Okay, not a bad starting hand. I've got a couple of low-cost cats with decent point values, and one medium-cost cat with a nice ability that lets me draw extra resource cards. Solid foundation to build from.
We each start with a small pool of resources: little wooden tokens representing yarn, fish, toys, and catnip. You use these to "summon" cats from your hand, and each cat has different costs and gives different amounts of points. Some cats also have ongoing abilities that trigger during the game.
"I'll go first," Selene declares.
The first few rounds are pretty standard. Everyone's playing low-cost cats, building up their resource pools, trying to set up combos for later. Mom plays a cat that gives her extra fish tokens every turn. Selene plays one that lets her steal a toy from another player once per round (she immediately steals one from me, obviously). Bianca plays a cat with a simple but solid ability that gives her extra points when she plays other specific cats.
I play my resource-generating cat and try to build up a good stockpile of tokens.
Everything's going fine.
I should have known better.
Around round five, I notice something suspicious. Every time I play a cat, somehow Selene or Bianca has the perfect counter. I play a cat that protects my resources? Selene plays one that makes me discard a card instead. I save up for a high-value cat? Bianca plays one that steals resources.
And they keep playing cards that allow them to share resources with each other.
"Wait a second," I say, watching Bianca pass two yarn tokens to Selene. "Are you two... teaming up?"
"Huh?" Selene blinks at me innocently, and then she deploys her secret weapon: the doe eyes. She bats her long eyelashes, focuses those impossible pink eyes on mine with an expression of pure, confused innocence, and says, "What are you talking about? We're just playing normally."
And just like that, my brain short-circuits. It's not fair. She knows it's not fair. Her beauty is literally a biological weapon, and she's wielding it with the precision of a trained assassin.
"...Heh, yeah," Bianca joins in, flashing me a beautiful, mischievous grin that makes my brain stutter for entirely different reasons. "We're just playing our own game. Don't blame us for you being bad."
"You're literally sharing resources!"
"That's allowed in the rules," Selene points out, which is technically true but also completely missing the point.
"The spirit of the rules—"
"Adam," Mom says gently, not looking up from her own board. "Stop whining and play your turn."
I grumble but play a cat that gives me a small point boost. The game continues.
And it just gets worse from there.
Every time I try to make a move, Selene and Bianca have a counter. They're clearly coordinating, probably through some kind of twin telepathy that they're using for evil. When I try to save up resources for a big play, one of them steals them. When I try to play a cat with a powerful ability, they immediately neutralize it.
And whenever I try to call them out on it, they give me these looks that make me forget how to form coherent sentences.
"Come on, guys!" I protest after Selene steals my third fish token in a row. "You're cheating!"
"We're not cheating," Selene says, somehow managing to sound genuinely confused. She tilts her head, and her pink hair falls across her face in this annoyingly distracting way. "We're just... playing strategically."
"Strategically ganging up on me!"
"That's also a strategy," Bianca points out. She's leaning back on her hands, looking way too pleased with herself.
Mom is just watching all of this with barely concealed amusement, focusing on her own game and steadily accumulating points while the three of us are locked in psychological warfare.
By round ten, I'm getting desperate. Selene and Bianca have both managed to play several high-value cats, and their point totals are creeping up. Mom's doing well too, though she's been staying out of the chaos and just quietly building her cat collection.
I've been scraping by, playing whatever I can afford with my constantly-depleted resources.
But then… I draw it.
The Elder Cat.
It's one of the most powerful cards in the entire deck. Cost: five fish, three yarn, two toys. Value: twenty points. TWENTY. That's a massive boost, potentially game-winning if I can play it.
I try to keep my face neutral, but I can feel my heart rate picking up. I just need to save up the resources. I can do this. I can pull off the comeback of the century.
Over the next few rounds, I carefully accumulate the resources I need. I don't play any cats, just keep drawing resource cards and stockpiling tokens. Selene and Bianca are messing with each other a bit, and they seem to have eased off on me, probably assuming I'm out of the running.
Perfect.
By round fifteen, I have everything I need. Five fish. Three yarn. Two toys. The Elder Cat is mine.
"Alright," I say, trying to keep the glee out of my voice. "I'm playing this."
I lay down the Elder Cat with what I hope is dramatic flair.
The table goes silent.
"Twenty points?!" Selene yelps, leaning forward to look at the card.
"Oh shit," Bianca mutters.
"Language," Mom says automatically, but she's also looking at my card with raised eyebrows. "That's quite the play, Adam."
I can't help it. I grin like an absolute maniac. "Thank you, thank you. I'd like to thank the Academy, my mom for the carbonara, and—"
I don't get to finish my acceptance speech because Selene and Bianca are looking at each other.
Not talking. Just... looking.
And I've lived with these two long enough to know that when they make eye contact like that, something bad is about to happen.
"No," I say immediately. "No, whatever you're planning—"
"Bianca," Selene says, still making eye contact with her sister. "Do you have Resource Redistribution?"
"I do," Bianca confirms.
My blood runs cold. "You wouldn't."
"I would."
Bianca plays the card: Resource Redistribution, an absolutely brutal card that lets you move up to five resources between any two players. She immediately starts transferring her resources to Selene. All of them. Every single token she has.
