"Expecto Patronum."
Nothing happened.
Ginny had drawn upon the memory of her first time in a girl's body after the void of the diary, on the first day of the school year. Thanks to Occlumency, she could recall the sensation vividly - the lightness, the grace, seeing herself in the mirror. But it didn't work.
This time, she used the memory of gaining Ginny's body permanently after the Hallowe'en ritual.
"Expecto Patronum."
Again, nothing. Well, her emotions were all over the place back then because of the Fatum Sentiens spell, so this wasn't all that surprising.
Her lips pressed into a thin line. One more. This time, she focused on Christmas. She remembered herself in that teasing, provocative costume, Harry's flustered face - the way his subconscious desire had flickered beneath his embarrassment. The warmth of his hug, the thrill of manipulating him into mistrusting Dumbledore, the sense of control she held over him. And how light and giddy she had felt, twirling around in her dress.
"Expecto Patronum!"
A thin wisp of silver mist escaped her wand, curling feebly before her like smoke, dissipating in the air after a few seconds.
'Well, at least I can produce an incorporeal Patronus and it only took a whole week,' she thought dryly - it wasn't the first time she had tried the Patronus Charm. This also confirmed that she wouldn't be devoured by maggots when casting it - not that she had expected to be. Even Snape and Umbridge could cast it and there were very few, like the Dark wizard Raczidian, who had truly been eaten by maggots.
'Let's try one last time.'
She remembered what had happened a few days ago. How she flew through the sky on Harry's broom on a date with Dean. How she noticed Harry sitting in the grass, watching her under his Invisibility Cloak. She had pictured his jealousy and pitiful love and the desire both boys had for her, while she was freely flying through the air, just enjoying the sensation. Finally, she didn't have to fear for her survival all the time.
"Expecto Patronum!"
This time, the incorporeal Patronus lasted longer and the silver mist filled out even more space.
'It's kind of sad that the happiest memory I can come up with involves one boy's jealousy while I'm on a date with another…' Ginny thought, falling lazily onto a couch that the Room of Requirement had created for her.
She did have happy memories - or at least Alexander did.
When he was together with Anastasia in the orphanage they grew up in, as children. Their first kiss. The first time she said 'I love you'. When she became his girlfriend. Their first time having sex. Leaving the orphanage and renting a flat together in London…
She had already tried all those memories from her past life last time and now suspected that memories from a non-magical life might simply not work.
Being free and living a new life should have meant making many new happy memories. But somehow, Ginny hadn't managed that yet.
Somehow, the only happy memories that had worked so far were tied to boys who had a crush on her… She had tried memories with her roommates, but while pleasant, they lacked the necessary 'happiness', whatever that meant…
Lying on the couch, she extended her arm as though trying to grasp the ceiling and stared up at her hand, lost in thought.
She hadn't really thought much of it at the time, but somehow she loved it now when boys desired her - when Harry or Dean, hell, even Alaric and Charlie, looked at her as though she were the most beautiful and precious thing in the world, like they could barely hold themselves back.
For a moment she imagined herself as Alexander in this situation. Some blokes in a bar gazing at him, lovestruck.
She giggled.
Alexander would have been utterly disgusted and disturbed.
She paused.
Was she still attracted to girls? The question suddenly felt glaringly obvious. She knew enough about souls to understand that sexual attraction was defined by the structure of the brain, not the soul - there had even been some truly messed-up magical experiments in the Middle Ages that proved it…
So given that she now had the brain of Ginny Weasley and that canon Ginny Weasley was, presumably, straight, didn't that mean she should be attracted to boys?
She closed her eyes and pictured Harry and Dean pinning her naked body down. Feeling their eyes, their breaths, their hands all over her...
What was this unfamiliar, warm, syrupy feeling in her belly? She took a shuddering deep breath, trying to slow her racing heart.
Suddenly Dean and Harry were replaced by Anastasia, whose cold, empty eyes gazed down at her.
Her heart began beating chaotically - not from excitement, but from an overwhelming, unfamiliar weight pressing down on her chest. A constriction gripped her throat - her breaths shrank to short, ragged gasps. She lay there, eyes fixed on the ceiling, thoughts spiralling out of control, her heart still hammering against her ribs.
'What the fuck just happened?'
The thought ricocheted through her mind, sharp and disorienting. Her chest stayed tight and a persistent unease coiled in her stomach.
Was this… some kind of panic attack? But why? This doesn't make any sense… The thought struck her out of nowhere, making her frown and push herself up onto her elbows.
Maybe imagining Anastasia like that had triggered guilt - because Alexander had left her behind or because he would never see her again. But that explanation didn't feel right and she couldn't say why. She didn't know what else it could be. Was it even a panic attack? It wasn't as if she had any point of comparison.
