Inappropriate content warning (R17)
The air was cold. Biting. The kind that seeps into your bones before the sun has a chance to argue.
Naruto jumped in place, trying to stay warm. Vapor puffed from his mouth with every exhale.
"Six in the morning! No! Five-fifty! I'm early! I'm... punctual!"
He looked around. Training Ground 3 was deserted. The trees were still, their leaves barely whispering in the frigid breeze. The three wooden posts driven into the center looked lonely and battered.
"Okay. Punctual. And alone. Where is she?"
He hugged the bento Hinata had prepared for him. It was still slightly warm. The memory of breakfast—the delicious fish, the clumsiness with the carrot, Hinata's smile, the awkward kiss on the cheek—brought him a warmth the cold couldn't touch.
"At least I ate well. Thanks, Hinata! You saved me from the chalk!"
He smiled. He felt... good. Tired, yes. His back still protested the floor. But good. Energized. Ready.
"Now, to survive the Chief! And show her I'm not just a 'fool'!"
He jumped again, throwing a few punches into the cold air. "Come on! I'm ready! Bring on your...!"
A sound.
A crunch of dry leaves. Too deliberate to be the wind.
Naruto stopped. He instinctively dropped into a guard stance, lowering his center of gravity, his blue eyes sweeping the dark tree line surrounding the clearing.
"Hello? Temari? Is that you? Stop hiding!"
Silence.
Then, a voice. Drawling. Slightly irritated. Bored?
"You're already here, Uzumaki?"
The voice came from above. From the branches of a large, gnarled oak tree right at the edge of the field.
Naruto looked up.
"What...? Of course I'm here! It's almost six! You're the one who's... late...!"
His words died out.
A figure descended from the tree. She dropped with lazy grace, landing softly on her feet in the frosty grass.
It was Temari.
But...
Naruto blinked. He rubbed his eyes. Was he still dreaming? Maybe that dead-feet pill had delayed hallucinogenic effects?
She wasn't wearing her usual tight-fitting black combat suit. Nor her Jōnin vest. Nor her Suna forehead protector.
She was wearing...
Naruto squinted.
Pajamas?
Yes. Definitely pajamas. A two-piece set. Silk. A pale lavender color that shimmered softly in the dawn light. It looked... soft. And a bit wrinkled, as if she'd just rolled out of bed.
She wore simple sandals on her feet, not her combat boots. Her blonde hair was pulled up into its four pigtails, but they seemed a bit... less perfect than usual. A few rebellious strands escaped around her face.
And on her back... the enormous iron war fan. Folded. Looking absurdly large and out of place over the delicate lavender silk.
Naruto stared, dumbfounded.
"Temari?" His voice was an incredulous croak. "Is... is that... pajamas?"
Temari yawned. A huge, feline yawn, not bothering to cover her mouth. She showed a row of sharp, white teeth.
"Obviously," she said, her voice still hoarse from sleep. She stretched, arching her back. The thin silk strained over her curves. "It's comfortable. What were you expecting? My full mission gear? War paint?"
Naruto still couldn't process it. "B-but... we're going to train! You said combat!"
"Yeah," she said, rolling her shoulders. "And? You think I need armor to deal with you?"
She walked lazily toward the center of the field. "Please. I'll be done with you before my tea gets cold."
She nodded toward a metal thermos she had left leaning against one of the wooden posts. Steam rose from the lid.
"I plan on going back to bed after this," she continued, suppressing another yawn. "I have a meeting at nine. With important people."
Naruto felt a wave of... indignation? Confusion? Insult? All at once!
"You're going to fight me... in pajamas?!" His voice jumped an octave. "Hey! That's... it's... insulting! I'm strong! I trained with Jiraiya! I'm a hero! Almost!"
Temari stopped in front of him. She looked him up and down with barely disguised disdain. Her green eyes assessed his orange jacket (now relatively clean), his worn pants, his anxious stance.
"Yeah, yeah. The pervy Sannin," she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "I heard the stories. You probably spent more time 'researching' at the hot springs than actually training."
A superior smile, the same one she had used the day before, appeared on her lips. "I'm surprised you even made it on time. I thought you'd oversleep."
"I ate well!" Naruto snapped. "And I wasn't researching!"
"Whatever you say, Uzumaki." She stretched again, cracking her neck. "Simple rules for this. So you can understand them."
She raised one finger. "One: No lethal weapons. My fan stays closed. Your kunai stay in your pouch."
She raised a second finger. "Two: First one to immobilize the other for three seconds, or knock them out of the training field's perimeter, wins." She pointed to the edges of the clearing.
She raised a third finger. "And three," her smile widened, turning malicious. "Try not to drool on my sleepwear when I take you down. These are my favorite pajamas."
