Physical training was like slogging through mud, slowly but steadily transforming the young shell.
He could crawl further, hold on longer, and falling… didn't seem to hurt as much anymore.
Hiruzen Sarutobi seemed to be wary of the slight Nine-Tails Chakra outburst, or perhaps he harbored some hidden concern about my 'supernatural' physical development (the 'Harrier's' report surely mentioned how fast I could crawl).
My 'venturing out' routes were consciously expanded.
No longer confined to that foul-smelling alley and dusty open space, I was occasionally carried to the relatively 'bustling' streets of Konoha Village, and even close to the training grounds near the outskirts.
The expansion of my activity range was like opening a door to a new world.
However, the scene revealed behind that door, for an adult Soul with Newton's three Laws and the conservation of energy imprinted on it, was not a pleasant surprise, but… a nuclear-level bombardment of plot holes!
That day, the 'Harrier' carried me past the edge of a training ground near the riverbank.
Several young Ninja (probably Genin?) wearing green jumpsuits, who looked only a few years older than Iruka, were… running?
No, that was definitely not running!
One of the youths suddenly accelerated, then… pushed off with his foot!
"Whoosh—!"
He completely defied gravity, actually… vertically… running up the trunk of a large tree, thick enough for three people to embrace!
He ran as if on flat ground!
His speed created afterimages!
After running dozens of meters high up the tree trunk, he executed a graceful backflip, landing steadily on a horizontal branch of another tree!
Then he leaped and weaved between several branches of varying thickness, his movements as fluid as Tarzan, making the Laws of physics a joke beneath his feet!
*I… *&$#%?!
*Inner monologue: Sir Isaac Newton! Wake up! Your coffin lid can't hold you down anymore! Is gravity here just for decoration? Does friction selectively fail? Are his soles equipped with anti-gravity thrusters or super glue? This violates basic physical Laws, hello?!
My jaw (if a baby had a jaw) almost dropped onto the 'Harrier's' arm, my azure eyes wide and round, my mouth unconsciously agape, saliva flowing down happily like a small stream.
It wasn't due to shock, but purely because this worldview-shattering sight left me… speechless with too many things to complain about!
Biology? What's that? Can you eat it?
A few days later, on a more open training ground near the Village's edge, I witnessed something even more absurd.
"Bang!!!"
A loud bang, accompanied by thick white smoke and a shockwave, made the ground tremble slightly!
As the smoke cleared, a… toad appeared in its place?
No, that wasn't a toad! That was a mountain of flesh in the shape of a toad!
Its dark red skin was covered in warts, and it was as massive as a three-story building!
Its huge golden pupils were like searchlights, and it held a pipe thicker than a roof beam in its mouth, with a short sword tucked into its waist… a short sword? That thing was barely a toothpick to it!
It squatted there lazily, letting out a yawn, a fishy wind blowing towards us, making the 'Harrier's' hair flutter backward.
An adult Ninja (Jiraiya?) with silver-white hair and a crooked headband, looking utterly unreliable, stood on the toad's head, hands on his hips, seemingly lecturing it.
*This… this… Inner monologue: This thing is a toad?! Are you sure it's not Godzilla's long-lost brother?! This size! This weight! What did it eat to grow so big? Meteorites?! Even the top of the food chain would have to step aside for it?! And… if it takes a dump, would it directly cause a landslide?!
*Wait… toads… eat pests?
Inner monologue (suddenly twisted): Good heavens! An environmental champion! This one toad is worth an entire ecological cleanup crew! The culprit behind the disappearance of insects in the Konoha forest has been found! I suggest awarding it the 'Best Beneficial Insect (?) Contribution Award of the Year'!
My saliva flowed even more freely; this time, it was purely from the visual impact.
I even forgot to pretend, pointing my little hand at that mountain of flesh, making 'ah ah' sounds of unknown meaning.
—
On one occasion, I was carried past a district undergoing reconstruction.
The foundation work, which would normally require pile drivers, cranes, and countless workers toiling for months, had only… one person on site?
