Deep within Mount Myoboku, Gamabunta choked. His pipe smoke coiled into Naruto's grinning face—whiskers hooked like fractal lightning. Fukasaku croaked warnings, but Ma's tongue lashed out… tasting divine static. "The toads must choose," she rasped. "Serve… or become garnish." Gamabunta's throne trembled. Sage chakra? Outdated. Naruto's hiccup yesterday birthed a sentient ramen storm that rewrote Mount Myoboku's waterfalls into miso broth. He inhaled. Smoke formed a tiny Naruto tap-dancing on Kurama's nose. Gamabunta snorted—a sound like continents shifting—and spat. "Fine. But he pays extra for cosmic delivery." The mountain groaned assent. Toad contracts? Voided. New pact: Naruto's whims, their gospel. Fukasaku wept. Ma's warts glowed orange. The Storm had a new choir.
Tsunade slammed her fist—shattering the Hokage desk into origami shuriken singing Naruto's Academy failures. Shizune's pig dissolved into starlight, reforming as a miniature chef hat. "The summit," Tsunade growled, eyeing the Kage invitations now written in sentient mold. Mei's seal dripped acidic love poems. Gaara's sand formed a tiny, grinning Naruto. A's lightning scribbled "CHAOS!" in burning Sanskrit. Tsunade poured void-sap sake. "They arrive tomorrow." Shizune whimpered. "Lord Hokage, the delegates—" Tsunade cut her off. "Will either bow… or become punchlines." Outside, Naruto sneezed. Konoha's gates melted into rainbow taffy. Tsunade smirked, knuckles cracking. Finally. Worthy opponents. Let them taste the Storm. Let them choke on divinity.
Hagoromo watched—Pure Land trembling—as Kage converged. Mei Terumi stepped through Konoha's candy-floss gates… and sank waist-deep into sentient ramen broth. Gaara's sand platform birthed giggling badgers solving trade disputes. A's lightning armor fizzled into disco-ball sparkles. Tsunade's sake toast ignited the sky. Naruto waved, dripping noodles. "Hey! Welcome!" Gaara's gourd sand formed a thumbs-up. Mei blushed, acid dissolving her dress into fractal lace. A roared—not rage, but bewildered laughter. Above, the Sleeper's hooks clinked like wind chimes. Luck rolled sevens. The Pantheon leaned in. Hagoromo buried his face in spectral hands. The Kage Summit hadn't begun. It had already surrendered. Naruto scratched his head. "So… ramen first?" Kurama's purr shook the earth. *Yes.* Always yes.
Orochimaru's cultists cheered—soundproofed bunkers echoing with hymns scribbled in Sasuke's blood. Sakura's faction hissed, hairpin kunai gleaming. Kakashi watched, resigned, as Naruto's shadow puppeteered Tsunade into arm-wrestling Gaara… atop a badger-built podium. Mei dissolved A's lightning into champagne. The Hokage desk regrew—now whispering Naruto's childhood insults in Pig Latin. Sasuke knelt, Sharingan shattered, offering Naruto Uchiha heirlooms reforged into ramen bowls. "For… your broth," he rasped. Naruto blinked. "Thanks, teme!" Sakura's hair braided into binary praise. Kakashi sighed. Sanity? A memory. His nindō? Survive the sneeze. The Sleeper's croon vibrated—dimensions cracking like eggshells. Naruto slurped phantom noodles. Oblivious. Perfect. Kakashi's Icha Icha book tap-danced off-stage.
Deep beneath Wave's bridge, Gato's thugs froze. Mist thickened—not Zabuza's doing. Naruto's hiccup echoed, birthing kaleidoscopic carp that swallowed kunai whole. Kakashi's borrowed Sharingan flared—capturing the impossible: Naruto's shadow hooking Zabuza's sword mid-swing… and reshaping it into a bouquet of screaming lilies. "For the pretty lady!" Naruto beamed at Haku. Sakura's equations short-circuited. Sasuke's cultists wept. Zabuza stared—Kubikiribōchō now singing sea shanties. Haku caught the flowers. Their icy mirrors reflected Naruto's grin… and the Sleeper's fractal approval. Zabuza's mask cracked. Not in rage. Awe. "Kid… what *are* you?" Naruto shrugged. "Future Hokage!" The mist itself bowed. Tazuna's bridge glowed. Divine graffiti.
