Nicolas sat alone in a small study room in the library building, grateful for the silence. He and Maria had gathered the younger members of the monastery staff in the library. Since it was originally some sort of fortress, it was very easy to keep track of who entered and left. On top of that, Marianne had decided to lock herself and a few others in the guest house and had armed herself. Better to keep their distance until they figured out a plan.
Words were only words, and despite his resolution to take part in Maria's revenge, things had already become difficult.
"Looks like they got into the weapons storage while we were on the roof."
That is what Maria had told them once they'd returned to the Cathedral. Apparently, Methaeus and Marianne had caught wind of their little rebellion and had armed themselves from the weapon crates. How were they going to kill them without getting themselves hurt in the process?
Feeling the stress buildup, Nicolas had once again sought solitude. In the small study room, he had already drifted in and out of consciousness multiple times. Dream and reality became a blur to him.
"Well done getting rid of that old sod, Nick. You were so cool!" Addi said.
Her voice seemed raspy because of her fatal injuries, but he understood that she was happy to see him succeed.
"He's my son after all." His mother chimed in.
Her warm smile filled Nicolas with pride. Yes, he was exactly where he wanted to be, with people who cared for him.
"You'll be going after Marianne and Methaeus right? Don't forget how she insulted me, dear." His mother said.
"I can't wait! I know you can do it, Nick," Addi said, beaming her lovely smile.
Nicolas felt a warm surge of confidence from their words. Yes, he had a sacred duty to fulfill. That is what he and Maria had decided.
"I'll avenge both you. I'll make sure they never hurt another person."
"You'll make sure? Come now, you know you wouldn't have gotten anywhere without me."
Nicolas turned to find a mirror in front of him. No, it wasn't a mirror but that copy of himself. He smiled widely at Nicolas, and although he was of the same height, he stood up straight and seemed to be looking down at him. His straight dark hair was well groomed, and his eyes lacked the dark bags Nicolas had long gotten used to seeing in the mirror.
"Shutting yourself away again? Could you be any more useless?"
Nicolas' breath caught in his throat. After seeing him over and over, he wanted to ask who this person was, but he knew. Deep down, he knew. This was the version of himself who had made the speech during the festival and who had gathered people to his cause. The version of himself he wished he could be.
"What, not going to say anything again?" The apparition asked.
Nicolas swallowed before speaking.
"What do you want with me?" he asked, his voice a nervous whisper.
"Just checking we're on the same page here." It replied. "This isn't just about killing those old fools. There's something much more important we need to do."
Nicolas regarded his twin silently.
"To give our life meaning, right?"
"Correct. We'll pick up the pieces Oscar had dropped and, as the heir of the Duurins, revive our house and take over this country."
The voice sounded so confident. As if taking control of a country could be so easy.
"I don't have enough time for that." Nicolas said, his voice stiff and resigned.
The apparition grimaced.
"We have enough time. I'm a blessing from the Goddess herself, the savior who will bring us salvation. We will see this through to the end, and we will be remembered!"
Its voice rose towards the end until it was shouting right in his face. Nicolas stepped back and tripped, hitting his head on the floor.
"Hey there, Nick are you...woah"
Maria spoke as she opened to door only to find Nicolas on the floor.
Nicolas looked around, but there was no sign of Addi, his mother or his copy. Had he been sleeping?
"Talking with your friends again?" Maria asked.
Nicolas climbed to his feet. Placing his hand on the back of his head, he felt a sensitive bump. That was going to ache for a while.
"No, just muttering in my sleep as usual," Nicolas muttered, giving his usual excuse.
Maria smiled with relief.
"It's rather effective, you know, that slightly unhinged behavior you got going on. The others, and even Diskin think the Goddess herself has actually possessed you."
"What a bunch of nonsense." Nicolas spat.
"Maybe. But the change in your personality and ability makes it very believable. You're just not aware of it yourself."
Nicolas pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. All of this was happening, and he had no control over it whatsoever. He had already known, but the effects of a secluded life really had a negative impact on a person's ability to think logically. The people outside had really believed Maria's story much too easily. What kind of idiot country bumpkin believed in divine possession anyway?
