I remembered, those all thing's why only happened to me? Just because world was unfair with me? Never, God gave me a chance too, but there was someone behind those. As far I know. Xiao Lin was not such an easy person to kill by strikes. He is a Moon Prince. Not belonging from This three realm of Purity, Poverty and Divinity. He hold's strength more than the whole ancestors of Jade dynasty deities do. My spirit power is nothing compared to him. I may lose my seat as The God of War in a fight with him but he, he don't need a seat. He himself holds the power. He don't even have any disciple because it's impossible and unfair with his strengths and techniques.
But he left me. Disappeared into thin air, its because,
Because he gave his life scale to me.
And indeed it's true that, "Nothing is Consequence's"
So, it was him behind my this infinity life. The countless reborning. The bittersweet memory of my pastlives.And what I got in return, unlocking my memory. The memory of losing him. If he knew how much it hurts living without him as like as countless time death crashing my soul in every flicker of thoughts of him, my love won't leave me alone having this hellish life to taste this bitterest world without him. Because even the most beautiful moon light is also boring without my moon prince, my love, my Xiao Lin.
And the abilities of mine cannot holded by this body so it's effecting. Not just the effects. It's making this body rots. I know i don't have much time left. But even if i found him again will we be able to stay together. The sacrifices he did is nothing compared to mine. So all my life all i did is, for those filthy humans? Whom claimed me as a sinner. And I selfish coward couldn't do anything for him. That my love is really couldn't proven. Or he readed me like open book that their will be just a pathetic way of sacrificing my valueless life. And he did made a way to protecting me from that too.
I couldn't stop but thinking about Johan too. But honestly even i myself were pretty confused about my feelings toward him. Also a pangs of doubtful betrayed thought stayed. And it made me sure that even as a human i cant get a human partner. The hatred of mine maybe cursing my closest peoples too. But i couldn't bare anymore that also how every time, every life my closest peoples, the peoples who cared about me always snatched by those stinky humans. They had to leave this world for my this pathetic life. Like every time i remember that, my heart crashes and giving up on living kept poking my mind like it controls it. But nothing lefts for me. I think of leaving, running away from everything. But honestly only darkness is only thing that keeps me. Without that place i have nowhere to hide, nowhere to stay.
My life started to become more hard, everyday fighting with this body and mind. Couldn't control anything. But I got busy using my Truth Eye left by my beloved. But it was another burden and weapon also for me because I am living in the earth with beasts and monsters. Barely could find someone who really worth of spending my time with. And its making before my eyes crystal clear. More than that I became more of sick seeing their thoughts and stinky aura.
Doctors, Hospitals were already became my often visiting place. Because more i am pushing this body more its weakening. Countless injuries and flesh rotting happening, also i cant even eat foods like a normal person. As a human body can taste or should. Bcz plasma is also became my obsession and flesh is making it more hungrier. Just to live i have to eat forcefully only the roots and soiled, though the foods tastes like ashes. The smells of them making it more worse. But the fun fact is I make the best human foods. Because, those who didn't have the taste, can share the importance pleasure of it.
Of course i did made foods for humans, Because i became more of an actor as living like her. And i can see how people really thinks inside about me but i still tease them. Like i really hold some power. I am rude and sassy but I am more of a wicked about using my ability of seeing their thoughts to make it fueling the fire.
And what made my life less boring was finding out peoples life. Yeah that's true no one is in peace but do they deserve it? Because nobody's happy with what they have. Even I have that effects too. As like, while my beloved Xiao Lin and my friend Qing Xue Ye sacrificed their life for live my life while he gave me the chance to remember everything about my past life, to find him but i kept thinking of giving up, killing my this body too.
I started to loving and hating this life at the same time. But at least i really cant live like this, still i clenched my jaw and kept bearing all those storms of life. What left for me is to live like this.