"How could they not care about the mana? We almost lost our lives in this damn raid… now we are prohibited from taking our share?" The leader muttered this to himself before shaking his head violently.
Si-Hun reached the first chamber where they had lost their teammates.
Their bodies were lying there with the monsters.
Looking at them, Si-Hun's lip trembled just slightly before he lowered himself to pick up one's body.
"Nothing scares me more than the death of an innocent human…Worse, I could've protected them, but…like always, they pushed me back. What even am I?" Si-Hun's thoughts were heavier than the body he was carrying.
"…Could any of you carry the bodies with me? Si-Hun asked the two men.
They nodded.
Si-Hun carried the body to the portal's entrance from where they were going to exit.
They exited the portal, each survivor carrying the dead body of their teammate.
As soon as the outsiders' eyes fell on them, panic rose.
The examiners were trained for this type of situation.
"What happened to these men? They're…dead?" The head asked.
"They…" Si-Hun stopped
"Could I have done something?" He asked himself in his mind.
"The portal seemed to have misinterpreted…the monsters were about C-rank. We lost some of our men who weren't able to protect themselves,'' another man told the head.
Si-Hun slightly looked at him through the corner of his eye, humiliation on his face.
Though, he did not deserve it.
The head informed the higher forces, and ambulances quickly gathered to carry the dead bodies.
"It scares me… a life carries the happiness, guilt, humiliation, dignity of a person it belongs to…yet some people don't think twice about a dead person…" Si-Hun said to Kuro while leaning against the wall in a corner, while the other predators were getting first aid.
"Hey, don't you need any medication?" One of the helpers asked.
"I'm not very injured," Si-Hun replied.
"Oh,'' He left with that.
"Kuro…"
"Hmm?"
"I should go for the threads of memory… I don't think they'll hide it…''
"Be careful.''
He left with that.
No cautions being taught this time.
They both knew they knew it well now.
Si-Hun was at it, seeing perspectives, but there was actually more he could do now.
He could manipulate in a certain way.
"I need to clear their memories about me stepping in."
With that, he started.
The mens' perspectives and defences were weak right now.
They were cleared without exhausting him.
Except for one person's.
Rahee.
Her defences were high.
High enough for him not to be able to shadow her memory.
He needed to be stronger than he already is to do that.
Maybe with a few tries, he could do it, but he didn't.
He didn't force it.
He knew she knew, and hiding would only make it more prominent.
He stepped back and got out.
"I couldn't erase Rahee's memory."
"I knew she was not gonna be easy…she's remembered you ever since you stepped in during that one fight,"
"She wouldn't say anything," Si-Hun said.
Because Si-Hun interfered with their memories, the men didn't know what happened, so they couldn't tell anything about Si-Hun.
And Rahee, she didn't say anything.
Si-Hun was free to go after.
This was hard, but it earned him something.
A new companion.
The snake, which was beside Si-Hun throughout all of this, noticed Si-Hun's tired eyes.
He was a mute creature, but he felt.
Just like Kuro's mute feelings went louder than wanted.
Si-Hun returned home.
The cold streets were now like his anchors that saw his different sides.
And most of the time, he was walking with his head low.
Not because he was weak, but because keeping his head felt like pride to him.
Not the good one, but the egoistic one.
And in this world, ego felt like a hurdle to his heart.
That's why he always kept his head low.
He went back home to nothing.
No one waiting or no one cooking a warm meal for him.
He entered his apartment with a lazy hand.
Sitting on his couch, shoulders finally relaxed, he closed his eyes and let his world be dark.
But his mind wasn't being nice to him, so he went to his balcony for some fresh air.
He didn't expect anyone else to be there at that time, but there she was.
She was leaning on the railing, almost spacing out.
"Careful." He called out.
She flinched a little at the random voice.
"S-Si-Hun…oh…it's you."
"Any thoughts bringing you up here at this time…in such cold?"
"I…um no…I just wasn't feeling sleepy," she replied, not very engaging.
"Su-Yeon." He called, more serious but sincere.
"Hmm." She murmured.
"Thank you." He said.
She looked up, at him.
"…For what?" She asked, caught off guard.
"I didn't even do anything that deserves a thank you."
"Thank you for treating me and…not forcing explanations," He whispered, almost vulnerable.
"But I want to tell you anyway."
"Tell me what?"
"I lost someone. Someone important, whose presence filled someone's absence. I am so messed up. I could protect him… I failed to protect two human lives. Even today…I carried the dead bodies of my teammates. How worthless I am. What is wrong with me?" That was it.
"Si-Hun."
He looked up to look at her.
She stepped closer to his balcony, now only the small wall between them separating them.
"I don't see it, Anything wrong with you. I know…I know you would've tried. I don't know the person, but I'm sure he was a good person. Because he's important to you. I can't force you to let go, I cry so much at little things…if I were you, I'd be sulking for days. But while I'm here, I don't think you failed at anything. Some things…are just not meant to be perfect, but an attempt to make them almost perfect means you didn't fail…Please…don't be harsh on yourself for this," her voice was soft and longing.
His breathing shook.
She told him something he didn't know he needed to hear.
It made his inner conflict not invisible… and maybe even put some meaning to it.
For the first time, someone listened.
And it pushed admiration in his heart.
His story was listened to without even telling the full story; she didn't need the full story; she knew him already.
"…Why are you saying this? I…"
"You know you don't have to say anything. It's late…you should sleep. You have tiring tasks in the day…You'll be exhausted."
"Thank you for listening. It…felt good to let it out."
She didn't say anything, but her soft eyes were looking at him, who looked so tired.
She didn't know how he was still standing.
"I'm a good listener." She added, trying to lighten the tension.
"It's late…don't you have university tomorrow?"
"Oh, yeah…"
"You would be exhausted too if you didn't sleep."
"I guess I'll leave to sleep then. You should try listening to me like this, too." She teased.
His face relaxed a little.
He saw her going into her apartment.
She stood at the door while he wondered why she didn't leave.
But instead, she turned and waved a little goodbye to him.
"Goodnight, Si-Hun," His eyes softened without him realizing.
The weight he'd been carrying nudged off his shoulders a little.
It felt good to hear his name like this from her mouth.
"Goodnight, SuYeon."