"Did I Get the Ability? …This Probably Doesn't Count as One."
In the world of Bleach, Aizen sat at his desk, expression calm as ever — though his gaze held the faintest hint of disbelief.
Because lounging atop a stack of documents like a lazy house pet was…
A tiny white creature.
"…What even are you?"
The small beast blinked up at him with wide eyes, tilting its head shyly. Its oversized rabbit-like ears twitched once, soft and fluffy.
"Fufu?"
Its voice was gentle. Innocent. Cute.
Aizen's expression didn't shift — but a subtle crease formed between his brows.
Not because he found it cute.
But because he could see what it actually was.
[Cath Palug (Fou / Fufu)]
[Growth Phase]
A fragment of the Beast of Comparison — one of the Seven Evils of Humanity.
A Beast-class entity born from humanity's own impulses: competition, jealousy, envy, and endless self-comparison.
Even sealed in a weakened "Growth Phase," its true nature was comparable to Beast IV — the same cosmic tier as the Primordial Earth Mother, Beast II (Tiamat).
In Type-Moon terminology, it was a Phantom-Spirit Beast with a unique designation:
[Primate Murder]
The absolute authority to kill primates —
Meaning humans.
Without exception.
Its Principle was:
[Principle: Comparison]
The root of all human conflict and self-destruction.
Envy → rivalry → escalation → collapse → rebirth.
Cath Palug grew as long as humans compared themselves, competed, progressed, and suffered.
It was an apocalyptic creature shaped from humanity's own evolution.
Aizen stared at it silently.
"…Primate Killer."
He raised one brow, expression unreadable.
This tiny, squishy furball was a cosmic monster.
A being capable of rivaling gods.
An existence that held absolute killing rights over humanity.
Aizen glanced down at his own hand.
Technically speaking… he was still a primate.
Which meant, theoretically…
This creature could slap him to death while he slept.
For the first time since becoming a Shinigami, a faint unease crept into Aizen's heart.
Fufu blinked innocently, as if trying to read his thoughts.
But to Aizen, that soft gaze felt like a sword hanging over him — silent, sharp, and unrelenting.
"…Sigh."
He raised his Zanpakuto.
"Fufu?"
The creature tilted its head curiously.
Aizen whispered calmly:
"Shatter — Kyōka Suigetsu."
Complete Hypnosis activated.
The atmosphere instantly relaxed.
"That's better," he murmured, exhaling softly. "A being not native to this world… comparable to the Mother Goddess herself. Just what sort of multiversal anomalies do these system rewards bring?"
He walked forward and gently placed a string around Fufu's neck.
A small Hōgyoku pendant dangled from it.
"You'd better not suddenly awaken and decide to eradicate mankind."
Before he could contemplate further, a message echoed through the group chat.
Yamamoto Mei: Aizen, what did you draw?
"…No point hiding it," he muttered.
He lifted the furry creature and snapped a picture.
Aizen: "[Picture] [Picture]"
The chat group instantly detonated.
Tohsaka Sakura: "So cute!!"
Nakiri Erina: "Adorable! Is it a cat? A rabbit?"
Shinobu: "Fufu~ Even its name is cute!"
Jibril: "HELLO?! Are we just ignoring the part about 'Primate Killer'?! Did none of you read that?!"
Uchiha Miyuki: "WAIT. WHAT?! Aizen pulled something on that level?! Wild."
Yamamoto Mei: "Aizen… you really are dangerous."
Aizen: "…Misunderstanding me isn't very kind, Miss Mei. I don't decide these rewards."
Esdeath: "So this little creature restrains primates. Meaning… most of us."
Jibril: "Not me! I'm a Flügel! Non-primate, totally safe~"
Kasumigaoka Utaha: "Would my dragon form count as a primate…?"
Nakiri Erina: "I can transform into a phoenix…"
Saitama: "Hey, I'm technically a primate too, right? Can this little furball defeat me? I kinda wanna test it."
Nerona Jaeger: "…No."
Jaeger: "With your manga logic, even Tiamat might not be able to scratch you."
Saitama: "Ehhh. Disappointing."
Luo Hao: "Absurd. Something that adorable can restrain even a God-Slayer?"
Uchiha Madara (soul): "Hmph. I don't believe it. I am Uchiha Madara! Even if it could restrain primates, it wouldn't get through my Susanoo or Rinnegan."
Nerona Jaeger: "Madara, even after becoming Six Paths Madara, you couldn't withstand Eight Gates Guy. Don't pretend."
Uchiha Madara (soul): "…Tch. I LET him kick me. I was demonstrating my resolve! I had a thousand ways to avoid it!"