"Was there something you needed?" Nicolas asked, trying to keep the exhaustion out of his voice.
"Oh right, that. The others outside are getting restless and want to get on with it. They think that if they don't strike first, then Methaeus and Marianne will. They're a bit agitated."
"Can't you talk to them?"
Maria's expression soured somewhat.
"I do have something that will help, but it'll take a bit of time. Besides, it's you they want to see."
Nicolas breathed in deeply and slowly let the air out. His muscles felt stiff as he slowly stood up.
"Fine then, I suppose I'll go talk to them."
"That's the spirit. Remember, I'll be backing you up, so you got nothing to worry about. Just act like you're the savior of mankind or something."
Nicolas bit his lip but gave a small nod. He had made his choice, so he was better off sticking to it. He stepped outside the study room and made his way into an open space, which had once served as a public reading area. There, a group consisting of those who'd witnessed Oscar's demise and numerous fresh faces had gathered.
"Nick?"
That voice belonged to Diskin. His usual mocking voice was replaced with one of uncertainty as he looked at Nicolas with narrowed eyes. His lackeys piled in behind him.
Nicolas felt tense as countless eyes rested on him. Some looked expectant, others impatient. The pressure threatened to force him to his knees if he wasn't careful. His breathing grew tight, and he had to swallow to moisten his dry mouth.
Don't forget, they see you as their liberator. Don't fear the rabble. You are better than they.
That's it. All he had to do was act like his other self. The confident and often arrogant Nicolas who saw the entire nation as his for the taking. Even as an act, these idiots should lap it all up. The voice in his head that had become his own thoughts calmed his beating heart as he looked upon the crowd.
"I see more of you have gathered?" Nicolas asked.
A young girl, barely old enough to have graduated from the orphanage, stepped forward.
"They told us you were the one who finally dumpster'd Oscar!"
The crowd muttered. Some looked at him with fear and awe.
"Hey Nick, did you really kill him?" someone asked. "I kinda find it hard to believe that the mutt..."
There was a dull smacking sound followed by a cry of pain.
"That's the savior you're speaking to. Show some damn respect!" Maria growled.
Nicolas widened his eyes in surprise.
At some point, Maria had taken her baton and had apparently clobbered a person in the crowd who had spoken out of turn.
The crowd grew silent aside from the moans of the young man currently rolling on the ground. There were some who reacted, taking a step back from Maria and eyeing her nervously, but they all seemed too keen on getting answers to care much for the young man's plight.
"Oscar...Oscar died because he was meant to die," Nicolas said calmy, yet allowing his voice to carry.
Remember, you are the savior who predicted the future. Act like it.
"I may have killed him, but my hand was guided by the goddess herself. Nothing could have stopped me!"
There were confused rumblings from the crowd. Someone stepped forward and spat at Nicolas' feet.
"That's bullshit. You just murdered him. And what about the priestess who burned the other day huh?Was that your doing too?"
Nicolas quickly raised his hand to stop Maria, who had once again raised the baton over her head. She stuck her tongue out at him but lowered the weapon.
"Do you honestly think a physically weak man like me could bring down the two most important people in our community by myself?" Nicolas asked.
He looked around the crowd and saw doubt in some of their eyes.
"We've been raised in that orphanage for years only to be put to work in slavery." He continued.
Nicolas remembered the hours he'd spent studying politics and helping Oscar with his campaigns, all against his will.
"Don't you want to have control of your own lives for once? Don't you want to be blessed with everlasting happiness by the Goddess herself?"
He looked around the assembled crowd.
"I can give you that. The Goddess can give our lives purpose!"
What was he saying? It all sounded like meaningless prattle to him. Even so, some of the eyes looking at him began to brighten slightly as he spoke.
"We've been working our asses off for them since we were kids. That's gotta be illegal, right?" Ruth chimed in.
"I don't care about any of that! Are we going to die like Oscar and Addi? I don't want to die!" Sarah shouted, interrupting her friend.
Nicolas raised his left hand up in a fist.
"Those who follow me need not fear the Goddess' wrath. As I said before, those who follow me will be saved."
