When the silence settled after Jun's impulsive question, it stretched long enough that he almost regretted asking it.
When he finally found the courage to raise his eyes, Yushan's expression was unreadable. There was no trace of anger, no flash of irritation, not even surprise.
His face was calm, too calm, as though he had practiced holding emotion still until it no longer slipped through the cracks.
That blankness was worse than rage. It made Jun feel like his question had dissolved into nothing before it even reached Yushan's ears.
Yushan's gaze fixed on him, steady and unblinking, long enough to make Jun's pulse falter. It was not the kind of look that invited a response, it was the kind that stripped layers off silently, the kind that made Jun feel exposed in ways he couldn't name.
Then, finally, Yushan spoke.
"You sound like you think we were together too."
Jun blinked, caught off guard by the directness of it. "I didn't say that," he replied quickly, defensive without meaning to be.
"You didn't," Yushan agreed, his tone perfectly level. "But you sound like that." His eyes narrowed slightly, though his voice didn't rise. "If it may help clear things out, I'm not actually gay. Just because I act in bxb doesn't mean I'm gay, you know that, right?" He spoke the words as if they'd been said too many times before. "I have a reason why I'm here. So everyone thinking that I was together with my co-actor… it's just frustrating."
The words landed like cold water on Jun's chest. He didn't say anything. He sat there, staring at Yushan, feeling his thoughts scramble in a dozen directions that made no sense.
Something about hearing Yushan say so firmly that he wasn't gay unsettled him more than he expected.
Why should it even bother him? He had no reason to care. Yushan being gay or straight had nothing to do with him. And yet, the moment the words left Yushan's mouth, Jun's chest tightened with something that felt uncomfortably close to disappointment.
He couldn't explain it even to himself.
"In fact," Yushan continued, his voice gathering an edge of frustration, "my fans have been asking this question for years. Maybe it's time I let it out, so it clears all these ridiculous rumors about me and my co-actor."
He reached for his phone abruptly, his fingers tapping the screen.
Jun could hear that the calmness was starting to fray. Whatever lay behind this insistence on defending himself clearly ran deeper than annoyance. It sounded like Yushan was trying to erase something, or convince himself of something he no longer believed.
Before the call connected, a knock sounded on the door. Without waiting for permission, it opened, and their managers stepped in, one male, one female, each carrying bags of food.
"You called," the man said, looking toward Yushan. "But I was already outside the door, so I didn't see the need to pick up. What's up?"
"I want you to inform the authorities that I want to share my sexuality with my fans," Yushan said flatly, his tone leaving no space for question or surprise.
The managers paused mid-step.
The words hung there, leaving Jun frozen where he sat. Do they need approval to speak about their own identity? Jun wondered.. The idea itself felt suffocating. Wasn't that personal? Wasn't that their own choice?
"Tell them I'm ready to announce that I'm totally straight," Yushan added.
Their managers exchanged a look, confusion and disbelief flashing across their faces. For a moment, it seemed neither of them knew how to respond. Yushan's manager pulled out his phone and made the call.
Jun sat in silence, still trying to make sense of everything that had just happened. He could hear the faint conversation from Yushan's manager as he spoke with whoever was on the other end, his tone cautious and uncertain.
When the call ended, the man turned back, and his expression already told Yushan what he didn't want to hear.
"They said…" he hesitated, as if weighing his words carefully, "it's better if it stays a mystery to the fans, just in case others start to view you differently."
Yushan's jaw tightened. "Differently?" he repeated, his voice low but cutting. "How so? They'll know I'm straight... so what? They won't watch the series anymore because they were hoping I'm gay?"
The manager looked uneasy. "They said especially saying you're straight risks more than if you said you're gay. "Also, they said, if you want to say you're straight just to end the scandal with Xin and you… there's no need. They've decided to let it fade on its own."
For a moment, no one moved. Yushan closed his eyes, rubbing his temples with the tips of his fingers, exhaling slowly as if counting back his own patience.
His breathing was controlled, but the tension in his shoulders gave him away. "Forget it," he said finally, the words coming out in a quiet exhale.
The silence that followed was heavy, stretching longer than it should. The faint hum of the hotel's air conditioner filled the space between them, a sound too soft yet too present.
The manager cleared his throat. "Also, they said it's okay if you don't want partnership. You can act with whoever you want in different projects. And with that being decided, the filming of 'The Omega's Cruel Alpha' starts tomorrow morning. We'll need to be at the set by eight."
That seemed to pull Yushan back to the present. His eyes opened slowly, "They finally considered a person's personal need," he murmured.
Jun couldn't tell if it was satisfaction or sarcasm, but either way, he said nothing.
The managers exchanged brief looks before Jun's manager shifted the bags in her hands and tried to ease the tension. "Alright," she said lightly, "you guys must be hungry. We brought food."
She placed her's on the table in front of Jun and unwrapped it. The sharp, spicy scent of chili oil filled the air instantly. Jun's eyes widened as he stared at the red-laden plate of Chongqing chicken, glistening with heat, next to steamed white rice. His stomach clenched, not from hunger, but from frustration.
"I told you I don't eat spicy foods," he said, the irritation slipping through his voice even though he didn't mean for it to.
"Oh, God, sorry," his manager said quickly, "I forgot. It's just… it was Xin's favorite, and I guess I've gotten used to ordering spicy foods." She smiled awkwardly. "I'll get you another order."
The mention of that name, the casual, unthinking way it rolled out, made something twist hard in Jun's chest. He looked away sharply. "Forget it. I'm not hungry anyway," he muttered.
His voice sounded smaller than he wanted it to.
Across from him, Yushan's eyes had fixed on the food brought for Jun. His expression was distant, and the longer he stared, the clearer it became that he wasn't seeing the plate at all.
He was somewhere else entirely, somewhere tied to the person who used to eat that dish, he looked as if he was looking at the person himself, not food.
Jun saw that look, and the realization only deepened the frustration burning inside him. The thought that Yushan could still be thinking of someone else, even in this room where they were supposed to build something together, it was unbearable.
Without another word, Jun stood abruptly and walked toward the bathroom. The sound of the door closing behind him echoed louder than it should have.
Inside, he leaned back against the cold tile wall, his breath uneven. He stared at his reflection in the mirror, his thoughts an unfiltered mess.
It wasn't jealousy, he told himself. It couldn't be. It was just exhaustion, frustration at being invisible, at standing in someone else's shadow no matter how hard he tried not to care.