I knew I was being followed.
It wasn't subtle. The dark-haired woman—Sarah, I'd heard one of Kazuto's other party members call her—had been trailing me since I left the tavern that morning. She stayed about twenty feet back, ducking behind corners, pretending to examine merchant stalls.
"She's terrible at stealth," Klaus observed. "I can feel her murderous intent from here and I'm dead."
"She's a yandere," Vincent said. "Subtlety isn't their strong suit."
"Should we be worried?"
"Probably," Masayuki said. "Hitomi, we need to talk. Yandere Management 101."
"First rule of dealing with yanderes: Never, and I mean NEVER, show interest in their target. That's Kazuto in this case. Avoid him completely."
"I'm a WAITRESS. He came to the TAVERN."
"Then serve him quickly and leave. No extended conversations. No smiling. Definitely no accidental touching."
"I wasn't planning on touching him!"
"Good. Second rule: Don't make sudden movements around them. They interpret everything as a threat."
"This is ridiculous."
"Third rule: If they challenge you, show submission immediately. Yanderes operate on threat assessment. If you're not a threat, they'll usually leave you alone."
"Usually?"
"...Usually."
"Meh," Boris added, which meant "you're doomed regardless."
I continued walking, Sarah following at her "subtle" distance. When I stopped at a fruit stand, she stopped at a weapons shop. When I turned a corner, she turned the same corner.
This is my life now. Being stalked by a knife-wielding yandere because I accidentally traumatized her boyfriend? with my spiritual energy.
I made it to the tavern without incident and started my shift.
Sarah took up position across the street, watching through the window.
"She's committed," Vincent said. "You have to admire the dedication."
"I really don't."
The day proceeded normally. Dishes, tables, serving customers. Sarah watched the entire time, her hand never far from her dagger.
Then, around midday, the door opened.
Kazuto walked in.
Oh no.
[System: Yōki levels: 500/500 - Maximum capacity!]
[System: Warning - Spiritual energy overflow detected!]
He scanned the tavern, probably looking for Sarah, and his eyes landed on me.
His face went pale.
"Not again," I muttered.
He took one step forward.
Then his eyes rolled back and he collapsed.
THUD.
The tavern went silent.
"Someone get a healer!" a customer shouted.
"I'll get—" another started.
"No no, he's fine!" I rushed over. This had happened before. Sort of. "He just needs his medication! It woke him up last time"
I checked his coat pockets and found a small vial of blue liquid. There was a note attached: "For Kazuto's allergic reactions. Administer orally if he faints. - Love, Mira"
The deredere made this, I realized. They think it's an allergy.
I uncorked the vial. Kazuto was unconscious, I placed my ear to his chest, his heart was beating, albeit slowly. I had to do something.
I tilted his head back and carefully poured the medicine into his mouth, supporting his jaw to help him swallow.
Through the window, I saw Sarah's face twist with rage.
"Oh," Masayuki said. "Oh, that's bad."
"What?"
"You're touching him. Intimately. From her perspective, you're literally feeding him."
"IT'S MEDICINE!"
"She doesn't know that."
The door slammed open.
Sarah stood in the doorway, her dagger already drawn, her expression murderous.
"GET. AWAY. FROM HIM."
"I'm giving him medicine!"
"YOU'RE POISONING HIM!"
"IT'S FROM THE DERE-DERE PARTY MEMBER!"
"THE WHO?"
"THE HEALER GIRL, UMMM MIRA"
"LIES!"
She charged.
"Well," Klaus said. "This escalated quickly."
I barely dodged the first knife strike. The blade whistled past my ear and embedded itself in a wooden post.
"Wait—we can talk about this—"
"YOU HURT KAZUTO!" She yanked the knife free and lunged again. "TWICE! And now you're POISONING him while he's UNCONSCIOUS!"
"I'M NOT...THAT DOSEN'T EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE"
I grabbed a serving tray and used it as a shield. Her knife sparked off the metal.
"Okay, talking isn't working," Vincent said. "New plan: DON'T DIE."