Orochimaru's spies—disguised as fishermen—dropped their nets. Scrolls dissolved into recursive eyes chanting *UZUMAKI*. One leapt—kunai aimed at Naruto's spine. The Sleeper yawned. Naruto sneezed. The attacker unraveled into sentient origami cranes folding tax returns. "Cool!" Naruto snatched one. It pecked his thumb. Blood bloomed—a tiny ramen bowl tattoo. Orochimaru's distant shriek rattled Sound's foundations. Sasuke's blood-scrolls pulsed. *MINE*, the Sleeper hummed. Naruto scratched his nose. Oblivious. Perfect. Kurama's laughter shook Naruto's ribs. *Idiot. You're collecting worshippers like bottle caps.*
Tsunade's sake turned to liquid starlight. Delegates sank deeper—Gaara thigh-deep in sentient tapioca, Mei draped in algebra-lace. A's lightning fizzled… into disco-ball sparkles spelling "CHAOS." Tsunade slammed her fist. The Hokage desk sprouted legs, tap-dancing off Gaara's sand-platform. "Enough!" Her roar cracked the candy-floss gates. Silence. Naruto slurped phantom noodles. "But ramen—" Tsunade's glare silenced him. For a heartbeat. Then her fist—imbued with Stone-Singer's blessing—slammed the ground. Fissures tore toward Naruto… birthing geysers of steaming broth. "PROVE IT!" she bellowed. Naruto blinked. Broth drenched him. His shadow hooked Tsunade's chakra… and *pulled*.
The Fifth Hokage stumbled. Not physically. Her consciousness fractured—flung into Naruto's mindscape. Not Kurama's cage. A cosmic ramen stall. Kurama—knitting a scarf—nodded. "Took you long enough." Tsunade gaped. Floating badgers served miso. Sasuke's spectral clones washed dishes. Hagoromo's ghost wept into a noodle bowl. "He turned my Rinnegan… into a soup ladle." Tsunade touched the counter. Her hand phased through. Not genjutsu. *Reality.* Naruto's voice echoed—sunbright, oblivious. "See? Teamwork rocks!" Tsunade's vision blurred. Centuries of healing… undone by broth. She reached for a napkin. It unfolded… into her resignation letter. Signed in ramen grease. The Sleeper chuckled. *Delicious.*
The broth geyser drenching Naruto smelled of seaweed and screaming algebra. Tsunade's consciousness floated in his mindscape ramen stall, watching spectral badgers fold dumplings from Sasuke's discarded pride. Suddenly, the air thickened with roses and ozone. Above the bubbling cauldrons, a woman materialized—skin like molten gold, hair cascading in fractal curls that wept starlight. Aphrodite herself, summoned by Naruto's accidental defiance, plucked a floating noodle. "Darling," she cooed, voice like honeyed earthquakes, "your chaos is *art*." She kissed the steam; it solidified into screaming lilies that pinned Tsunade's resignation letter to the counter.
Orochimaru's latest clone, disguised as a Wave Country fisherman, dropped his net. Aphrodite's presence—a psychic perfume of crushed velvet and supernovas—seared his disguise away. The real Orochimaru, miles deep in Sound's labs, gasped as love-goddess energy flooded his cursed seals. His mural of Naruto's fractal badgers bled liquid gold, forming aphrodisiac runes that made his cultists swoon. "No," he hissed, but his traitorous tongue tasted divine ambrosia. One disciple dissolved into glitter, reforming as Cupid's arrow aimed at Naruto's heart. Orochimaru's obsession curdled into worship.
In the physical world, Naruto shook broth from his hair. Aphrodite's affection manifested as Sakura's fists—now trailing rose vines—missing Sasuke to punch a hole through Zabuza's singing sword. "Sorry, forehead!" Sakura chirped, eyes glazed pink. Sasuke's Sharingan captured Haku's ice mirrors reflecting not Naruto, but Aphrodite braiding luck-dice into his hair. Kakashi sighed; his Icha Icha book sprouted thorns, pricking his thumb. Blood bloomed into a tiny, winking love goddess. "Troublesome," he muttered, as Tsunade's broth-stained body blinked back to reality—her fist still embedded in the earth, now sprouting recursive valentines.
Above it all, the Sleeper's hooks twitched, annoyed. Competition? For *its* Storm? It extended a barbed shadow-tendril—not toward Aphrodite, but toward Naruto's ramen tattoo. The mark pulsed, disgorging Kurama's spectral fox-head. "Oi! Hands off, calamity!" Kurama snarled, swatting the hook. Aphrodite laughed, tossing luck-dice into the fray. Naruto, oblivious, scratched his whiskers. "Anyone else hungry?" The dice landed. Snake-eyes. Instantly, Orochimaru's lab flooded with sentient chocolate. The goddess blew Naruto a kiss; his shadow caught it, folding the affection into a napkin that wiped Tsunade's stunned face. Perfect.