"I was saved! I was lost after Addi's death, but he showed me the way!"
Somewhere in the crowd somebody shouted. It was clearly Maria but he couldn't see her.
"I want to be saved."
"Yeah, me too!"
"I want to give that bastard Methaeus what's coming to him!"
"Marianne always says mean things to me!"
Slowly, the crowd's attitude began to turn. Many people added their own wishes of support, though Nicolas suspected that some simply belonged to Maria, who was moving around the crowd and changing her voice slightly each time.
"Wait a second, guys, this is all too weird. He's clearly speaking nonsense. If you just think...Ah!"
A girl with glasses and braids began to protest, but her words were cut short as someone punched her. Surprisingly, it wasn't Maria this time, but Sarah.
"Watch what you say about him you ugly bitch. He's gonna save us and take down those bastards. I'll finally be able to move to the city and have the perfect life I've always wanted!"
"I know her. She's been cozying up to that old skeleton since she started working here. Probably thinks she's better than us!" Ruth added.
As if by some plan, a group of women descended on the dissenter and began kicking her on the floor. Nicolas could hardly believe his eyes. Not so long ago, their cruelty had been aimed at him, but now they committed violence on his behalf. He felt something upon the realisation. Something warm that gave him the strength and confidence he never thought he could have.
See? You are meant for greater things.
"Hey, uh, Nick?"
Diskin stepped out of the crowd and approached him. Nicolas fought the urge to flee as the muscular man stood in front of him.
"About all that stuff we did. It's all water under the bridge, right?" He said, not looking Nicolas in the eye, and laughing nervously.
Who did this guy think he was? Nicolas recalled all the beatings he took, the shame he felt as they forced him to wear Rosetta's clothes. The fear of having to sneak into the girls' changing rooms to take awful pictures for him. As if he could ever forgive them.
"If you follow her teachings faithfully, then the Goddess is sure to forgive you, Diskin." Nicolas said, his voice trembling slightly.
"I will, you can be damned sure of it. I mean, you can be sure of it, I swear." The man spluttered.
Diskin didn't seem to notice the strain in Nicolas' voice or the fact that he had only said the Goddess would forgive him. He made a mental note to make Diskin do most of the grunt work and to send him to the front lines as often as possible. He needed those muscles as much as it vexed him.
"We're sorry too." Ruth said as both girls stepped up next to Diskin.
"You gotta understand, our lives haven't been easy." Sarah added. "We've been treated like shit for as long as we can remember, and we took it out on you."
Nicolas shook his head.
"I understand. I went through the same thing."
The trio brightened at his words and rejoined the crowd. Nicolas took some time to survey the people who had gathered. Some looked completely convinced, yet a few others looked at him in fear. Likely, they didn't want to speak up for fear of getting lynched.
"Not a bad job at all, Nick. I'd give it a six out of ten."
Nicolas cast a glare at Maria, who had appeared suddenly from behind him. She had a bag on her shoulders and set it down on a nearby table.
"Keeping in mind these are a bunch of sheltered bumpkins who've been brought up in a religious compound of sorts. City folk wouldn't be convinced so easily."
"Where did you go, and what've you got in that bag?" Nicolas asked.
Maria chuckled as she unzipped the bag and pulled out a glass bottle filled with clear liquid.
"Oh, just a little something to iron out the creases in our little band of allies here."
Nicolas narrowed his eyes in confusion as Maria pulled out a stack of plastic cups.
"You see, Nick, one way to control people is to make sure they aren't capable of thinking straight." Maria whispered.
She poured the liquid into the plastic cups. As there were just under twenty people gathered, it didn't take long to prepare enough for everyone.
Nicolas reached his hand out for one of the cups, but Maria stopped him by grabbing his arm.
"Not those. We'll be drinking from a different bottle."
She took out another bottle, which was also filled with clear liquid, poured some into a plastic cup and handed it to Nicolas.
He smelled the contents and nearly coughed.
"Is this potcheen?" He asked.
"What better way to celebrate our first day of freedom?" Maria asked as she called out to the crowd.
