Chapter 247: Another Evil Day Today
At the school gate.
A lively girl with long, wine-red hair strutted out, her posture full of confidence and ridiculous energy. Her hands rested firmly on her hips, and her lips curved into that signature goofy grin that screamed trouble. The wind caught her voice as she raised it dramatically to the sky, her tone full of theatrical arrogance:
"Tsk tsk, today is... another evil day."
The words hung in the air for a second before being carried off by the breeze, leaving nearby students exchanging awkward glances. Some giggled; others sighed in quiet disbelief.
...
I am Satanichia Kurumizawa Mcdowell—the future ruler of Hell! The one destined to become a super S-class demon feared across every realm!
Yet after descending into the human world, I encountered my ultimate nemesis—the vile fallen angel, Gabriel.
That lazy, golden-haired, slothful creature! The greatest obstacle standing in the way of my glorious rise to power!
To crush her once and for all, I invested my allowance wisely—purchasing the most powerful artifacts from the Demon World Shopping Channel. The acupressure shoes were but one tool in my arsenal... a small piece of my grand strategy!
Foolish Gabriel, tremble beneath my might! Beg for mercy! Cry until your tears form a river of despair!
"Ahahahaha—!"
Her exaggerated evil laugh echoed down the street, causing heads to turn. People whispered, eyes wide with both amusement and confusion.
Satania abruptly stopped laughing and straightened her uniform, trying to maintain a shred of dignity as she marched forward.
These lowly humans... their stares were meaningless. One day, they'd all kneel before her and build temples in her honor. Still, her stomach gave a pitiful growl.
"Ugh... I'm hungry. I could really go for a pineapple bun right now..."
Her eyes lit up with inspiration. "Maybe I should declare pineapple buns the official sacrificial offering for humanity!"
She paused, her face twisting in frustration. "Why did I only bring two this morning?!"
As she walked, she reminisced about her morning—her so-called "evil" day that had barely begun.
She had woken up late, grabbed two pineapple buns and a seaweed rice ball, then dashed out the door.
Making a bento? For school? Please. A noble demon like me shouldn't need to bother with such mundane tasks! Besides, pineapple buns are divine!
Nothing in this world rivals their sweetness, their crispy golden top, that soft fluffy bread underneath... ahh, perfection!
But halfway to school, disaster struck. That same stupid dog—the cursed bun thief—appeared again and snatched one right out of her hand!
If not for her merciful heart, she would have obliterated that mutt on the spot with infernal punishment!
Then came swimming class. The one place she could display her athletic prowess before everyone's eyes. After all, could a being like her lose? Impossible.
As expected, she glided through the water effortlessly and took first place, leaving Gabriel far behind, sputtering like a drenched chick.
But that stupid angel refused to acknowledge defeat! All I did was ask her to kneel and pledge loyalty to me, and she had the audacity to punch me! And then—ugh—someone had spilled water near the pool deck! Even the great Satania could slip under such treacherous conditions!
When she fell, her hand grabbed something she shouldn't have.
"S-so scary!" she blurted aloud, shivering at the memory.
Her cheeks flushed crimson. She patted her chest, trying to calm herself. "It was just... a little bigger and uglier! N-no big deal!"
Taking a deep breath, she puffed out her chest. "As the great future ruler of Hell, I fear nothing! Not even wardrobe malfunctions! Y-yeah, exactly!"
Passing out afterward? Impossible. A demon of her caliber doesn't faint from fear—it was a tactical maneuver! A temporary strategic retreat!
Satisfied with that explanation, Satania clenched her fists. Time to restore her dignity through evil deeds! Real evil deeds!
She reached into her bag and pulled out a thick, black-bound book that radiated mischief. The ominous cover read: '99 Evil Operations.'
"You're the one!" she declared proudly. "The key to my ascension!"
It was the latest release from Demon TV's shopping network—an "evil bible" that promised any demon who completed all 99 acts would become a true S-class menace.
