These violent delights have violent ends
And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,
Which as they kiss consume. The sweetest honey
Is loathsome in his own deliciousness
And in the taste confounds the appetite.
Therefore love moderately; long love doth so;
Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow."
― William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet
"I truly am sorry Canary". Stellan paused, pressing his lips together. He wouldn't even make eye contact with me. When he finally did all I could see the embarrassment in his eyes, but not for him but for me. "I do not share the same feelings as you do". He handed me back the marriage license that was in his hand. "And even if I did this is in fact a suicide mission that we would put ourselves in". Stellan huffs and put his hands on his waist.
Looking around like he had to solve some important mission. All he said was no he didn't like me the same way and was making it such a big deal. "Okay". I said calmly. "Okay"?! Stellan said, almost yelling. "Yes-". "Okay". "You don't feel the same way as me, it's okay". I said burning the paper on a nearby candle. "Canary I can still be the red to your orange flame". These words reminded me that I had worn red today. Which only made me feel even more miserable. "It's fine". I chuckled a fake laugh.
"Being friends is more than okay you don't need to be anything to my flame". "Ah okay". Stellan said looking a bit sad. But I was not in the mood to comfort him when I needed my own comforting at the moment. But me being the person I am comforted him anyways. With a pat on the back and a smile that said that I was okay. Stellan seemed satisfied with that. "These stairs lead to the garden, yes". I said looking at the spiraling stairs on the terrace. "Ah yes they do I believe". Stellan said looking at them also. "Do want to go the garden I could come with"? I shook my head no. "No I actually want to walk alone and think for a moment". "Ah, to think of your future with Duke Abarca". Stellan said with this worried look on his face.
"No". "No"?! Stellan said, shouting again with confusion. "Yes no". I said walking down the steps. "I shall see you around". I waited a moment until I heard the closing of the door before I went down the rest of the steps. Each step was heavy and I could feel the hotness of my eyes and cheeks. I was sighing with each step I took. Any moment I could cry I felt it. "Do not cry". A familiar voice sounded out. I turned my head to see Agustin who was standing under the terrace with his arms crossed.
"Is the garden your place to cry it out"? Agustin said, uncrossing his arms and walking beside me. "I told you not to wear red, you look pathetic". Agustin had this look of disgust on his face. Shaking his head at every comment that he said as we walked along the path of the garden. While I remained quiet. What could I say? The rejection was nothing sort of new I had been rejected many times before. I was used to rejection. This one however seemed to sting a little worse than the others. I don't know why I thought Stellan liked me in the first place. Agustin had shown me first place that just because someone is nice to you does not mean they possess those type of feelings for you. So the tears that I thought would come dried up. The burning feeling on my face went away. All that was left was quietness and under standing, But understanding of what?
I didn't know. "It'll be alright Canary". "You still have the business with me doing something that I see you love". Agustin sat down with me at one of the garden benches. "I mean look, I'm wearing one of yours loves tonight". He jiggled the cufflink in my face smiling like he did well. I nodded. "What will you do now"? "I'll probably still head to Qiaiar and do the business with you". I answered. "It seems love isn't in my future afterall". Agustin nodded. "Mine either". I scoffed. "You of all people".
"What do you mean"? Agustin asked. "I mean look at you". "Yes that is exactly why I wont have love". "People tend to look at the outward appearance they don't love the person inside". "You of all people should know this". "Why because I'm fat"! I shouted.
"Uhhh no because you aren't the typical girl in the empire". "Oh". I said dropping my offended look. "And besides you aren't even fat you have a curvy figure yes but its far from fat". "If you say so". "I know so just because you aren't the empires beauty standard and deemed fat doesn't mean you aren't a beauty standard elsewhere I mean look at your beloved Qiaiar I've seen curvy girls everywhere in Qiaiar". I finally let out a laugh at Agustin's serious expression over the matter of whether I was fat or curvy. I couldn't believe he was taking this topic so seriously.
"I'm serious if I am to work with a fashion designer I must be on all the topics of body and whatnot". This made me laugh. The fact that I was being called a fashion designer among all things. "Finally another laugh even though it wasn't a joke". Agustin chuckled. We just sat there in silence. I clicked my heels together thinking over things I would do after this and what was my next move.
I wasn't getting married to Agustin and I wasn't getting married to Stellan. So now all that was left for me to do was to go back to Qiaiar I guess. "Canary"! A familiar voice called out to me. I looked up to my mother clinching her hands totter staring back and forth between me and Agustin.
