The news of Ron and Moody's accidental kiss spread through Hogwarts faster than a Firebolt with turbo boosters.
By dinner, the entire castle was howling with laughter.
By breakfast, it had evolved into a full-blown disaster.
And by lunch…
The teachers had no choice but to hold a special faculty meeting.
Inside the Staff Room
Everyone was seated.
Minerva McGonagall sat stiffly in her chair, quill trembling in her hand as she pinched the bridge of her nose.
Severus Snape sat with crossed arms, silently radiating pure enjoyment.
Flitwick had a handkerchief on standby in case he started choking from laughing too much.
Sprout was still wiping tears from her eyes.
Hagrid was pounding the table, roaring with laughter every few minutes.
And Dumbledore…
Dumbledore was trying—and failing—not to smile.
Meanwhile, the real star of the meeting—"Moody" (Barty Crouch Jr.)—sat in the corner, still pale and trembling as if he survived a Dementor attack.
Ron Weasley had refused to come.
Understandable.
The Meeting Begins
Dumbledore cleared his throat.
"Thank you all for coming on such short notice. As you know, yesterday a rather… unexpected incident occurred involving Professor Moody, Mr. Weasley, and a transfiguration mishap."
McGonagall broke first.
Her lips twitched.
Her shoulders shook.
Then—SNORT.
She burst into laughter so hard she had to clutch the arm of her chair.
Flitwick nearly fell off the stool laughing with her.
Sprout coughed violently, choking on giggles.
Snape smirked into his sleeve.
Hagrid thundered:
"I WAS WASHIN' THE DISHES AND HEARD SCREAMS LIKE A HERD O' BANSHEES! AN' WHEN I GOT THERE—MERLIN'S BEARD—RON'S FACE—AH HAHAHA!"
Moody twitched violently.
"I WAS A PIG," he growled."A PIG, ALBUS!"
McGonagall wheezed, "A levitating one!"
Dumbledore raised a hand, smiling serenely, "To be fair, Alastor, you did turn Mr. Malfoy into a ferret earlier."
Snape's smirk deepened.
"Quite right. Karma, I believe students call it."
Moody shot Snape a furious glare.
Snape maintained the smirk like a champion.
The Investigation
Dumbledore sighed.
"I would like to ask if any teacher saw who cast the transformation spell on Professor Moody."
Everyone turned to Moody.
Moody pointed his mechanical eye around the room.
"I didn't see anyone. No wand movement. No spell sound. Whoever did it is skilled."
Snape raised an eyebrow.
"Silent transfiguration… combined with targeting a professor… inside a crowd…"
He gave a long, meaningful pause.
Everyone leaned forward.
"Clearly," Snape finished, "not Mr. Weasley."
Half the room choked on their laughter again.
Sprout gasped, "Severus!"
Snape shrugged. "I am merely stating the obvious."
McGonagall wiped her eyes."If a student managed to do silent transformation… on a moving target… with such precision… I would demand they take their NEWTs immediately."
Flitwick squeaked, "It was magnificent work!—I mean—terrible! Very terrible!"
Hagrid nodded."Ah, whoever did tha' is a right genius."
Dumbledore tapped his fingers.
His blue eyes twinkled in a knowing way.
(It made the room go quiet.)
"Indeed… a remarkable level of magic."
He looked directly at the staff.
"I have… a suspicion."
Everyone collectively leaned forward.
Even Moody froze.
Even Snape uncrossed his arms slightly.
Dumbledore took a sip of tea.
Then slowly smiled.
But he said absolutely nothing.
Not. A. Word.
The staff stared at him.
Moody blinked.
Snape scowled.
McGonagall groaned, "Albus, not this again—just say it!"
Dumbledore simply chuckled.
"I believe the castle has its… surprises. And sometimes, magic wants to play."
Translation:Dumbledore 100% suspects Roy but refuses to expose him because it's too funny.
After the Meeting
As teachers left, rumors spread like Fiendfyre:
"It was Peeves!"
"Maybe a wild Animagus?"
"No, no, a ghost!"
"Perhaps Hogwarts itself intervened!"
But every teacher—every single one—secretly thought the same thing:
"It has Roy written all over it."
And Dumbledore?
He hummed cheerfully as he walked back to his office.
"Oh, Roy," he murmured with a twinkle,"I suppose this year will be entertaining."