"Sister Yin, Lord Pig is back!"
After a Ghost Tiger dinner and a night of high-level experience farming, Zhu Hao returned to the vast, luminous presence of the Blue Silver Emperor.
Hmm? You smell like a female rabbit. Did you go out fooling around all night, little pig?
Ah Yin curled a blue-silver stem and leaf, positioning it directly in front of Zhu Hao's face. She sniffed with dramatic intensity, her brow furrowing slightly. As a 100,000-year-old Soul Beast of the plant kingdom, the Blue Silver Emperor, her senses—especially to competing auras—were incredibly acute. The faint, sweet, warm scent of a Soft Bone Charm Rabbit was unmistakable.
"Is Lord Pig that kind of person?" Zhu Hao threw his head back, adopting a stance of righteous, deeply offended innocence. "I am a pure and noble creature dedicated only to my own cultivation and, occasionally, the pursuit of delicious food!"
"You are exactly that kind of pig," Ah Yin corrected, rolling her eyes with perfect comedic timing. She retracted the leaf, clearly unconvinced by his righteous indignation.
"Wooo wooo, you actually don't believe me! I'm so hurt!" Zhu Hao flopped down dramatically in front of Ah Yin, drooping his head and letting out a small, pitiful whine.
"Hehe, I'm not feeling particularly sympathetic today, either," Ah Yin countered, tapping a vine against the ground. She hit the nail on the head, demanding her true reward. "I require vitality and energy. You must make me happy first, little scammer."
She's getting stingier with the free health potions. This means I need to step up my entertainment game! Zhu Hao's eyes rolled, his mind racing.
"Sister Yin, how about I tell you a story?"
"All right. But if it's a boring or perfunctory one, you can expect a beating instead of a reward. Now, begin!" Ah Yin said, settling in to listen. She didn't actually care much about the plot; after tens of thousands of years of solitude, she simply enjoyed Zhu Hao's unpredictable company.
Zhu Hao pondered the perfect narrative. What should I tell her? The White Snake? The White Fox?
"No! That will only create opportunities for the little rabbit, Xiao Wu! I can't be telling love stories about humans and demons; that's just tailoring a wedding dress for the competition!" Zhu Hao immediately vetoed his initial ideas.
"I must tell a story about a powerful demon and an even more powerful monster—a monster who happens to be me!"
He slapped his thigh loudly, a triumphant look in his eyes. "I've got it! I'll adapt one myself, weaving in the subtle truth of the Pig God!"
"A long, long time ago," Zhu Hao began, lowering his voice into a gravelly, epic tone, "a great and terrible war broke out between the Gods and Demons of heaven and earth. It wasn't just a battle; it was a cosmic catastrophe! In that battle, the heavens literally collapsed, the earth split open into endless chasms, the sun and moon lost their light, the seas flowed backward, and a colossal, gaping hole was torn into the sky—a wound that could not be healed. From that day forth, mountain torrents raged, demons ran rampant, and all living things suffered an unimaginable blight!"
Is there truly a God in this world? Is God really that powerful? Ah Yin wondered secretly, her beautiful eyes fixed on Zhu Hao, utterly captivated by the scope of the disaster he described.
"Just when the world was choked with suffering and grief, a benevolent Goddess of Creation descended. She used her supreme, unmatched magical powers to refine millions of Five-Colored Stones to patch the enormous hole in the sky. She toiled for 9 years, 9 months, and days, finally sealing the rupture. From then on, the world was at peace, and the people could live and work in prosperity once more."
Ah Yin nodded slowly, leaning closer. "That's a beautiful beginning. But is that the end?"
"Of course not! This is only the preamble!" Zhu Hao rolled closer to her central stalk, continuing: "After the Goddess repaired the sky, one perfect, exquisitely polished piece of Five-Colored Stone remained. She placed it upon the misty, highest peak of an Immortal Mountain."
"The Five-Colored Stone, perched atop that celestial summit, was not idle. It absorbed the boundless Spiritual Energy of heaven and earth, swallowing the brilliant essence of the sun and moon. After enduring 129,600 years—that's a lot of wind, frost, rain, and snow, Sister Yin—it finally awakened its spiritual wisdom and took on a human form!"
"After transforming, the Five-Colored Stone knew it lacked guidance. He sought out a renowned teacher, wandering the immortal realm. After a thousand years of searching, and enduring eighty-one harrowing trials, he finally found a master, mastered a set of unparalleled supernatural powers, was highly regarded by the Emperor of Heaven, and became a fearsome Guardian of the Heavenly Court!"