"GREAT PLAN, VERY HELPFUL!"
Sarah's attacks were relentless. Fast, precise, deadly. She clearly knew how to use that dagger.
I, on the other hand, had never had formal combat training in my human life.
But I had watched a LOT of anime.
[System: New Skill Detected!]
[System: Unique Skill Unlocked - "Mother of Isekai"]
[System: Effect: Ability to replicate techniques from isekai media with 50% effectiveness! No technical knowledge required - just pure weeb energy! Note, must avoid saying the real name of the moves to avoid copyright claims]
What.
Sarah lunged again. I sidestepped, grabbed two spoons from a nearby table, and crossed them in front of me like dual blades.
The movement felt familiar. Like something I'd seen a thousand times.
"Is she doing what I think she's doing?" Klaus asked.
"She's doing Ki**to's dual-wield stance," Masayuki confirmed. "With spoons."
"SPOONS?!"
"BOOT LEG TECHNIQUE: SPOON BURST STREAM!" I shouted, swinging the spoons in a rapid combo pattern I'd seen in Sword *** Online.
The technique was sloppy. The form was wrong. I was using SPOONS.
But it worked.
Sort of.
Sarah had to back up, dodging the flurry of spoon strikes. One actually hit her shoulder.
"OW! What—did you just use SPOONS?!"
"I'M A WAITRESS! IT'S WHAT I HAD!"
She growled and flipped over a table, using it for cover. I heard glass breaking—she was grabbing bottles.
"She's going to throw those," Masayuki warned.
The first bottle sailed at my head. I ducked. It shattered against the wall.
The second one I caught and threw back. My Yōki-enhanced strength sent it flying like a missile. Sarah barely dodged.
"You're STRONG!" she said, and was that... excitement in her voice?
"AND YOUR'E INSANE!"
"TOO BAD!"
She vaulted over the bar, grabbed a cutting knife, and now she had TWO blades.
"Oh, she's dual-wielding now," Klaus said. "This is getting serious."
"Or more stupid. Hard to tell."
"Meh."
Sarah came at me with both knives. I grabbed a chair and used it like a shield. The knives tore through the wood.
We crashed through tables. Broke plates. Sent bottles flying.
Agatha appeared from the kitchen. "WHAT IS HAPPENING IN MY—"
A flying plate sailed past her head.
"—TAVERN!" She dove back into the kitchen.
"You're going to owe SO MUCH money after this," Vincent said.
"NOT HELPING!"
Sarah and I circled each other, both breathing hard.
And then I noticed something.
She was smiling.
Not her creepy yandere smile. A genuine, excited smile.
"You're actually putting up a fight," she said. "Most people just run or beg."
"I'm too tired to run!"
"Good!" She lunged again.
I caught her wrist mid-strike, and we locked together, straining against each other.
"You enjoy this," I said, realizing. "Fighting."
"Of course! The thrill! The challenge! The possibility of death!" Her eyes gleamed. "Don't you?"
I thought about it.
About the goblins. The cultists. The undead.
About how, despite the fear and pain and exhaustion...
There was something exhilarating about combat.
"...Maybe a little," I admitted.
"I KNEW IT!" She actually laughed. "You have murder-happy eyes!"
"I DO NOT—"
"You do! I recognize the look! Takes one to know one!"
"She's not wrong," Masayuki said. "You do get a certain... enthusiasm during fights."
"Whose side are you on?!"
"The side of the women!!!."
"Meh."
Sarah and I broke apart, grabbed new weapons (me: a broom handle, her: a fire poker), and clashed again.
We were destroying the tavern. Chairs splintered. Tables collapsed. The wall had several new holes.
And we were both... kind of having fun?
"You're good!" Sarah said, blocking my broom strike.
"You're trying to KILL me!"
"But you're ENJOYING it!"
"...Shut up!"
We fought across the room. I used a technique I'd seen in a certain anime about a slime "Boot Leg technique: Water blade" a crecent shaped blade of water just spawned and shot at her it sent her crashing into the bar.
She got up, laughing. "What was THAT?!"