An ordinary-looking Ninja in a Chunin vest stood before the chaotic ruins, rapidly forming hand signs, his movements steady and powerful.
"Earth Release: Earth-Style Wall!"
He let out a low roar, slamming his palms onto the ground!
"Rumble—!"
The earth violently writhed and rose as if alive!
Hard rock and soil were kneaded and shaped by an invisible giant hand, and with dull thuds and flying dust, a thick, flat, several-meter-high rock foundation wall rose from the ground like a 3D print in just over ten seconds!
Its edges were sharp, and it was incredibly solid!
Several craftsmen nearby, holding blueprints, watched in stunned silence, their tools dropping from their hands.
*I… Inner monologue: A human excavator! With a built-in mixing function! A fully automatic 3D printer! And a super-powered, no-consumables, pollution-free version! This efficiency! This productivity! In my previous life, even the infrastructure maniacs would kneel and sing praises! Real estate developers would call you daddy!
*Inner monologue (heartbroken): With this ability, why aren't you working on major national infrastructure projects instead of fighting and killing for paltry mission rewards every day? What a waste of talent! Think bigger! Open your horizons, comrades!
My small head rotated with the rising wall, my mouth agape enough to fit an egg (baby version), and my saliva poured down like a waterfall, thoroughly drenching the 'Harrier's' front.
My body trembled slightly from excessive excitement (overflowing with complaining energy).
There was also that Ninja practicing by the river, who, with an open mouth, spewed out a giant Dragon burning with fierce flames (Great Fireball Jutsu?).
A large section of the river was instantly evaporated, and steam shot into the sky.
*Inner monologue: What about the conservation of energy? Is Chakra a perpetual motion machine? With this lung capacity, he'd definitely be a world champion in a balloon-blowing contest!
I saw a Medical Ninja's hand glowing green, pressing on a deeply gashed wound on an injured person, and flesh actually wriggled, grew, and healed at a visible speed!
*Inner monologue: Biology's coffin lid is shattered too! A cell division accelerator? Conquering cancer would be a matter of minutes with this technology, right? The Nobel Prize Committee is weeping!
I even saw a Ninja, after forming hand signs, 'poof' into a rock by the roadside!
*Inner monologue: Optical invisibility? Molecular recombination? Schrödinger's rock? This disguise… Darwin's coffin lid is also in jeopardy! Evolutionary theory of protective coloration suffered a dimensionality reduction attack!
…Every day, every 'outing,' was like a public execution and merciless flogging of my scientific understanding from my previous life.
The plot holes were like a surging river, continuous and unstoppable, like the Yellow River overflowing its banks!
The Soul from a technological civilization, witnessing these bizarre sights, was frantically spamming comments, its CPU almost burning out!
"Ee-yah… plop-plop…" Saliva, accompanied by meaningless 'ee-yah' sounds, became the only outlet for the tumultuous complaints in my heart.
Whenever I saw a particularly absurd scene, my saliva secretion would surge, as if my body was providing physical support for my Soul's outcry.
The 'Harrier' evidently couldn't understand why I was always 'excited' to the point of salivating profusely every time we went out, simply attributing it to a baby's natural curiosity (and foolishness) about new things.
She frowned, wiping me with even colder and more impatient movements, her actions as rough as if polishing a piece of wood.
*Heh, foolish Mortals.
All you see is a drooling, silly baby.
But you don't know that within this small shell resides a Soul of a complainer, whose worldview has been shattered by your world of broken physical Laws, trampled biological common sense, and disregarded energy conservation, and can only maintain sanity by frantically complaining!
I lay on the 'Harrier's' cold shoulder, watching another Ninja defy the Law of gravity, parkouring on a rooftop in the distance, the absurd figure reflected in my wide azure eyes, a smile on my lips mixed with saliva, exhaustion, and a nearly frantic, (pseudo) philosophical smile of one who has seen through the essence of the world.
Newton, Darwin, Einstein… rest in peace (coffin lids secured).
This world called 'Hokage' has its own (broken) Laws.
And I, Uzumaki Naruto (inner version), will live on (and continue to complain) in this world full of plot holes, while drooling!