Naruto clenched his fists at his sides. Adrenaline began to pump, sweeping away the last trace of sleep. The insult. The arrogance. The pajamas!
His determination ignited. A defiant smile, his own, spread across his face.
"You're going to eat those words, Temari!" His voice was firm now. "And those pajamas!"
Temari chuckled. "Try me, naruto."
She settled into a relaxed stance. Too relaxed. One hand on her hip, the other holding the closed fan like it was an elegant cane.
"I'm ready when you are. Preferably before the sun melts the frost."
Naruto didn't need another invitation.
"HERE I GO!"
He lunged forward.
Temari sighed, as if this was a monumental hassle.
With a lazy, almost casual motion, she waved her closed fan in front of her.
"Wind Style: Cutting Breeze."
A visible gust of wind, infused with pale chakra, shot toward Naruto.
Naruto easily dodged to the side, feeling the wind whistle past his ear.
"That's all!" he taunted. "My Granny Tsunade sneezes harder than that!"
He landed and, without losing momentum, made the seal. "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"
POOF! POOF! POOF!
Ten Narutos appeared in the clearing, surrounding Temari.
Temari rolled her eyes. "Clones. How original. Boring."
She unfurled her fan. Just one section. The first purple "moon" was exposed.
She waved it again. This time, the movement was sharper. More intentional.
"Try again!"
The wind that erupted was much stronger. A violent gust that swept the clearing. The Naruto clones, unstable, flickered and disappeared in clouds of white smoke.
POOF! POOF! POOF!
"Damn it!" the real Naruto yelled, forced to slide back to keep his balance. The wind whipped his jacket.
"Are you going to do something interesting," Temari shouted over the dying wind, "or just multiply like a scared rabbit?"
The real Naruto growled. "I warned you!"
He lunged again. This time, no clones. Pure taijutsu. He put all the speed he had honed with Jiraiya into his movements.
His fists flew. His kicks sought openings. He was faster than she expected. Much faster.
Temari blinked, surprised. Her relaxed stance vanished. She had to move. Fast.
She blocked a punch with the edge of the closed fan. The impact resonated. CLANG!
"Not bad!" she admitted, taking a step back. The lavender silk of her pajamas swirled around her with the quick movement. "For a Genin!"
She counterattacked. A high, fast kick aimed at his head.
The fabric of the pajama pants tightened over her thigh and hip, revealing the long, muscular line of her leg for a split second.
Naruto dodged on instinct, ducking under the kick. The air whistled over his head.
But his eyes... strayed. Just for an instant.
Wow! Nice legs! Very... long! And...!
Focus, Naruto! Idiot! Danger! Scary Chief! Fan!
Temari landed gracefully. And smirked. She had seen the stray glance. She had seen the micro-expression on his face.
"Distracted, Uzumaki?" Her voice was mocking. "Is it that easy? I thought you were a 'married man' now. Or do you just say that to impress people?"
Before he could answer, she spun, using the momentum, and hit him in the side with the end of the closed fan.
WHACK!
"Ugh!"
The air left Naruto's lungs. The blow wasn't devastating, but it was solid. It sent him stumbling back.
"I wasn't distracted!" he panted, rubbing his ribs. "I was... I was... analyzing your stance! Your... your footwork!"
"Sure you were," she said, her smile widening. "Analyzing."
Naruto backed up, catching his breath. Damn. She almost got me. She's fast. Even in pajamas.
And... she was good at distracting him. Very good.
Remember Jiraiya's scroll. The tactics. The feints.
Remember the onsen incident. The fall. The panic.
No! Don't think about that! Focus! Win!
He decided to use the feint. The classic. The one that always worked. Or almost always.
He took a deep breath. Gathered chakra in his right hand.
"Get ready, Temari!" he yelled, taking the stance. "Now I'm serious!"
The blue chakra began to spin in his palm, forming a crackling sphere.
"Rasengan!"
Temari's eyes flew open. The smirk vanished. Her stance became defensive.
She fully opened her fan. The three purple moons were exposed, shining faintly in the rising sunlight. The metal of the fan reflected the light.
"Idiot!" she yelled, her voice tense now. "You're finally getting serious! I thought you never would!"
She braced herself. She could feel the power building in Naruto's Rasengan. She knew she couldn't block it directly. She had to deflect it. Or counter with everything she had.
Her confidence, her morning arrogance, had made her lower her guard. Just for a fraction of a second. She expected the frontal assault. The direct clash.
Naruto grinned.
At the last instant, just as she was preparing to unleash her own massive wind jutsu...
He didn't cancel the Rasengan.
He redirected it.
"I wasn't aiming at you!"
With a shout, he slammed his arm downward.
