The door finally opened, and my Mr. Heart started beating faster and faster as it opened, and I slowly looked up, and the view my eyes got really made me breathe a sigh of relief. The view is My Yuan, my Yuan Yuan. He is standing right in front of me, but he doesn't look like the same Yuan I last saw in our last meeting with each other. There is a change in him. His eyes look so empty, like he didn't even sleep last night fully. His face looks pale, his cheeks look a bit warmed up like he was crying since last night, but he just made up, he just pushed himself and made up to stand again like this. He looks at me but didn't say anything to me, not even a single word he has spoken to me.
My emotions are not in my control and they flow out just after seeing him after long three weeks, and I hugged him tightly, but this is the first time that he didn't hug me back.
Yuan, where were you for the past three weeks? Why didn't you contact me? If you got yourself so busy in your work, then why didn't you just leave a WeChat message for me? Why didn't you? I asked him while crying as I couldn't control myself, my emotions were just flowing up, and I know, I damn know that I am messing up everything, just everything.
Yuan, please say something. Your silly girl, your little bunny rabbit met you after so many weeks. Didn't you want to see me, Yuan? Please say something, please, I said while still crying.
Then suddenly he touched both my shoulders with his hands, and then he pushed me away from him. The push was not hard, it was very slow, very gentle, like a person plucks a flower petal from a flower. His push to me was like that only, so careful. I looked at him, I am still looking at him, but he is looking down at the floor and said, Zhao Shiza, it's better not to meet.
This sentence of his shattered my whole world around me, like someone asking me to take out my breath from me and then asking me to live. His sentence to me was just like… just.
I looked at him strangely and said, I know you are Xu Yuan, but in our relationship we both have the right to decide everything. You are not the one who decides it for me, you are no one, I said it while my tears wouldn't stop.
He looked at me finally and said, Zhao Shiza, it's really better for both of us to stay away from each other. Things are going to get worse if you stay here. Please go, he said.
Really, Yuan? How much worse can things go other than this, hmm? I asked.
Don't you know how much… leave it. You are asking a person to stop worshipping. Tell me, is that even possible for any person to stop worshipping? I asked.
Yes, it is possible when you damn know that you are worshipping wrong, he said without looking at me.
What did you say? I asked. Did you say that worshipping my love for you is wrong? Did you just mean that the time we spent together, the memories we made to cherish for a lifetime, all that was wrong? Do you really want to say that, Yuan? I asked.
Zhao Shiza, you are emotional right now. I think you should head home first. You are not in the right condition right now, he said.
I am in the damn right condition, Yuan, I said, and I am an adult woman. I know what I am doing, and you are no one to stop me.
Fine, do whatever you want, but from now onwards stop coming here, he said.
What? What are you trying to say, that you want to end our relationship? I asked, holding the tears in my eyes which were ready to flow out like water from a lake.
Okay fine, Yuan, fine, I said. If I could love you when you didn't even have the idea of my existence, then what do you really think, that you can stop me? No, you can't. You really can't. This is my life and I will make my choices, I said. Then my voice got lower as my tears started flowing out from my eyes, and if it's damn wrong, if it's worst, then also my choice is always you, Yuan. Always, always you. If this love of mine is going to be called a sin, then it's a sin that I would love to do every decade, every year, every month, every week, every hour, every minute, every second, I said.
But asking me to stop loving you and asking me to stop coming to you is just like killing me, and if you really want to do that, then tell me directly that Zhao Shiza, you will get yourself hurt. But don't ask me to do such things which make it so hard for me to breathe, Yuan, please, I said.
And while saying it, my legs got numb and I knelt down right in front of the main door and joined my hands in front of him and said, Yuan, if you want to punish me then punish me, but please don't push me away from yourself. Please trust me, these rumours, this news, that is nothing. I really don't care what people think, I really don't, I never did. The only important thing for me is just you. Please don't do this, Yuan, I beg you, please don't, I said all this while crying and joining my hands, but I didn't look up, I didn't.
Then a voice came, but I do care, and these things matter to me, what people think, and this is how Xu Yuan is, he said in a voice which is just a voice, not my Yuan's voice, because that voice didn't have the calmness and the smoothness in it.
It's definitely not my Yuan saying this, it's definitely not him, I said to him while wiping my tears and standing up from there.
This is Xu Yuan, accept it or not, but this is the damn reality, he said in a very cold voice.
No, this is not, and if that's the truth then tell me, tell me who was that person with me for the past few months who only knows one language, which is love? Who's that person who only knows how to care for anyone without even letting them know? Who's that person who, whenever he speaks, only speaks with calmness and warmth? Tell me, who's that person who loved me to the core, who ran to all the hospitals in the whole Shanghai just to find me a blood donor? Who was that person who is so careful that he might not hurt anyone, not even by mistake? Kindness, politeness, all the words belong to my Yuan Yuan only, and you are saying that's not true? Then you are definitely right, Mr Xu Yuan, you are really not my Yuan Yuan. You are definitely someone else, because my Yuan Yuan knows how to fight, and this person who is standing in front of me, it's really not my Yuan Yuan, because this person only knows how to push me back. So you are absolutely right, Mr Xu Yuan, you are definitely not my Yuan Yuan, I said while looking into his eyes, trying to find something, what he feels now, because his eyes won't lie, they express everything, but I think he knew that, that's why he is not looking at me, just looking down at the floor.
Miss Zhao Shiza, if you are done, then please leave. I have things to do, he said to me very strangely, like a stranger.
What is this, Zhao Shiza? You never called me like this. I am your silly girl, you are my cry baby. I am your little bunny rabbit and you are my Margherita pizza. What is this Zhao Shiza, Zhao Shiza that you are saying to me? I asked him.
Your name is Miss Zhao Shiza, so I call you that only, and you just accepted that the person you are talking about is someone else, not me. Then you should leave and find that person, not me, and stop troubling me, he said while still looking down like he didn't dare to make eye contact with me, and then he suddenly shut the door in front of my face.
Then I screamed to him from standing right in front of that closed door only, I said this isn't just your home, who gave you the right to close it in front of my face? And if you are Xu Yuan, then I am also Zhao Shiza, and I make the whole world bend down in front of my stubbornness, and you are really triggering my stubbornness, and you know it very well. I'll bring back my Yuan Yuan at any cost, and you know my stubbornness very well. Okay, stay there only, I'll come when I find a way to bring my Yuan Yuan back.
And then I left from there after saying it, and then while getting down from that floor through the stairs, I made a call and said…