"Bootleg anime moves!"
"THAT'S AMAZING!"
She came at me with renewed vigor, and I realized—
She had black hair.
[System: Skill: Racist activated!]
[System: 150% damage bonus against black-haired opponents!]
Oh no.
My next punch caught her in the ribs. The impact was devastating. Way stronger than I'd intended.
Sarah flew backward—
—through the wall.
Literally through it.
She crashed into the street outside, leaving a person-shaped hole in the wall.
The tavern went completely silent.
Dust settled.
I stared at my fist.
"I... didn't mean to hit her THAT hard."
"Skill: Racist is surprisingly effective," Klaus observed.
"That's the worst skill name," Vincent said.
"And yet, here we are."
"Meh."
I walked over to the hole in the wall. Sarah was lying in the street, groaning, covered in plaster dust.
"Are you... okay?"
She sat up slowly, rubbing her ribs. "That... hurt."
"Sorry."
"Don't apologize!" She actually grinned. "That was the best hit I've taken in years!"
"She's insane," Klaus said.
"Definitely," Vincent agreed.
"Look," I said, offering her a hand. "Can we stop fighting? I'm not poisoning Kazuto. He has a weird reaction to my spiritual energy. It's not personal. I'm not trying to hurt him."
Sarah studied me. "Why should I believe you?"
"Because if I wanted him dead, I could have left him on the floor. Instead, I gave him medicine from his party member. The one with the healing magic. Mira, I think?"
She paused. "...Mira did make that medicine."
"See? Not poison."
"But he keeps fainting around you!"
"Because—" I hesitated. How much could I explain? "—because my spiritual energy reminds him of something traumatic. It's unconscious. He doesn't know why. But it's not an attack. It's just... unfortunate."
Sarah stood up, still suspicious but less murderous. "Why didn't you explain this before?"
"YOU ATTACKED ME IMMEDIATELY!"
"...Fair."
Behind me, I heard footsteps.
Agatha emerged from the kitchen.
She looked at the destroyed tavern.
At the hole in the wall.
At Sarah and me, both covered in debris.
At Kazuto, still unconscious on the floor.
Her expression was very, very calm.
Which was terrifying.
"Hitomi," she said quietly. "Would you like to explain why my tavern looks like a warzone?"
"She attacked me?"
"And you fought back by destroying my property."
"I was defending myself!"
"WITH MY FURNITURE!"
"I—"
"The damages," Agatha said, pulling out a ledger and a pencil, "will be calculated and added to your debt. Let's see... seventeen broken chairs, eight shattered tables, forty-three destroyed plates, sixty-two broken bottles, one destroyed bar counter, and—" She looked at the wall. "—structural damage to the building itself."
She did some math.
"Fifty gold."
My soul left my body.
"FIFTY GOLD?!"
"That's the estimate. Could be more once I get a proper assessment."
"I don't HAVE fifty gold! I don't even have fifty SILVER!"
"Then you'll work it off. Same terms as before. Two copper per day, applied to your total debt."
"That's—that's YEARS of work!"
"Should have thought of that before destroying my tavern." She turned to Sarah. "And you. You started this fight."
"She was poisoning Kazuto!"
"Was she?"
"...Maybe not. Apparently."
"Then you owe damages too. Twenty-five gold. Half the total."
"WHAT?! I'm not working here!"
"You are now. Same terms. Two copper per day."
"I'm an adventurer! I have quests to do!"
"Not anymore. You'll work off your debt first."
At that moment, Amelia walked in, saw the destruction, and froze.
"What... happened here?"
Agatha's eyes fell on her.
No, I thought. Don't—
"You're friends with Hitomi, correct?"
"We've adventured together, yes, but I wasn't here during—"
"You'll help with repairs. Voluntarily. To show solidarity with your friend."
"But I didn't—"
Agatha's expression didn't change. "Voluntarily."
Amelia looked at me. At Sarah. At the destruction.
"...How long?"
"Until repairs are complete and debts are paid."
"That could be months!"
"Then you'll be here for months. Logically speaking."
