Chapter 1.2 – Doubt
Seraphina Lokey
This is impossible...
Am I losing my mind?
The thought echoed relentlessly inside my head as a wave of nausea surged up my throat, burning all the way.
I barely made it to the toilet before violently emptying the contents of my stomach.
My mind was completely overwhelmed by what I had just witnessed.
It had been real.
I was certain of it.
I wasn't losing my mind...
But how could something like that possibly exist?
He had been talking...
To ghosts.
Another wave of nausea hit me.
My knees buckled as I clung desperately to the edge of the sink, vomiting once more.
When there was finally nothing left, I remained there for a long moment, utterly drained—physically as much as mentally.
With trembling legs, I forced myself upright and turned on the faucet.
Cold water splashed across my face.
I hoped it might wash those thoughts away...
The ones that refused to stop circling inside my mind.
I looked up.
The woman staring back at me in the mirror looked like a stranger.
Her face was ghostly pale.
Her eyes were hollow.
Sweat clung to her skin.
I hardly recognized myself.
I just needed some rest.
Yes...
That had to be it.
I was exhausted after weeks of relentless work on the project.
Nothing more.
My communicator showed several missed calls from Iris and Daniel.
I ignored them.
Right now...
All I wanted was to be alone.
To breathe.
As I stepped out of the restroom, I nearly collided with Daniel.
"People told me they'd seen you come in here," he said, concern written plainly across his face.
"Are you alright?"
The confusion in his eyes was genuine.
But I already knew...
He couldn't possibly understand what I was going through.
"Yeah..."
"I'm fine."
"I just need some rest."
Even as I spoke, I didn't believe a single word.
I leaned against the wall to keep myself from collapsing.
Without warning, my heart lurched violently.
A wave of heat swept through my body...
Only to be replaced an instant later by freezing chills.
My chest tightened.
It felt as though an invisible force were crushing my lungs.
I gasped desperately for air...
But every breath seemed to slip away before it could reach me.
"I'm taking you to the infirmary," Daniel said firmly as he slipped an arm beneath my shoulder.
"You're barely able to stand."
I staggered beside him, unable to walk on my own, struggling with every breath as panic threatened to consume me once again.
When I opened my eyes again, I was lying on one of the beds in the infirmary.
Everything felt hazy.
Little by little, the pristine white walls and ceiling came into focus, along with the familiar scent of disinfectant lingering in the air.
A strange feeling settled over me.
It was as though I had forgotten something important.
"You experienced a panic attack," a calm, reassuring voice explained.
"Your body reacted to an overwhelming amount of stress. You've been asleep for an entire day while your body recovered."
An entire day...
The thought hardly seemed real.
"I'm prescribing a few days of complete rest," the doctor continued. "You need to slow down. And if this ever happens again, come back to see me immediately."
I gave a faint nod.
I couldn't find the strength to answer.
When I returned to my quarters, everything felt strangely empty.
The walls seemed to close in around me.
Even the silence had become oppressive.
I quietly undressed and caught sight of myself in the mirror.
A face worn down by exhaustion.
Dark circles beneath reddened eyes.
Once again...
I barely recognized the woman staring back at me.
I swallowed the medication prescribed to calm my mind before stepping beneath the shower.
Hot water streamed over my body...
Yet it couldn't wash away the crushing weight buried deep inside me.
Eventually, I slid down until I was crouching on the shower floor, my arms wrapped tightly around my knees.
The tears came without restraint.
The water carried some of them away...
But not the pain.
A knock at the door made me flinch.
"Seraphina? It's Iris."
"May I come in?"
For several long seconds, I remained silent.
Then I finally answered.
"Give me two minutes..."
"I just need to get dressed."
A short while later, I opened the door wearing gray sweatpants and a simple white T-shirt.
"How are you feeling?" Iris asked as she stepped inside, genuine concern evident in her voice.
"I'll be alright..."
"I just need some rest."
"I'm sorry," she said, lowering her screen slightly.
"This is all my fault. I never should have pushed everyone to work at such an exhausting pace."
"No, Iris."
I gently shook my head.
"This isn't your fault."
"It's... something else."
I sat down on the edge of the bed, suddenly aware that my breathing was beginning to quicken again.
"Where's your father?" I asked, more abruptly than I had intended.
"He's with Daniel," she replied, clearly surprised by the question.
"They're working on the Celestial Rings."
"They don't know I'm here."
A bead of sweat rolled down my forehead.
My hands began to tremble.
Without saying a word, Iris reached out with her mechanical hands and gently enclosed mine.
There was no warmth.
No human touch.
And yet...
That simple gesture was enough to calm the trembling.
Little by little, my heartbeat slowed.
"What's happening to you?" she asked softly.
I lifted my eyes to the glowing screen that served as her face.
"What..."
"What are the Celestial Rings, really?"
For a long moment, she simply looked at me.
Then she spoke.
"...You can hear the voices, can't you?"
My breath caught.
"I'm not the right person to answer that," Iris said at last.
"If you truly want to understand... you'll have to speak with my father."
"What are those voices?" I insisted.
For a moment, Iris remained silent.
"I spent a long time believing my father was ill..."
"That he was losing his mind."
"I was terrified for him."
"I tried so hard to hear what he was hearing..."
"But I never heard anything."
Her voice trembled with emotion.
"But if you can hear them now..."
"If you truly hear those voices..."
"Then it means he was never lying."
"It means..."
"He was telling the truth all along."
Tears slowly streamed down the screen that formed her face.
"Thank you," she whispered.
I drew a shaky breath.
"Iris..."
"I need to speak with your father."
She gently released my hands.
"I know."
"I'll let him know."
"I'll make sure he comes to see you after tomorrow's presentation of the remedy."
I nodded gratefully.
"Thank you, Iris."
"For coming to see me yourself."
Even though she didn't possess a human body...
Even though she could simply have called me through my communicator...
Her presence beside me brought me a sense of peace.
She hadn't answered every question weighing on my mind.
But she had confirmed the one truth that mattered most.
Her father heard those voices too.
So I wasn't losing my mind.
But if that was true...
Were they really the voices of human souls?
Dozens of questions continued to swirl through my thoughts.
Iris stayed with me for the rest of the day, and for once, we spoke about things other than work.
The conversation brought a welcome sense of peace between us.
We talked about the future...
About the dreams we hoped to make a reality one day.
She even asked me a few slightly embarrassing questions about the female body.
Although she had already studied those subjects in theory, there were some things her father simply couldn't teach her.
Later that evening, we stepped outside to admire the star-filled sky.
The cool night air gradually eased the turmoil in my mind.
Beneath that endless canopy of stars, I found a fragile sense of serenity once more.
Even in the midst of doubt...
There was still light.