"Everyone, we're gonna have a toast! I present to you some fine potcheen from Oscar's private stash! Please help yourselves!"
There was an excited cheer from some of the crowd as they stepped forward to take a cup. Some others looked doubtful, but peer pressure eventually prevailed, and soon everybody in the room held a cup.
"To our new savior and our freedom!."
There was an enthusiastic cheer from the crowd as they drank from their cups. For the sake of keeping up appearances, Nicolas joined them. He took a small sip of the vile concoction and felt it burn the back of his throat.
"There's more where that came form so everyone, help yourselves!" Maria called out.
The atmosphere of the room gradually changed as everyone helped themselves. It didn't take long for the tension and suspicion to disappear entirely as the alcohol, and whatever else Maria had added to the concoction, slowly clouded the minds of the crowd.
Nicolas watched as Maria gave an enthusiastic speech about their destiny of ruling the country. It was all nonsense, of course, but everyone took it all in with glassy eyes of admiration. He took a step towards one of the half-full bottles of alcohol and smelled it.
It didn't smell any different from his drink, but his suspicions remained.
"The Goddess will grant us happiness in our next lives!" Maria was saying as Nicolas approached her.
"Maria, a moment?"
"Sure thing, Mr. Savior!"
She jumped down off the table she had been standing on and walked away from the crowd with Nicolas.
"I thought we were all going to work together to take down Marianne and Methaeus?"
Maria gave him a strange look.
"Yeah, that's what I just said we'd be doing. What's the problem?"
"The problem?" Nicolas asked, raising his voice slightly. He took a deep breath before continuing.
"How are a bunch of drunks supposed to take down anything but themselves?"
Maria shook her head and chuckled.
"Oh no, they won't be taking down anything. That's a job for you and me. The rest are just there to distract and take any bullets that might come our way."
She said it so coldly, as if it were a natural thing to say. For a moment, Nicolas had to wonder if he was hearing things again.
"Wouldn't they take bullets either way?" Nicolas asked, intentionally ignoring Maria's absurdly cruel statement.
"Your average person isn't going to willingly go and put their lives at risk in a gunfight." Maria explained slowly. "So I put a little something into their drinks to make them more, let's say, courageous."
"So you did spike their drinks." Nicolas said.
"Duh, just some stimulants. Nothing that'll make them fall over anytime soon. In fact, they probably won't be able to sit still for a while and sleep won't come to them tonight either."
Nicolas realised that he had gotten in well over his head. By the looks of things, Maria had been preparing for this moment for a long time. She was in total control. On the other hand, he had only just decided to go along with this plan a few hours ago. This wasn't how it was meant to be.
"Hey Maria! Can you show us how to load this gun?" someone from the crowd called.
"Ok, be there in a second!"
Without warning, Maria embraced Nicolas.
"I know things might be going a bit fast, but trust me, I need you for this."
She gave him one last meaningful look with those green eyes and then ran back to the group.
Nicolas could still feel the pressure of the hug on his back. He watched as Maria began showing a group of people around the firearm. She looked confident and approachable. Someone you'd love to follow. That was what he wanted to be. Why couldn't he be like her?
"What the hell is she seeing in me, anyway?" He asked himself.
He took a quick look around. The once tense atmosphere had completely changed, and now most were either chatting excitedly or listening to Maria with wide smiles. Whatever was in that drink must have been strong. It was noisy, too noisy.
Cursing under his breath, he got up and made for one of the library's other study rooms. One that was even further away from the crowd. Once inside, he closed the door and breathed a sigh of relief. His mind wandered as he tried to calm down.
"You're hiding away from people again? Come on, Nick, you'll never make friends that way!"
Seemingly out of nowhere, Addi appeared next to him. Her burnt hands were placed firmly on her hips, and she wore a stern expression.
"I don't like crowded places." He said impatiently. "Besides, I don't need to make friends with them to do what I need to do."
Addi shook her head and giggled.
"You were always so dark and broody. It's like you never stopped being a teenager."
"And you're dead." He muttered.
She stuck her tongue out at him.
"Nick, haven't I told you to treat people with more kindness?"
