Because Hogwarts had endured so much recently, the students desperately needed to let off some steam.
Although it wasn't the weekend, Hogwarts had taken the unprecedented step of canceling a full day of classes. The feast in the Great Hall was set to last the entire day.
Having finally managed to escape the frenzied crowd, Kyle sat down at the Hufflepuff table and wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead. Dealing with those fanatical students—especially the reckless lot from Gryffindor—was exhausting work.
He had still underestimated the prestige the name "Grindelwald" carried among the Gryffindors.
"George, Fred," Kyle beckoned to the brothers at the opposite table.
The twins, catching his drift instantly, scurried over to the Hufflepuff bench.
"What's up?"
"I've got some good news and some bad news. Which do you want first?"
"Bad news," Fred said.
"Defense Against the Dark Arts isn't being canceled," Kyle replied, a sly smile playing on his lips.
George and Fred both looked as if the sky had fallen. That meant Snape would—
Wait, no. Snape was injured and currently bedridden in the hospital wing, stiff as a board. There was no way Snape could be the substitute professor for DADA.
George, whose expression had just been one of pure despair, suddenly breathed a sigh of relief. "Don't tell me the 'good news' is just that the substitute isn't Snape?"
"But if it's not Snape, where is Headmaster Dumbledore going to find someone to fill in?" Fred asked, mentally cycling through the Hogwarts staff list. After thinking it over, he figured only Professor Flitwick would be a decent fit.
Kyle shook his head. "None of you guessed right."
He pulled a piece of parchment from his pocket. "The substitute professor is me."
"HUH?!"
Not only George and Fred, but even Cedric, who was sitting nearby, was completely stunned. A second-year wizard becoming a school professor was simply beyond absurd.
But on second thought, they suddenly felt it was quite normal. After all, the person standing before them was a Dumbledore.
Kyle pulled out three more pieces of parchment and slapped them against the chests of the three boys. Originally, Kyle had only planned to find two teaching assistants, but after a moment's thought, he had decided to add Cedric to the mix.
"Congratulations. You are now the official teaching assistants for this course."
Looking down at the contents of the parchment, the three of them saw an even deeper sense of bewilderment in each other's eyes.
Wasn't this supposed to be Defense Against the Dark Arts? What on earth was "Muggle Art Appreciation"?
"Don't get hung up on the details. A name is just a label; the content we're teaching still falls under the umbrella of DADA."
George and Fred exchanged a look. Muggle art...
Was it the kind of "Art" they were thinking of?
The kind that goes boom.
At that moment, Dumbledore stepped up to the podium at the front of the Great Hall. He cleared his throat, and the rowdy hall quickly fell silent.
"I apologize for interrupting your feast, but I have a few announcements to make. First and foremost: the identity of the person who opened the Chamber of Secrets."
Dumbledore gave the students a brief account of the series of crimes committed by Gilderoy Lockhart under the lure of a Horcrux, omitting the part about Ginny being controlled. The old man was quite devious, pinning the entire blame on the diary Horcrux.
As long as the Ministry of Magic followed the clues he had laid out, the trail would inevitably lead straight to Lucius Malfoy.
Kyle pushed up his non-existent glasses, his smile radiating a hint of shared cunning. Lucius Malfoy was in for a world of trouble now.
Following that, Dumbledore announced the introduction of the new course and the faculty in charge. The Hogwarts timetable was about to undergo a complete overhaul.
Because of the new Muggle Art Appreciation course, the teaching content would be the same regardless of the students' year. Consequently, Dumbledore had scheduled the course for Fridays, meaning students from all seven years and all four houses would be gathered together on that day.
The Headmaster's words were like a depth charge, instantly triggering a massive commotion throughout the school. Everyone turned to cast incredulous glances at Kyle and his group.
They all knew these four were heroes who had defended Hogwarts, but this turn of events was simply too outrageous.
Kyle tugged at the twins' robes, signaling them to stand up. He then smiled and waved at the crowd of students, who had no idea that disaster was about to befall them.
Since he planned to teach them how to use firearms, necessary military-style training—the so-called "boot camp"—was indispensable.
And what was the most important part of boot camp?
Standing at attention, of course.
Beyond the standard standing posture, there was the even more agonizing "squatting" position. In his previous life, Kyle had endured military training twice—once in high school and once in university—and every time the instructors ordered them to squat, it was a nightmare.
After just two minutes of squatting, the leg supporting your body would start to go numb, a sensation that would rapidly spread through your entire frame...
Kyle felt it was time these pampered wizards experienced the pain of military training for themselves.
Regrettably, his "boot camp" only lasted one day a week. Kyle had originally wanted to convince Dumbledore to include the weekends as well, but Dumbledore hadn't agreed.
Fine then. There were still nearly four months left until the end of the term. At one day of training per week, that meant they would have fourteen to sixteen days to torture—
Ahem, train these students.
After sitting back down, Kyle began discussing the curriculum with the other three "Harbingers of Fatherly Grief."
This so-called Muggle Art Appreciation class obviously wasn't just about teaching these students how to pull a trigger—there was no technical skill in that; anyone with a hand could do it.
Kyle's goal was to forge these slacker students into the prototype of a wizard army, so he intended to hold them to strict military training standards.
While there were vast differences between a wizard army and a Muggle army, some basic training subjects wouldn't differ much. The first few weeks of class would definitely center on the two major training pillars: standing at attention and the squatting position.
After that would come physical fitness.
Five-kilometer cross-country runs in the Forbidden Forest, 100-meter sprints on the Quidditch pitch, frog leaps around the castle...
He would schedule it all for them.
The physical stamina of these students was truly abysmal. For instance, when Ron first started practicing Taijutsu, he had collapsed from exhaustion in less than half an hour. How could they carry guns with that kind of stamina?
Next would be tactical movements like hitting the dirt and crawling. Kyle estimated that after four weeks of these courses, they could officially let them handle the guns. Following that would be tactical combat training.
In addition to these Muggle military subjects, there would be training methods unique to wizards.
Kyle pondered whether he should teach them the two most basic magic control techniques: Tree Climbing and Water Walking. In a ninja village, any ninja worth their salt knew these. Kyle didn't feel they were worth keeping secret.
If every student could master Tree Climbing and Water Walking and possess basic tactical literacy before the creatures of the Forbidden Forest were coerced into attacking Hogwarts...
Then the defense of Hogwarts would be quite the spectacle.
Forget letting the dark creatures of the Forbidden Forest get anywhere near the castle; counter-attacking the forest wouldn't even be an issue.
When that time came, the Acromantulas and werewolves would learn the true meaning of the phrase: "The trees in the Forbidden Forest can speak."
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