Sean Maurice.
"Rahul and you look like you go way back." I hear myself saying, I'm tipsy— no I'm drunk. I think we both are. I haven't been this drunk in a long time.
I blink a couple of times, trying to familiarise myself with the environment, but it's all a haze. Most of it anyway. The flowers are still here; I think we are on the patio, but I'm not sure. It's just us, sitting on something hard... like a pile of bricks, while the others remain inside celebrating...
Why are we celebrating again?
"We do. Rahul is my sworn brother." Jeremiah's shoulder brushes against mine; It's ticklish, but I don't laugh. Instead, I hiccup. "You need water." He says and walks back inside to grab me a glass of water. I only realise how thirsty I am when I down the entire glass in one go.
"How's that?" I ask after a long stretch of silence. Yes, we are definitely back on the patio, sitting on the same bricks we stood on earlier. Our shoulders are touching, but it's no longer ticklish. It's coaxing; I feel his tight muscles against mine. I feel it like it's foreign yet familiar all at once.
"What?" he looks at me, his contrasting eyes catching the light.
"How did you become sworn brothers? What's your story?" I ask, and he chuckles.
"We trained in the same platoon in the marines. Rahul didn't make it through, so he was let go after a few weeks. A month after I finished, Rahul found me here in Le pari. We've been tight ever since."
I wipe my hair away from my forehead, "So that's where you got all those muscles from, then?"
He shrugs. "That, or you could just say it's my good genes."
"Well, I couldn't possibly argue what I didn't know now, could I ?"
He shakes his head. "You could, and you wouldn't be wrong anyway." Without any forewarning, he takes my hand. I jolt at first, but relax as soon as he brings it up to his lips and presses a kiss on it. That's strangely comforting. His presence is, ever since our first date, and I don't know if it's something I should be wary of. Then again, maybe he's just drunk and acting on pure impulse; maybe he'll forget this later. I don't care.
"It's hard to tie those particular genes to my mother. Her body emanates a strict low-fat policy." He chuckles. "I can't give my father any goddamn credit either. He's a no-good piece of shit!" This is the first time I'm hearing him curse. Do I think it suits him just right? Yes. Should my eyes have lingered on his absolutely gorgeous lips when he said that? NO!
"First time I came out to my parents, my dad said, 'Oh, it's sodomy now?' Next thing I know, he's filing for divorce. Sometimes I think it's my fault they didn't work out, but then I remember, 'Oh, it's sodomy now?' And I just know he was always nothing short of a piece of shit."
Jeremiah bursts into a fit of laughter. I want to laugh too, but i'm too zeroed on how effortlessly attractive he looks with that simple action. I can feel a sweat trail down my forehead, and I think a part of me wants to believe it's happening because I'm so entranced by every little detail of him. How drunk exactly am I ?
"To piece-of-shit fathers, and daddy issues." He raises an empty glass I didn't even know he had for a toast.
"I don't have daddy—"
"Handsome, just click the glass."
A lopsided smile curves my lips, and I feel my insides warm just a little. This is the second time he's called me that. I know it's totally random and nothing special, but the way he says it... He's got an accent. One that's subtle and hard to catch if you weren't paying attention, and I can't seem to tie it to a particular origin.
"To daddy issues."
We clink the empty glasses and pretend to down an invisible toast.
I watch him from his side, I don't know why but everything about him feels like a distant yet familiar memory. I don't have to put in much effort around him or pretend to be someone else. He makes it so easy to speak freely and be a pathetic puddle of vulnerability around him. I have shared more secrets with him than anyone else in my entire life. Each one feeling like a random conversation we've had once before.
"I'm glad we didn't end up like either of them." He says.
"Me too." I sigh, "Though, sometimes I can't help but think, 'How can I exactly be sure that I didn't?' I haven't had a kid of my own yet."
"You'll definitely be a great father, Sean."
"Yeah, definitely." I say that with as little enthusiasm as i can muster.
His hand tightens around mine. "I know that. My degree didn't go to waste, remember?" He always knows just the right thing to say.
"What if I don't want to be a father?"
"You'll still be a great father to other kids. Ivory's kid is on the way. Don't forget that."
I'm about to say "yes, but I'm not the father," But i understand what he means. I understand that he means well.
"Do you plan on becoming a father one day?" I don't know why I ask that.
"I have no plan of doing anything you don't want to do." I don't know why he says that. But I'd have liked to deny that that didn't make me blush.
"Any other person would have mistaken that for a—"
Someone clears their throat behind us, announcing their presence and cutting me off mid-sentence. Impulsively, I go to retract my hand, but Jeremiah squeezes it gently, holding it in place.
I share a look with him, his expression houses a smile, while mine is enwrapped in a mixture of worry and confusion.
"I wanted to apologise again for roiling our initial contract." It's Anna, the director from the media team; she's alright; I've gathered as much. But she smiles a little too subtly when she speaks to Jeremiah. It doesn't bother me or anything. I just think... well, I don't know. Maybe it's one of those things I'm uncomfortable with.
"I should be apologising for asking your team to tear down all their hard-works, but I'm not. I'm not about to apologise for not being apologetic either." Jeremy replies as she comes into view, her eyes drop to our hands, expressionless. "You should stop apologising too. We can reschedule with a more appropriate deal."
She nods, about to say something when Amery's drunk voice hollers from inside. "Anna, come here, Rahul is sputtering some nonsense about... just— come."
She laughs, shaking her head, "I'd better get that."
Then she's gone.
There's a beat of silence between us.
"Did you sense a vibe between those two?" Jeremy asks.
"Those two, who?"
"Amery and Anna. They seemed all, you know, like they were flirting with each other the entire time."
"From Amery, yes. But I'm pretty sure Anna's vibe was focused some place else."
A grin cuts across his face. I don't know what's there to be grinning about.
"I take it, she's not your usual girl."
"She is alright." I say honestly.
He brings my hand up to his lips and kisses it again. I don't know what it is about these subtle actions— i mean, we've definitely kissed before. That night during our second date. It felt... right. Like it was the thing to do after a long, fulfilling day. He tasted like sparkling teeth and burritos; I don't know what I tasted like to him. But that was all there was: Just one of those kisses.
But today? It feels different, like it's not just mindless kisses, but a hint to so much more. Something much deeper.
And I might be crazy to say this, but a part of me yearns for that something deeper. I'm curious to find out what's there beyond just a mindless kiss on on the back of my palm. It electrifies me in just the right amount to want to know how it would feel if it involved tongues and and teeth all over again, and maybe this time, just maybe... I'd think of it as more than just burritos and sparkling teeth.
"Oh yeah! You were about to say something before Anna interrupted."
I flush. I can't help it. I quickly school myself and do something I normally wouldn't think to do. "I was wondering why one of your eyes is ocean blue and the other is like autumn."
I lie.