Zhu Hao paused, looking up at Ah Yin, his eyes gleaming.
"Is that the end?" Ah Yin asked, her expression neutral.
"I'm thirsty!" Zhu Hao stuck out his tongue, looking like he was about to desiccate into a small, golden raisin.
"Little brat!" Ah Yin rolled her eyes but quickly stretched out a leaf, on which rested a generous ball of luminous green liquid, shimmering with freshness and pure vitality.
Zhu Hao's eyes widened. He thrust his head forward and, with a massive slurp, inhaled the liquid. It flowed down his throat like the sweetest, most intoxicating nectar, refreshing his entire being and leaving a lingering, vital fragrance on his lips.
"Energy +100"
"Delicious!" Zhu Hao licked the leaf clean, still looking unsatisfied.
"Hurry up and continue the story, or I'll retract the next reward!" Ah Yin quickly pulled the leaf back, glaring playfully.
"It is said that next to the Five-Colored Stone on the Immortal Mountain, there was a small, unassuming Grass," Zhu Hao resumed, his voice softening dramatically. "Because it was constantly nourished by the runoff essence of the Five-Colored Stone, it also gained a tiny spark of intelligence and managed to transform into a human form."
"However, this little Grass had no master to guide her, no powerful background, and no great magical powers. Her strength was meager, and she was often bullied and scorned by other lesser demons. Her life was miserable and constantly in danger."
"But Little Grass still lived tenaciously, because she held a single, precious dream in her heart: to one day find the powerful Five-Colored Stone and repay his unintentional kindness, the kindness that allowed her to live and gain a soul."
"It's just a pity that the Five-Colored Stone had cultivated to perfection and become a Guardian of the Heavenly Court. How could a pitiful little demon like her ever hope to approach such a celestial figure?"
"Little Grass is so pitiful!" Ah Yin seemed genuinely moved, feeling a deep, anxious connection to the small, struggling plant spirit.
"Three hundred years crawled by. Then, a massive surge of demons rampaged across the mortal world. The Emperor of Heaven issued an edict, commanding the Five-Colored Stone to lead the heavenly soldiers and generals to the lower world to slay the demons!"
"Ah!" Ah Yin exclaimed, her composure momentarily slipping. She couldn't help but worry about the Little Grass.
"The Five-Colored Stone, now a celestial general, didn't recognize the small, insignificant Grass, so he ran into her during a skirmish and simply killed her. The end!" Zhu Hao said with a mocking shrug, sitting down contentedly on one of Ah Yin's curled leaves.
"What?!" Ah Yin stared at Zhu Hao, her eyes suddenly blazing with unfriendly, intense murderous intent. Two thick, strong stems shot out, wrapping around Zhu Hao's round neck and lifting him clear off the ground. "You change the ending right now, you little menace!"
"Wooo wooo! Grandpa Pig can't breathe!" Zhu Hao yelled, kicking his four short legs frantically in the air. "Ah ah, I'm being murdered by my wife!"
"Hmph!" Ah Yin glared with renewed murderous focus.
"Sister Yin, spare me!" Zhu Hao gasped, quickly realizing he'd pushed the emotional manipulation too far. "Can't I change it? Please!"
"I will let you go this time. If I am not completely satisfied with the revised conclusion, Hmph!" Ah Yin released him, but not before performing a dramatic, vine-based throat-slitting gesture.
Zhu Hao swallowed hard, rubbing his neck and coughing lightly. "Ahem. It is said that the Five-Colored Stone led the troops to subdue the demons and monsters. When Little Grass heard this, he ran with great joy to find him."
"But before she even got close to the Heavenly host, she was spotted by the vanguard of the Heavenly Soldiers and Generals. Naturally, they attacked her directly, seeing only a weak demon."
"Just as Little Grass was about to be destroyed, the Five-Colored Stone, recognizing the strange, faint aura of the Immortal Mountain, appeared! He saved her life and recognized the tenacious little spirit!"
"The Grass stayed by the Five-Colored Stone's side, and over time, their hearts intertwined, and they fell deeply in love!"
"Thirty years passed, the major demons were destroyed, and the Five-Colored Stone returned to Heaven—taking the Grass with him."
"Because the Grass was, at her core, still a demon, bringing her into the Heavenly Palace was an act of defiance. The Emperor of Heaven was furious and ordered the Five-Colored Stone to execute the Grass immediately!"
Zhu Hao paused, sticking out his tongue once more. "Lord Pig is desperately thirsty again!"
