šÆļøContent Warning: This chapter includes memory disorientation, dream-induced shifts in self-perception, references to mystical illness, broken bond flare-up symptoms (physical and impending psychological), and internal pressure around recovery pacing. Themes of power reclamation, boundary setting, and trauma-informed resilience are explored. Recommended for readers comfortable with self-directed healing narratives that blend mysticism and recovery.
Nyxara
Now finished with my meal, I give the tray to Lima and get myself slowly situated to have this conversation with my rude brother. The way this man swings from kind and accommodating to rude and persistent is giving bi-polar vibes. Truthfully, half the men in this family seem to suffer from some kind of inherited rudeness disorder. Should I have a tea party with the women to confirm my suspicions? Tune back in next time to find out if I will find enemies or allies in my crusade against the rude men of my family. Whoah, who still has a toe in dreamland? I do.
Accepting a warm mug of Korran's brew from Lima, I can feel the faintest of pulls from the dream world. I try something I wasn't sure would work. I visualize a temporary anchor grounding me to this reality. It settles in the melody of my heart core, and suddenly it is like I snapped into place. No longer three steps from slipping through the cracks of reality. I'm pretty sure I wasn't given any uppers but man, I'm feeling so high and trippy right now.
I had drunk a good amount of the brew before Aspen started poking me with a staff he pulled from somewhere. I shot him a grumpy look and drew my knees to my chest as the moonlight from the patio doors coolly embraced me. The room went quiet except for the faint rustle of leaves outside.Ā
Aspen was perched in an armchairāI do not own but will be claiming as compensation for him irritating meāclose to my side of the bed. His expression was a blend of concern, wicked amusement, and patient curiosity. So Aspen is the true menace twin. He got Lux acting out of his nature to cover up his disrespectful behavior. On second thought, they are twins, so I guess the bleed-over probably goes both ways. And I need to not lose focus on that anchorāI went floating again.
I watched with tired eyes as he leaned forward slightly, elbows on his knees, hands clasped together. His scent of vetiver and sage is steady and grounding, almost like a weighted blanket over the room. My own scent flickered, shifting between muted and lingering. Sandalwood and black tea took turns surfacing, one sharp, the other warm. Since Aspen didn't comment, I let it be.
I do pick at my nails, my mind whirling on how to explain without him thinking I'm not making stuff up. Aspen's gaze is gentle but unyielding. He will wait me out. Well, I can't think of any other way to say it than to just say. With a deep inhale and exhale, I clear my throat. "I hadā¦ a dream."
Aspen's brow lifts, but he doesn't speak yet, giving me space to continue. "It wasn't like a normal dream," I add quickly. "It was like a series of different dreams spliced together. Like on a movie reel."Ā
Aspen now leans back slightly, nodding for me to continue. "In what way like a movie reel?" My gaze flickers to the window, my fingers squeeze the mug tighter. "It was like scenes or moments. They felt like different memories that were cut and transitioned on top of each other. First, I was hiding in a luxurious bathroomā¦ then I was in a garden, and I could feelā¦" My voice falters, and I take a long drink from my mug. "I don't know how to explain it."
Aspen's voice comes soft, coaxing. "Try me." I exhale, placing my mug on the tray Lima was holding. I'm too tired to be curious about which subject observation function she's testing out at the moment that allows her to keep anticipating what I want so well. Nyx, be curious later, and you need to strengthen your anchor again; we're tipping sideways.
I inhale and exhale again now, folding my hands over my belly. "It felt like a treasured memory that had become bittersweet. Then I was training with Keir and a man I assume will be my sparring partnerā¦ it felt so real. I could feel the strain, the sweat, the impact. It was like I was there." Just as he watched me, I watched him in turn. His expression doesn't shift, but his eyes darken just slightly, a flicker of understanding passing over his features. "What happened next?"
I looked out the glass doors, enjoying the sight of the moonlit garden as I continued sharing. "I wasā¦ in my library, I think? With Zen." I tried to articulate what I saw and felt during this segment. "There wereā¦ strings of essence all around us. Not just the visual display Zen was using for the lesson, but I could see the pattern of essence in everything around us. I could even see that our Ajei Palace is built over a sizable leyline node. Is that true, Aspen?"
Aspen's face said calm, but his hands were moving through slow but constant flowing hand motions. It didn't appear he was actively essence-crafting, but the hand motions were looking like hand seals of a ninja clan. Curious, what am I saying that would make him nervous?Ā "You've never been able to see essence like this before." His tone is gentle but firm, probing.
