"Alright fuckos, we are here to debate you before we kill each other for fun again across space and time." Jacob says cockily.
I chuckle nervously, nearly having a heart attack at how blunt Jacob is. And who we're talking to. It's Cato and a pretty nun. I don't like trying to cause a great disturbance in front of a nun. It complicates my soul a little. Cause she might die.
"What the fuck? What are we discussing?" Cato asks angrily.
"Everything that matters about our reality. I'm from a world where I know every issue tries to kill people over. And honestly, in this reality. You might be too depraved already. Let's begin with a basic issue. Being gay, lesbian, or bisexual." I say seriously.
The malice in the room becomes palpable. The church doors open on all sides, and civilians surge toward us. As always, the church is too united. I smirk knowingly. Let's see how long it takes to ruin their society. Especially cause a lot of them are fat. Too many actually. It's funny to me and Jacob. We can run away easily cause everyone is either old or fat except for the women. And we should be able to handle the average woman. There's only three fit women in this whole crowd. And every man is either a bit fat, or old.
And Jacob is badass as fuck. And I am decent. We can at least run away. Probably.
"Or kill society again." Jacob Deatrix thinks darkly to himself.
"I heard that Jacob! Quit being an anarchist over your liberal issues! Rapist of the Heart!" Cato yells angrily.
"I am not a rapist! They all lie cause they're bored! Including you! Dumb church bro!" Jacob snaps angrily.
"You had sex with me after you saved my brother!" Nun cries angrily.
"That was consensual! And I didn't know you were a nun!" Jacob says, defensive and annoyed.
I laugh.
"Ha. Jacob ruined a nun's life. Now she's ex-communicated or something." I say mockingly.
"No! I did three hail marys and helped with stuff! Shut up!" Nun snaps furiously.
She is a fit blonde white woman that is oddly beautiful. And is wielding a magical rifle with a strange array of circles around it. It's similar to a rifle August has. She's admitted to me those rings are typically to lower the weight of a weapon magically. But she admits it can have hidden effects. That's just the most likely card.
"Who cares? Let's just start a basic debate and see if we kill each other." I say angrily. "We want so many rights, it's fucking r@#$%edly obvious we're doing a shakeup on morality. I'm modernizing you people to what will be an illegal amount. Or wars happen eventually no matter what." I rant angrily.
Jacob and I in near unison flare up with malice as the church flares up with their own grins of malice. We are looking maddeningly in love with the reality of war.
Then August Caesar appears silently behind us, twenty feet away. Armed with something insane. A magical assault rifle with the aesthetic of a 1920s rifle.
"What the fuck is that? Are you a time traveler!?" I yell, utterly shocked and confused.
"Just uhhh… don't worry about that Henry. I stole your memories, that's what happened." August says happily. "I believe you about your alternate reality if it makes you feel better." she says with maddening glee.
She's in love with her new assault rifle. The church is traumatized already.
"Guys, think fast! We're entering a time travel scenario! There's time wizards around for this fight to keep the church alive!" August says with sarcastic glee. "It's why I fucking hate fighting the church!" she snaps angrily.
She stands firm, aiming her rifle at the blonde nun.
"We will still kill each other for fun though!" August says with happy bloodlust.
I cross my arms in a X, and swing them across my chest!
"NO! NO! We negotiate! Before murdering each other for fun." I beg desperately.
"But we hate gay people. Always. They're cringe. And they don't work well. They keep ruining things for me." Cato says angrily.
"Like what?" I ask angrily.
"They fuck too hard. Everything that moves. You shouldn't be bisexual or gay Henry. It ruins the dynamic of humanity." Cato argues angrily. "Gay people are a sin of lust that doesn't work forever. Toxic masculinity always brews its head to ruin their relationship."
Jacob strokes his chin thoughtfully at that last thought. He even looks at me, analyzing me for a moment. Then he looks back at Cato.
"Be that as it may, I still have hope that a gay relationship will work without us killing each other over something stupid." Jacob says, firm and hopeful.