"Hurry up and continue!" Ah Yin glared, visibly anxious. He always broke the narrative flow at the most critical juncture. She reluctantly presented him with another generous portion of the water of life.
Zhu Hao drank it down with a satisfied slurp, his throat now well-moistened. He continued: "The Five-Colored Stone and the Grass had been together for all those days; how could he possibly raise his weapon against her? Impossible!"
"In a rage for his beloved, the Five-Colored Stone rebelled! He took the Grass and fled, directly challenging the power of the Heavenly Palace!"
"Good!" Ah Yin praised loudly, the knot of worry in her chest momentarily easing. But she instantly grew concerned again. The Heavenly Emperor had to be incredibly powerful.
This time, Zhu Hao didn't even need to ask. Ah Yin immediately rewarded him with a massive ball of the green water of life.
Gurgle gurgle!
"Energy +150"
Zhu Hao drained it in one gulp and plunged into the climax. "The Five-Colored Stone and the Grass were hunted relentlessly. They had nowhere to hide, no way to escape—no way to go up to the sky, and no way to burrow underground!"
Hearing this, Ah Yin's heart plummeted. She feared the Emperor would capture them.
"Just when the Five-Colored Stone and the Grass were at their wit's end, a great, mysterious figure descended upon the world. He was powerful, ancient, and valued the Five-Colored Stone's talent, wanting to recruit him. He presented the Stone with a simple Golden Hoop, promising that if he put it on, he would gain enough power to defeat all his enemies. However, wearing it would sever all his earthly emotions, forcing him to become the mysterious figure's emotionless protector."
"Without the golden hoop, I can't save you; with it, I can't love you," Zhu Hao quoted, his voice thick with drama. "Looking at the simple circle of gold, the Five-Colored Stone was filled with grief and indignation, and he roared up at the indifferent sky!"
"Ayin, what do you think the Five-Colored Stone ultimately decided to do?" Zhu Hao paused, raised his chin, and asked.
At this point, Ah Yin's eyes were glistening with unshed tears.
"He will wear the golden hoop!" Ah Yin said sadly, nodding with grim realization. "Even if it means sacrificing his heart, he would wear the hoop for the sake of keeping the one he loved alive and safe."
"Wrong!" Zhu Hao rejected her answer without hesitation.
Ah Yin was stunned. "Does he plan to die with the Grass then?"
"No!" Zhu Hao said triumphantly.
"Then... what else could he do?" Ah Yin couldn't fathom a third option.
"Because the Five-Colored Stone had truly awakened its highest potential, it transformed not into some sad, emotionless monk, but into a Golden Little Pig with boundless magical power and divine supernatural abilities!"
"He defeated every single God and Buddha in the sky without even needing a useless golden hoop! In the end, he returned to the world and lived forever and happily with his beloved Grass!" Zhu Hao declared, puffing out his chest with self-satisfied pride.
"Huh?" Ah Yin was momentarily stunned. The narrative change had been too rapid and utterly ridiculous.
"Pfft! You're not seriously going to say that you are the little divine pig that effortlessly beats all the gods and Buddhas in the sky, are you?" Ah Yin burst out laughing, reaching out to pinch Zhu Hao's little fat face. "You really are a cheeky one!"
"That's exactly right! I am Master Pig, the divine Pig God! And you, my beautiful Blue Silver Empress, are my little Grass! From now on, I will protect you. God will fall to me, and Buddha will be slain by me!"
Zhu Hao leaped up from her leaf, wrapping his paws around Ah Yin's materialized, beautiful face. He leaned in and, with practiced audacity, landed a hard, loud kiss on her cheek.
Buzz.
The kiss was like a bolt of lightning. Ah Yin froze, completely stunned, her mind momentarily blank. Her heart, deep in the roots of the forest, hammered at a furious, dizzying pace.
"It smells so good!" Zhu Hao thought, wearing an intoxicated smile on his chubby face. In the split second Ah Yin was paralyzed by shock, he executed his next move perfectly.
SWISH!
The Earth Escape activated. Zhu Hao vanished instantly, sinking into the earth without a trace.
"Zhu Hao!"
A deafening scream, filled with shame, anger, and shocked fluster, resonated through the entire forest. Zhu Hao, hidden safely high in the clouds after quickly employing his Flying Eight Wings, trembled slightly despite his safety.
"Kiss and run away... it's absolutely thrilling!" Zhu Hao thought, watching the forest below thrash from Ah Yin's furious, localized rage. He was already planning his next upgrade.
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Hahaha!! This tale is really funny. I laugh hard that my stomach hurts...