Her thoughts chased each other in circles, but eventually she exhaled sharply and shook her head.
Whatever it was, she wasn't going to let it consume her.
She stood up and without a second glance, she stepped out of the Room of Requirement, eager to find something, anything, to take her mind off what had just happened.
It was nearly time for the next lesson, Transfiguration. Ginny had skipped lunch, though she wasn't hungry anyway. Her mind still churned over what had just happened. She'd only meant to practice her Patronus Charm for a bit, not expecting it to spiral like that.
Oddly, she hadn't thought much about her former girlfriend since being reborn in Tom Riddle's diary.
"Hello, Ginny! Where were you? You missed lunch," Daisy greeted her first, followed by Mira and Emily.
"Oh, I lost track of time, reading," Ginny replied, feigning embarrassment with a sheepish shrug.
"Dean was awfully worried when you weren't at the Gryffindor table," Emily teased, her tone sly.
She remembered how she had become unsure about her sexual orientation earlier. Would she enjoy kissing a boy like Harry or Dean? Or would it feel better to kiss a girl, like one of her roommates or Luna?
It was all so muddled. Her past life's memories told her that a girl's body was beautiful and exciting, but she would be lying to herself if she denied that there was now also some attraction to boys.
Imagining Harry - that innocent, honest, shy boy overcome with lust - pinning her down, hungry and desperate because of her - sent a shiver through her.
Her fleeting fantasy snapped apart as Professor McGonagall ushered them inside, launching into the lesson. Ginny's inner turmoil tugged at her focus, but she still played the part of the gifted first-year effortlessly.
"Miss Weasley, do you know how to untransfigure these snuffboxes?" McGonagall asked, gesturing to the former mice scattered across the desk.
"Yes, Professor. There are several untransfiguration spells available. Some are highly specialized, but a common and general one is the Reparifarge spell," Ginny answered. It was a second-year spell and McGonagall likely suspected she'd studied ahead.
After demonstrating the spell and earning points for Gryffindor, the class continued as usual, with McGonagall occasionally directing advanced questions her way.
Later, after dinner and some half-hearted studying, they returned to their shared dormitory in Gryffindor Tower.
'I wonder what's up with my roommates?' Ginny thought as she lay on her bed, casually observing them.
Daisy was completely absorbed in a Witch Weekly article - probably something she had borrowed from Emily - while Emily herself sat lazily on her bed, trying different spells on her nails, ones Ginny had taught them. Mira, on the other hand, was sitting at her desk, likely working on homework or studying for the end-of-year exams. It wasn't that far off now…
Since curfew had already passed, they were confined to their dormitory for the rest of the night.
'I haven't used Legilimency on them in a while,' Ginny mused, stretching idly. 'It must have been at least five months - oh my. I wonder what new secrets my cute little friends are hiding, things they don't want anyone to know.'
Her gaze drifted to Daisy and as if sensing it Daisy looked up and met her eyes.
"What's wrong, Ginny?" she asked curiously.
Meanwhile, Ginny plunged into Daisy's mind, sifting through her recent memories. But she couldn't find anything interesting. Her greatest secret was that she sometimes smuggled cookies from dinner to eat at night… how cute!
And now she was looking in the Witch Weekly advice columns because she feared she had gained a few pounds… well, she wasn't totally wrong.
Outwardly, she sighed, answering unmotivated, "I'm bored… Let's do something interesting."
"Do you want to play Gobstones or Exploding Snap?" Emily suggested, finally looking up from her nails to meet Ginny's gaze.
Ginny peeked into her thoughts as well. Nothing particularly entertaining either… just a flicker of secret jealousy about how popular Ginny was with the boys, specifically Alaric.
'Maybe I can use this to get Alaric off my back. That might be fun,' Ginny considered. 'At least she feels guilty about it.'
"Nah, we've done that too often…" Ginny dismissed lazily.
"Can't you just study for the end-of-year exams if you're bored instead of making a fuss?" Mira muttered, looking over her shoulder.
Ginny took the opportunity to slip into her mind, too.
What she found genuinely surprised her. Mira had a sex dream a few weeks ago - which was already embarrassing enough for her. But the other person in this dream wasn't some boy, whether made up or real, but a girl - specifically, Ginny herself. Mira had been really confused and mortified about it and since then she'd felt awkward around Ginny.
Ginny froze for a moment, recalling her own panic attack earlier when she had imagined herself with Anastasia. Even during Transfiguration, the memory had lingered, nagging at her thoughts. Was she still attracted to girls? Or had her reincarnation changed that?
Mira's crush sparked an idea. Testing this theory would be simple. Kissing Mira should tell her something about her own feelings. And if that wasn't enough? Well, she could always kiss Harry next for comparison.
