Leaning my back against the side wall, I stretched one leg along the windowsill and thought.
So, the Seven were not mistaken. I had ended up in the body of Joffrey Baratheon. That was how I had imagined this guy — and Ser Boros's address of "Your Majesty" implied that I was indeed the king, and not just anyone. I could also accept that it was now the morning of the first day of the new year, the 301st year since Aegon Targaryen's Conquest.
Let's take it for granted that I made it safely to Westeros — something I hadn't truly believed until the very last moment. Or rather, it wasn't disbelief, but doubt that everything would actually work out. Now those doubts are behind me, and I have to think about what to do next and how to proceed.
Of course, I had prepared well, but it wouldn't hurt to go over everything in my head one more time — I wouldn't be able to sleep in this state anyway.
So: I am Joffrey Baratheon, First of His Name, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, King of the Andals, the Rhoynar, and the First Men, Protector of the Realm. As they say, there are plenty of capital letters in all those titles.
True, not all Seven Kingdoms obey Joffrey now — fewer, in fact. He himself is spoiled, cruel, and prone to aggression and sadism. He is also cowardly and suspicious.
Of course, that's not exactly me, but my predecessor, so to speak. The problem is that most people consider him — and now me — to be just that. At the moment, they judge me by his past actions, which, to be honest, were neither dignified nor intelligent. Joffrey is very young, but a certain reputation has already formed around him. And that reputation stinks of rot.
He ordered Ned Stark's execution — for which he is hated by the entire North and the Riverlands, where Ned's wife, Catelyn Tully, hails from. Sansa Stark fears him for her father's death and countless humiliations, though she hides it skillfully. The younger girl, Arya, recites a list of names each night before she sleeps — all those who, in her opinion, deserve to die. Joffrey's name is on that list.
Stannis Baratheon, like half of Westeros, believes I am the product of incest between Cersei and Jaime Lannister. He despises me and dreams of taking the throne.
The North lies low, with Winterfell smoldering in ruins. Lord Roose Bolton seems to remain loyal to the Lannisters, but even there, things are… complicated.
House Martell, the princes of Dorne, sincerely hate the Lannisters — and me along with them. Only a trifle keeps them from open rebellion.
The Greyjoys have proclaimed an independent kingdom on their islands and are gleefully drenching Westeros in blood.
Of all the Great Houses, only the Lannisters unconditionally support Joffrey — and the Tyrells, lords of the Reach, whose daughter Margaery I am to marry today.
Only two of the Seven Houses are truly loyal, not counting my own lords and knights here in King's Landing.
True, there are also the Freys. Quite recently, at Tywin Lannister's instigation, they staged the Red Wedding — killing Robb Stark, his mother Catelyn, and countless Northerners.
And then there is House Arryn — as lofty as its honor — where Petyr Baelish, nicknamed Littlefinger, was recently sent with the task of winning that great house over to our side. However, the Wardens of the East are merely biding their time and could turn against King's Landing at any moment.
And far to the east, on another continent, Daenerys Stormborn begins her heroic journey toward power. If all goes according to plan, in a few years her dragons will be grown, she'll resolve her economic, political, and human challenges, gather her forces, and cross the Narrow Sea to reclaim the throne of her ancestors.
That covers foreign affairs. Now it's time to look at my own family — and the family of my future wife.
The Lannisters are ruled by Tywin, Warden of the West. He is my grandfather and regards me with contempt. Over the years, Joffrey has done nothing to earn even respect, let alone affection, from such a man. Tywin supports Joffrey simply for lack of a better option. In his eyes, I am utterly insignificant, and the best thing I can do — from his point of view — is not to be stupid, not to meddle in affairs that aren't mine, and not to interfere while serious men do serious work.
Tywin serves as Hand of the King. He is supported in everything by his younger brother, Kevan, the Master of Laws. Kevan has many children — but I'll return to that later. There was another brother, Gerion, who went missing in the Smoking Sea. My second cousin, Daven, seems to be fighting in the Riverlands.
My official mother, Cersei — Tywin's daughter — holds the title of Queen Regent. She is a malicious, domineering woman whose greatest flaw is that she vastly overestimates her own intellect and believes herself gifted in intrigue. If things go as they will, and Tywin dies, Cersei will seize unlimited power — and everything will quickly fall apart. Cersei loves Joffrey and spoils him accordingly, and all her actions have only ensured that the boy never grew into a normal person.
Then there's Uncle Jaime — who is, in truth, my father. Once, before he lost his hand, he was a magnificent warrior. His leadership skills are weaker, and he has no gift for intrigue at all. He's used to solving problems with his sword, his name, and sheer force.
The cleverest of the Lannisters is Tyrion. The trouble is, everyone else — except Jaime — either underestimates him, ignores him, or outright despises him, like Cersei and Joffrey did. Tyrion is intelligent, cunning, and sharp-tongued, but he's long since grown used to Joffrey's hatred.
My younger brother, Tommen, remains in the Red Keep, while my sister Myrcella is in Dorne — and I'm absolutely certain Joffrey never truly cared about either of them.
The Lannisters are the richest house in Westeros. The Tyrells, on the other hand, are the most numerous — and it is with them that I must form an alliance.
In truth, the Tyrells are ruled by Lady Olenna, the Queen of Thorns — Margaery's grandmother. Her son, Mace, is the nominal ruler: a vain, not particularly clever, and rather pompous man who now sits on the Small Council as Master of Ships. Mace has four children — three sons: Willas, Garlan, and Loras, and a daughter, Margaery. These people intend to support both the Lannisters and Joffrey — naturally, in their own interests.