"This is betrayal!" I shout. "This is… this is—"
"Strategic?" Selene suggests sweetly. She's counting up her resources now, her pile growing larger and larger.
"EVIL!" I finish. "This is evil!"
"Calm down, it's just a game," Bianca says, but she's smirking.
"Just a game? JUST A GAME?!"
Mom is full-on laughing now. "Adam, breathe."
Selene finishes collecting all of Bianca's resources, and then, with the kind of dramatic slowness usually reserved for movie villains, she pulls out a card.
"Is that—?" I lean forward, squinting.
"The Legendary Cat Thief," Selene announces. "Cost: three fish, three yarn, three toys, three catnip."
"But you can't have—"
"Effect: Steal any one cat from any other player and add it to your collection."
No.
No no no no no—
"I'm taking your Elder Cat," Selene says, reaching across the table.
"NOOOOO!" I collapse dramatically onto the table, my face pressed against the wood. "My twenty points! My beautiful twenty points!"
"Thanks for warming it up for me," Selene says cheerfully, adding MY Elder Cat to HER collection.
"I hate this family," I mumble into the table.
"No you don't," Mom says, patting my leg consolingly.
"I hate this game."
"Also not true."
I lift my head just enough to glare at Selene and Bianca, who are both looking extremely pleased with themselves.
"How does it feel to have no honor? No loyalty? No basic human decency?"
"Pretty good, actually," Bianca says.
"Great, even," Selene adds.
"You're both monsters."
"Maybe you'll win next time, baby brother."
"I'M ONLY TWO MONTHS YOUNGER THAN YOU!"
The game continues for a few more rounds, but at this point, I'm just going through the motions. My spirit has been crushed, my will to live has been destroyed, and my Elder Cat is sitting happily in Selene's collection, taunting me with its existence.
When we finally finish and start tallying up points, I already know I've lost. I can feel it in my bones.
Mom goes first, carefully counting up her cats. "Let's see... that's 102 points total."
"Damn," Bianca whistles. "That's really good, mom."
"Language, but thank you," Mom smiles.
Selene counts next, her expression growing more and more smug with each cat. "...67, 87 with the Elder Cat. 87 total."
"Rubbing salt in the wound, I see," I mutter.
Bianca's next. She counts quickly, her fingers moving across her cards. "65."
And then there's me.
I count slowly, praying for a miracle. Maybe I miscounted. Maybe one of my cats has a secret ability that gives me bonus points. Maybe—
"64," I announce quietly.
There's a beat of silence.
"Wait," Bianca leans forward. "Did you say 64?"
"Yes."
"So you beat me by... negative one point."
"Yes."
Selene's eyes go wide. Then she starts laughing. Not just laughing, cackling. She's doubled over, clutching her stomach, tears forming in her eyes. "You lost by ONE POINT! ONE!"
"I'm aware!" I bury my face in my hands.
"Selene," Mom says, but she's trying not to laugh too. "Be nice to your brother."
Bianca's grinning too, shaking her head.
"Oof, sooo close, Adam," Bianca says teasingly. I feel her hand ruffle my hair, and even through my despair, part of my brain notes how soft her hands are. "Man, that has to suck for you."
"Can I just die now? Is that an option?"
"Aw, cheer up, Adam!" Selene leans over the table to join in the head rubbing, and now both of my sisters are patting me like I'm a sad puppy. "That game was so fun!"
"Fun for YOU maybe," I grumble, but I don't pull away from the head patting.
"There, there, baby." Bianca coos, continuing to mess up my hair.
"I'm not a baby!"
"Sooo close though," she continues, ignoring my protest. "Just one little point away. Must sting."
"Both of you are the worst sisters in the history of sisters."
"Love you too," they say in unison.
Mom stands up, stretching. "Well, that was entertaining. Adam, you know what this means."
I groan, letting my head thunk onto the table. "I have to do all the chores for a week."
"That's right. Starting tomorrow morning."
"Can I just pay someone to do them instead? I'll sell a kidney. Please."
"There, there, sweetie," Mom's motherly voice cuts through my misery as she pats me on the shoulder comfortingly. "I can do the chores instead, if that helps."
I lift my head slightly, looking at her with what I imagine is the most pathetic expression ever witnessed by mankind. "Noooo... I'll do the chores… I lost, fair and square" I say weakly, because despite everything, I'm not going to make my mom do extra work. She already does too much.
I look around the table at all three of them. Mom's smiling warmly, Selene's still grinning like a maniac, and Bianca has that satisfied smirk that she gets when she's successfully pulled off some kind of scheme.
And despite the fact that I just lost spectacularly, despite the fact that I have to do chores for an entire week, despite the fact that my pride has been thoroughly demolished...
Everyone's happy. Everyone's laughing and smiling and having a good time.
And honestly? That makes it kind of worth it.
I smile despite myself. "Whatever. Next time I'm winning, and you're all going down."
"Sure, baby brother," Selene pats my head one more time. "Keep dreaming."
"I'M NOT A BABY!"
"Prove it by winning next time."
"I hate you all."
"No you don't," Mom says again, and she's right.
I really don't.
Even if they are cheating monsters with no honor, who gang up on me during board games.
As we start putting away the cards and tokens, Selene and Bianca are already bickering about something else, and I'm mentally preparing myself for a week of washing dishes and doing laundry.