Yuu had just finished taking his bath when he heard a knock on his door. It was his mom.
" Yuu dear, are you done with showering?" She asked as she waited for a reply. He was in a bath robe trying to begin his bed time skincare routine.
He went towards the door but hesitated before opening the door. He knew what she was going to say. He was not really in a mood for a lecture.
Not when he had a terrible day.
Mrs Takahashi let herself in hastily as soon as Yuu unlocked the door.
" Are you okay dear? I heard about the disagreement from your Dad" she said as she led Yuu to the bed. They were both sitting side by side on his king sized bed.
" Yes , I am fine."
" I am not going to say much. I just want to let you know that I am with you in this. I can't stop you from feeling different emotions but I just want to be a mother you can rely on when everything seems difficult." She said as she patted his head.
" There's no need to worry mom, I am fine. I can handle it." He reassured his mother. She did not want to stop Ren and Yuu, but she did not want a half alive son either. The incident from years ago still traumatized her.
Yuu did not feel like eating that night. He quietly slept in his bed. His mind replayed the conversation, the way Ren had left and how he was going to work with him again.
Would he still be angry? But Yuu felt like he was the one who was supposed to be annoyed, not just about the incident from years ago but his harsh attitude towards him always.
Yuu felt a tight pain in his chest, not hurt but something softer.
A memory resurfaced, one he had not remembered in years.
He and Ren were sitting on the floor of Ren's living room watching that bl series everyone was talking about. The one every one warned them about. Ray had said it had a lot of yearning and crying, traumatic scenes but Yuu wanted to watch it.
They had just reached the scene, the one where that boy was pushed away again. Yuu was so engrossed in the movie that he didn't notice that Ren was fidgeting. The series was about two childhood friends who turned enemies because of an acting role in school . They reunite again but now the feelings between them tenser.
But what caught Yuu's attention was when the character was at his family's resort and got dumped again after an intimate moment with the other lead.
Tears flowing freely, hands shaking , voice cracking.
Yuu remembered how his heart twisted painfully but he also remembered something else.
Ren stopped watching.
He froze.
Without uttering a word, he reached out for the remote and skipped the whole thing.
" Too dramatic" Ren muttered.
But Yuu saw his hand trembling.
He didn't ask about it back then but now everything made sense. After the message, the fight , after seeing the hurt in Ren's eyes in the conference room, Yuu understood.
Ren wasn't running from him.
He was avoiding pain.
Avoiding anything that felt too familiar.
Avoiding scenes where someone got close, then hurt .
Avoiding the exact kind of emotional collapse he was terrified of having himself.
Avoiding vulnerability.
Avoiding himself.
Ren pushed him away because caring was traumatic.
Feelings, messy , intense, uncontrollable were the kind of scenes Ren always skipped.
In shows,
In real life,
In relationships.
And Yuu?
He had dragged Ren right into the middle of one.
As realization dawned at Yuu, he began to think about how much he didn't want to corner Ren.
He didn't want to be another traumatic scene Ren had to skip.
He wanted to reach him differently.
Softly,
Gently,
Quietly,
Soft enough that Ren didn't feel like he was going to fall apart.
Ren was just tossing on his bed, unable to bring himself to sleep.
Yuu's words kept ringing in his head. He got up and went to the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face.
But the quiet wasn't helping tonight.
He had brought so many thoughts home.
Yuu's face.
His voice when he said those words.
You pull back from everything because it is easier to feel nothing.
It wasn't true.
He felt too much and that was the problem.
He felt things until they hurt.
He walked from the bathroom and sat on his bed. His hands trembled slightly but he forced them to still.
It didn't work.
His phone vibrated. It was a message from no one important .
Not Yuu.
He didn't expect Yuu to message him, not after what happened. Not after he sliced the air between them with every word.
Still, the disappointed cut at him.
Why did Yuu push him like that?
Why did he ask him questions he wasn't ready to answer?
He didn't mean to get angry at Yuu. He didn't mean to react in front of people.
But when Yuu brought up the message, something from within him snapped.
Because he meant it.
" don't get close".
Not because he didn't want Yuu near him, but because he did.
Too much.
And wanting someone felt like losing control,and losing control felt like.
A flash.
The moment he could not replay, in real life, shows, novels. The point where someone cried, broke down or begged.
The moment where he couldn't fix anything.
He remembered a series he had watched with Yuu . The scene where the boy cried alone in his room after being pushed away again and again.
Ren didn't skip it because it was boring.
But because he felt the pain in his chest too clearly. He knew what it felt like to disappoint someone who cared. Because he could see himself in the one doing the hurting and the one being hurt .
Yuu had looked at him strangely like he wanted to ask why he skipped but didn't ask.
He regretted today, not because of the argument but the look Yuu gave him at the end.
That tiny flickering hurt.
Like he had carved something out of Yuu.
He hated it.
He hated himself for causing it.
He didn't know how to fix it, how to speak without hurting him. He didn't know how to let someone get close without feeling like he was falling apart.
He whispered into the quiet.
" Yuu, why do you make everything feel like it's going to break?"
The room, of course, couldn't speak so he got no answer.
And that was safer.
That was easier.
But it didn't stop the ache in his chest . The one that had Yuu's name written all over it.