His mother had joined in the conversation. She looked less repulsive than the burnt Addi, though she was pale and the dark patches under her eyes were difficult for him to look at. He felt a wave of shame and swallowed deeply.
"Yeah, I know. Sorry, Mother," he whispered.
Nicolas hung his head. He could never go against his mother's word. He knew that every ounce of trouble he caused her made her tired and worsened her condition.
"Now, now. Don't apologise to me, apologise to little Addi."
Suddenly he was a small child again, as was Addi. They often played together with the other kids around the monastery and, as kids often did, got into quite a few fights.
He did as instructed and apologised. His mother gave a satisfied nod.
"What are you doing, making the boy apologise to a worthless orphan like that?"
Oscar had appeared seemingly out of nowhere and was giving his mother a stern look.
"I...I only."
"Only what? Speak up, woman!"
"I only wanted him to grow up to be a kind boy, is all!" his mother said in a hurry.
"You'll only turn him into a quivering rabbit with that talk!"
Nicolas took a step backwards. Why had his father come back now after all this time?
"Your father is right, isn't he?"
Nicolas turned around, eyes wide.
"Who's there?"
A figure appeared from the shadows in the room. It wore dark robes from head to toe, and a hood covered its head, obscuring its face in shadows. It was next to impossible to make out. He took a step back, away from the creature, but ended up falling backwards onto the floor.
"Who are you?" he asked, his voice shaking.
"My, Nick, don't you recognize my voice? Well, you are losing your grip on reality, by the looks of it. What a shame."
"I don't know what you're talking about! Leave me alone!"
"Yes," the figure said. "You really are a quivering rabbit. No wonder you never made anything worthwhile of yourself. No wonder you always froze up when it mattered most"
The figure looked down at him, it's barely visible face was contorted in disgust.
"If you had been braver and more like your dad, maybe I wouldn't have had to die." Addi said.
"Yes, raising you exhausted me and cost me my life in the end. Just what was the point in raising a sickly child like you?" His mother added.
Nicolas crawled back until he felt his back against the wall. He wanted to speak. Whether it was to apologise once more or lash out against all the blame, he had no clue.
However, nothing came from his mouth, and the voices of the dead which had been so supportive before, mocked and demeaned him.
"One as weak as yourself could never hope to become anything worthwhile. You've always been so useless."
"No, I swear I can. Just give me some more time. I..."
The figure took a step forward and violently kicked him in the stomach. He cowered, covering his head with his arms.
"No, please...I... please."
"Pathetic. Perhaps there is another who is more worthy of my time. Someone who isn't a sickly brat."
"No, please not yet. I want to be useful. I just want people to like me." He sobbed.
The door to the study opened, and he heard somebody enter.
"My savior? We're running low on drink, so...Nick?"
He heard a voice. It was faint at first, and he couldn't see the owner. He blinked, and slowly his vision began to clear. The figures of the dead surrounding him vanished, and Maria stood in their place.
"Geez, another episode, huh? That won't do. You got the masses to lead and salvation to bring. Here, drink this."
He felt a cup being lifted to his lips. When the liquid touched his tongue and flowed to the back of his throat, a burning sensation erupted within, and he began to cough uncontrollably.
The shock awakened his senses once more.
"What was that?" He croaked, looking down at the cup of clear liquid.
"The booze, remember? Don't worry, it's not spiked."
Nicolas still felt the burn at the back of his throat. He had to swallow deeply before being able to speak again.
"Why did you give me more of that vile drink? Water would have been fine!"
"To calm you down, Nick. I know you can't help it, but your little episodes are taking a toll on you, you know?"
Nicolas had nothing to say about that. He remembered his most recent vision and felt the pain of regret. He grabbed the cup and downed its contents in one go.
Maria clapped her hands.
"Way to go, Nick! Only someone blessed by the divine could...wait."
The inside of his throat evaporated. Falling to his knees once again, he began coughing and gag, bringing some of the alcohol back up.
"Never mind." Maria said with a disappointed sigh.
She got down on her knees and began patting his back. It took a few moments before he was able to breathe again. He looked up at her.