"Let's see... beginner-level evil deeds," she muttered, flipping through the pages. "Hmm... throw away a water bottle without tightening the cap, scribble in textbooks, don't separate the trash, and stomp on the grass..."
Her eyes widened as she turned the page. "Intermediate deeds... empty all the toilet paper rolls in the bathroom!"
Then she flipped further—and gasped. "The ultimate evil... making someone eat a banana and then tricking them into eating a date right after! So cruel... so forbidden...!"
Satania trembled with excitement and fear. "N-no, I'll start with the easy ones first!"
Marching into a nearby park, she scanned the area like a villain plotting mischief. Several kids were laughing, playing tag. One little girl cried under a tree—her kite tangled high among the branches.
"Aha! Perfect!" Satania's eyes gleamed. "I'll rescue the kite, then draw a pig face on it in front of her friends! Such wicked brilliance! Truly, I am destined for greatness! Ahahaha—!"
She climbed up, untangled the kite, and jumped down gracefully. But before she could begin her artistic masterpiece, the teary-eyed girl looked up.
"Thank you, onee-chan~!"
Satania froze mid-motion. The girl's innocent smile disarmed her completely. Her fingers twitched, the marker trembling in her hand.
After a moment, she sighed and handed the kite back. "Foolish child... be grateful for the benevolence of the great Satania."
The girl blinked. "Huh? What do you mean?"
"Just take better care next time. If it gets stuck again, I won't help you!" Satania huffed, turning on her heel to hide the warmth creeping onto her cheeks.
She marched to a vending machine, bought a drink, and gulped it down in one go. Then she strutted over to a trash can and—after careful consideration—placed the empty can on top instead of throwing it in.
Hands on hips, chin high, she declared to the sky, "As expected of me! Truly evil beyond measure! Ahahahaha!"
Her laughter echoed... until a slow, heavy sound approached from behind.
Thud. Thud. Thud.
Her instincts flared. "Killing intent!"
She spun around, ready to defend herself. "Attendant?! W-why are you here?!"
Kouya stood there silently, his sharp eyes locked on her. The air between them felt heavy.
What should he do with this idiot? Punch her like Gabriel did? Pointless. Her durability was ridiculous—hit her today, she'd be fine tomorrow.
Maybe like in that cursed H-manga he'd seen before—tie her up, put her in a cat-eared maid outfit, and... No. Spending more time near her might actively lower his brain cells.
After a long pause, Kouya's lips curled into a devious smirk. He had a better idea.
He'd tie her up and feed all her treasured pineapple buns to that same stray dog.
Satania's pupils shrank. The memory of that terrifying creature resurfaced. She trembled and blurted, "D-don't show me that giant snake again! Fine! You can have all my buns tomorrow too! Just don't!"
'Shut up!'
'Who said anything about snakes?!'
'And who even wants your stupid pineapple buns?!'
'What I want... is you!'
Kouya inhaled slowly, ready to speak, but before he could, a white flash streaked past.
Whoosh!
The mischievous angel Raphiel appeared, shimmering into view with her usual serene smile.
Her long silver hair fluttered in the breeze, eyes gleaming with mischief beneath her calm demeanor.
Kouya groaned. "Why are you everywhere?"
Raphiel giggled softly. "Even if you say that, Kouya-kun, I was just helping that little girl fly her kite."
She gestured toward the plaza, her tone dripping with innocence.
Then she puffed her cheeks slightly. "Such a pity... our class's swimming lessons are in the afternoon. I didn't get to see Kouya-kun's..."
Kouya raised a brow.
Raphiel quickly tapped her head and stuck out her tongue, feigning embarrassment. "Oops~ slip of the tongue."
Then she slid closer, looping her arms around Satania's with mock righteousness. "Is Kouya-kun taking Lady Satania to a love hotel for punishment? Please—allow me to assist!"
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