I am walking toward my house—quietly.
Snow is falling. I am thinking about how things change like that.
I smile—I look upward just for fun I guess.
I saw…
A dark sky but something different, there are no stars today. Just a full black sky, not even the moon and only filled with clouds with snow falling.
I can feel the snow on my skin—It is cold… but It felt like a sharp pain in my skin—some kind of pins forcefully sink in my flesh.
If I think so… many days have passed since I discovered my truth. My head is dizzy, my stomach is hurting but I can tolerate that much on my own.
Huh… many things happened in the past 2 days. But…
Today, I think it's going to be good. In the morning I meet some random kids. They are cute by the way. I really want to bite their cheek.
But in the cafe… in the washroom… What happened to me that time. I can't even hear anything. And Shimizu who never shouted at me, today he shouted.
I think something is coming but what…
In that way…
He walks toward his house and again he is going into that same state he goes in (Chapter 2).
STEP… STEP…
STEP… STEP…
After 30 minutes;
I am standing in front of the door. I take a deep breath.
*CLACK*
I open the door—slowly, so it can't make a loud noise. I go inside. I put my shoes in the shoe rack.
I silently go to my room. On the way, I just glanced at the surroundings—smiling.
So many things have changed—Really what a small world.
I sigh.
I open the door of my room. Then I jumped on my bed because of today's exhaustion. I grab my pillow and squeeze as much as possible.
I feel safe… The soft fabric of the pillow is touching my face—cold and plus both at same time, I giggle like a kid. Suddenly I stretch my hand to support my balance—to sit. I look back at the clock.
A tick tock sound is echoing in the room. Staring at its hands, every one second it moves far, from 1 to 2, 2 to 3, 3 to 4…. Until it reaches 60 and completes its cycle and it's called minutes.
But the main thing… Time never stops for you or me.
Time is ruining like it's on the edge to choose life or death.
TICK… TOCK…
"Ah… What is happening to me." My voice is so tired that I can't even shout in frustration.
I grab my head and ruffle my hair—in aggression.
I stand and go to the washroom door.
*CLACK*
I open the door. I head to the bathtub to get the water ready. After preparing;
I go into the water, washing myself. I lean on the bathtub and sigh.
"Huh… So refreshing." I mumbled.
My body became light in the dense water. Submerging into the water. I lean more in the tub and dive in.
Water is refreshing—warm and gets out of the water.
Then I get a support of the tub and lean there. I closed my eyes. Trying to feel the surroundings by my senses—only.
Today I didn't see Lion and his mistress after breakfast… but it was nice too. It makes me feel empty somehow, my heart is hurting—a strange feeling. Sometimes I think if I had really little time left to be with Lion, why am I wasting time, ignoring him.
But when I see Lion with his mistress—smiling and laughing with his heart content is enough for me to be satisfied.
I take a deep breath.
But… It still hurts. I don't want to harm anyone.
Tears are streaming down on my cheeks.
Why do I start crying again? I opened my eyes and wiped my tears.
I stand up;
I stroked my hair, "Huh… again overthinking." I mumble to myself.
I got out of the tub… and looking for the cloth, I hung it or not?? I think not? I remember I didn't even take my clothes from the cupboard. Ya… obviously I was in a hurry and forgot the cloth and who cares there is not someone to see me naked.
I smile—proudly like an idiot I am.
I rush to my room. Open my cupboard quickly. What do I want to wear?? A shirt or T-shirt?? Which one? Hm… I stare at my choices I pick in the first attempt.
"Hm… forget it." My voice is low but also annoying.
I toss that shirt and t-shirt behind me—laughing.
I want to wear something… baggy and fluffy like a sweater.
I start tossing every piece of clothing which is a jacket and light shirt. Ahhh… there is not even one… where i put that sweater in last year.
Finally I see a cloth with cream colour. I picked it. It is a knit sweater. I smiled on my own for finally I found a sweater.
I sigh; and wear it as quickly as I can..
"Woah!! It's freezing." I squeeze my clothes while shaking.
"Let's just sleep for now." My voice is tired.
Suddenly… When I am going toward the bed. My head began to hurt. I remember something about that knit sweater. It is the same knit sweater I wore on my first date with Lion.
If I think, "Hm… such a nice nostalgic feeling it is." I smile.
Huh, our 'first date'.
I looked up at the ceiling, "That time I was so happy to go with Lion."
Obviously that was one of the best days I have ever spent with some closest one.
Then I fall on the bed while imagining the date… How it feels when we go on a date—for the first time.
TO BE CONTINUED.