Ethan Knox - November 2120
The porridge I grabbed for Kai burns faintly through the cardboard cup, but my fingers barely register it because every thought in my head keeps circling back to him. Even now, even after seeing him awake with my own eyes, part of me still feels trapped in that horrible moment where I thought he was gone forever.
Beside me, Finn walks quietly through the corridor without trying to fill the silence. My nerves feel stretched painfully thin, and I can tell Finn notices from the way he keeps glancing toward me without saying anything.
I should feel relieved. Kai survived... he woke up... he's alive.
But instead I feel terrified.
It's the kind of fear that settles deep into your chest and refuses to leave because I know Kai too well. The moment things become too overwhelming, he disappears into himself. He runs, not because he wants to leave people behind, but because he genuinely believes he's safer carrying everything alone.
By the time we reach the nurses office door, my chest feels unbearably tight. I stop with my hand hovering near the handle, suddenly unable to move. Somewhere deep down, a part of me still thinks this is all going to vanish the second I walk inside. I can already picture the room exactly as it was before, Kai unconscious beneath wires and monitors, skin pale, body unmoving while machines breathed around him.
Finn notices my hesitation and quietly knocks before opening the door for me.
I force myself to step inside, then my stomach drops... The bed is empty.
The sheets are disturbed and Kai isn't there.
My pulse spikes instantly.
"Where is he?" I ask, hearing the strain in my own voice despite trying to stay calm.
Across the room, Noah stands from his chair and straightens his shirt, though the movement feels more like stalling than anything else.
"He said he needed a shower."
The panic rises so quickly it almost makes me dizzy.
"And he went alone?"
Noah looks away briefly before answering, and that tiny hesitation tells me enough.
"I think he wanted some space."
I exhale sharply and drag a hand through my hair, trying to stop my thoughts from spiralling. Looking at Noah's face, I can already tell their conversation must have been difficult. Kai probably shut down the second things became too emotional and escaped the first chance he got.
Except right now he shouldn't be alone. Not after everything he went through.
Not when I know how easily his mind can pull him somewhere dark after trauma like this.
I set the food down hurriedly on the nearby table before turning and heading straight back into the corridor. The hall suddenly feels endless, each turn feeding the awful feeling growing in my chest.
I keep imagining finding him collapsed somewhere or vanished completely, and my ability keeps trying to feed me flashes of worst-case scenarios I desperately don't want to see.
When I reach the showers, my hand immediately reaches for the handle. I half expect the door to be locked, but it opens easily beneath my grip.
I step inside and hear the steady sound of running water echoing off tiled walls. The room is quiet otherwise, and that somehow unsettles me even more. Behind me, I lock the door instinctively because the thought of anyone else walking in right now feels wrong.
I move deeper into the room before turning the corner toward the showers.
The sight of Kai makes my chest ache so sharply it almost hurts to breathe.
He sits fully clothed beneath one of the showers with water pouring heavily over him. His clothes cling to him completely soaked, and strands of wet black hair hang over his face while water drips steadily from his jaw and fingertips.
His knees are slightly drawn up, his head tilted downward toward his hands as though he's staring at them without really seeing them.
He looks completely disconnected from everything around him.
"Kai" I say softly as I step closer.
He doesn't react at all.
The water continues crashing over him while he remains perfectly still, and panic begins creeping higher into my throat.
"Kai" I say again, louder this time.
Still nothing.
Without thinking further, I quickly cross the distance between us and kneel down in front of him. The freezing water instantly soaks through my clothes, but I barely notice because all my focus is on him. Slowly, carefully, I lift my hand toward his face.
The second my fingers brush against his cheek, his hand suddenly shoots upward and grabs my wrist hard enough to hurt.
I freeze immediately.
His eyes snap toward mine, and for one horrible second they seem distant and empty enough that fear shoots straight through me.
Then recognition flickers across his face and the tension in his grip loosens slightly.
"Hey," I murmur gently, keeping my voice calm while my thumb strokes softly across his wet skin. "It's okay. It's only me."
His eyes search across my face with an intensity that almost feels desperate, as though he's trying to convince himself I'm really there. Then suddenly he pulls hard on my wrist, dragging me forward until I lose balance and fall against him.
