[A/N]: If you are suicidal please seek help, life is something to be cherished, don't take it away from yourself.
***
Julian stared at the food placed in front of him. Five minutes passed, then another, yet he had not lifted his spoon even once. His stomach had twisted in on itself, he didn't feel any hunger.
The noise around him faded into nothing.
The shout of a man arguing in the back of the restaurant, the loud voice of a woman complaining to the receptionist, the clatter of dishes. None of it reached him, he was at a point of life where he felt nothing at all.
After a while, he forced himself to move.
His fingers closed around the spoon, trembling slightly as if it weighed far more than it should have. He scooped up a small portion and brought it to his mouth. The taste was fine, even comforting in a way, but his stomach tightened painfully as soon as he swallowed,.
He could not eat.
No matter how much he tried to blame the food or his mood, he knew the reason lay elsewhere.
He paid for this meal himself.
Or at least, that was what he had told himself.
"My own money?" he muttered under his breath. "These coins were never really mine. I'm still just leeching off Gojo."
The realization pressed down on his chest, heavy and suffocating. He tried to take another bite, but the moment the food touched his tongue, he gagged.
He spat it back into the bowl, stood up abruptly, and walked away.
The food basically remained untouched, yet his stomach felt uncomfortably full.
As he took a few steps forward, his vision blurred. His focus slipped, his foot caught on nothing at all, and he fell forward, striking the ground hard.
Gasps rose around him. A few people rushed over, concern etched across their faces. A couple of girls knelt beside him, asking if he was hurt. Julian nodded silently, pushed himself back to his feet, and tried to move again.
His legs gave out, and he stumbled once more before falling to the ground, painfully hitting his head
"You know," a soft female voice said gently, "it's okay to rely on others sometimes. You look really lonely. Those eyes of yours look so tired."
Julian let out a quiet breath. "I know," he replied slightly annoyed but calmly. "I really do know what it means to rely on someone."
For one week, he had done nothing but that.
And yet, that single week had felt like a lifetime.
'Gojo, please come back,' he thought desperately. 'I don't know how to do this alone.'
He straightened himself, forcing a smile. "Sorry about that. That was embarrassing. I'll be fine. I hope to see you sometime."
"Wait! Please!" the girl called out.
But Julian did not turn back, he simply ignored her and walked on.
He walked toward the inn, passing a father and his son around his age laughing together, holding sweets in each hand. The sight struck him harder than he expected.
It reminded him of Gojo.
"HEY, JULIAN, LOOK. IT'S A MASSIVE JELLY."
The memory surfaced. Gojo's loud voice, his careless excitement, the way he treated everything like a game. Irresponsible, reckless, and somehow warm enough to fill the empty spaces Julian had never realized were there.
Julian clenched his fists in envy.
He slowly un-clenched his fist. Julian knew he had no right to feel jealous of every child who had someone to admire, someone to walk beside them and guide them forward. None of those kids had done anything wrong. If anything, the fault lay entirely with him. He was the one who had failed. A no good, incompetent apprentice who could not even hold on to the one person who had chosen him.
He lowered his head, his gaze fixed on the ground. He did not want to see ordinary people living their ordinary lives. He did not want to feel the quiet shame that crept up whenever he realized how easily the world moved on without him.
He quickly started running, his legs carried him forward, and he began to run.
He ran toward his room at the inn, not caring about the startled looks from passing adults or the confused stares that followed him. He did not slow down, did not look back. All he wanted was to disappear into a place where no one could see him like this.
When he reached the inn, the bald headed innkeeper glanced at him. The man's expression was over-reaching contempt even.
'Of course,' Julian thought bitterly. 'Right now, I feel like shit, who wouldn't look down on me?'
But soon enough the bitterness turned into anger
'And whose fault is that?' he asked himself, already knowing the answer, it was his fault and his fault alone.
"Boy, that man was really your ball of sunshine," the innkeeper said with an impassive look on his face. "When he was around, even I didn't notice that pathetic look on your fa—"
He did not stay to hear the rest. Julian was already climbing the stairs. He unlocked his door, slipped inside, and shut it behind him, turning the lock with shaking hands.
His back pressed against the door as he slid down slightly, his head dropping forward.
"What is going on?" he whispered. "Why do I feel… why do I feel so… so useless?"
His hands came up to his head, fingers digging into his hair as the tears finally broke free. They spilled down his cheeks without restraint, soaking into his sleeves as he tried and failed to stop them.
"What is going on!" he cried out, his voice cracking.
After a moment that felt far longer than it was, he dragged himself toward the bed.
His legs gave out, and he collapsed onto it without even bothering to remove his shoes. The mattress bent under his weight but stayed mainly firm.
"See? Just being near me upgrades your life."
Gojo's voice echoed clearly in his mind, playful and confident, like it always had been.
Julian swallowed hard.
'You forgot to tell me,' he thought quietly, 'that being away from you would break it.'
"Oh, ignore this party pooper," he had said. "He's obsessed with killing demons to avenge his family or something like that."
The words struck him, the things he had given up to kill a demon, now that he had done it... he felt so empty.
'Could you even blame me?' he thought now, standing alone beneath the night sky. 'I was under pressure. I barely even knew you. Of course, I would prioritize my goals over having fun.'
That excuse had comforted him for a while, until he had to accept reality.
Julian let out a slow breath.
'Look at me,' he thought bitterly. 'Making excuses again.'
He clenched his jaw.
'I was blinded, I was boring, I was useless.'
Slowly, he lifted his head.
The sky above him was dark, stretched wide and endless, dotted with distant stars that felt impossibly far away. The night air was cool against his skin, carrying the faint smell of damp earth and fading warmth from the day. It reminded him of quieter nights, of standing beside someone who always seemed unbothered by how vast the world was.
He raised his hand toward the sky.
His fingers trembled slightly as they hovered there, as if he half expected something to respond.
Julian stared at it for a long time.
In that moment, he realized how small he truly was, and how heavy it felt to carry memories alone. There were so many things he had never said, so many questions left unanswered. So many moments he had assumed would come again someday.
His hand slowly lowered back to his side.
The night offered no judgment.
He lit up a flame in his hand, it stood as a stark contrast to the dark night.
"And now I will light up the emptiness and darkness inside of me," he calmly said.
A Journey That Came To An End Too Early.
The Story Of A Boy Who Lost His Everything.
Julian… The Student Of Gojo Satoru
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A/N: Was that worthy of your power stones? Told ya'll I was uploading daily btw.
200 - 1 extra chapter
500 - 2 extra chapters