The spinning blue sphere crashed into the frozen ground. Right at Temari's feet.
She was in mid-air, leaping back to dodge the frontal attack she expected.
Her eyes widened in confusion and surprise. "What...?"
BOOOOOOM!
The impact was deafening.
The ground under Temari erupted in a geyser of dirt, frozen grass, spinning blue chakra, and pure, violent wind.
"AAAAAAAHHHHH!"
Her scream was drowned out by the roar of wind and chakra.
A huge cloud of dust, dry leaves, and debris covered the center of the training ground.
Naruto landed several meters away, panting. The backlash from his own jutsu had pushed him back.
He covered his face with his arm, waiting for the cloud to dissipate.
Did it work? Did I knock her out of the field? Or immobilize her?
He waited. He held his breath.
The roar subsided. The dust began to settle slowly.
He saw a silhouette.
In the center of the shallow crater the Rasengan had left in the ground.
Kneeling. Coughing.
It was Temari.
She was... stunned. Covered in dust and leaves. Her hair, partially loose from its pigtails, fell over her face.
Yes! It worked! I won!
Naruto grinned, triumphant.
The dust settled a little more.
Naruto's grin wavered.
The dust settled completely.
Naruto's grin died.
He froze.
The lavender silk.
It was... gone.
Not entirely. There were shreds. Shreds of pale fabric hanging sadly from her shoulders. Shreds around her ankles.
But the rest...
The swirling wind. The pure chakra. It had... shredded it. Disintegrated it.
Temari was, for all practical purposes...
Naked.
Completely.
From her head to her dusty feet.
Naruto froze. His eyes widened like dinner plates. His mouth fell open slightly.
His brain tried to process the image.
Dust. Explosion. Wind. Temari. Pajamas. No pajamas?
She was still coughing, not yet aware. She wiped the dust from her eyes.
His gaze fixed instinctively. He couldn't help it.
Her chest.
It was exposed.
Full. Firm. Round. With light pink aureoles and nipples tight from the morning cold and the shock.
Wow.
A small trickle of blood slowly dripped from his nose. The classic, unmistakable symptom of adolescent hormonal shock.
Naruto gulped. One word escaped his lips. A choked whisper. Full of almost religious awe.
"...Excellent..."
Temari stopped coughing.
She heard the whisper.
She looked up. She saw the expression on Naruto's face. She saw the blood dripping from his nose.
She followed his gaze.
She looked down.
She looked at herself.
She saw the shreds of silk. She saw her naked skin covered in dust. She saw... everything.
There was a second of absolute silence. Of frozen disbelief.
Then, color rushed up her neck. A furious red.
Her eyes snapped wide.
She opened her mouth.
And screamed.
"UZUMAKI!!!"
The scream was so loud it sent birds flying from the nearby trees.
Naruto yelped, snapping out of his stupor. The trickle of blood became a small stream.
"WHAT... WHAT THE HELL... DID YOU DO... YOU PERVERT?!"
Temari leaped to her feet. She didn't try to cover herself. Not yet. The fury was too great. Too blinding.
"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! I'M GOING TO SKIN YOU ALIVE! I'M GOING TO USE YOUR BONES TO SHARPEN MY FAN!"
She grabbed the fan, which had fallen beside her, and prepared to attack.
Naruto panicked. Total panic. Blood, nudity, Jōnin fury. Bad combination!
"I-IT WASN'T ON PURPOSE!" he yelled, backing away, wiping the blood from his nose on his sleeve. "I SWEAR! THE RASENGAN! THE WIND! THE PAJAMAS WERE WEAK! IT WAS... CHEAP SILK!"
"IT WAS SILK FROM THE CAPITAL!" she roared. "MY FAVORITE PAJAMAS! IT COST A FORTUNE!"
She opened the fan. All three moons.
"I'M GOING TO TEAR YOU TO PIECES!"
She unleashed a wind attack. A massive, chaotic gust.
But it was... erratic.
As she launched the attack, her instinct finally kicked in. She crossed a free arm over her chest, trying to cover herself. The movement threw her off balance. The wind veered, tearing branches from a nearby tree instead of hitting Naruto.
Naruto dodged clumsily, more scared than he'd been on any real mission. She was naked! And furious! And she had a giant fan!
"WAIT! CALM DOWN! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! A WARDROBE MALFUNCTION!"
"'WARDROBE MALFUNCTION' MY ASS!" she shouted, launching another gust. This time, she tried to cover her groin with her free hand while managing the fan with the other. The result was even more chaotic. The wind kicked up dust and leaves but missed Naruto completely.
"YOU LEFT THE AMBASSADOR OF SUNAGAKURE NAKED! IN THE MIDDLE OF A KONOHA TRAINING GROUND!"