I frown, annoyed. I analyze all my experiences with men and women in the previous reality.
Women become sadists or fucking whores too easily. Cause they can get bored and run away on a blowjob quest with ease. Or they decide to hate your guts for fun. Cause they're bored and like emotionally damaging you on a stupid quest to permanently uninvent the relationship. Cause they're dumb. And rude. Stupid bitches.
Men are annoying. They get bored easily. They get addicted to stupid things. Like work. Or being a fucking criminal. Women do that too. But honestly every relationship I've ever done with a man gets uninvented because of even a conversation with women. Toxic masculinity is real enough to make me wonder if this relationship with Jacob works.
"Women and men kill each other for fun instead of getting divorces still, Henry. What about that?" Blonde Nun says smugly.
Jacob and I are both annoyed by that. Jacob growls, frustrated by that. Then I laugh.
"I do not care, that is too toxic a relationship for me to salvage. They're probably both criminals." I say without a fuck to give.
"Regardless, we should be allowed the freedom to try it. With or without your permission." Jacob says angrily.
"You fucks are r@#$%ed. Did you really come here to debate this? We all know it's barely an argument. It's about free love, blah blah. It doesn't work cause it doesn't work. Give up. Both of you." Cato says angrily.
"Yeah, so… I guess I saw this coming on being gay. Let's try another iss-" I say nonchalantly.
"Just shut the fuck up and die." Cato says angrily.
I look at Jacob, and grin like a mad gambler.
"So do we start fighting now?" I ask warmly.
The grins of bloodlust become gritted teeth as the battle roars with the start of August opening fire on the crowd.
"Just vibe with August being a great shot!" Jacob says urgently.
Jacob is swinging his sword already without a care as if August is really that good. I run out the way while the gunfire erupts. They chase me with bolts of magic. I activate my Mana Shield to deflect their attacks.
It's been long enough that I've updated my spells. My shield has improved due to sheer practice and attuning to this world naturally by living here long enough. I withstand the storm of bullets long enough to hide behind the church's east wall.
I copy August, opening fire with ranged fire. My mana blasts rapidly firing into the crowd, making sure to avoid being too near to Jacob.
At first. Until he gets too fucking epic again. He starts speed dashing too hard to where it's obvious that we are both at both barely any risk of hitting Jacob. He's too fast. I literally see him snag one of August's bullets out of the air to smash into Cato's skull. Which was epic. I shot him in the back after that. Twice.
20 Church bros versus us three. A demigod and two ranged warriors. We can make this work.
"I heard that. I'm a demigod of technique. And you are too if you think like the wolf!" August yells teasingly with wisdom.
Everyone stops for a second to frown at August.
"Stop fucking yelling that at people! It ruins society!" Cato yells furiously.
"I don't care. Go fuck yourself." August says angrily.
August shoots Cato too. Her bullet drills into his skull a quarter of an inch, before he pries it out by sheer force.
All the other Church people are backed up. Most of them are traumatized. Except the three fit girls. And a fat fuck in plate mail that comes rushing out the church on a fucking golden cloud.
"Are you too fat to fucking walk!? Get outta here, loser." August taunts angrily.
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August POV
"Man, first of all! Time for obesity hacks! Fighting takes effort! One punch is equivalent to five pushups because you're that fucking fat!" August taunts and shouts furiously.
He starts flying back inside backwards awkwardly because of that. Cato points and yells at him.
"GOHAN! Go ham on him, you stupid fuck! You are our ultimate Priest of Death! We made you fat to be ultimate defense and offense! Mass plus speed equals force! Hit him! One shot! One kill!" Cato yells angrily.
"Yeah, but like we can all out run you!" I taunt angrily.
His cloud zooms at me with a sonic boom. I actually am prepared for this. Hardcore. I simulated this reality two hundred times. This whole month. Cause I am the Ultimate Gamemaster of this fucking town. I have too much stalker magic that gives me all the information.
And this fuck is a loser. That I can uninvent with logic. About how fat he is. And lazy. And stupid. And narcissistic. And delusional.
