"Yes, mom." Bones said like a child, knowing it would grate on her nerves.
"Don't call me mom.. And don't you dare slam that door!"
How'd she know! "I wasn't gonna!"
He carefully shut the door behind him as he exited, and his eyes quickly fell upon Charlotte, who was back at her desk talking on the phone but giving him her "piss off loser" look.
"That makeup makes you look like a cheap skank." He said, flipping her the finger as he walked by.
"Blow me bitch." She scowled.
"Sorry, but some of us don't blow our boss to advance, which clearly you need practice at seeing as you're still a call girl." He paused at the entrance to the "ops planning room" and smiled innocently. "Oops, I meant receptionist, but in your case, it's basically the same thing, though, right?"
He walked through the double doors right before three knives came hurdling at it, all hitting below the belt.
"One of these days you're gonna wake up chemically castrated and all of women kind will cheer." Said Vanessa Lamia with her usual charm.
"You know Vanessa. Flat chested women only matter if they're funny or have a gorgeous face, and you're not that hot, so I suggest you shut up and learn all the different ways to suck dick on camera, you fucking failure."
"Oh, I'm The Failure!" She spat her hair changing colors from its usual light pink to a firey red (which whenever Bones was in the room was basically its permanent color).
"Calm down, Vanessa." Pike Spinwick said with all the personality of a taxidermist.
"Yeah, sure, listen to whitey over there. While you're at it, how about you go paint my house for 50 pesos puta."
"You racist asshole!" She bit out, her eyes changing from a crow to a diamond teardrop."
"Yeah, tell that to my Norwegian therapist."
They both looked at him like he was crazy.
"What does that even mean, sir?" Pike asked.
"It means shut the fuck up you Mr. Black looking bitch boy. We have another job."
"Uck!" Vanessa exclaimed loudly. Pike, however, annoyingly did what he was told. "Already!? Didn't we just hunt that vamp priest who was sucking on little boys?"
"Thanks for the recap on the case like we didn't fucking work it with you, dipshit." Bones said tossing the file at her.
She caught it with ease. "I'm just saying maybe if you didn't fuck with the captain so much she wouldn't pull shit like this."
"Why did they have to give women rights?"
"Fuck you, you small dick sexist bastard."
"Hey! It's average size you... you... bitch."
"Yeah, and I'm a virgin."
"At least I don't have syphilis!"
She chuckled. "Yet."
"Fuck you, read the file you cunt."
She gave him the finger, tossed the file at Pike, sat down in her swivel chair, and turned her back to him. If she wasn't hot, he would've already strangled the bitch.
Pike began to read. "Age 36, Height 4 foot 3, race.."
"Let me guess a giant?" Vanessa asked sarcasm, dripping from the question.
".. dwarf, name Burkoff, weight..."
"Blah, blah, blah." Bones interrupted. "Just get to the part where he has two houses in his name, and the fact he was last seen on a traffic stop a week ago within three miles of his pregnant wife's house, so we can speed this up. I didn't get to finish earlier, and I'd like to."
"That's disgusting, sir, and I'm sorry to ask, but why did you have me start reading from.."
"Oops. You took too long. Now I'm bored. Get out. You two now have the details. Go, locate him, kill him, and don't come back until it's done."
"Yes, sir!" Pike actually said that shit while fucking saluting him.
"Get the fuck out, you fuck boy."
Pike promptly exited followed by the less enthusiastic Vanessa leaving him alone once more.
He sat down at the head of the table, pulled out his phone, and double tapped it, revealing the picture of his parents and his older brother.
"Happy birthday, mom."