Loren guessed that he probably couldn't lift Thor's hammer either—and that his confident demeanor earlier had just been to tease his five wives.
What he never expected was that not only could he not lift the hammer… but the damned thing, even in its broken state, seemed to want to summon lightning just to strike him.
"That's too much! Absolutely too much!"
Sure, my heart isn't exactly pure—but it's not like I need divine lightning to cleanse my soul, right?
I'm just a womanizer! Since when did that become a capital offense?
Just as the bolt of lightning arced down toward him, a shimmering magical barrier erupted out of thin air above his head, intercepting the strike with a sharp crack.
It was the passive ability of the magic ring the Ancient One had given him—a crisis-triggered shield.
Though its power wasn't extraordinary, it was more than enough to handle a single lightning bolt.
Relief washed over Loren—quickly followed by smug satisfaction.
No wonder I got this from the Supreme Master. It's seriously useful! What a steal!
He yanked his hand back from the hammer and jabbed a finger at it, voice rising in outrage.
"You son of a bitch! I've got no beef with you—why are you trying to fry me alive?"
He crossed his arms, scowling.
"Just you wait. Once you're shattered into dust, I'll melt you down and forge you into a chamber pot."
"And every damn morning, I'll pee on you—to avenge this humiliation!"
Speaking of peeing… the idea was so tempting in his rage that he nearly unzipped his pants then and there to unleash a "baptism of life-giving liquid" onto the hammer.
But before he could even start, the Commander's sister grabbed his arm.
"Boss, have you lost your mind?! That hammer summons lightning—and urine conducts electricity! You'll get electrocuted into a crispy snack. And then what? Who's gonna lead us?"
"Yeah, boss," Mary Rose added with a giggle, hand over her mouth. "Don't get so mad you turn into roast chicken!"
2B pouted, arms crossed. "You guys underestimate the boss's body too much. A little lightning wouldn't hurt him. Maybe it'd even strengthen him! Haven't you heard of electric shock training?"
"??????" The women blinked in unison.
"??????" Loren just stared.
Tifa tilted her head. "2B… are you saying electric shocks could actually make the boss stronger?"
2B nodded confidently. "Mm-hmm! It might even awaken a latent lightning attribute in him!"
The Commander's eyes lit up. "A lightning attribute? So he'd basically become a walking stun gun?"
Mary Rose gasped. "Oh my God—a human stun gun!"
A2 smirked. "Then… why not let him try it?"
"Yeah," the Commander grinned. "Why not?"
In seconds, the five women formed a conspiratorial huddle—right in front of Loren—whispering excitedly like scientists about to test a volatile compound.
A moment later, they turned to him in perfect sync.
"Boss," the Commander said, bowing slightly with mock solemnity, "we apologize for interrupting. Please… continue."
They all stared at him with gleaming, expectant eyes—like kids waiting for fireworks.
"….." Loren's eye twitched.
"Are you all toxic?!" he snapped. "Forget this! We're going home—now!"
He spun on his heel and stormed off toward Morgan Manor, leaving Thor's hammer behind.
The women burst into laughter and hurried after him, clearly having pulled off a perfectly coordinated prank.
—All except 2B.
She sprinted to catch up, looking genuinely earnest. "Boss! The electric shock training really might work! How about I hook you up to a power strip when we get home? Just a light jolt—strictly for research!"
"…" Loren didn't even look at her.
"2B. Your reward for this week is canceled."
"Ah?! Nooo!!"
---
Not long after Loren's group vanished, another party arrived at the site of the hammer.
It was a S.H.I.E.L.D. team—led by Agent Coulson, with Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton (Hawkeye) flanking him. Natasha crouched, scanning the area with sharp eyes.
"Don't get too close," she warned. "People have already been here—a lot of them. Look at these footprints."
She pulled out a forensic scanner, analyzing the impressions in the dirt. After a few seconds, she frowned.
"Eight individuals total—six women, two men. Signs of scuffling… they probably weren't a unified group."
Coulson folded his arms, gaze fixed on the hammer. "The one who got here before us—with half a harem in tow—has to be him. Loren."
Natasha stood, scanning the hammer with another device. "The anomalous energy spike we detected? Definitely came from this artifact."
She holstered the scanner. "No radiation, no toxins—it appears… safe."
"Safe?" Hawkeye scoffed. "That doesn't add up. Loren never walks away from valuable gear unless there's a catch. If he left it, it's either cursed, booby-trapped, or both."
But Natasha was already reaching for the hammer.
She gripped the handle—then froze.
"Natasha?" Barton tensed, hand drifting toward his quiver. "What's wrong?"
"I'm fine," she said slowly. "But… this thing is incredibly heavy."
"How heavy can a little hammer be?" Barton muttered,
stepping forward. He wrapped his fingers around the handle—
—and his eyes shot wide open.
"!!!!!"
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