"Aren't we going to the Halloween Feast? Harry? Er, Harry?"
I gritted my teeth against the Weasley's verbal spew. He had attached himself to me like some sort of parasite. Of all the many, many Weasleys, why did I end up with the least talented one?
"I don't like parties, Ron," I explained with forced patience.
Ron whined, "Come on, it'll be fun. Please?"
"No," I said. My self-proclaimed best mate trailed behind me like a stupid puppy.
I grumbled, "Oh, for Merlin's sake. Just go by yourself; I can hear your stomach growling from here."
The boy wrinkled his nose in confusion. "My stomach isn't growling."
"Then what is that…Oh."
I quieted at the sight of an enormous troll. Yanking my minion into the nearest room, I desperately cast every locking spell I knew on the door.
"This is the girls' loo!" the Weasley protested.
"There is a troll in the hallway. It will eat us…On second thought, maybe you should leave. I'll wait here."
"There's a troll?" a shaky voice asked from inside the stall. The tearstained, reddened face of Hermione Granger, a First Year Gryffindor, peeked out at us.
I sighed, "That is exactly what I just finished explaining. Now, if everyone would kindly shut up before it hears us and decides to investigate – "
At that moment, the troll's club smashed through the door, which is the main weakness of most locking charms. I'll admit that I panicked. Trolls are magically resistant, the Weasley was far too small to serve as a human shield, and two deaths in ten years is far too many.
"Evanesco troll," I murmured. The troll disappeared.
Hero worship filled my minion's Weasley eyes. "Wicked."
Hermione asked, "Where did it go?"
I shrugged. "Where does anything that's vanished go?"
We stood there for a few minutes, contemplating the nature of nonexistence. At least that's what I was doing. I don't know about the children.
Then, shortly after we all should have died horrible deaths via bludgeoning, the professors arrived.
Typical.
"What on earth are you thinking?" McGonagall demanded, "Why aren't you in your dormitory?"
"We were supposed to be in the dormitory?" the Weasley asked.
"Indeed," Severus purred, "but I suppose it is beneath you to listen to mere professors. Fifty points from – "
"Wait!" Hermione interrupted. "We didn't know we were supposed to be anywhere because we weren't at the Feast. I…I was helping Harry and Ron to study for Transfiguration and we lost track of time. We were going to the Great Hall when the troll appeared. Harry dragged us into the loo and we hid."
"And just where is the troll now?" Severus inquired, dark eyes glinting maliciously.
"I don't know sir," she said. "It couldn't find us, so it left a few minutes ago."
"I think it went to the left," I said.
Hermione sighed. "I'm not so sure. I never realized trolls could move so fast."
She stared up at the professors with big, innocent eyes. I grinned. Not only was Ms. Granger clever, but she was apparently an adept liar and surprisingly loyal, considering our previous lack of a relationship. If she was as talented at dueling as she was the simpler magics, she would resemble a younger, saner Bellatrix. As we hurried to our dormitory – dismissed by the professors – I seized the chance to recruit a new minion.
"Hermione," I said sweetly, "Do you want to be friends?"
Merlin bless the simple interactions of children.
...
Dumbledore peered across the desk at me as I squirmed in my seat. Admittedly, fighting a mountain troll was bound to be noticed. Particularly since they never found it.
"Lemon drop, Mr. Potter?"
I nodded, quietly pocketing the candy.
"How have you been settling in?" the old man asked kindly.
"It's been brilliant, sir," I said, carefully mimicking the diction of my classmates, "I've made friends with Ron 'n Hermione 'n a bunch of other Gryffindors. Charms is pretty neat, and I'm real good at potions. I don't think Professor Snape likes me much, though…"
Throughout this rambling speech, I'd kept my eyes firmly lodged on Dumbledore's desk. After all, I was just a timid little first year talking to the scary, scary Headmaster who could READ MY MIND.
Dumbledore chuckled, "That's just Severus' nature, I fear. Do not worry, my boy, he likes you as well as anyone. May I ask what about my desk is so fascinating?"
I winced. Dumbledore was diabolical, I knew, and far too skilled at seeing through my ruse. Now, I would have no choice but to stare into his twinkling, mind-reading eyes. What did First Years think about, anyway? I reluctantly looked up, a shy smile on my face and a few choice memories at the front of my mind.
"So, Mr. Potter" – he paused for a moment to skim my thoughts – "I've heard you like Quidditch?"
My eyes widened. "Doesn't everyone like Quidditch?"
Seemingly convinced of my innocence, the Headmaster cheerfully sent me on my way. I clutched the lemon drop in my pocket. I later subjected it to every diagnostic and detection charm in my repertoire, but I never could discover what he'd spiked it with.
I can only assume that he was using a particularly insidious poison.
...
"It's an invisibility cloak," Ron breathed, a look of awe on his face.
I studied the note tucked into its folds. It was unsigned and my paranoia was screaming to burn the cloak before it could be used against me.
"But who would send this to me?" I mused aloud. "I mean, this thing is worth more than your life, Ron. Honestly, I could sell your entire family and only be able to buy a few feet. And you have a very large family."
I didn't exactly have a lot of allies. The Potter family was dead and all of the wealthier Purebloods wished to murder me. In the end, I concluded that it must be the doings of Dumbledore.
I wasn't certain how this would be used against me, but there was no other reason for such a gift.
Dumbledore was a far greater dark lord than I could ever hope to be. He was fifty steps ahead of everyone else, so far ahead that – by the time his plans came to fruition – everyone involved had already died. My only hope was to throw him off balance by planning no steps ahead.
...
"Um, Harry?"
"Yes, Hermione?"
"Why are you a floating head?"
I grinned. "Somebody gave me an invisibility cloak for Christmas. These things wear out after a couple of years, so I figure I might as well use it. After tripping people got boring, I decided I'd just wear it like a regular cloak."
"Oh," the girl said, "I guess that makes sense."
...
"For heaven's sake, Harry, it's been three days, aren't you ever going to take off the stupid cloak?" Hermione groaned.
"The cloak isn't stupid," I insisted.
The Weasley sighed. "Mate, it's getting kind of weird."
"Look, it's very useful. I can use it to hide and freak people out, and it's great for spying. Actually, here, let me show you."
I closed the cloak around my companions. When the only person to pass by during the next several minutes was Longbottom, searching for his toad, Hermione looked about ready to storm away. Suddenly, a shrouded figure strode past.
"The Philosopher's Stone will soon be ours," the figure murmured.
"Ha!" I exclaimed. "I told you it was useful."
...
"I can't let anyone else get the stone," I told my minions. Luckily, they didn't notice that I said "anyone else" instead of "anyone."
"We're coming with you," the Weasley said, Hermione nodding in agreement.
I laughed weakly. Dumbledore was out of the castle and tonight was my one chance to steal the Philosopher's Stone. "Oh, you don't need to do that. I really don't need witness-er, companions. I've got this pretty well covered. I did defeat Voldemort, after all."
"You are not going alone," Hermione insisted.
Stupid, pushy minions.