I am in complete and utter shock right now. Mr. Lawson excuses himself from the phone, claiming to have 'urgent matters to tend to,' but I am confident he is just making excuses to get off the line so he doesn't have to continue talking to the woman who basically just threatened to kill him.
Avery is still stroking my arms and back in the most comforting way. I could honestly sit like this for the next several hours, and I did apparently. I didnt even realize how much time had passed until my stomach growled. It really only felt like a few minutes had passed.
"We should get you some dinner so that you are ready for your first war strategy meeting. We are already surfacing, and should reach the surface at the rendezvous point in less than an hour."
WOW. Hours have passed. I look to Avery, nothing but kindness in his eyes, and I stand, letting him guide me toward the kitchen. I sit in silence, lost in my own thoughts as he prepares me the most amazing sandwich I have ever eaten. My mind is spiraling with questions, and conspiracies, and worries. Some of them legitimate, like the concern for the paranormals, and for my wolf. Some of them trivial and superficial, like the fact that were in a war and I might die a virgin.
My hand stops, midway to my mouth and I am stuck in this repeating thought of dying a virgin. Someone tried to have me killed yesterday. And I could have died a virgin.
"Have sex with me."
Avery stops, sandwhich near his mouth and says, "I'm sorry, repeat that…"
"Have sex with me" I say again, this time looking him directly in the eyes.
He sets his sandwich down, dusting the crumbs from his hands. "Dahlia. What are you talking about? Are you feeling ok? You must be in shock, that was far too much for one mind to bare." He states, putting the back of his hand on my head, checking my body temperature as if I am in some kind of fever induced state.
"Avery. I don't want to die a virgin. And I don't want my first time to be with some jack ass who basically bought me like I am a prostitute. I want it to be with someone who actually cares about me… You care about me don't you?" I can feel my cheeks and ears getting hot as I stare at him, hoping he isnt about to laugh at me or something, insecurity creeping its way up my spine.
"Dahlia….." He starts, but then stops his mouth opening and closing like a gold fish.
"Forget it. I'm sorry. That was stupid of me, of course you could never think of me in that way. I'm just a stupid women…" He cuts me off mid sentence, wrapping his arms around me. One hand coming around my lower back just above my waistline and the other cradling my neck at ht ebase of my head. His lips are on mine with a hunger I have never felt before. He pulls back for a moment, looking me in the eyes, search for something. I don't know what… consent maybe? I start to tell him not to stop, but he must have seen what ever he was looking for because in an instant his lips are on mine again, kissing me so hard I know my lips will be swollen later.
He pulls back once more, hands now holding either side of my face. He runs a thumb over my bottom lip, and brushes some stray hairs back behind my ear. He looks into my eyes deeply, again searching. But this time he closed his beautiful green eyes and pressed his forehead to mine and said, "Dahlia. I can't just have sex with you. Of course I care about you. I care about you more than any other living thing in my 400 years of existence. I am in love with you, and I have been since the moment I laid eyes on you for the first time in my father's office. I had no idea who you were. No idea you were my charge. I had never met you, not officially anyways. You are nothing like the small child I saw occasionally running around. You were the most beautiful creature I had even laid eyes on. And Then you spoke. And the butterflies in my stomach could have populated the whole earth. Dahlia, I don't think I could ever love a woman the way I love you. So I cannot just have sex with you. Because not only would it ruin you- taking your innocence that you have been saving- but it would ruin me. Knowing that I held the world in my hands and had to give her away to someone else. I think it would kill me." He kissed me one more time, slow, sensual, deep. With a longing I had never felt before.
I could feel a sob escape my throat just as he pulled away, turning so quickly I couldn't see for sure, but I think there were tears in his eyes. He walks out of the kitchen and says "We will be topside in 15 minutes." And then he is gone.
I am left standing there in the kitchen, alone. Lips swollen, heart pounding. I press my hands to my mouth, fearful that this was just a figment of my imaginations. But I can feel his hands and lips on me still. Maybe I am just in shock over this whole situation. All of this shit show that is my life. I have about 15 minutes to get myself together and put my game face on. In 15 minutes I have to meet my new committee as the unofficial leader of this revolution. I have to start commanding an army. I have to be around Avery and pretend like I didn't just beg him to fuck me and then he not only reject me but profess his love for me.
I am not sure how to feel. Should I be flattered that he said those things? Weirded out? Do I care for him that way too? I mean, he is very good looking and he has always made my stomach flutter and my heart race. I have always felt comforted by the hum that surrounds his presence. I have always felt safe knowing he was there. Even when I tried so hard to convince myself I hated his guts, he was always also a person of comfort for me. And for no reason at all, we seem to keep finding our mouth on eachother- atleast that's what I thought until moments ago. Now I know he is in love with me. And I am wondering if I feel the same way.
But it doesn't matter because in about 100 hours I will be crowned Queen, and I will have another 24 to pick the man I am stuck with. Nothing stifles your sex drive like knowing you will soon be sold off to the highest bidder… I don't even need a cold shower to erase the way Avery's hands felt on me. Thinking about how my weekend is now going to go is more than enough. I should be graduating Harvard friday morning and then celebrating at dinner. Then I should be spending all day saturday getting ready for my birthday party, so that at Midnight I am crowned…. But now I don't know what to expect, other than the expectation that I am going to have to choose a husband on sunday, before the stroke of midnight. And on Monday at 12:00 I will basically killing my wolf. I can feel her wimper with in.
On that note, I realize I am in need of a good face wash, I can feel the mascara tracks on my face. I stand and head to where I think my quarters are located. Ready to wash the emotion off my face. In goes the broken girl who has been lied to and taken advantage of her whole life. Out will come the woman, soon to be Queen, who is going to change the world, even if it kills me. And it very well may…