"I study all the time - sometimes even for exams," Ginny whined. "Hey, Daisy, know any Muggle games we could play?" She sent a silent wandless compulsion her way.
"Uh… how about Truth or Dare?" Daisy blurted, compelled to suggest it. "I've never played, but I think I know the rules."
"How's that work?" Emily asked, perking up.
After Daisy explained the rules, they all sat down in a circle on the floor - though it took some persistent pestering to get Mira to join them. Mira shot Ginny a betrayed look when she finally gave in. Ginny had childishly clung to her, using wide, innocent eyes to convince her. She was amused to see Mira's brain short-circuiting from the physical contact. It wasn't as satisfying as teasing Harry, but still, quite funny.
The game started tame. Ginny had been dared to turn her hair green and asked how she made it so glossy - she lied and said it was a special spell. For her turn, she asked Daisy why she had been so focused on the Witch Weekly advice columns.
"Hey, Ginny, who'd you pick as a boyfriend - Dean or Harry?" Emily asked, sly, while Daisy lit up at the romance talk.
"Uh…" Ginny buried her face in a pillow, feigning embarrassment. "Harry, I guess," she mumbled, "but I'm not in love with him!"
Emily and Daisy giggled, through Daisy looked second-hand embarrassed on Ginny's behalf. As revenge, Ginny asked Emily whether she had a crush on anyone.
"Uh, maybe Alaric…" Emily admitted, blushing, clearly uneasy. Ginny smirked - matchmaking could be fun.
Emily, riled, turned the tables, nudged by another of Ginny's silent compulsions. "I dare you to kiss Mira - with tongue - right now!" she declared, pointing triumphantly. Mira choked, her face flaming.
"But that'd be my first kiss, though…" Ginny protested weakly.
"Kisses between girls don't count, right Mira?" Emily teased, eyeing the frozen girl.
Mira's eyes widened, a flush creeping up her neck. "Uh, I guess…" she mumbled, part of her clearly hoping Ginny wouldn't back out.
Ginny reluctantly slid closer. "You sure you're okay with this?" she whispered, her face inches from Mira's, her breath making Mira shiver.
"Yes," Mira squeaked and Ginny, taking it as consent, closed the gap.
Their lips brushed - soft, tentative. Mira froze, too still, like she feared moving. Ginny pressed harder, coaxing her. Mira sighed against her mouth and it shifted.
Lips moved - gentle, warm, yielding. Mira kissed like she was lost in it, like she'd craved this forever. Her hands twitched before one settled lightly on Ginny's waist.
Mira's lips were fuller, softer than expected, moving in a rhythm both familiar and strange - one Ginny fell into instinctively. Then Mira's tongue flicked out, a featherlight graze on Ginny's bottom lip.
Ginny's breath caught.
She parted her lips, letting their tongues meet - slow, slick, a warm slide that hummed down her spine. It felt… good? Not bad, pleasant in a distant way. The heat of Mira's mouth, the gentle pressure, their tongues shifting from tentative to searching - it was nice.
Ginny chased the spark she'd expected, the thrill Mira clearly felt. It wasn't there, was it? Mira's kiss - sweet, eager, desperate to please - lacked the fire and certainty of her past-life memories with Anastasia.
Maybe because Alexander had been in love with Anastasia?
Discomfort coiled in her gut and she pulled back gently. Mira's breath stuttered, her pupils wide, lips swollen and parted, dazed.
Then Mira's breathing turned uneven, her shoulders trembling slightly as she shivered.
A quick brush of Legilimency revealed the turmoil inside her mind: She knew now. There was no more doubt, no more questioning. She had a crush on Ginny. She was a witch's witch - as conservative purebloods still called lesbians. And with that realization came a storm of fears.
What would her parents think? Her wider family? What about the other pureblood houses - would they still see her as marriageable if they found out? Would her parents force an engagement with a boy anyway? Should she even tell them? It was just one kiss…
Before Ginny could react, Mira suddenly shot to her feet, nearly knocking over the bedside lamp in her haste. She bolted for the bathroom, the door slamming shut behind her, followed by the sharp click of the lock.
A beat of silence.
"Maybe that went too far," Ginny said awkwardly, still chewing on the kiss's flatness. "Let's stop. I'll talk to her…"
Emily was wide-eyed, a touch of guilt in her expression, while Daisy blushed, hiding her face behind her hands but still peeking through her fingers.
'Maybe I need more data. A clear comparison. I should kiss Harry next. But… I like the idea of him kissing me more. Why is that?' Ginny frowned slightly, turning the thought over in her mind as she made her way toward the bathroom door.
'How do I get a painfully shy boy to make the first move? Tomorrow is Beltane. Maybe I could use this…'