As I came to, awareness flooded me, along with the realization that…
'That was real.'
It wasn't some dream. Or a dying hallucination that my failing mind conjured in its last moments.
'I'm really… is this really a second chance?'
A new life. A chance to begin again.
No worries. No burdens.
'Just me.'
It was everything I had ever wanted.
So why? Why did I so absolutely despise the relief I felt? Why could I never just enjoy something? Why couldn't I stop thinking about them!?
*****
"Can I go back? To my family?" I asked.
"Is that really what you want?"
It should have been what I wanted. Right? They're my family! Yet…
"... I don't know. But it's what I should ask, isn't it?"
"Maybe," he conceded.
"So is there an option for me to go back?"
"I know you, *****. So answer me honestly when I ask this.
If there was an option for you to go back, would you be able to decide between the two?"
"No. Probably not. I-I don't know."
"You know," he began. "You remember what she said, right? Your mom wanted you to focus on yourself. For you to be your number one priority. There's no reason for you to feel guilty, or to hesitate. This is your chance to do exactly that."
It had convinced me at the time. Some of it was due to the fact that I was sure it was a dream. But, most of it?
Most of it was because I wanted to try. To focus on myself, even if only for just a little bit. To be selfish.
Even if I didn't know how.
*****
I wished that were true. But that wasn't how feelings worked.
Even though I knew, logically, that it wasn't my fault that I had died, I still felt like a terrible son. Like I had failed them.
Would they be alright without me? How was my death affecting them? I hoped nothing bad happened to them.
But, perhaps the most selfish and terrifying thought of all…
Were… were all the people I was thinking of, even after death, thinking of me just as much? Or was I not even a thought in their head?
But, before my thoughts could spiral any further, a sense of weightlessness hit me. Like I was in an elevator.
Except, I wasn't in an elevator. As I looked around, a pit formed in my stomach as I saw all the people standing around, and the grayish blue interior of…
'Oh.'
Now I understood what he meant.
*****
"I know how hard it was for you to ask me for those perks. So, I'll give you five free spins as a reward," he said.
"Are you sure?"
"Don't worry, you'll need it."
"Why?"
"Let's just say I'm giving you a little push. Otherwise, you'd hem and haw forever. And nobody wants to see that."
*****
'A little push my ass.'
I was in the world of RWBY. Of course, that wasn't news to me. No.
What was, is the fact that I was at the end of the first and only episode I had ever watched. At least, aside from all the fanfiction I had read. On the Valean Airship heading to Beacon Academy.
Which meant one thing…
…Beacon's initiation was tomorrow.
The initiation which had its potential students flung off a catapult into a monster infested forest! If I didn't die from the landing, then the incapability to move due to all the broken bones I would definitely be having, wasn't going to make it very hard.
I wanted to be angry, but I just couldn't find it in me. He was the one who had given me another chance at life, even if it was appearing more and more to be much shorter than the last.
Plus, I was the one who had chosen to just be popped in. Not reincarnated and certainly not transmigrated. Nope. Being a baby again would drive me insane. And transmigration brought up too many questions that I would rather not bring up in the first place.
Due to this, I had chosen to be retroactively added into the world. So while I had only existed in it for a few minutes, it was as if I had always existed.
I probably had a birth certificate and social security number, credit card, etc. If any of those things even existed in this world.
But most importantly of all, no parents. The background I had picked was as simple as possible. Orphan.
'Though that still doesn't explain why I'm here… I'm fifteen, not seventeen! Maybe this is what he meant by one of the few changes he made to the world? But why would he cap my new age at fifteen? Why not just let me be seventeen?' A year, two, or three years younger didn't really matter to me, considering I had only been eighteen in my past life.
It was just weird.
I shook my head. 'There's no point in thinking about this now. I need to plan how to survive initiation.'
Because no matter how much I thought, it didn't change a few simple factors.
One, I had no training to speak of. I had thrown a punch once in my entire life and it was when I was ten.
Two, I had no Aura. You know, just the simple Physical Manifestation of Someone's Soul which essentially acted as a forcefield.
'He really threw me off into the deep end, didn't he?'
"I guess it's time to either sink or swim," I muttered to myself.
I wanted this, didn't I?
A life full of adventure. Of friends, and maybe, hopefully, love. But most of all, fun.
'Stop getting distracted! I can think about fun, adventures, and friends later. Right now, I just need to focus on keeping this life full of life rather than anything else.'
With that decided, 'It's time to gamble.'
And, just like that, a Roulette Wheel appeared in my mind.
Spin
Spinning… Spinning… Spinning…
Miniscule Boon of Spatial Awareness Obtained!
