The grip of his hands on mine was tight. I had an inkling it would bruise. He pulled me down the corridor, out the back door, and into the cold. The air hit my face like a slap.
"Honey, honey, please stop hurting."
"Don't call me that!" Adrian snapped, his voice cutting through the night. Tears stung at my eyes, but I forced them not to fall.
"What are you doing here?" he demanded.
"I thought– I–"
"What? What!" His voice rose, harsh and sharp. "Why do you always fucking stutter? It's fucking annoying."
"I–I—"
"You—you what?" he mocked, his tone dripping with contempt.
My voice shrank to a whisper. "I thought you'd be happy to see me."
He let out a rough laugh. "Be fucking for real, Star. Who would be happy to see you? You're a fucking inconvenience, if anything."
The tears I'd been holding back finally slipped free, rolling down my cheeks.
He sighed, irritated. "You came here to embarrass me, didn't you? Just confess it already."
The night felt colder than before, though it wasn't from the wind. I wanted to disappear right there, to vanish into the dark.
"Lena said—"
"Here we go again." His voice dripped with scorn. "Now you're blaming Lena. I'm sure you begged her for information about me."
His fingers tightened around my wrists. The pressure made my skin burn.
"My hands," I whimpered.
He finally let go, shoving me back. My shoulder hit the wall hard, the bark scraping against my skin. Pain flared, sharp and quick, but my eyes went straight to the deep purple blooming against my pale wrist.
Staring at the bruise, my mind drifted back to when I'd first walked into the room earlier. It wasn't anything I hadn't imagined—all those bright people gathered under the lights, drinking from champagne flutes. I'd felt out of place the moment I stepped in, especially when I caught people staring from the corners of their eyes.
I wanted to run away right then.
But I kept looking. For Adrian. For Mother. For Father. For Vivi. For Lena.
I had expected to see them at the seating area, together, chatting like the happy family they were. But I was wrong.
He was on the dance floor—with Lena. They were close, too close. For a second, I wondered—
"What? What?" His shouting pulled me back, snapping the thought in half.
Our eyes met.
Adrian, do you like Lena? Do you love each other?
No, no. Lena wanted me here. I was just being paranoid, seeing things that weren't there.
Lena was my best friend. She knew what Adrian meant to me. She wouldn't do that to me.
It had to be the hormones. It had to be.
The back door opened, and Lena came running in, tears streaming down her face. "I'm so sorry!" she cried, her voice breaking. Mascara streaked down her cheeks, smudging her makeup, but somehow she still looked perfect.
"Please don't fight because of me—" she barely finished before Adrian pulled her into his arms, patting her back like a child, the same way he used to do for Vivi.
Only Vivi ever calmed down after a few pats and a promise to buy her something from her wishlist. Lena's tears didn't stop. They poured out like a storm, and guilt slammed into me, hard and sudden.
She was doing me a favor. I couldn't believe I'd doubted her. She was probably trying to get Adrian into a good mood by dancing with him before I arrived. But it still hadn't worked, and now she felt awful about it. The last thing I wanted was to make it worse.
My voice broke through the air, louder than I meant. "I'm sorry!"
Adrian lifted his head, his face twisting with annoyance over Lena's shoulder.
"I'm sorry. You're right. I begged Lena to tell me about the party. I didn't consider your feelings." My voice dropped to a whisper. "I'm really sorry, Lena. Please… I just want to go home."
I told myself I did the right thing. I know I did the right thing.
"Go home the way you came," Adrian said flatly. "You know how to use a cab, right?"
"I don't have any money on me," I murmured, but he barely looked at me. He was still holding Lena, murmuring something low against her hair before he took her arm and led her back inside.
I couldn't help the thought that slipped in as he walked past me. I wish that was me. The one he cared about.
When I reached the front entrance, the night hit me full force. I felt so stupid.
God, I was so stupid. I hadn't brought any money. All I had was my bus card, and the buses had stopped running hours ago. I couldn't walk home without freezing.
I waited at the bus stop, holding my arms tight to keep the cold out. After thirty minutes, I knew I had to go back to the company and ask Adrian for money again. Maybe Lena was feeling better. Maybe she could lend me money.
The sound of the last bus returning to the terminal broke my heart. The doors hissed open, then began to close again.
The driver leaned out of his window. "What are you waiting for, miss? There are no more buses."
"I know!" I yelled back so he could hear me. "I missed the last one, and I'm waiting for a friend to pick me up."
It was a lie.
"How long have you been waiting?" he asked.
"About twenty minutes," I lied again.
"Get in," he said.
I stared at him, surprised. "You're done for the night, aren't you?"
"It's okay. I won't hurt you," he said gently. "It's not safe to have a pregnant woman standing out here in the cold. My wife would yell at me if I left someone like you alone. And I know you. You're always on my bus. Come on, get in."
My legs felt stiff as I stood. Only then did I realize how cold it had gotten. I climbed the steps and lifted my card to scan, but he waved his hand.
"This one's on me," he said.
I sat a few seats behind him, watching the dark night pass outside the window.
"Young lady," he said after a while, "I don't mean to pry, but where's your husband? Doesn't he know it's not safe to leave a pregnant woman out in the cold?"
"Oh, he's busy today. It's not his fault," I said, and I meant it.
It was my fault either way.
But then, without warning, the tears I'd been holding back for so long finally came. The tears I hadn't cried at the hospital, or when Adrian shouted, or when Lena wept in his arms. They spilled out, hot and uncontrollable, shaking through me until I could barely breathe.
Crying in the back of a bus wasn't something I'd ever imagined for myself. The reflection in the window blurred with tears until the city lights looked like streaks of gold and water.
"Poor girl," the driver murmured. "You'll be fine."
I couldn't even answer. I wanted to, but the words wouldn't come. The tears kept spilling, steady and relentless. I wished tonight had gone differently. I wished he'd been happy to see me.
All I'd ever wanted was to be loved, even just a little. It's hard being alone in this world—so hard that I'd take any kind of love over nothing at all. Maybe I'd even take Adrian's contempt, because it was better than indifference.
The thought broke in half as another sob tore through me. I cried until there was nothing left, until my chest felt hollow and my eyes burned from the salt.
By the time we reached my stop, my face was sticky with tears, and my eyes felt swollen and raw.
"Miss," he called softly as I made my way to the bus door. I turned, avoiding his eyes, embarrassed that someone had witnessed my worst moment.
He held out a handkerchief. "Here. Clean up your tears, lady." His voice was kind, and that kindness made the tears sting all over again.
"Thank you," I whispered, taking it from him. "Thank you for the ride."
Then I stepped off the bus and into the cold night.
The lights in the house were off when I came in. I just wanted to slip into the shower and wash everything from today away. I was almost past the kitchen on my way to my room when I ran into Vivi.
"Oh—hi, Vivi."
Her laughter startled me. "Why do you look like that? You've got the worst fashion sense, Star. I'll call you when one of my friends needs a clown for their party."
I ignored the sting in her voice and caught her arm. "Wait, weren't you and Mom and Dad going to Adrian's work party?"
"Huh?" She frowned, pulling her arm free. "What are you talking about? I don't know anything about that. Mom and Dad are upstairs sleeping."
My stomach twisted. Did Lena lie to me?
"Wait," Vivi said, squinting at me. "Did you want us out so you could go out with that awful makeup?"
"Lena did this for me," I said quietly.
Her laughter rang out again, sharp and dismissive, like she thought I was making it up.