Uchiha Miyuki: "BAHAHA! Madara's coping like crazy!"
Uchiha Miyuki: "Anyway — Madara, what did you get? Eriri and Aizen already posted theirs. Don't be shy~"
Uchiha Madara (soul): "I… haven't received it yet."
Luo Hao: "Hmm? Holding back on purpose? That's quite uncharacteristic of you."
Uchiha Madara (soul): "Heh. Naturally. I am far more composed than that wooden idiot Hashirama."
Nerona Jaeger: "More like you're scared the reward might suck, so you waited to see Eriri and Aizen's first."
Uchiha Madara (soul): "Lies! Baseless slander! I'm drawing now!"
--
Naruto World — Hidden Underground Layer
Deep beneath the surface of the world, in the silent cavern that had become his temporary domain, soul-form Madara Uchiha clenched his fist.
"Receive reward!"
A soft chime echoed.
[Congratulations: You have obtained — Shinigami Converter]
Madara froze.
"…Shinigami?"
A beat passed.
"…Hold on. Isn't that the world where Aizen and that reincarnated girl came from?"
Then it truly hit him.
"—Shinigami?!"
His spectral eyes widened as he called up the item description.
[Shinigami Converter]
[Single-use consumable item]
Forcibly converts any lifeform into a Shinigami of Soul Society.
Madara's lips curled into a wicked, triumphant grin.
"Hahahahaha! That wooden idiot Hashirama lost every gamble in his life — and once again, MY luck reigns supreme!"
Even as a soul, Madara threw his head back in laughter.
He wouldn't need to wait decades for resurrection.
Wouldn't need that manipulative brat Obito.
Wouldn't need Kabuto.
Wouldn't need ANYONE.
Destiny itself had chosen him.
He opened the chat group.
Uchiha Madara (Soul): "Guess what I just got? Look!" [Image]
Uchiha Miyuki: "WHOA! Career switch unlocked! From legendary ninja to Soul Reaper? You lucky bastard!"
Aizen Sōsuke: "Interesting. Its effect resembles the Hōgyoku's, though the ceiling seems lower. Still… I'm curious how far you can grow."
Yamamoto Mei: "…So now we have three Shinigami?"
Esdeath: "Why not? We already have multiple Devil Fruit users."
Uchiha Miyuki: "Oh yeah—Jaeger-sama! Weren't you going to give me the Slip-Slip Fruit for completing that Transmigrator Extermination mission? You got a huge reward out of it, didn't you?"
Uchiha Miyuki: "Oh, and Jaeger-sama — what Noble Phantasm did you get from killing Madara back then?"
Uchiha Madara (Soul): "'Killing me' sounds weird… but I want to know too."
Nerona Jaeger: "The Slip-Slip Fruit user's still alive. I'm tracking them."
Nerona Jaeger: "As for Madara… No new Noble Phantasm, but my Eye of Horus got a big upgrade." [Image]
Uchiha Miyuki: "WHAT?! Solar energy fusion? Sun immunity? A SUPREME Amaterasu?! That's insane!"
Kasumigaoka Utaha: "A divine upgrade indeed. Your ability far surpasses Shinobu-san's."
Kocho Shinobu: "He is Jaeger-sama. I cannot compare."
Uchiha Miyuki: "And didn't His Highness Jaeger completely counter the Captain Commander's Ryūjin Jakka? Yamamoto-san, thoughts?"
Yamamoto Mei: "…Even before the upgrade, the odds of winning were minimal."
Uchiha Madara (Soul): "…So I was actually quite the stepping stone, huh?"
Nerona Jaeger: "Oh absolutely. You helped me level up AND gave me a brand-new set of Rinnegan. A true MVP. Thanks, Madara."
Uchiha Madara (Soul): "…I suddenly regret reviving so quickly. Could I at least get my Rinnegan back?"
Nerona Jaeger: "Rinnegan? What's that?"
Uchiha Miyuki: "LMAO! Madara got scammed AGAIN!"
Madara rolled his spectral eyes.
"Fine, fine, I'll just use the damn item already—"
But a notification chimed first.
Nerona Jaeger: "Relax, I was joking. The Rinnegan's useless to me. I can't transplant anything with the Mystic Eyes of Death and the Eye of Horus. Here — take them back." (Gift Box)
Madara stared at the gift.
His pride burned.
Uchiha Madara (Soul): "Heh. Keep it. I've chosen a new path. I'll reach the top as a Shinigami."
He returned the gift.
Then activated the Shinigami Conversion.
Ding!
[Transformation successful — You are now a Shinigami.]