'Ah, yes. I'll really need the spatial awareness to notice when I'm falling to my death!' Aside from my sarcastic thoughts, I didn't notice anything different.
Spin
Spinning… Spinning… Spinning…
Miniscule Boon of Agility Obtained!
Again, I didn't notice any change.
Spin
Spinning… Spinning… Spinning…
Infinitesimal Boon of Thermoreception Obtained!
'I mean… I guess that could be useful?' I didn't really know how, but there was a chance. No matter how small.
Spin
Spinning… Spinning… Spinning…
Miniscule Boon of Proprioception Obtained!
'I know humans have a lot of senses, but this is getting a bit ridiculous.'
Spin
Spinning… Spinning… Spinning…
Infinitesimal Boon of Interoception Obtained!
'I don't even know what that is.' Thankfully, one of the things I had asked for was to bring my phone, from my past life, along with my headphones to this world. They also had infinite wifi and power. And if they broke, they would reappear the next day as good as new.
'Interoception is the body's ability to sense and interpret internal signals. Like pain, thirst, hunger, ect.'
'I… really needed that, luck, thank you so much.'
Okay. So that didn't help at all. Back up plan time.
'I need to find someone who would be willing to unlock my Aura. Which, now that I'm thinking about it, that's a pretty weird concept. Why is it locked? What is it locked behind?'
These weren't questions I usually thought about when reading, more so when I wrote. But experiencing it in real life, it just felt more imperative.
'Then again, the fact that people with Aura are more attractive to Grimm is a pretty reasonable explanation for why the people of Remnant would evolve to have it locked.'
'And… and… and, yeah, this… this isn't important.'
But believe me when I said that I really didn't want to talk to people. Not to mention when it would be me asking something from someone I barely knew. I sighed as I bent forward, covering my face with my palms, elbows resting on my knees as support for my head.
'I'm so screwed.'
Seriously. What. Was. I. Thinking.
Me, adventuring? I hated physical activity. And the sun and me? We just didn't agree with each other.
And friends? I hadn't had any actual friends my age since the first year of middle school.
In high school, I dreaded and hated the one guy who would always say, "Good morning," when we passed each other. Because then it meant that I had to respond in kind!
As for love? Yeah, no. Despite all my yearning for it, I don't quite think it was for me.
I mean, I was the type of guy who, when walking behind a girl, was too scared to look forward. I had to be looking at the wall or ceiling, because I was afraid someone would misconstrue my gaze.
And loving someone would require me to be vulnerable and honest. To be able to communicate and assert myself. Things that just felt impossible for me to do.
Let alone another person, I didn't even know if I loved my family. I wasn't even sure if love was an emotion I was capable of feeling.
And fun. Don't even mention fun.
"Is he alright?"
Me? Having fun? My idea of "fun," was sitting inside all day, either playing games, reading, writing, listening to music, watching Youtube, or occasionally, very occasionally, going for a walk.
Five hobbies. Five hobbies in eighteen years of living.
"Maybe you should go talk to him?"
I was pathetic. The only reason I had gotten this chance was because I was enough of a disappointment that even God decided to throw me a bone.
'You have a remarkable talent in self control and empathy. Yeah right.' If empathy and self control meant being a lying two-faced piece of shit, then sure, I was the perfect picture of it.
"C'mon sis, just talk to him! Try and make some new friends."
"But, Yaaaang…"
How was someone like me going to survive initiation? Simple, I couldn't. It just wasn't possible.
How was someone like me going to stop The Fall of Beacon and Vale's destruction? Again, I just couldn't.
There were only two things I could do. Either take a chance and hope I somehow survived initiation, which was suicidal, or go to Ozpin as soon as possible and tell him everything.
"Look at him, he looks harmless. Initiation hasn't even started and he's already shaking! Plus he's better than Vomit Boy over there."
"Um, are you sure he's alright…?"
"All the more reason to talk to him!"
"Wait, no, Yang!"
Effectively taking the situation out of my hands. Out of sight, out of mind and all that.
'That seems like a good idea,' I thought. With a plan in mind, I sighed in no small amount of relief, body sagging as tension left me.
"Are you—" Only for all that tension to come rushing back as a hand was suddenly on my shoulder!
"HOLY—" I nearly fell out of my seat due to flinching so hard. But, thankfully, I managed to get a hold of my composure, and not complete what I was about to say, by the time I looked up to see who touched me.
And there, I gazed into Silver Eyes. Eyes that were wide and panicked, adding onto that was a round face and an expression best described with the word, "mortified."
'Seriously? Out of everyone, out of every one on this stupid fucking airship, you come to me? No, no. That's not fair. Calm down.'
