Silence was palpable, thickening, heavy, and charged. It made me nervous, waiting for her response until she does.
"That kiss was a reminder that you're mine," Mirxalyn replied coldly, but her voice was thick and deep, filled with possessiveness. However, there was a hint of fear of losing me at the edge of her tone before continuing, "Nobody or anything will take you away from me as long as I live."
In some ways, I could understand what she was aiming to say, but some confused me. "Mirxa, don't confuse me more than you already were. So, please answer me with your truth." My voice might be soft, but it was tight as I pleaded for an answer. I demanded it since confusion was something I don't need crawling inside me, especially in my heart. "Please don't dodge it. Trust me with your truth."
She clenched her jaw again, swallowing the words threatening to come out before looking away, saying, "Just...just take it. You're mine, and I'm yours."
Possessive. I knew it, but something twitched inside me, making me daring and bold. I grabbed her face, making her look at me - really look at me. "You're not getting away with it this time." My softest voice earlier turned annoyed and firm, ensuring she could hear what I was about to say to her. The heat from my annoyance made me continue, saying, "Can you stop doing that?"
"Stop what?" She asked coldly, trying to dodge bullets from me, but I'm not letting her.
"Stop confusing your wife, Mirxalyn," I answered firmly, admitting the confusion she had been giving me lately. And by hearing that, there goes her signature jaw-clenching, calculating words to say, making me wait patiently. But instead, she looked away, creating a small distance to breathe from me, which somehow stung my chest and hurt me. "Mirxa, look at me, please. You don't go and kiss me breathlessly, then pretend it's nothing. It hurts you, you know."
When I admit it, her stoic expression softened as she glanced at me for a second before looking away again, saying, "I'm not pretending…"
I knew it. I get it. She is trying to hide her feelings, but she is making mine surface. My bothersome feelings from our bond, and my annoyance with her unpredictable gestures, were something I could not hold together anymore. They were overflowing already, and tears fell before I could stop them.
"I'm so done." I muttered softly, stepping away, creating a few feet gap away from her before continuing, "I can't deal with this anymore." I was shaking, my hands and my body were crumbling from composure, and my tears were falling openly. With heartache, confusion, and defeat, I managed to add, saying, "Mirxa, I tried, but I...I can't..."
"Bernila, what do you mean?" Mirxalyn asked coldly, almost cracking at the edge, but I shook my head, smiling sadly.
"I can't do it anymore, Mirxa." I answered brokenly, smiling sadly at her before continuing, "I tried to be your wife regardless of how it started."
"I already told you, it's more than that..." She tried to defend herself, but I had enough.
"And you had a good way of showing it by confusing me." I refuted sarcastically. She looked intently at me, her jaw was clenching, finding the right word to say, but I didn't give her a second to do so. I continued, expressing it before it consumes me later, "You're cold, but you're warm. You're distant but possessively caring. You're commandingly intimidating but protectively gentle. You're an unpredictable storm that I could not phantom than the rest. Honestly, I'm intrigued, but you won't let me. So, tell me, where can I put myself in this marriage, Mirxa?" Mirxalyn clenched her jaw again, avoiding my eyes for a few moments, and that's it. With a sad smile, I let go, saying, "Okay, I get it. But please do me a favor, don't give me false hope. I don't need half-baked truth anymore."
"Bernila…" she whispered softly, making me flinch a little as I tried to walk out with Reaper's help.
"I've been there, Mirxalyn. I don't need to go back where I died. I don't need you or anyone else to bring me back there. I'm tired of it. I'm sick of it." I said weakly, attempting to head back to the bedroom but stopping mid-way, adding, "And one more thing, don't call my name like I matter, like I'm your world when you don't even show it to me. Just don't, please. Let's just be married in papers."
I walked back into the bedroom with Reaper, changing carefully, but Mirxalyn's presence still lingers and watches me carefully. I wanted to push her out so I could change peacefully, but I had no strength after my relapse. I was about to put on new comfy clothing when I heard her click her tongue, making me remember my scars.
"Don't look," I said softly, hiding my old scars, hoping she would leave, but she didn't. Instead, she was already standing behind me, suddenly tracing my scars delicately against her fingertips. I jolted. I shivered from the featherly contact that she was making against my scar, and I got scared. Painful memories flooding in, whimper in submission. "P-please, s-stop…d-don't…"
I tried to remain composed, but I'm failing miserably. Her featherly touches tracing my scars, making me crumble, whimpering. I want her to stop, but I'm still weak, and all I could do was stand still, tremble under her delicate touch, which was later followed by butterfly kisses. My scarred skin met her soft lips that barely touched them, and I trembled, crying and surrendering something I held tightly in me. The only thing that kept me alive, and now she is claiming it. But, this isn't right if she's not going to take responsibility for it.
