigh.
As soon as the machine began examining the gem, golden light shimmered from within it. The rectangular scanner started rattling violently, bouncing up and down across the table.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! It's hopping around like a bumper car!"
Sam grabbed the machine to stop it from jumping.
Just then, Rolina entered the room and found Sam inspecting the stone. The golden glow reflected in both their eyes. The gem now resembled a crystal, with liquid-like particles flowing beneath its glassy surface.
A holographic display flickered into existence.
Stone Type: ?
Temperature: 0°
Radiat@#@#%#%
The analyzer suddenly malfunctioned in the middle of processing the data.
"I checked the temperature. It's zero degrees Fahrenheit and zero degrees Celsius at the same time. What the fu—?"
Sam stared at the screen in complete confusion.
"That's impossible. Try Kelvin."
Rolina hurried over and adjusted the scanner.
The golden light grew even brighter, causing her vision to blur instantly. Sam raised an arm to shield his face.
"Damn it! I can't see anything!"
Blue blood began trickling from Rolina's eyes. She slammed a fist onto the table, forcing the machine to shut down.
"Fuck! Ahhh—my eyes!"
"Then why were you staring straight at it? Actually, you looked better when you were blind."
"Who the fuck would know? Ghkk shit."
Sam grabbed a cloth and wiped the blue blood running down her cheeks.
"Blue blood. Oxygen must not be reaching your brain anymore." He tilted his head and smirked.
"Yet, you've tasted it so shut your hole." Her eyes had turned completely white, leaving her blind for a moment. She rubbed them repeatedly until the color gradually returned to their usual clear blue.
"What kind of stone is this? It's prettier than certain people, that's for sure!"
He compared the gem to her just to get under her skin.
"Looks like this thing's worth a fortune. So I'm thinking seventy-thirty."
He was already trying to cheat her out of her share.
"Fifty-fifty. Or better yet, eighty for me and twenty for ya to shove up ya monkey ass." Rolina shot back immediately. Meanwhile, Sam danced around the room with bent knees, doing everything he could to annoy her. "Quit messing around like a retard." Rolina planted her foot squarely against his face. Sam nearly toppled backward and had to grab the table to keep from landing on his bottom.
"Hey! What are you mad at me for now baby?" Sam pulled himself upright and grabbed her by the collar. She twisted her hips slightly, making her irritation perfectly clear.
Seeing that, he let out a long sigh. "Hm. Well, that explains why the bed's wet every night."
He suddenly seemed to have an idea. "I'll buy you one of those squid-worm things."
"Will it make me reach seventeen laps?" Rolina asked seriously.
"Oh, more than enough. Twenty-four hours straight if you want. One charge lasts three days. It even wiggles around on its own. Then you won't have to keep bothering my little Gollum anymore."
Sam patted her shoulder. "I think we need more crew members. Men or women, doesn't matter. Maybe a big woman who can drag me aro—"
"Whoa, whoa, stop right there. Not another one of your kinky shits."
"Y'know what?" Before she could continue, Sam shoved her toward the bedroom. "Get in there!"
"Sam! Open the door!"
"Calm yourself. And don't stain my bed, got it?" He walked away, scooped up the little blue dog, and tossed it into the room with her. "Stay with your mama."
The sliding door shut and locked from the outside.
The little dog immediately jumped into Rolina's arms.
"Hap, hap." It barked affectionately while wagging its tail.
"It's okay, Fuzzy. Don't go calling that blond idiot your father."
Rolina stroked the little creature's fur. The strange dog had sharp quill-like fur like a hedgehog, oversized nostrils, a gray face, and protruding fangs.
Outside the room, Sam ruffled his hair until it puffed out wildly. He pulled a piece of candy from the pocket of his knee-length shorts and bit into it. The candy cracked open, releasing rainbow-colored smoke from his mouth.
"Phoo~ This stuff is amazing."
Sam rolled his neck around like a warhorse stretching before battle.
Rainbow beams suddenly shot from his eyes like heat rays. In his hallucination, they sliced the spaceship in half, leaving him drifting alone through space.