Madara blinked.
"…That fast?"
A tsunami of information crashed into his mind:
Shinigami techniques
Spirit energy flow
Zanpakutō principles
Shikai foundations
Bankai releases
Flash step mechanics
His soul condensed into a physical form — radiating immense spiritual power.
He looked at his palm.
Then clenched it.
"This power… No weaker than my Six Paths state. Maybe stronger."
His grin widened.
"Magnificent."
Madara vanished in a blur — his first Shunpo.
He re-opened the chat.
Uchiha Madara: "Success!"
Uchiha Miyuki: "Oh! The 'Soul' tag is gone! Congrats, Madara! So~ what's your power level now?"
Uchiha Madara: "Post-Bankai? Probably on par with Kaguya Ōtsutsuki. Maybe stronger. And I'm not even capped yet."
Aizen Sosuke: "You'll reach the limit eventually.
If you can't break it… I might assist."
Uchiha Madara: "Good. I'll remember that."
Uchiha Miyuki: "Madara-sama~ want to help teach Obito a lesson? He's trying to steal Rin-chan again!"
Uchiha Madara: "Hmph. I have no time for childish romance drama. I'm heading for Jaeger."
Uchiha Miyuki: "…Why?"
Uchiha Madara: "To test my strength, of course.
He's the strongest here. I want to see how far I've come."
Uchiha Miyuki: "…Okay, fair."
Uchiha Miyuki: "Jibril, do you still have Senzu Beans?"
Jibril: "I ate the last batch fighting Jaeger.
But I've just grown more."
Uchiha Miyuki: "Perfect! Send one to Madara after the battle!"
Jibril: "Sure. But Madara, start a livestream.
No stream, no bean."
Uchiha Madara: "Fine. But what even is a Senzu Bean?"
Uchiha Miyuki: "A miracle bean. Heals you instantly."
Uchiha Madara: "…Wait— You think I'm going to LOSE?"
Yamamoto Mei: "Obviously. You're still weaker than me. And Jaeger beat me instantly."
Uchiha Madara: "HAHAHAHA!! Excellent! Nothing fires my blood like a challenge!"
Uchiha Madara: "JAEEEGER! I'M COMING FOR YOU!"
Nerona Jaeger: "I'm at the Akatsuki hideout. You know where it is."
Uchiha Madara: "On my way!"
Naruto World — Akatsuki Base
Jaeger stepped out of Konan's room, adjusting his coat.
The quiet courtyard welcomed him.
Nagato stood at the gate — unmoving, dead-eyed, a puppet under Miyuki's control.
Jaeger patted the man's shoulder lightly.
"Thanks for keeping watch, Nagato."
Nagato, of course, didn't respond — but Jaeger's tone was casual, almost friendly.
Then—
"JAEEEGER! I'M COMING!"
Madara's shout echoed across the sky.
The earth trembled.
A shockwave burst upward.
A figure shot into the sky as if gravity meant nothing.
Uchiha Madara.
Jaeger's eyes brightened with interest.
"You adapted fast," he said, arms folded. "Didn't expect you to master Shinigami power this quickly."
Madara's hair swayed in the wind.
His eyes burned not with madness, but with purpose.
"I have you to thank, Jaeger," Madara said. "If you hadn't killed me, I wouldn't have joined the chat group."
There was no venom in his voice.
Only sincerity.
"Had I lived, who knows if I'd qualify?
So yes— I owe you."
Jaeger blinked.
This was Madara's version of gratitude.
Direct. Brutal. Honest.
"And this—"
Madara lifted a hand, grin widening,
"is how I show my thanks."
A black and crimson Zanpakutō materialized.
A terrifying spiritual pressure erupted from him — enough to warp air, bend space, and crack the earth below.
"Let's have a REAL fight, Jaeger!"
A livestream auto-triggered — Jibril's handiwork.
Madara whispered—
"Shikai — Rinne no Yaiba."
The world shook.
His spiritual pressure didn't just surge—
It devoured the environment.
White light wrapped around him.
His clothing shifted to a Sage-like form.
Truth-Seeking Orbs orbited him.
A war fan appeared on his back.
Twelve golden tomoe spun within each eye.
Uchiha Miyuki: "…Holy crap. That looks insanely cool."
Aizen Sosuke: "Impressive potential. He might surpass Shinigami limits sooner than expected."
Eriri Sawamura: "Saint Jaeger… He's not going to lose, right?!"
Madara's aura trembled with anticipation.
"I'll let you take the first shot, Jaeger!"
He grinned — bold, confident, alive.
A warrior reborn.
Ready to shake the world.
•••
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