I gathered my strength and made her stop holding me like I'm her world, slapping her in the process as I faced her. Her head twisted, almost losing her balance from the sudden slap, as I prayed I didn't ruin her beauty. But at the moment, I have to let this turmoil out.
"DON'T GIVE ME TOUCHES THAT SOON WILL BURN ME INTO RUINS!" I shouted, crying, crumbling before continuing weakly, "Please, Mirxa...please, don't take my heart that I'm healing with you and later crush it." I begged brokenly because I couldn't; my heart was the only thing that kept me standing, and I don't want or need someone who would later leave me hanging. I won't be able to bear it anymore. "Please…I'm begging you…don't take the only thing I'm trying to survive with…"
I broke down. I cried openly at her, letting her see my vulnerability because right now, I don't care. However, my wife didn't make any sounds, movements, or leave me breaking down on my own; instead, she stayed. Weakly, I glanced at her, only to see her stoic expression, still unreadable. But somehow, her steady gaze held softness and care.
"I don't need your pity..." I muttered softly, almost like a whisper, but she didn't care. She draped her hands instinctively around my waist, pulling me gently and protectively closer to her.
"I'm not." She replied coldly, softly, and since I can't push her away, I let myself melt in her arms. "And who said about taking it when you already took mine?"
I'm speechless. I pulled away to look at her, studied her, trying to see if there were any faulty words, but there were none. All I could see was the sincerity, but I'm still confused about her unpredictable gestures, leaving emotions that were new to me, and this feeling that I was still afraid to claim. But it was already there, crawling, making way not just to my heart but to my entire body, and I'm scared.
But I heard her sigh, softening even more before kissing my temple dearly and confessing sincerely, "I have plenty of reasons why I'm being like this. Mostly, you already noticed that I'm not used to affection. I don't publicize my affection, even with my family; I don't show it."
"Why? What made you put them at arm's length?" I wondered curiously, as I let her guide me to the edge of our shared bed and sit.
"Bernila, I'm their queen. I have to be their strength, even if I have to be a monster, I will just to protect my people, my family, and you." She answered firmly, but gently, as she sat beside me, holding and caressing my hands.
It was a simple gesture, but my heart already did a somersault. I tried to remain composed, but my tone cracked at the edge, wondering, "Me?"
"Especially you." Her lips curved up, confirming my guess. But her expression went serious when she expressed something based on her past, saying a reminder, "Bernila, remember, I can't let them see my vulnerability and later betray me. It happens once, and I'm not letting it happen again. Not that you're married to me now."
Again, my tongue was caught in my throat. I'm speechless, trying to come up with excuses, battling what the right words to say without hurting her. But when I felt her trembling hand try to cup my face, I felt the wave of fear coming from Mirxalyn. The kind of fear she had been suppressing for a very long time until I came into her life. The conflict emotions that have been tucked away inside. It was a kind of vulnerability that she didn't let anyone see in her. Somehow, I understand why she masked them away so no one would used it against her.
I sighed as I held her hands, resting on my face, feeling her emotions rushing between us - our mate bond. I could tell she felt it too because she was leaning closer, almost brushing her lips against mine. My breath caught in my throat, whispering her name, "Mirxa…"
"I like my bond with you, Bernila." She whispered gently before pulling away, adding something serious, "But I don't want you to be troubled over something you're not ready to uncover. At the right time, it will unfold without being questioned, and you'll understand them. But right now, all you need to know and trust is that all I care about is you and your well-being." It may be serious, but they were sincere enough to make me lean on her gentle touch. Then she continued, saying carefully, "You might be confused by my gestures in public, but rest assured, I only do that to keep the threat away. And I hold myself around you because I know the pain of your yesterday. I don't want to rush you. I need you to be healthy because if we do our honeymoon right now, I'm not sure if your body could sustain mine."
"Honeymoon...shit..." I thought, gulping in the process as I instantly blush - tomato, and tried to hide it by glaring at her, but failing miserably. I whined instead, "Mirxa..."
There was a soft giggle that escaped from her lips before advising, "Love yourself first because the rest will follow, and I'll be here in every step you'll take."
"Why you!" I was taken aback, blushing, but still annoyed over the tag-of-war that we're doing. I frowned, muttering softly, "Why, when I decided to let you go, and keep things in paper, but here you are pulling me in even more…"
"Well, you're my wife." She grinned smugly, sending the pain away from earlier, and turned into irksome feelings crawling under my skin. I stared at her like she grown two heads, but the more I did, the more I saw her hopeful gaze, making me sigh.
"This woman…my wife…really had her pull around me." I thought annoyingly. I tried to stay mad and hurt, but she had this way, this healing effect that I found myself leaning into. I don't like it, but I don't hate it either. With squinted eyes, I sighed, giving up as I rolled my eyes, admitting, "You're annoyingly insufferable."