I shake my head. "No. Never. At best, I've been able to see glyphs of finished works but never the strings of raw essence that is just naturally present." He is now tapping on his tablet but still gazes at me over the top of it. "Is this when you woke?"Ā
I shook my head slowly, my gaze dropping to my hands. "No. Then, I wasā¦ in my dream kitchen." My voice softened, almost reverent. "There wereā¦ six men there with me. I couldn't see their faces, but I knew them."
Aspen's posture stiffens, but he doesn't interrupt. "It felt like we were enjoying a rare night we could all spend together. It felt safe. Familiar." My eyes flickered up to meet his. "How is that possible? How can I feel so safe and familiar with men I couldn't identify?"
Aspen looks contemplatively at me, then at his tablet. His finger taps the chair before he speaks carefully. "Did you recognize their auras?" I look at him frowning. I shake my head. "Noā¦ they were out of focus. What I could see wasn't anything I could easily connect to anyone."I pause, considering if I should admit this next part. I decide to go all in. "But I felt them, so if I ever encountered them unguarded, I would be able to recognize them."
Aspen was silent for a long moment, so long that I was beginning to drift off to sleep.Then he nudged me fully awake with that staff. In a moment of rage, I threw a pillow at him, which he instinctively dodged. Apparently choosing to ignore my rage slip, he leans forward, his voice dropping to a near whisper. "I believe you have been possibly dreamwalking."
My brow furrows, trying to connect which affinity would be connected to this ability. "Dreamwalking?" Aspen's expression lights upāit's clear he views this as a promising discovery. "With Astral being your highest affinity, it is within your wheelhouse to develop the rare ability to walk through the dreams. But the unique part of what you have revealed is that you are able to glimpse more than just the dream plane. You are only in Ember tier, and you are already proving you have the capability to cultivate this ability to its highest potential. I also believe you weren't just dreamwalking, Nyx. I'm almost confident your dreams showed you past events, possible events soon to come, and a possible future event."
My hands tighten in my lap. "Blessing or curse?" Aspen's gaze softens, but there's a glint of something else thereāunderstanding, perhaps. "I think it depends on your interpretation of what you can do. Your abilities are shaped by your intent. You can shape tried and true techniques or you can shape something that is all your own, thus creating an ability. It is up to you."
The silence stretches, heavy and full of unspoken questions. Finally, Aspen leans back, eyes never leaving mine. "We'll figure this out. For now, let's keep this between us. Training will continue tomorrow if your stats are within an adequate range. According to the readings, unless you relapse, you should be good to go."Ā
I nod slowly, my thoughts starting to scatter again. Too exhausted to hold the slapped-together essence spell much longer. "Yeah. Back to grinding towards the goal. By the way, can we do a check of my sync ratio to see where I'm at now?"
Aspen nods, and there's a flicker of a smileāthin, but genuine. "Yeah, I can. Let me just switch over to that report."
Aspen only glanced at the report before telling me, "You are now at 68% sync ratio, Little Queen. This is great but just as I have been saying since we removed the suppression, as you become more aligned, you will experience broken bond flare-ups more often. Right now, it appears the flare-ups are more physical, but I'm sure if not before than after the ritual, your flare-ups will shift to being more psychological. So always check in with yourself if you or Lima feel you are not acting like yourself."
Aspen sets the tablet on the nightstand, then grasps my hand. "I want to reiterate that if you want to slow things down, we can. You have made enough progress that if you want to delay your return to next year, you will be okay to do so. If we slow down, you won't experience the flare-ups so fiercely or frequently." I understood his perspective. I'm sure the rest of the family probably feels the same way.Ā
What's the rush, they probably wonder. I won't be that far behind my peers if I give myself more time. But the truth of the matter isā¦ "I have good momentum now, Aspen. If I slow down, I will miss what I feel are the ideal opportunities for me. I trust you to keep me safe. So I'm asking you to trust me to know my limits. This is not easy. I know that, but I won't let myself be less than I can be. Not ever again. So let this be the last time anyone suggests we change the plan again. You will pass that message along?" I pull every ounce of authority I have in me when I set that boundary.
I think my message was received. Aspen just stared as if he hadn't ever seen me before. "Understood, Little Queen."Ā
"Good. Now leave me alone. It's back to grinding tomorrow, and none of you go easier on me than you have to." I snuggle down into my pillows. Lima closes the curtains while Aspen kisses my forehead. As I drift off to sleep, I think I hear my butthole brother mutter something about silly little sisters on one hand wanting to be reforged into the best version of themselves but on the other hand wanting us to not push her so hard. I ignored him once I got the gist. No point in listening to such negativity.Ā
I'm a great and reasonable little sister. I don't have a clue who he is talking about.Ā