"What… what did Tsunade-sama say, exactly?" Orochimaru's voice was uncharacteristically hesitant, his sharp features etched with blatant disbelief. This had to be a trap, an elaborate ruse to lower his guard.
"She's offering you the position of Hokage's Assistant. So, will you accept it or not?" Raimon repeated, his tone one of bored impatience.
"...Hah?" Orochimaru was completely baffled. The gears of his brilliant, paranoid mind screeched to a halt. This wasn't an execution squad? Not a final, glorious battle? Just… a job offer? "Hokage's Assistant? My actions in Konoha… they are the deeds of a traitor, despised by all."
"Already handled. It was all Danzō's fault," Raimon waved a dismissive hand, as if swatting a fly.
"I orchestrated the Konoha Crush!" Orochimaru pressed, searching for the anger or condemnation that had to be there.
"Danzō's machinations."
"I plotted to assassinate the Sandaime Hokage!"
"Ordered… by Danzō." Raimon's delivery grew slightly strained. He hadn't expected the normally laconic and sinister Orochimaru to be so… chatty. Is it a hormonal side-effect of that female body? he wondered idly.
The snake Sannin leaned closer, his voice dropping to a tense, deadly serious whisper. "...And you. You won't be subjecting me to that… Drill technique… from behind anymore. Will you?"
"No!" Raimon's eye twitched. He narrowed his eyes at the legendary Sannin. What happened to the cool, collected psychopath? This is utterly baffling.
"Truly?" Orochimaru asked, the caution in his voice not entirely masking a flicker of something else—a faint, buried yearning. Konoha held old, complex bonds, a twisted sense of 'home' he'd never quite eradicated.
"Will you shut up already?!" Raimon finally snapped, his patience evaporating. He brought his face close to Orochimaru's and roared, "If you keep yapping, I'll Drill you once a day! As a morning wake-up call!"
The sheer volume and visceral threat made Orochimaru flinch, a full-body shudder that spoke of deep, psychic trauma.
"V-Very well! I accept!" he stammered, ultimately succumbing to the overwhelming, buttock-clenching authority of the Drill.
"Then let's move! Why are you just standing there?" Raimon's expression instantly shifted, blossoming into a smile so bright and sunny it could have been borrowed from his brother, Minato.
"Heheh~" Seeing that radiant grin, a muscle in Orochimaru's cheek spasmed. He would not be fooled. If it were Minato, that smile would be genuine warmth. From Namikaze Raimon? It was the smile of a shark circling its prey, right before it took a bite. He would absolutely Drill you with that smile still on his face.
"Ahem. Jūgo. You kicked him into the horizon," Orochimaru pointed out awkwardly, gesturing vaguely westward.
"It's fine," Raimon sighed, his impatience mounting. When had Orochimaru become such a fussy procrastinator?
Two and a half seconds later, after a silent shunshin flicker, Raimon reappeared. Slung over his shoulder like a sack of rice was a thoroughly dazed and disoriented Jūgo, his Sage Transformation having receded, leaving him blinking confusedly at the sky.
"Problem solved?" Raimon asked, rolling his eyes—a gesture that, in this Edo Tensei state, made his Byakugan-irises do a full, unnerving three-sixty. He briefly wondered about the fate of the Sound Four and Kimimaro. Given Naruto and Sasuke-kun's current power levels, they were probably still alive… barely. Hopefully, they hadn't been turned into pincushions.
"Lord Orochimaru!" Karin, having finally caught up, rushed forward and boldly placed herself between Raimon and her master, her red hair bristling.
"I will absolutely not let you harm Lord Orochimaru!" she declared, her eyes burning with fierce, unquestioning loyalty.
"You… trained this one?" Raimon asked, jerking a thumb at Karin. He had to admit, Orochimaru had a certain twisted charisma. He was disturbingly good at collecting and binding lost, powerful children to his cause.
"Heheh~" Orochimaru gave a dry, smug chuckle. "What can I say? My magnetic charm is simply inescapable."
The look on his face was so punchably self-satisfied that Raimon's fingers itched for a Drill.
"And… my summon? Manda?" Orochimaru ventured, already knowing the answer from the broken contract but needing to hear it.
"Oh, Manda? You'll see when we get back to Konoha," Raimon said airily, not bothering to mention the Eight-Segment Light Wheel or the precise method of dissection.
Ignoring Karin's protective stance, Raimon placed a hand on Orochimaru's shoulder. In the next instant, all four of them vanished in a whirl of Hiraishin chakra, heading first for the battered Otogakure.
****
Otogakure, Main Square.
"Oji-san! Wasn't that awesome?!" Naruto's boisterous voice echoed as soon as Raimon materialized. The blond jinchūriki rushed over, barely giving Orochimaru a second glance. "You caught Orochimaru so fast! Believe it!"
Naruto, blissfully unaware of the mission's true diplomatic nature, was just thrilled his uncle was back. It was fortunate he hadn't intervened earlier; a Tailed Beast Bomb or a Rasengan Barrage would have flattened the village entirely.