"Spinning round and round! Wah-haaa~~"
He floated through the void and watched a blue sun shrink into the distance before exploding into a vast cloud of blue energy.
"Supernova~~ So beautiful~~"
The massive blue cloud gathered together and formed the shape of a beautiful woman. She reached out and scooped up his tiny body in her hand. Sam gazed upward with dreamy, half-lidded eyes.
Meanwhile, Rolina sat petting Fuzzy in her lap. She could hear the laughter of a complete lunatic outside the bedroom.
"Yo~~ Gah~~ Gack-gack-gack! A million stars! Wah-hahaha!"
"Don't ever grow up to be like him, sweetheart. Your mom will beat you to death."
She rubbed the little dog's head.
"Ung."
The creature nodded as if it understood.
Then—
THUD!
A heavy crash echoed from outside.
"There it is... finally knocked himself out."
Rolina smiled.
She picked up a blunt pink cone-shaped object and wedged it into the seam of the sliding door. The flexible rubber slipped into the mechanism, forcing the door open automatically.
"Pinky here is more useful than an actual assistant."
The door slid open, revealing Sam curled up like a hedgehog beside the round table.
She pried open his mouth and stuffed the pink object between his teeth.
"There. That's what you get for talking so much, you bastard. Fuzzy, come here."
The little dog came running immediately.
"Now then... release."
Rolina pointed at Sam's face.
Fuzzy lifted one leg.
And then...
Two hours later.
"Sam! What are you doing in the bathroom for an hour?!"
Rolina knocked on the bathroom door across from the bedroom.
"What is that smell?! Smells like piss!"
Sam shouted from inside, sounding half asleep. Water splashed loudly around him.
"The candy you ate was pee-flavored, remember~"
Rolina answered while struggling not to laugh.
"Bullshit. I checked the label first. Wait... Pee Flavor Candy... Fucking bitch! That cocksuckin' dealer scammed me!"
She had completely gotten into his head, and Sam clearly hadn't recovered from the effects of the strange candy yet. While Rolina stared at the golden gem for a moment, she suddenly saw the reflection of an old man with a white beard inside its surface.
She blinked and rubbed her face. When she looked again, the old man was gone.
"Is Sam's stuff habit contagious or something?"
Unable to resist, she picked up the gem and sniffed it like a hunting animal.
"Sniff... Weird smell. No clue what it is, though."
"Hm. It'll probably sell for a good price. I'll ask Cisco about it when we get there."
The bathroom door slid open.
Wrapped in a towel, Sam crawled out onto the floor. "I'm so wasted... ugh..."
"Seriously? That bad?" Rolina helped him sit upright.
"We've still got another day before we reach the station. Go get some sleep."
She slipped an arm under his and effortlessly hoisted him onto her shoulder.
"Blulululu... hehe... your face... ngh... looks kinda incomplete, you know? Wehehehe~~"
Sam shook his head rapidly.
Rolina carried him into the large circular bedroom and dropped him onto the oversized bed. She sat down at the foot of it. "You look like you were just crawling out of mama's womb. Anyway, I'll take the ship."
Grab.
"Babe~" Sam caught her hand. "Let's have a little chat."
After hearing that, Rolina finally gave in and lay beside him on her side.
"Have you gotten fatter or something?" Sam asked for absolutely no reason whatsoever.
She didn't answer.
"Hm? What's wrong? Why aren't you talking?"
He gently ran a hand through her hair.
"Why did you turn out like this? I really don't understand." Rolina finally asked.
"'Out like what...? I'm a guy. A human and a Blonde American future sultan." Sam answered with the communication skills of a malfunctioning robot.
"I just wish our relationship could be a little more normal." She lifted his wrist in her hand.
"Aren't we normal? What kind of stupid questions like that?"
"Oh, just shoo." She snapped back at him.
But Sam leaned forward, pressed a kiss against her neck, and promptly fell asleep while she turned her face away. Soon afterward, the two of them drifted off to sleep together, waiting for their ship to reach its destination.