Lucien couldn't help himself. He started pacing the room. He thought about what to do with this information. If he alerted the government to what he knew, it might trigger new problems.
It is unlikely that regular citizens would know, but people with connections would start their own stockpiling. Even if they didn't believe it, it would change the economic trend to some extent. The government might even be aware of other instances of mutation. Whether they think they are localised instances or not, his reminder might become a problem.
Since he was currently stockpiling, there might be people who would take notice of the things he was buying.
His anxiety spiked without him realising. His breathing became shallow.
He knew he had to calm himself down, but he didn't know how.
When he was a child, he used to have panic attacks, but that hasn't happened in such a long time that he has forgotten every coping mechanism he learnt.
He remembered something about thinking happy thoughts, so he thought about Arthur. He thought about the way they got along. Arthur used to dote on him when he was younger. Giving him almost anything he asked for. He slept in his bed, cuddled in his arms.
Lucien always felt that Arthur gave him a sense of security. By the time he was old enough to understand, he realised he had fallen in love with his brother. Not the kind of 'I want to grow old with you, love'.
He felt that Arthur needed to be a part of him. Lucien wanted to hurt him. Break his bones so he can't walk away. He would feed Arthur with his own hands. To feel closer to Arthur, he remembered, a day Arthur was practising and accidentally hurt himself.
Instead of washing it and getting it bandaged, the first thing he did was to lick the blood off Arthur's arm. He remembered Arthur put his finger on his forehead and pushed him away, muttering under his breath.
But he didn't care; he had a part of Arthur inside him.
It's too bad that Lucien didn't know there was something called "happiness anxiety". Immersed in his memories, because of how excited he was, coupled with the previous worry, his body decided that it was in danger.
Thus, he still ended up having a full-blown panic attack, or happy attack as he would later call it.
It was during this "happy attack" that Arthur walked in and saw him.
Lucien felt a pair of arms wrap around him. He struggled at first, only to realise later that it was Arthur. His once shallow breathing became longer. He felt more at ease as he smelled the familiar scent.
He held on to Arthur like a life preserver. He closed his eyes and buried his face in his shirt. The way Arthur smelled calmed him. Like earth after the rain, such a calming fragrance.
It wasn't until 10 minutes later that Lucien finally calmed down.
He was a little embarrassed by the way he acted a while ago. He both wanted to continue burying himself in Arthur's arm and simultaneously run away. But this was his room; he didn't have anywhere to run. So he opted to wait until he felt he could face Arthur before moving out of his arms.
Arthur stroked his hair and Lucien's tense shoulders, and couldn't help but relax. It was like going back to the time when their parents had just died. Arthur would hold him without saying a word.
At that time, Arthur was only 16, and he was 13. It's been 10 years since then. And here he was, back in Arthur's arms.
He knew he couldn't hold on any longer, so he pulled away, putting some space between them.
He could see the concern in Arthur's eyes. However, Lucien didn't know what to say, so he evaded.
Before Arthur could say anything, Lucien spoke, "Don't ask, just don't."
Lucien could feel his face heating up. He didn't want Arthur to ask what happened, so he could only quickly change the topic. A skill he had become adept at to prevent himself from blurting out his feelings.
Even if he didn't believe it himself, he said it, "I know we argued earlier today. I won't say anything about your precious Melissa. But brother, I won't give you the necklace. Find something else."
As he said this, he steered Arthur out of the room. As soon as Arthur was out of the room, Lucien decided to step on a landmine. Whether his brother was offended or not, he took the chance and said it, "Brother, remember you're adopted, you can't use my family to make women happy. You can only use it to make me happy."
Then he closed the door and locked it.
Yet another thing he didn't intend to say, but since he started this, not caring thing, he has felt exceptionally light. He doesn't have to keep things bottled up. He can look as much as he likes; he says what's on his mind sometimes.
It hasn't been long since his rebirth, but honestly, the time so far has been lovely.
As for Arthur, he had known since he was nine. He was eavesdropping on his parents. It was a simple conversation that mentioned him being adopted. They were trying to figure out when or if they would tell Lucien that Arthur was adopted. Even if they weren't related by blood, they were still family. He didn't need anyone to tell him otherwise.
Whether he was in love, lust or simply obsessed, it didn't matter; he would never give up the status of brother. It made them closer in a way that nothing else could. The fact that no one would be able to shake the status of brother. A lover can come and go, but you can't change the fact that they are brothers.
It was one of the things he liked about the arrangement.
Lying on the bed, he no longer thought about anything and allowed himself to fall asleep.