"Yeah, well I'm gonna rape you!" Gohan yells angrily.
"Sex takes effort! You have to thrust a lot to do sex!" I yell angrily.
He stares at me. So do the church men. The three women are annoyed, staring at Gohan. Then back at me. Then back at Gohan.
"Okay, but if I win, you ride me." Gohan barters calmly.
I facepalm. The women start yelling.
"ARE YOU THAT FUCKING FAT!? YOU'RE A RAPIST THAT WE SHOULD BAN! AND YOU EXPECT HER TO RIDE YOU AFTER YOU WIN!?" Blonde Nun yells furiously.
A woman that looks similar to Gohan speaks next. She is like him, but a hot woman with man face. Cause she's a bit more masculine than feminine. She wears typical nun clothes, except she has a longsword with a gold cross as the guard and grip. Which is rad. I bet both Jacob and I will argue about who gets to own that if we kill her today.
"GOHAN! APPEASE YOURSELF OF SIN BY KILLING HENRY FIRST!" Gohan's Mom? Yells furiously.
The third nun is a goth nun that is barely with the church. She is like a goth church whore. She wears a sexy version of a nun's outfit mixed with satanism. She has a skirt that ends at her knees, black stockings. A choker with an iron skull over the center of her throat. And a crown of thorns with red roses. She has black hair that hangs down to her chin. With two bangs that hang down to her shoulders. Shoes that are weighted. They are an idea she stole from Henry's mind illegally. Just like I have with this gun.
I have a small history with her. We were once women chatting about the men of this town. As women do illegally. I gave her information about Jacob to trick her into telling me what she knew about Henry. She wears steel toed sneakers that are just brown leather with the iron toes. And heels. She wanted both.
I have also witnessed her doing church crimes. Legally and illegally. It's not even frowned upon. She's just annoying. We keep trying to kill each other behind the scenes already. For so many reasons.
She was the first person I tried being a lesbian with. Former best friend turned enemies because she wanted brownie points with the church. And cash. Exposing a criminal of the church gets you net worth. Especially if they're willing to try punishing you.
It was a killing field every time we got near each other from that point. The church heals her legally. I heal illegally with my own magic.
It's sad to say I've won wars with the church already as a one man woman army due to sheer knowledge of death. And giving into the depravity of appeasement sex to invent murdering them next.
She is a sadist that gets off on ruining people. She literally masturbates to how she's hurt people. I stalked her hard enough to realize that.
She was talking during these thoughts. I open fire on her at this point. And that's when the war becomes real for me.
She's literally their strongest fighter besides Cato. She is number two. Cato is number one. And there's barely a difference in martial strength. It's political strength. She tries churching everyone too hard. Even her allies. It sabotages her too hard.
Cato is criminally nice. She is criminally intensely a inquisitor. They are both criminal, but I prefer Serena. She at least solves crimes sometimes. Cato ignores reality too hard.
That's why honestly… I can't kill Serena. I can't stop them from killing her in this intense a fight. Especially cause she fights too sadistically. She justifies murder with just how rude her mouth can be with blackmail. She always has too much information like all these Church people do. They all just haven't started shouting our sins at us.
We just opened fire.
Serena charges forward with lightning magic aiding her. She is within three feet of me within two seconds. She smooches me as a distraction of rape. To make me love her to hesitate. It makes me hit her harder with my fucking fist. In the throat.
She gags on it. She is not faster than me. Almost nobody is. It's a joke to think I'm a weakling. We are both of the same quality. We've fought each other too hard across space and time.
Reality begins re-writing itself. Serena is now standing up, staring at me angrily with a stern face and her arms crossed.
"You fucking did it again. You made a killing field simulation or whatever you call it." Serena pouts angrily.
"Who cares!? Take your fucking turn!" Jacob yells angrily.
"WE'RE RE-WRITING THIS! YOU'RE GETTING AMBUSHED! IN SEPARATE LOCATIONS NOW! CAUSE WE'RE THAT GOOD AT TIME TRAVEL!" Cato yells furiously.