The Sect Master's eyes bulged, but not as much as his sons' did.
The tall one found his voice first. "Father, he is mocking us!"
"I agree!" The other cried. "It must be a trick by the Fire Plum sect!"
"Great Elder Wey," the Sect Master rasped. "I am sure I heard your words, but I must confess than I don't understand their meaning."
"We want to join your sect," I said, as respectfully as I could. "As disciples."
Silence crushed the Great Hall as the Sect Master considered my words.
I knew he was wise, though.
Hopefully he would make the right decision. I didn't want to find another. This one was perfect.
For starters, the sect was located right between two mountains, and there was a pretty river running through the valley. The sect's main compound was also surrounded by a quaint little town big enough to have many eateries and drinking holes.
Enough that my wife wouldn't find me for days!
Oh, the taste of freedom was so close I could taste the gin despite the awful lingering pill flavour left in my mouth.
I felt her elbow suddenly dig into my rib.
"Stop chortling, you old snake," she hissed. "You're scaring them."
"Old? I am not old!" I hissed back. "Elder is an honorific, not an indication of age!"
"You keep telling yourself that," she said sweetly. "But who is it whose bones click and clack in the morning? Which of us has hair so white it blinds in the sun?"
"Great Elder," the Sect Master said softly. "Pardon my ignorance. But surely you jest? Our sect is small and far removed from the Imperial City. We are poor, with no materials or resources to support such giants in the martial world as yourselves."
I decided I'd done enough bowing and instead rolled back onto my haunches and crossed my legs.
"Sect Master, we require no resources or materials-" I grunted as my wife's elbow stabbed into my rib again. "-other than any spare alchemical herbs you wish to toss my wife's way."
"Sect Master," my wife said, also having enough of bowing. She shuffled back on her knees behind me and looked meekly at the old man over my shoulder. "My husband speaks the truth. I simply wish to improve my alchemy, and would be happy to share the resulting pills with the sect. It's a good bargain. I refine good pills. White ones. Green ones. Even red and blue. All kinds. Would you like to see?"
The Sect Master's face was like a granite statue.
A very white one, though.
I considered asking my wife to give him a pill right now before he fainted.
"Great Elder and, err, Junior Sister," the tall son put in. "Would you not prefer a stronger sect? Perhaps closer to the Imperial City?"
"You don't want us here?" My wife asked. Her lip trembled and those incredible tears hovered in the corner of her eyes. I wondered what martial art she used to summon them at whim like that. Or how she kept them from completely spilling and sliding down her cheeks. They just hovered there in the corners of her eyes like sad jewels. "Husband? What will we do? You promised your little flower you would find a nice hut somewhere peaceful so you wouldn't get killed fighting youthful cultivators and leave your poor flower all alone in the world. Will you break your promise, Husband?"
I sighed, shaking my head.
I wondered what we could do to prove our value to the sect. It seemed this Sect Master had very strict requirements of his disciples. I stroked my long white beard, wondering where the strong disciples had been when we arrived.
I hadn't met any along the way.
Maybe they were in seclusion.
"Elder Brother," I said to the Sect Master's son. It was safest to call him so, despite the fact I was older. Being the son of a Sect Master, he could probably do terrible things to me before I could even blink. Given he would have access to all their treasures and precious pills, I shuddered just thinking about what terrifying martial arts prowess he probably had. "My wife and I are simple people. We have no wish to cause trouble for you and will work hard."
She prodded me in the back, hissing softly. "Husband!"
"Sorry," I said. "I will work hard. My wife is a gentle girl and her cultivation is weak, so she is unsuitable for fighting."
"I'm his elegant flower," she called over my shoulder. "I'm very fragile and soft."
The three men glanced at the moaning guard behind us.
Then at each other.
I felt doubt creeping into their hearts. Trying not to sigh, I bowed low.
I would need to use my trump card.
"Sect Master, I will swear a Heaven and Earth Vow to uphold the laws of the sect, and to protect the sect to the best of my ability."
"Y-y-you will?" The tall son stuttered.
"You would go so far?" The Sect Master asked, looking stunned.
"Yes, Sect Master."
"Are you fleeing trouble, Ten Cent Wey?"
"Trouble, Sect Master?"
"Were you with another sect? Are they chasing you? Have you committed a crime?"
"No, Sect Master," I said honestly. "I have always been a lone cultivator. I was briefly a member of the Yellow Lotus Sect, but that was more than three hundred years ago, and I only stayed for two weeks. I don't think they even recorded my name at the time. I was a poor student…"
My wife nudged me in the back.
"Alright," I said. "I might still owe a few silvers to a bartender in the Imperial City, but the only reason I didn't pay him before I left was that I couldn't remember which bar it was. If he follows after me, I will happily give him his silver."
The small son finally asked wryly; "How many silvers?"
"About five," I answered. "No more than seven."
"Hundred? Thousand?"
"No, just five," I said. "I had a jug of wine. Then everyone went outside to watch a fight between two rogue cultivators, and I forgot to go back inside to pay."
"My poor husband was caught by a blast of demonic chi," my wife explained, putting her hand on my shoulder. "Many were. I had to feed him pills all night. That was the last time I want to do this. It made me fear for his life, Sect Master. My husband is an old rascal now. His cultivation has waned with his vigor."
"No it hasn't!"
"It is getting weaker with every passing day," she said, her lip trembling.
"What are you talking about?" I snorted. "I broke through only a week ago!"
"Only one stage," she sighed heavily. "He used to break through three at a time. Please, Sect Master. Let us join your great sect!"
The Sect Master tapped at the arm of his chair.
His face had regained a little colour. Maybe he didn't need a pill.
"Ten Cent Wey," he rasped. "What is your current cultivation?"
"Seventh Stage Spirit Venerable," I replied automatically. "Second Throne."
"Seventh?" The tallest gasped.
"He is only Second Throne," my wife confirmed. "I fear he may not make the Third in this life. I am only Sixth Stage True Monarch, Fourth Pillar. Sect Master, please forgive my frail self! I will cultivate harder in future!"
"Sixth?" The Sect Master gulped.
Maybe he didn't think we were good enough.
"I am old," I sighed in agreement with my wife. "But my wife is still young. We have high hopes of her reaching Seventh Stage very soon."
The small son suddenly collapsed.
As he fell, the tall son snatched his brother and started patting his cheek. "Brother! Wake up, Brother!"
My wife looked over my shoulder, her eyes glittering as she smiled sweetly. "Sect Master, I have a pill which might help him! It's a 7th grade pill, too! If we join the sect, I can give it to you straight away!"
The Sect Master blinked.
Then took my vow.
And my wife's pill.
And a few others she dumped into his shaky hands.
"Only take one every seven days," she warned. "It's not safe to take more than one. And remember to cycle your chi and cultivate for three days afterwards! It is also good to drink ginseng tea twice every day, but not in the evening."
"Yes, Great El-, err, Great Junior Sister! We thank you for your generosity and wisdom!"
While my wife fussed with the Sect Master, I grabbed the tallest by his arm. "Excuse me, Elder Brother," I whispered softly. "Do you know of any quiet bars in the city where no one will find me?"
"Husband?" My wife's voice slashed through anything my new Elder Brother might say. "Your flower is very tired. It has been a long journey."
"We'll talk later," I hissed, patting my Elder Brother on the shoulder and striding back out into the rubble that was the courtyard.
A wide-eyed disciple let out a shriek and ran away.
One of the guards wet himself, which was not very professional.
And that's how we joined the Black Feathered Goose Sect.