Marcus watched Theodore destroy another training dummy with disturbing efficiency.
The straw figure didn't stand a chance.
One moment it existed. The next, it was confetti.
Theodore's sword work had gotten even more terrifying lately.
"Good form," Marcus called out. "Maybe ease up on the murder though?"
Theodore lowered his sword, breathing hard. "There's no such thing as too much force in combat."
"Right. Because our training dummies are clearly plotting rebellion."
"You never know." Theodore grabbed a water flask.
"Brother, can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"Professor Ashwood has been asking about you."
Marcus's heart stopped. Then started again at double speed.
"She has?" He tried to sound casual. Failed completely.
"Yes. It's strange." Theodore wiped sweat from his forehead.
"She asked what you do with your days. Whether you still drink. If you visit the academy often."
She's interested! The plan is working!
Marcus's brain went into overdrive. Of course! Seraphina was using him to learn about Theodore.
Classic romantic reconnaissance.
She couldn't ask Theodore directly because he'd just talk about swords.
"What did you tell her?" Marcus asked.
"The truth. That you've been acting weird lately but seem healthier."
"Weird how?"
"You wake up before noon. You read books. You haven't been drunk in weeks." Theodore picked up his sword again.
"It's very unlike you."
"People change."
"That's what Professor Ashwood said too." Theodore frowned.
"Then she asked if you seemed happy."
Marcus's internal celebration reached fever pitch.
She was worried about Theodore's family situation!
Checking if his older brother was stable!
This was textbook pre-romantic investigation!
"This is perfect," Marcus said out loud.
"What's perfect?"
"She's interested, Theo! Can't you see?"
Theodore looked around the empty training yard. "Interested in what?"
"In you!"
"But she was asking about you."
"To understand you better! It's basic romantic strategy!"
Theodore's expression went completely blank. "Romance? What does romance have to do with sword training?"
Oh sweet summer child.
Marcus put his hands on Theodore's shoulders. "Brother, Professor Ashwood likes you."
"Of course she does. I'm her best combat student."
"No, I mean she LIKES you."
"Yes. As a student."
"As a man!"
Theodore tilted his head like a confused puppy. "But I'm not a man. I'm seventeen."
"You know what I mean!"
"I really don't."
Marcus took a deep breath. This required a different approach.
"Theo, do you find Professor Ashwood attractive?"
"Her combat form is excellent. Very efficient magic usage."
"Not her combat form. Her. As a woman."
Theodore considered this. "She's symmetrical?"
"Symmetrical."
"Yes. Her face follows proper proportions. That's good for balance in combat."
Marcus wanted to scream. "Have you ever thought about dating her?"
"Dating involves dinner, right?
I don't think she eats. I've never seen her eat."
"Everyone eats, Theo."
"Then she hides it well." Theodore started doing practice swings. "Why are we talking about Professor Ashwood's eating habits?"
"We're talking about romance!"
"No, you're talking about romance. I'm trying to train."
Marcus grabbed Theodore's sword mid-swing.
A dangerous move, but desperate times.
"Listen to me. Professor Ashwood is interested in you romantically."
"That seems unlikely."
"She's asking about your family! That's a clear sign!"
"Of what?"
"Interest!"
"In my family?"
"In YOU!"
Theodore gently removed his sword from Marcus's grip.
"Brother, did you hit your head?"
"I'm trying to help you!"
"With what?"
"With winning Professor Ashwood's heart!"
"Why would I want her heart? That's disturbing. She needs it to live."
Marcus stared at his brother. Sometimes he forgot that Theodore wasn't just dense.
He was operating on a completely different wavelength.
"Theo, have you ever liked a girl?"
"I like lots of people."
"Romantically."
"What's the difference?"
"You want to spend time with them. Make them happy. Maybe hold their hand."
Theodore looked at his own hand.
"Why would I hold someone's hand? That would impede combat readiness."
"Forget combat for five seconds!"
"Why would I do that?"
This was hopeless. Completely hopeless.
But Marcus couldn't give up.
The fate of the world literally depended on Theodore forming romantic connections.
"Okay, new approach," Marcus said. "Next time you see Professor Ashwood, ask about her favorite flowers."
"Why?"
"To show you're interested in her as a person."
"But I'm not interested in flowers."
"It's not about the flowers!"
"Then why ask about them?"
"Because women like men who care about their interests!"
Theodore processed this. "So I should lie about liking flowers?"
"No! You should genuinely care because SHE cares!"
"But what if she doesn't care about flowers either?"
"Then you'll find out and can talk about what she does care about!"
"She cares about proper combat form and student safety."
"Besides that!"
"There's something besides that?"
Marcus grabbed his own hair in frustration. "Everyone has interests outside work!"
"I don't."
"Swords don't count as outside work for you!"
"Then no, I don't."
They stared at each other. Marcus saw his entire plan crumbling.
How could Theodore romance anyone when he didn't understand the basic concept?
"Just ask about the flowers," Marcus pleaded.
"This seems dishonest."
"It's not! It's showing interest!"
"In flowers I don't care about."
"In HER!"
"But you said ask about flowers."
"The flowers are a metaphor!"
"For what?"
"FOR CARING ABOUT HER AS A PERSON!"
Theodore sheathed his sword. "Brother, you're not making sense.
Professor Ashwood is already a person. I don't need flowers to know that."
"But do you see her as a woman?"
"She's female, yes."
"An attractive female?"
"Symmetrical, as we established."
"Who might want romantic companionship?"
"From me?" Theodore laughed. Actually laughed.
"Brother, she's my teacher. And she's twenty-eight. And she's still mourning her husband."
Marcus blinked. "You know about her husband?"
"Everyone knows. Captain Richard Ashwood.
Died three years ago in the Westbridge Skirmish. She wears his ring on a chain."
"You noticed the ring?"
"It sometimes catches the light during lightning spell demonstrations. Could be a combat liability."
Of course. Of course Theodore noticed the ring as a combat liability.
"The flowers, Theo. Just ask about the flowers."
"This is important to you?"
"The most important thing in the world."
Theodore sighed. "Fine. I'll ask about flowers.
But when she thinks I've gone insane, I'm blaming you."
"She won't think you're insane. She'll be charmed!"
"By flowers."
"By your interest in her interests!"
"Which might not include flowers."
"Just do it!"
Theodore picked up his sword again. "You've been very strange lately, Brother.
Are you sure you're feeling well?"
No. I'm trying to save the world by teaching my sword-obsessed brother to romance his teacher and I'm failing spectacularly.
"I'm fine," Marcus said. "Just ask about the flowers."
"Why do I feel like this is going to go badly?"
Because it would. Marcus knew it would.
But what else could he do?
The world needed Theodore to form romantic connections. And Marcus would keep trying, even if it killed him.
Which, given Theodore's complete romantic incompetence, it might.
.
.
.
A/N:
I'm offering myself up for sacrifice.
Any criticism on pacing/plot/character stupidity? Drop it below.
I'll read it while hiding under a blanket. Thanks! 😅