Nearby, Tayuya and Kimimaro were groaning on the ground, victims of Team 7's… enthusiastic interrogation. Tayuya, in particular, was in rough shape, twitching slightly. Kimimaro, fueled by bone-hard will and his Kekkei Genkai, was struggling to push himself up, his pallor deathly.
"Lord… Orochimaru…" Kimimaro rasped, blood trickling from his lips. The combination of his terminal illness and the… targeted injuries from Sasuke's "Raiton: Chidori Senbon - Shishi Hōkō!" had left him devastatingly weak. "I have… failed you…"
"Not at all. You performed wonderfully," Orochimaru said, his tone softer than usual, a master manipulating his most devoted tool.
A faint, peaceful smile touched Kimimaro's lips before his eyes rolled back and he collapsed completely.
"It's nothing serious. Minor injuries," Raimon declared with a shrug. Between Tsunade-sama's mystic palm technique and Orochimaru's forbidden science, a little genetic illness was a solvable problem. Worst case scenario, they could always use the Edo Tensei until Nagato could be… persuaded… to provide a Rinne Rebirth. A logistical headache for another day.
Orochimaru quickly issued orders to Jūgo and Karin to oversee the transitional administration of Otogakure. The village and its resources from the Land of Rice were still valuable assets. The Sound Four and Kimimaro would be transported to Konoha for proper medical attention.
By afternoon, the entire party was back in Konoha via Hiraishin express.
***
Hokage Office.
Orochimaru stood in the familiar room, his golden eyes taking in Tsunade behind the desk and Jiraiya leaning against the window. A heavy, complex silence hung in the air, thick with decades of shared history, betrayal, and loss.
Tsunade broke it first, offering a small, genuine smile. "Orochimaru. Welcome back."
The ice cracked. What followed wasn't a formal debriefing, but the awkward, gradually easing conversation of three people who had once been a team—Konoha's legendary Sannin: the Pervy Sage, the Slug Princess, and the Snake Master. For a moment, the years of darkness fell away, replaced by the ghost of their younger selves.
Jiraiya wiped an actual tear from his eye.
"This is great! Finally, someone to share this mountain of documents with me!" His expression then shifted, a familiar, lecherous grin spreading across his face. "I haven't had time for 'field research' in ages! With you here, I can finally clock out on time and work on my next masterpiece!"
"Jiraiya… wipe the drool from your mouth," Tsunade said flatly, echoed by a look of mild disgust from Orochimaru. The moment of camaraderie was punctured by his sheer Jiraiya-ness.
"Enough," Tsunade said, clapping her hands. "We're having drinks tonight. All of us."
The three were legendary drinkers, though Orochimaru typically abstained. This presented a unique torture for Namikaze Raimon—forced to watch others indulge while his Edo Tensei body offered no satisfaction.
"Rai-kun," Tsunade turned a sweet, dangerous smile on him. "You'll be handling the food tonight." She knew his culinary skills were peerless. His invention of 'tofu pudding' alone had made Ichiraku's Teuchi enough money to expand his shop twice over.
Raimon was speechless. Not only could he not eat or drink, but he had to play master chef for a Sannin reunion party. If not for the threat of a Tsunade-powered "Painful Sky Journey" fist to the face, he would have Hiraishin'd to the other side of the continent.
****
That Night, A Clearing Outside Konoha.
A small campfire crackled, illuminating the four figures. Jiraiya raised his cup. "Orochimaru! A toast!"
Orochimaru took a perfunctory sip and set the sake down, his reptilian palate unimpressed.
"Say, Orochimaru, you'd make fascinating material for my next book," Jiraiya slurred, slinging an arm around his former teammate's shoulders.
"Annoying fool!" Orochimaru's hand flashed, a kunai appearing to prick threateningly at Jiraiya's rear, making the Toad Sage yelp and jump back.
"Alright, enough! Eat!" Tsunade intervened, distributing skewers of beautifully grilled, glistening meat that Raimon had just finished.
Gathered around the firelight, Raimon could only watch as the others ate. If not for the Edo Tensei's limitations, he'd have been drooling.
Orochimaru took a delicate bite. Then his eyes widened.
"Mmm…! This is… exquisite! The texture, the flavor, the rich, savory essence!" He devoured the piece and immediately seized two more skewers, his long tongue snaking out to coil the meat into his mouth with unnatural efficiency. "No wonder you fell for him, Tsunade. With skills like this…!"
He paused, skewer halfway to his mouth. "By the way, what meat is this? It's sublimely delicious. The chakra residue within is… remarkably potent."
"Oh, that's Manda," Raimon said offhandedly, stoking the fire.
The three Sannin froze.
"Man—Manda?" Orochimaru repeated, the piece of meat in his mouth momentarily forgotten. But the taste… it was sublime. Tender, elastic, infused with a sage's energy. His scientific mind warred with his gourmand's soul, and the gourmand won. He resumed chewing with renewed, almost frantic gusto.
"Manda… you… you…" Orochimaru mumbled around a full mouth, then swallowed. "You taste absolutely magnificent!" He raised his sake cup solemnly toward the fire. "Manda. The five hundred sacrifices I promised you… I shall surrender them with the utmost ceremony. You have my word."
He then reached for another skewer.