I closed my eyes for a moment, before opening them as I refocused.
"I-I'm so sorry!" She waved her hands frantically. Quickly glancing around, I suddenly fely small as I noticed all the people staring at us. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.
Why did she have to act in such an attention drawing manner?
"It's alright. It wasn't your fault," I said.
It was her fault. I mean, seriously, who went up to someone who looked like they were on the verge of a panic attack and placed a hand on their shoulder?! That'd surely calm them down!
"I'm just kinda nervous and, uh, not to mention easily startled."
"You're really not mad?" she asked, still unsure. Or maybe shy?
"I'm not." At my final confirmation, a tentative smile appeared on her face. Then, as if something just occurred to her, her eyes widened.
"Oh!" she gasped. "I'm Ruby. Ruby Rose."
"It's nice to meet you, Ruby. I'm Azure," I said.
And then… complete and utter silence. As if all the prospective students on the ship with us decided to be quiet as we stared unsurely at each other.
This was the worst. A meeting between two introverts, each one hoping the other would carry the conversation on their back.
Though the silence seemed to be more of a problem for her than me. Because the longer time stretched on, the more and more she seemed to sag in defeat. As if each second passed without a spoken word was a physical blow to her confidence.
I sighed inwardly. Since she wasn't going to do it, I would have to. Like always.
"Thanks for trying to… cheer me up? It was very kind of you." And it was. Even if I would have really preferred she hadn't.
"Um, it was nothing," she said, averting her eyes and sheepishly rubbing the back of her head.
She then seemed to perk up as an idea came to her. All her actions really did was make me wonder how it was possible for someone to be so expressive.
"It's just, I want to be a Huntress to help people, you know? And I saw you and thought, 'He looks like he needs some help,' and, yeah. Um, so…"
Her eyes lit up.
"So why do you want to be a Huntsman? You looked so frightened earlier and—" she put a hand to her mouth, "—I didn't, I mean, uhm—"
"It's fine." I cut her off to prevent her from spiraling any further.
Despite her accidentally implying I was a coward, I didn't get irritated or down about it. Honestly, I don't think there was something someone could say that would hurt me. Because there was nothing that I hadn't told myself a hundred million billion times before in the countless self pity parties I had thrown.
And…
… actions hurt more.
'Or the lack of actions,' I thought. A moment later, as I dragged myself out of my head kicking and screaming, I noticed that Ruby's head was hanging, bangs covering her eyes. I figured she was probably beating herself up about what she said. I could relate.
This was probably the perfect chance to make her go away. As long as I didn't say anything, she probably would too.
And that was tempting. It was really tempting to just let her leave once she eventually convinced herself that she failed at making a new friend, and probably made the person in question feel bad about themselves in the process.
Of course, that was if that happened. But I was a top class introvert, so I felt pretty spot on with my prediction.
Yet despite knowing all that, I couldn't. Sure, it would make me feel relieved in the moment to get her to go away, but I would feel worse later if I didn't say anything.
That would make both of us feel like shit. If I instead decided to feel worse now, I could at least make her feel a tiny bit better.
"To be honest, that's one of the reasons why." I had considered lying. I didn't.
She lifted her head. "What?"
"I want to be better than I am now. That's my reason for becoming a Huntsman. And if, in the process, I can help people… why not, you know?"
That was the entire reason I accepted his offer. Yet, somehow, it already felt like I had failed.
That was also the reason I had picked the Roulette of Minor Boons. The harder it was for me to do something, the more spins I would get. If there was something to help get rid of a lifetime full of inaction and conflict avoidance, the Roulette was it.
'Real helpful so far, thanks.'
Removing myself from my thoughts, I saw Ruby smile. And it wasn't the small, unsure thing she had earlier. No.
It was bright, it was wide, and it was genuine. She looked like I had just handed her the world.
It made me feel the slightest bit better about myself and my decision. But, more so…
… it made me wish that I could smile like that. And hate the fact that I couldn't all the more.
'One day,' I told myself that, but like many things…
… it just felt like a lie.
We talked for a few more minutes until Yang came over and pulled Ruby away as the airship landed.
*****
"See? Told you he was harmless,"
"Yeah, maybe Beacon won't be so bad! Maybe I can be a girl with normal knees," Ruby exclaimed.
"That's it little sister!" She wrapped an arm around Ruby, grinning.
"Now, I gotta go."
And, then, suddenly, she was gone.
"Wait, what?!"
*****
I continued sitting on the airship bench(?). With my eyes closed, I stared at the thing that popped up as soon as Ruby left.
You have Obtained 5 Spins from talking to Ruby Rose
'Okay,' I thought. 'Maybe this is doable.'