Before I can even react properly, his arms wrap tightly around me.
He buries his face against my neck and holds onto me with enough force that I can feel the shaking in his body beneath the freezing water. Instantly, I wrap my own arms around him just as tightly, one hand sliding into his soaked hair while the other presses firmly against his back.
"I've got you," I whisper against his temple while pulling him closer. "I'm here. I'm not leaving you."
He still doesn't speak, but the way he clings to me says more than words ever could. Sitting there fully drenched on the cold shower floor while water pours endlessly over both of us, I realise that although Kai survived, some part of him still hasn't fully come back yet.
I slowly reach past him and adjust the shower until the water runs warmer against our skin. Steam curls thicker around us almost immediately, softening the harsh light above into something blurred and distant. When I turn back toward him, I pull him closer without hesitation, wrapping my arms tightly around him as though holding him together will somehow stop him from slipping away again.
My lips press gently against the side of his head while I focus on the steady rise and fall of his breathing beneath my hands.
That alone feels like a miracle.
Every part of me wants to stay like this forever. Right here. Holding him close enough that I can feel the warmth of him against my chest and know without doubt that he's alive.
My sweet Kai.
My loving Kai.
The ache building in my throat becomes almost unbearable because I don't think I've fully processed how close I came to losing him.
Seeing him awake should have eased the fear clawing at my chest, but instead it makes everything feel sharper. More real. I can feel tears threatening behind my eyes simply because he's here with me again.
I don't know how long we stay wrapped around each other beneath the falling water, but eventually Kai is the one who slowly pulls back.
Reluctantly, I loosen my grip enough to look at him properly.
Water drips steadily from his dark hair across his face, and without thinking I reach forward and brush the wet strands back carefully. The moment his eyes meet mine, I completely still.
For the first time since waking up, he actually looks like himself.
Not hollow or distant.
Just Kai.
My breath catches painfully in my chest while my fingers linger against his hair. His gaze moves slowly across my face before he lifts one hand and cups the back of my head with surprising gentleness.
"I'm sorry" he says quietly.
The words hit me hard enough that my chest tightens instantly.
I shake my head before he can even think about continuing. "You have nothing to be sorry for" I whisper. "I'm just glad you're here. Glad you came back to me."
Something soft flickers through his expression then, fragile enough that it almost hurts to look at.
His thumb strokes slowly through my damp hair while he keeps his hand against the back of my head, and before I fully realise what he's doing, he gently guides me closer.
I follow without resistance.
Our lips meet softly at first, hesitant only for a moment before the kiss deepens naturally between us. The second it does, something inside me gives way completely. I sink closer to him, my hands tightening around him while I melt into the warmth of his mouth.
The water continues pouring over both of us, soaking us completely, but neither of us pays attention to it anymore.
All I can focus on is him.
The way his fingers slide carefully through my wet hair.
The warmth of his lips against mine.
The quiet desperation underneath every movement, like he needs reassurance that I'm still here just as badly as I need to know he is.
His hand slips around my waist, fingers brushing beneath the edge of my damp shirt while his kisses slowly leave my lips and trail across my cheek instead. My eyes flutter shut as he presses another kiss near my temple before moving upward to my forehead with a tenderness that makes my chest ache.
Part of me knows we shouldn't be doing this right now.
He only just woke up. He's exhausted, injured, emotionally wrecked, and probably hasn't even been properly examined yet.
But the thought of pulling away from him feels impossible.
Not after everything.
Not after almost losing him.
When his lips move slowly down the other side of my face before brushing against my neck, a sharp breath escapes me before I can stop it. His lips feel impossibly warm compared to the shower water running over my skin, and every soft kiss sends another shiver through me.
I tighten my arms around him instinctively, resting my forehead briefly against his shoulder while my heart pounds hard enough that I'm certain he can feel it too.
The air in the room is thick and humming, like a live wire. I can feel the frantic beat of my heart against my ribs, and it's finally, finally not because of fear.
I feel his hands drop to the button of my trousers. He doesn't even pull his lips away from my neck, he just undoes it with this effortless flick of his wrist that makes my head spin. He's always been so much smoother than me.