"Maria, I want you to be honest with me. Am I really of any use to you?"
Maria's eyes widened.
"Why are you asking something like that all of a sudden?"
He looked away, feeling ashamed.
"Everything that's happened has happened because you planned it out, right? The weapons, the drink and being able to gather everyone. You could have done that all by yourself," he muttered.
Maria clicked her tongue.
"It must be really hard to see with all that gloom hanging over you." She said. "Yeah, I planned everything out, but there's no way they'd give me the light of day if you weren't here. I'm just a simple servant at the end of the day. You're of noble blood."
"Social standing isn't so important these days. What matters is your ability," Nicolas responded.
"Hello? This is the back arse end of nowhere, remember? People still follow the old ways here. That kind of rhetoric only makes sense to the well educated in the cities."
Nicolas didn't respond. She was probably right after all. However, that simply meant she was using him.
Maria sat down next to him.
"This is difficult to explain, but I also need you around for, uh, emotional support. Yeah."
Nicolas let out a short, sarcastic laugh. Him offering emotional support was probably the cruelest joke in the world.
"I'm serious, Nick. If you hadn't been there, I probably would have just taken one of those guns and gone on a killing spree. I would have been happy to be shot down by one of Oscar's guards. Don't underestimate how unstable I was after Addi died."
Nicolas raised his head and looked over at Maria. Her eyes were slightly wet with tears, and she was hugging her legs tightly.
"You have no idea how much I wanted to die and take everyone with me back then." She said.
Maria's face hardened to match her stern voice. Nicolas felt like a child being lectured. However, before he could feel even more shame, his sight was blocked by something. He felt warmth and realised she was holding him.
"Just look at all the changes you've made in the last day. The people out there are following you because you have the balls to lead them, don't you?"
"Don't be an idiot..."
"Sure, deep down you might be a cowardly lay-about whose walking the thin line of insanity, but it doesn't matter what you think about yourself. It's how others see you."
She pushed him away slightly so that she could look him in the eyes.
"You've been doing a great job so far, Nick. No need to stress."
Nicolas felt an odd warmth in his chest. It was strangely comfortable.
"I don't need your approval." He muttered quietly. "And address me as savior."
Maria laughed.
"Oh, you're actually blushing!"
"Oh, be quiet!" He spat.
Maria laughed.
"It's hard, isn't it? Doing things alone. Let's stick together from here on out, you and me. We'll have those old fogies screaming for mercy by the time we're done."
Nicolas nodded.
"Yeah, let's do that."
He hated to admit it, but she had gotten through to him. He didn't even care if she was using him or not.
A savior doesn't need the care of a common human. He wanted to say something to that effect but decided against it. He'd made his point clear already.
They stayed like that for what seemed like a long time until he eventually felt strong enough to stand by himself.
Nicolas looked out of the small glass window in the door. Outside was chaos. People had started small campfires with books from the library and were dancing and and jumping around them.
"You sure you aren't going too far with the drugs and alcohol?" He asked.
Maria waved her hands.
"Oh don't worry. As long as they can still stand they'll be fine, and the stimulants will be helping with that."
Nicolas wondered what mixing drugs and alcohol would do to their bodies in the long run, but he doubted Maria cared all that much. He didn't care much either.
"Nick, let's try to break into the guest house tonight. I'm worried about Rose. I said some pretty mean stuff to her after Addi died, after all."
Rosetta. While he had drifted apart from her over the years, Maria had remained close. It was natural that she'd worry for her given the circumstances.
"How are you planning to get in?" He asked.
"Through a window. We'll get our little inebriation squad to cause a distraction, and there's no way they'll notice a window in the back breaking."
"And are we just getting Rosetta and getting out?" Nicolas asked.
Maria gave him a wolfish smile.
"Of course not. We're gonna take down Marianne or Mathaeus along the way. Who knows, maybe we'll even get both?"
Nicolas nodded. He should have felt frustration. Maria was once again calling the shots, but he didn't care. She had said she needed him, and that filled him with a sort of motivation he had never felt before. He didn't care if he was being used. For the first time in his life, he felt that he was of use to someone.