I looked at Agustin who didn't seem dazed by my mother walking toward us. "I have to go". I said getting up. Agustin suddenly grabbed my wrist with this worried expression in his eyes. "What will you do now? You're supposed to start a business with me". "Home"? I said confused by this behavior. "Oh okay". Agustin said letting go.
"Are you not going in"? Agustin sighed. "I'm a minute I never did like parties". I nodded and rushed to my mother who held her hand out for me pulling and shielding me in her embrace like a cat to her kitten. "Will we be seeing a run away tale ". She whispered. I shook my head no.
"He does not feel the same for me mother". "Well-". My mother began to try and find the words but stopped again holding me tighter. "His lost"! She suddenly shouted. The carriage ride to my grandparents' villa was quiet with my mother sneaking glances at me here and there.
"If you want to cry it is fine". She said, breaking the silence. "It is fine mother I must have not liked or loved him that much to cry over him". "Why did you like the Wolf boy in the first place". She scoffed.
"He reminded me of grandfather". I said. My mother held my hand removing strands of hair out of my face. "That's all it is dear a reminder of your grandfather". "You will never find a love like your grandfather". "Instead you will find a love that is just as amazing and exciting as the love my father showed for my mother". I smiled, comforted by my moms words. Though I doubted I would find love like my grandfather or the one she had just mentioned.
I think I slept almost the whole day away. My mother came frequently to check in on me offering food here and there but I just slept and got up reading a book and lounged around the house all day. The next two days went like that with my mother eventually joining in with my lounging around. Though she was crocheting.
The next couple of days went like this until finally on a sunny Wednesday I was in my grandfather's library which was in the front of the house. For no particular reason I decided to sit on this seat my grandfather built into the window like a little hideaway for me in the library.
I was sitting there drawing a new design and then I noticed that a carriage had pulled up bearing a royal family seal. Before I even began to question my mother and Mr.Killotin ran into the library both panicking. "The-the crown price is here"! My mother yelled. "Not just the crown prince but also the crown princesses"! Mr.Killotin yelled also.
"I see Agustin too". I said pointing out at the window. I looked out again to the three of them with Agustin waving at me like a child and a huge grin.
"Why have you come"? I said crossing my arms and string back between the crown prince and princesses. "And bringing the crown princess-". "Just call me Tearina"! The crown princesses said, looking around the room.
Tearina was as mysterious as the day that I first saw her. "And me Shimon"! The crown prince said following Tearina around with a nervous look in his eyes. "Okay". I said taking a sip of tea with the shaking of my hands very noticeable. "Why have you come with Tearina and Shimon"? I asked Agustin who somehow got ahold of my drawings.
"Obviously you're upset about your unshared feelings. I do not know how to make an upset person feel better so I brought Shimon and Tearina". I nodded, stealing a glance at Tearina and Shimon who was now next to her fussing at the things she was touching in the room. "I'm not that much upset". I answered. "You aren't". I shook my head no. "I'm quite used to rejection my Lord". "By used to-". "My lord Its not that I haven't tried to get married before this in fact Ive tried to get married three times before this it's just this is the first time anyone has asked for my marriage in hand".
"I mean we were asking for your hand in marriage for others reasons not for love I wouldn't count that". "Neverless you still asked for my hand in marriage". I said. "Others I asked them myself because I liked them. They did not like me back and only talked to me because of my friends who they were friends with". "Friends"? Agustin said, like he could hardly believe I had friends. That's what I got from his tone of voice. "Yes friends". AGustin scoffed. "Those are not your friends". He chuckled. "I beg your pardon"? I asked. "I guarantee that your friends knew those boys did not like you". He raised an eyebrow at me like he was some old man and shook his head. "Especially considering the fact that the boys you asked were your friends' friends". "How would you know if they were my true friends or not". My offended self came more so of me knowing he was somewhat right.
Amara's friends had still talked to her after getting married from what she wrote to me in her letters..and my so-called friends did not. I wondered if they only hang out with me because of my last name Whitewood. More and more I denied this fact and chose to be willingly blind to it. They were not my friends and I simply didn't have any. "Because I am your friend". Agustin said, bringing me back from my loss of thought. "You are my friend". I said bewildered. "Yes I am your friend I have been upright towards you this entire time excluding the threatening letters incident". Agustin chuckled like it was some inside joke. "Even if you probably don't consider me as your friend". Agustin said.
It was quiet between us with the only sound coming from Shimon and Tearina bickering. I took some long thought into whether I would consider Agustin my friend or not. "You can be my friend". I said. Agustin looked well pleased and did this slight smile. "Good friend". He said, making us both let out a little chuckle.