"Ethan" he whispers.
The way he says my name... it's like a prayer and a secret all at once. It sends a massive wave of shivers straight down my spine. I turn my head, desperate to see him, and I catch the deep, beautiful flush staining his cheeks. He looks wrecked for me, and God, I've never seen anything more perfect.
He leans back in, his lips finding mine again, and I melt. I'm so gone for him that I don't even realise he's shifting his weight until I feel my back gently hitting the floor. He guides me down so carefully, like I'm something fragile, something he's terrified of breaking.
He pulls back just enough to hook his fingers into my shirt. It's damp and when he peels it off and tosses it to the side, I feel like I'm finally shedding the last of that place.
I'm so glad I turned the lock on that door.
Kai hovers over me, his eyes scanning my body. I know that look. He's checking for new scars, for the bruises the facility left behind. He's making sure I'm still all here. When he seems satisfied that I'm okay, he leans down and presses the softest, most lingering kiss to my chest, right over my heart.
Then he moves lower.
My toes curl against the floor as he kisses the denim over my thigh. I keep watching him, my breath hitching, and then he does that thing, that incredibly hot thing, where he catches the tab of my zipper with his teeth. The slow, metallic zzzzp makes my entire body go tight.
He's so beautiful it actually hurts to look at him, but he's too far away. The space between our mouths feels like a mile. As he lets go of the zip, I reach down and catch his face in both my hands, my thumbs grazing his cheekbones.
He looks up at me, his eyes dark and blown out.
"I need you to keep kissing me," I tell him, my voice shaking because I can't catch my breath. "Please, Kai."
A soft, knowing smile tugs at the corners of his lips, the kind of look that tells me he's got me, that he's never letting go. He follows my order instantly, surging back up to crash his lips against mine, while his hand starts to wander across my skin, mapping me out like I'm the only thing in the world that matters.
But then... something wet hits my cheek.
For a second my brain refuses to accept it as anything important, because the shower is still running and everything around us is steam and heat and noise. But it doesn't feel like water. It's heavier. Wrong in a way I can't quite name, like the room itself has changed texture.
My stomach tightens before I even look up.
I pull back from Kai just enough to see his face properly.
And everything in me stops.
Blood is spilling from his nose, bright and unmistakable against his skin before it gets washed into thin red ribbons by the shower water. It looks almost unreal for a moment, like something my mind is trying to reject.
"Kai," I say immediately, my voice snapping sharper than I mean it to. "Hey, what's happening?"
He doesn't answer.
He lifts a hand slowly, wiping at his nose, but it only smears the blood across his face. The movement is clumsy, unfocused, like his body is already struggling to keep up with him.
I reach for him at the same time, instinct kicking in. "Stop, don't move, just let me-"
His eyes drop to his hand. And I feel it... That shift again.
It's subtle at first, but I notice it like a crack in glass. The way his focus slips. The way something behind his eyes starts to drift further away from me with every second.
"Kai?" My voice comes out tighter now. "Look at me. Stay with me."
I press closer, trying to steady his face in my hands, trying to make sense of what's happening while my thoughts start spiralling in every direction at once. I grab behind me at my shirt and press it gently against his nose, trying to slow the bleeding, my hands shaking so badly I can barely keep pressure consistent.
"Please," I say again, quieter now, almost breaking. "Tell me what's wrong."
He sways just slightly, but it's enough.
"Hey, hey," I say quickly, gripping his shoulders now, firmer, like I can physically keep him here. "Kai, don't do that. Stay upright. Stay with me."
But he doesn't respond.
There's no warning after that. No build-up I can hold onto.
He just goes.
His weight drops forward all at once and I lunge instinctively, catching him before he can hit the floor. My arms lock around him immediately, pulling him into my chest, but the second I have him I realise how wrong it feels.
He's too heavy and still.
Like something inside him has simply switched off.
"Kai!" My voice breaks on his name as I tighten my hold, shaking him once, then again, trying to force a reaction out of him. "No, no, no, wake up, please, wake up."
But there is nothing.
Only the sound of the shower pouring over both of us, steady and indifferent, and my own breathing turning sharp and uneven as I hold him tighter.