"She's scary when she's calm," Vincent observed.
"I'm reconsidering my choice to haunt this tavern," Klaus added.
"Meh," Boris contributed.
Kazuto groaned and started to wake up.
He sat up slowly, looking around in confusion. "What... happened? Why am I on the floor? And why is there a hole in the wall?"
All three of us—me, Sarah, and Amelia—pointed at each other simultaneously.
"SHE started it!"
Kazuto blinked. "I'm... very confused."
"Welcome to our life," I muttered.
Agatha clapped her hands. "Wonderful. Now that everyone's awake and accounted for, let's discuss work schedules. Hitomi, Sarah, and Amelia—you'll all be working full shifts until your debts are paid."
"I don't have a debt!" Amelia protested.
"You do now. Solidarity tax."
"THAT'S NOT A REAL THING!"
"It is in my tavern."
Sarah looked at me. "This is your fault."
"YOU attacked ME!"
"You were touching Kazuto!"
"I WAS GIVING HIM MEDICINE!"
"BOTH OF YOU, ENOUGH!" Agatha's voice cracked like a whip. "You're coworkers now. Act like it."
We glared at each other.
Kazuto stood up shakily. "I should... probably leave?"
"Good idea," all four of us said in unison.
He fled.
Agatha pulled out three aprons and handed them to us. "Put these on. Hitomi, show them how to serve tables. We open in twenty minutes."
"But the wall—"
"I'll hire someone to fix it. The cost will be added to your debts."
"Of course it will," I said tiredly.
Sarah took her apron with a grimace. "I can't believe I'm a waitress now."
"Join the club," I said.
Amelia just stared at her apron like it had personally betrayed her. "I was having such a good day. And then I came here."
"On the bright side," Vincent said cheerfully, "you made a new friend!"
"She tried to kill me."
"But now you're coworkers! That's like friendship with extra steps!"
"I hate you."
"Meh," Boris agreed.
[System: New Party Member Added - Sarah!]
[System: New Party Member Added - Amelia!]
[System: Achievement Unlocked - "Forced Friendship"]
[System: Current Debts: 185 gold, 18 copper to Agatha!]
[System: Divine debt to God Water: 1,000 Karma - Due in 25 days]
[System: You're doing great! ♪]
I looked at my debt total.
185 gold.
At two copper per day.
That was...
I'm going to be here forever.
Sarah tied her apron on and grabbed a tray. "If we're doing this, we're doing it right. I refuse to be a bad waitress."
"You say that now," I warned. "Wait until your feet hurt and you've been shouted at by drunk adventurers."
"I've killed people for less."
"You can't kill the customers."
"Why not?"
"Agatha will add it to your debt."
"...Fair."
Amelia just looked defeated. "I should have stayed home today."
"Too late now," I said, handing her a notepad. "Welcome to the team."
The three of us stood there—a former truck turned waitress, a yandere assassin, and a nearsighted D-rank adventurer—all wearing matching aprons, all bound by debt to the scariest tavern owner in the city.
"This is the weirdest party composition I've ever seen," Masayuki observed.
"It's like someone threw darts at character archetypes," Klaus added.
"At least it won't be boring," Vincent offered.
"Meh," Boris said, which somehow meant "I give it a week before something explodes."
Agatha rang a bell. "OPEN FOR BUSINESS!"
The door opened.
Customers filed in.
They saw the hole in the wall, the destruction, the three new waitresses with varying degrees of murderous intent in their eyes.
Several of them turned around and left.
"GET BACK HERE!" Agatha shouted. "FOOD IS STILL GOOD!"
This was my life now.
Working at a tavern with a yandere and a nearsighted adventurer.
In massive debt.
With a divine payment due in twenty-five days.
And four dead men narrating my every mistake.
Baby steps, I reminded myself.
Though at this point, they felt more like "crawling through broken glass while on fire" steps.
But steps nonetheless.
[System: Stay positive! Things could always be worse! ♪]
How?
[System: I'm sure we'll find out! ♪]
I grabbed a tray and got to work.
Because what else was I supposed to do?