A/N: Just be aware, I will be ageing the PJO cast by two years.
"Aquadaddy has a kid?"
The words hung in the still air like a thrown dagger.
Hades didn't answer right away. For once, there was something faintly human in his expression, a flicker of amusement tugging at the corner of his mouth before it disappeared as quickly as it came.
"He does," the god said at last, his voice even.
Owen blinked, then barked a short laugh. "You're kidding. I thought you Big Three Pricks swore off kids after the Divine Bedtime Story?"
Hades' tone cooled. "We did. Unfortunately, my brothers have never been burdened with self-restraint." A faint smirk ghosted across his face. "Zeus believes oaths are suggestions, and Poseidon's sense of discipline ebbs and flows like his tides."
Owen grinned. "And here I thought you were the dramatic one."
Hades exhaled slowly.
Owen leaned back, arms folded. "Still, can't say I blame you for wanting fewer kids. Gods know we don't need any more Walking Monster Meal-Tickets wandering around. Makes my life harder. Well, technically, I'd run out of a huge chunk of jobs I take, soooo." He scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Decisions, decisions…"
There was a pause before his eyes drifted upward in thought, his face scrunching up in concentration. "Didn't Old Thunderbrains already break that rule a few years ago? Had a kid or somethin' that died, right? Or maybe that was just a rumour…"
Hades' eyes flickered, grunting lightly in affirmation.
Owen grinned, shaking his head. "You shining pricks really need to learn restraint. Seriously, at this point, the lot of you should becastrated.You gods can't keep your dicks in your pants to save your immortal lives."
Hades gave him a look colder than the Styx. "Mind your tongue."
"Hey, I'm just sayin' what everyone's thinking," Owen said, holding up both hands defensively. "I mean, look, I'm not exactly volunteering for the whole divine neutering programme, because unlike you guys, Ilikemy dick right where it is. But I'm not a god—" He flashed a smug grin. "—though women say otherwise in bed."
Hades' gaze sharpened slightly. "You're fifteen."
Owen didn't miss a beat. "Physically," he corrected quickly. "Physically, I'm fifteen. But Ishouldtechnically be eighteen. Chronologically. You know, with the whole timeline nonsense."
Hades studied him for a moment, then inclined his head slightly. "Technically, that's true."
"Exactly!" Owen said triumphantly. "So when I use the Mist, I'm notlying.I'm just… fast-forwarding to where I should already be."
"An elegant justification for immorality," Hades said dryly.
"Hey, don't call it immorality. Call it initiative."
Hades didn't bother responding.
Owen shrugged, brushing imaginary dust off his shirt. "Besides, the women I sleep with aren't exactly moral beacons. They're just more comfortable with an eighteen-year-old in their bed than someone who looks fifteen. Not that it'dstopthem, mind you, it just means I'd have to put in more effort, and honestly—" he shuddered theatrically, "—that's a dealbreaker. Effort's not really my thing."
There was a long pause.
Hades regarded him with the same expression one might reserve for a particularly stubborn stain. Then, to Owen's surprise, the god inclined his head ever so slightly. "A rare moment of honesty."
"See?" Owen said, grinning. "I'm improving."
"That's debatable."
Owen crossed his arms. "You know what? I'll take it."
Hades' gaze didn't waver. "I'm sure you will."
"Still," Owen went on, ignoring him completely, "credit where it's due. At leastyoumanaged to keep it in your pants. Makes you marginally better than the rest of your family."
Hades didn't respond.
Owen's smirk widened. "Anything to share with the class?"
Hades glared. "No."
Owen chuckled. "Sure, sure." He then continued. "Anywayyyy, what exactly makes Old Thunderbrains think Aquadaddy's mistake is responsible for stealing his vibrator?"
The question landed with all the subtlety of a thrown brick through a cathedral window.
Hades didn't even blink. His expression remained impassive, but there was the faintest flicker at the corner of his mouth, amusement he didn't bother to hide.
Owen caught it immediately. "You like that one, don't you?"
"I find any insult directed at my brothers refreshing," Hades said simply.
"Well, that explains a lot," Owen muttered, smirking. "Anyway, go on. Tell me how the lightning geezer reached this masterful conclusion."
Hades folded his hands neatly on the armrests of his throne. "Zeus believes Poseidon's son is responsible because the boy was in New York at the time of the theft."
Owen blinked.
Hades said nothing more.
The silence stretched.
Owen frowned, glancing around the room as if expecting more to appear out of thin air. "That's it?"
"Yes."
"That'sit?"
"Yes," Hades repeated, perfectly calm.
Another pause.
Owen's eyes widened in disbelief. "You're serious."
Hades didn't answer.
Owen blinked again, waiting for some kind of elaboration. "…You have got to be kidding me."
Still nothing.
He took a half-step forward, voice rising a little. "Please tell me you don't actually believe Aquadaddy's mistake did it. Please."
Hades didn't speak.
The silence was deafening.