"I'M SORRY! REALLY! I'M NOT LOOKING!" he yelled, covering his eyes with one hand but peeking through his fingers. "WELL, YEAH! BUT NOT ON PURPOSE! IT'S... IT'S HARD NOT TO LOOK! YOU'RE... YOU'RE... VERY... EXPOSED!"
"I'M GOING TO EXPOSE YOUR INTERNAL ORGANS!"
She lunged at him. No wind this time. A physical attack. She used the closed fan like a club.
But her movement was clumsy. She tried to keep one arm crossed over her chest while attacking. It made her slow. Unbalanced.
Naruto raised his arms to block, "TEMARI, WAIT! WE CAN...!"
The fan hit his crossed arms. The impact sent him stumbling back.
She tried to follow up with a kick, but again, the instinctive attempt to cover herself made her lose her footing on the loose dirt of the crater.
She tripped.
Maybe she stepped on one of the shreds of her own pajamas scattered on the ground.
"Whoa!"
Her eyes widened in surprise as she lost her balance completely.
She fell forward.
Directly onto Naruto, who was still stumbling back from the fan's blow.
He fell backward.
They landed in a messy heap.
Naruto hit the ground with his back, the air knocked out of his lungs with an OOF!.
Temari landed on top of him.
It was a chaotic fall. Tangled arms and legs. Dust flying.
And they ended up... in a position.
An even more compromising position than before.
Naruto was on his back, stunned from the fall.
Temari was straddling him. Her knees on either side of his hips. Her hands planted on the ground on either side of his head.
And because of the fall, the way her legs had spread...
Naruto opened his eyes. Stunned. Confused.
His vision filled with... Temari.
Very close. Her face, flushed and furious, inches from his. Dust on her cheek.
Her naked body pressed against his. He could feel the heat of her skin, the trembling of her fury... or her shame.
And... his gaze drifted down. Instinctively.
She was...
Completely exposed.
Am I... dead? Naruto thought, dazed. Is this heaven? I never thought heaven... would be achieved without ramen. And with... so much pink.
"...Pink..." he whispered, not thinking. The word just came out.
Temari froze.
She processed the fall. She processed the position. She processed his fixed gaze. She processed the word.
"NO...!"
Her cry was choked. She tried to move, to get away, to cover herself. But they were tangled. Her arm was trapped under his body. Her legs were in a strange position.
Naruto saw her panic. He saw her attempt to cover herself.
And then, the shock gave way to memory. A vivid, terrifying memory.
Crap! Like this! This is how it all started! With Hinata! The fall at the onsen! The position! The accidental touch! Kiba walking in! Hiashi! The execution! The marriage!
Absolute panic hit him.
No! Not again! NOT AGAIN!
His face went from hormonal awe to pure terror.
Two wives! Hinata AND Temari! Hiashi will kill me! He'll execute me twice! AND GAARA!
The image of Gaara, Kazekage, with his cold stare and swirling sand, filled his mind.
Gaara will turn me into sand! Literally! I defiled the ambassador! His sister! I got her naked! I saw... pink! And commented on it! I'm dead! DOUBLY DEAD! TRIPLY DEAD!
Temari saw the change in his eyes. She saw the pure panic. She saw he was no longer looking at her body with awe, but with absolute terror, as if he were looking at Death itself.
And suddenly, she realized it too.
The absolute ridiculousness. The total humiliation. The impossible position.
The fight drained out of her. The adrenaline vanished.
What was left... was shame. Pure. Crushing. And despair.
Slowly, she let her arms fall to her sides. She stopped trying to cover up. It was useless. He had seen everything. Commented on it.
She remained still on top of him. Completely exposed. Vulnerable.
Her shoulders began to shake.
Tears of pure mortification, of helpless rage, began to form in the corners of her eyes, threatening to fall onto Naruto's terrified face.
Naruto saw her resignation. He saw her imminent tears.
He saw her... not as the Scary Chief. Not as the Jōnin from Suna.
Just... exposed. Humiliated. Broken.
And it was his fault. His stupid Rasengan. His stupid idea.
In that moment of shared vulnerability, of mutual terror...
His body betrayed him.
Again.
Exactly like with Hinata at the onsen.
Crap, not now! Bad biology! TERRIBLE BIOLOGY!
He felt the heat. The pressure. The erection forming against his stomach, pressing against her naked belly.
Temari, tears shining in her green eyes, instinctively looked down, feeling the change in him.
Her eyes widened in horror. A new wave of shame and... fear? washed over her.
Naruto saw that she noticed.
Panic multiplied by a thousand.
Gaara's going to pulverize me! He's going to bury me alive in sand! He's going to use me as Shukaku's litter box!