Once they stepped out of the classroom, Kuroba Akira came right out with it to the class rep.
"Class Rep, truth is I'm not actually feeling unwell. I just wanted to catch up on some sleep, so you really don't need to come with me."
The class rep poked Akira's cheek, puffing her cheeks slightly as she scolded him.
"Kuroba-kun, don't underestimate sleep deprivation. If you push your body too far, you could actually die suddenly, you know?"
"Uh…"
Having actually experienced sudden death before, Akira found himself at a loss for words.
In the past, he'd made the classic mistake of relying on "experience"—back in university, he could pull two all-nighters at a net café gaming with friends and be fine. So after starting work, he thought staying up for days would still be no problem. What he hadn't realized was that as you age, your body's tolerance for overexertion quietly deteriorates.
Aging doesn't always show on the outside—it works on you imperceptibly from the inside.
"…Fine. But Class Rep, you skipping class won't be a problem? I'm sure there are plenty of people eyeing your number-one spot in the year."
"It's just a few lessons—it won't affect me. I've already gone over all the material in advance, so in class it's just review."
See? This was the power of an honor student. Infuriating.
For a lot of students, falling behind starts with missing just a few lessons or zoning out, then they can't keep up, then they understand less and less, lose interest, and spiral downward.
The class rep was one of those rare people who could wring every drop out of her own abilities.
Looking at her, Akira felt almost ashamed that he'd copied the class rep's talent but only used it to keep his concentration up and his mind sharp—it felt like such a waste.
And right up until they reached the nurse's office, Anri Hitomi still hadn't let go of Akira's arm, clinging like a little newlywed wife.
He could feel the side-pressure of her chest… so the class rep was pretty well-endowed too.
The door to the nurse's office was open, and inside was the school nurse-slash-health-and-P.E. teacher… whose name Akira had forgotten.
He remembered her mainly because during health classes she loved making dirty jokes, so she'd left something of an impression.
She was also tiny—maybe 140 cm, with a figure utterly flat enough to call barren land. Wearing a white coat on her looked like she'd thrown on a rain poncho. Everyone called her Lo-sensei—"Lo" as in loli.
They didn't call her Loli-sensei outright, because if you called her that, she'd snap, "Don't call me a loli! I'm a mature lady!" So it had been shortened to Lo-sensei, which she begrudgingly accepted as a nickname.
When Lo-sensei spotted Hitomi, she sprang up from her office chair and waved energetically.
"Oh-ho! If it isn't our year's top student, Anri-chan! What are you doing here during class time? Period trouble? I've got not only pads but spare panties too—want to borrow a pair? Though if you wear mine, it might feel like wearing low-rise panties, fufufu."
Pads were one thing, but why the hell did she have spare panties? And from the sound of it, weren't those hers? Don't go lending students your own underwear! — Akira was screaming internally.
Even with a male student standing right there, she could talk about periods this bluntly and immediately follow it up with a raunchy gag. Truly, Lo-sensei's dictionary had no entry for "limits."
But the class rep didn't so much as blink—still smiling as if long used to the nurse's lack of filter.
"It's not me who's unwell, Oono-sensei. I'm accompanying Kuroba-kun—he's feeling under the weather."
So Lo-sensei's surname was Oono…? Yet there wasn't a single "big" thing about her. Meanwhile Kozaikawa-sensei wasn't "small" in the least.
Hearing that, Oono-sensei finally looked at Akira. She tilted her head, thought for a second, then lit up like she'd remembered something amusing and pointed at him.
"Ah! I know you! You're that problem student Motoko keeps talking about, right? She even asked me once how to treat aphasia! Too bad I never studied psychotherapy—I just recommended her some books… So, you can talk now?"
Apparently, Oono-sensei and Kozaikawa-sensei had been close friends since their own school days, and that connection had carried into their careers—Akira vaguely recalled that Oono-sensei had recommended this school to Kozaikawa-sensei.
Akira hadn't realized Kozaikawa-sensei had actually asked around about treating his aphasia… She really was a teacher who cared for her students.
"Yes, I've recovered."
"I also heard you beat up a classmate yesterday? Over a girl, right! Ah, shame I'm stuck in here—I missed such a fun scene…"
Her mouth just kept running. Then she glanced between Hitomi and Akira, and her eyes sparkled.
"Aha! Don't tell me you fought over Anri-chan! And from the looks of it, you won, huh? She's yours now? Damn, kid, straight to being a winner in life!"
What kind of teacher says this to her students?! Akira rolled his eyes hard.
Even the class rep couldn't take it—her smile shifted from gentle to threatening.
"Oono-sensei, I can get angry, you know."
Lo-sensei deflated immediately, grabbing Hitomi's hand and trying to placate her.
"Sorry, sorry, don't be mad I was just teasing. I know Anri-chan's a good student, not the type to mess around like others"
"Please fulfill your duties as a school nurse and check on Kuroba-kun properly."
"Got it, got it!"
Lo-sensei stood in front of Akira, hands on her hips, looking up at someone a full three heads taller.
"Alright, where's the injury? Don't tell me your love rival busted your baby-makers—Anri-chan's future happiness would be doomed."
"…It's just sleep deprivation."
"Oh-ho, sit down, you! You looking down on me?"
She grumbled as she smacked him on the butt with her tiny hand.
"…"
Suddenly, Akira felt that aside from being a bit hot-blooded and airheaded, Kozaikawa-sensei really wasn't so bad… Compared to Lo-sensei, she was downright angelic.
"Come sit here!"
Akira obeyed, sitting in the office chair she'd just vacated. She came over and pried open his eyelids, peering closely at his pupils.
"Mm… yeah, just sleep deprivation. No signs of kidney deficiency. Huh, didn't think you'd be such a gentleman. Even dating Anri-chan, you've restrained yourself? If it were me, I'd have long since—"
"Oono-sensei, please focus."
Hearing her full name from an annoyed Hitomi seemed to rattle Lo-sensei—she hunched her shoulders and gave two awkward laughs, then patted Akira on the back.
"Alright! Go lie down, kid! Sleep it off and you'll be fine! I'll write you a note!"
Finally, permission to use the bed. Akira headed for it, ready to catch up on sleep.
Inside the curtained-off area, he'd just taken off his indoor shoes and was about to thank the class rep and tell her to go back when he heard their voices outside.
"Well, I won't disturb you two. This room's all yours."
"Oono-sensei, where are you going?"
"Perfect chance for me to go slack off for a while, hehe… Ah, and Anri-chan, no telling tales, okay? I'll turn a blind eye for you too, mhm?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about, but I think you're under some strange misunderstanding about us."
"Oh, come on~ no need to play innocent with me. That kid's just sleep-deprived, and you still came along—obviously you're here to use the bed too. The nurse's office is a prime crime scene, you know!"
"Kuroba-kun and I really aren't like that. And school rules forbid improper relationships between boys and girls."
"Yeah, yeah, I know you're shy… Anyway, just don't be too loud. There are 'balloons' in the drawer. Even if it feels better without, I recommend playing it safe—you'd be breaking school rules otherwise. Even if your family's got pull to avoid expulsion, you can't dodge suspension."
"Oono-sensei…"
"I'll be back in two periods. I'll hang up the 'Do Not Disturb' sign, so no one will interrupt you. Have fun! And don't worry about the sheets—I'll clean up after. Alrighty, bye-bye, Anri-chan~"
Bang.
The door closed.
…Seriously. Who the hell hired this woman?
---
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