Owen's shoulders slumped. He let out a long, ragged sigh, then dropped to his knees like a man overcome by divine revelation. His hands flew dramatically skyward as his voice echoed through the Underworld's vaulted chamber. "Why, oh why," he cried, "am I surrounded byidiots?!" His voice cracked upward into a wail of mock agony. "It's a curse! Adivine punishment!Out of all the demigods in existence, you callmeto deal with this circus of celestial stupidity!"
Hades sat motionless, watching him with the same expression one might reserve for an unusually loud animal.
"Careful," he said evenly. "You are speaking to a God."
Owen's arms dropped. He gave a long, suffering sigh. "Yeah, and that's what makes this so tragic. You're thesmart one.The responsible one. The one with common sense. And yet here you are, entertaining the idea that a fourteen-year-old with daddy issues broke into Olympus and swiped a lightning vibrator the size of a surfboard."
A faint twitch ghosted across Hades' mouth, who tried to hide his displeasure.
Owen groaned, dragging a hand down his face. "Unbelievable. First, Zeus loses his glorified nightlight, now Poseidon's kid gets blamed, and you lot are one family argument away from ending civilisation again."
"The evidence," Hades said coolly, "is circumstantial, but no less suspicious."
"Yeah,no kidding!" Owen gestured wildly. "You're accusing a child based on geography! You realise how insane that sounds?"
"The boy's timing was suspicious," Hades replied. "And Olympus rarely waits for proof before it points fingers."
Owen stared at him, exasperated. "You think?" He threw his hands in the air again. "Of course they don't! Gods forbid anyone take ten seconds to think before starting a war. No, let's just blame the nearest teenager with a pulse! Excellent crisis management!"
Hades' gaze darkened. "You forget your place."
"I'd love to know where that is," Owen shot back. "Every time I think I've found it, one of you does something so profoundly stupid it rewrites the map."
Hades' jaw tightened. "I didn't summon you to mock me."
"Then you shouldn't have told me this!" Owen said, throwing up his hands. "You knew what would happen. Youknew!"
"I summoned you because I need answers," Hades said, his tone sharp enough to slice through the noise. "And because Nexus is your domain."
That brought Owen up short. The humour drained from his face, replaced with wary curiosity. "You think the kid's tied to Nexus?"
"I think," Hades said, "that Nexus is filled with demigods and other creatures who've forgotten their place, beings with no respect for the gods, or their laws."
Owen's brows rose. "You're asking me to confirm or deny whether Aquadaddy's mistake is part of Nexus."
Hades didn't respond.
The silence stretched again, long and deliberate.
Owen sighed, shaking his head slowly. "You know, for someone who deals in contracts and ancient pacts, you really need to work on your grammar and syntax. Because a question that was certainly not."
Hades' expression didn't shift, but the faintest flicker of irritation passed through his eyes, the kind that said he was regretting every decision that had led to this conversation.
Owen, grinning now, rose to his feet and brushed himself off with mock dignity. "I'll take that as a yes."
"Is he a part of Nexus?"
The question came out low, clipped, and heavy with suspicion.
Owen blinked, then burst out laughing.
"Are you serious?" He said, eyes wide in disbelief. "Uncle Bones, come on. That's your follow-up? You think Aquadaddy's little accident's been hanging aroundNexus?"
Hades didn't answer.
Owen let out a loud, exasperated scoff. "You really don't give me enough credit. You think I wouldn't know?"
He began pacing the length of the room, words spilling out faster now. "Nexus doesn't exactly keep secrets, you know. News down there travels faster than Hermes on a sugar high. If someone like that showed up, a kid tied to one of the Big Three Pricks, you'd feel the ripples from Tartarus to Olympus."
He jabbed a thumb toward his own chest. "WhenIturned up, it was a big fucking deal. I was the first kid of an Olympian to walk through that place. Everyone knew, and sure,Iam a big fucking deal, so naturally, my presence made a ripple. But everyone either wanted to kill me, recruit me, control me, sell me, etc., and that was me as a child of an Olympian. What do you think would happen if a child of the Big Three rocked up?"
Hades grunted.
Owen ignored him completely. "Point is, if a kid like that had shown up, everyone would know. You wouldn't be asking me, because it'd already be halfway across the grapevine. Even the shades down here would be gossiping about it."
He stopped pacing, facing Hades squarely, and gestured vaguely toward the shadows. "You know what Nexus is like. Word spreads. Favours, debt, blood, everything gets around. There's no such thing as a secret down there. If a Big Three kid walked in, it'd be impossible to miss because there would be bounties on his head already.
Hades stayed quiet, the weight of his silence almost a challenge.
Owen shrugged. "Look, all I'm saying is even though I'm not the one to keep an ear out for the gossip, even I would have heard about it by now. Hell, you would have too, and you know that, you just feel stupid for believing Aquadaddy's Mistake was responsible for stealing your emo fedora."
The silence stretched again, thick as smoke.