Chapter 3: The Hokage's Scroll of "Oops, We Fucked Up"
Hokage Office. All ANBU bodyguards got the "GTFO" signal from Third Hokage Sarutobi Hiruzen. They're now loitering outside like overpaid mall cops.
Inside? Just the old man and our boy Qingguang. Population: 2.
Hiruzen folds his hands like he's about to drop a TED Talk. "Qingguang, when did Danzō first whisper sweet Wood-Release nothings in your ear? Spill. Scout's honor—no snitching."
Qingguang does the classic "deer in headlights" face.
Kid's worried I'll yeet Danzō into the sun, huh?
Hiruzen chuckles, waving it off. "Relax. I already demoted the old war hawk to 'Hokage's Ex-Boyfriend.' No more Root raids from me."
"It's just that Wood Release is big deal™. Gotta file the paperwork—even I can't skip leg day on village records."
Qingguang exhales like he just dodged a tax audit. "Cool, cool. So—Danzō-senpai dropped the Wood bomb a year ago. Orochimaru figured Yin chakra could body-block the cell rampage, then used my blood as the guinea pig. Science, baby."
"Risk? Worst case, I retire early and open a ramen stand. No biggie."
"Six months back, you slammed the ban hammer. Project went on ice—until I begged Danzō to restart it. Dude only caved 'cause I brought cookies."
He says it all breezy, like he's confessing to stealing the last Pocky. Main character? Me. Accomplices? Danzō and Orochimaru—just the sidekicks.
Hiruzen isn't buying the full combo meal. Kid never lies to me… but he's definitely skipping the spicy details. That poker face is screaming.
Long silence. Hiruzen stares into Qingguang's soul like he's reading patch notes.
"Qingguang, I'm gonna take a wild guess: Danzō fed you the 'Uchiha bad, village sad' sob story."
Qingguang's mouth twitches. Busted.
"You're too pure for this ninja world, kid."
"Rain's trying to flex into the Big Six, Sand's hoarding tailed-beast DLC, and Konoha's stuck in the tutorial. Still—no need for you to pull an all-nighter speedrun."
Qingguang finally cracks. "Lord Hokage, I know all that—but the Uchiha…"
He spits it out like bad sushi. "They're obsessed with the Hokage hat. Like, chill, we're on the same team! Why are we speed-running civil war?"
His dark eyes swirl with 1000-yard-stare vibes. Clan drama hits different.
Hiruzen's heart does a backflip. Blood calls to blood. Can't sever that.
Decision made. He stands, walks to the bookshelf, and starts Tetris-ing books like a pro.
Click-clack! Secret compartment opens. Dusty scrolls roll out like forbidden DLC.
He grabs one with a red "CLASSIFIED – DO NOT TAUNT" sticker and hands it over.
"Lord Hokage, this is…?"
"Your therapy session in scroll form. Read it and weep—or rage. Dealer's choice."
Qingguang unrolls. Face journey: 😕 → 😳 → 🤬 → 🤡
Last line hits. He closes it, shuts his eyes like he just watched his childhood burn.
"So that's how we got here."
Hiruzen reseals the scroll, waits for the emotional blue-screen to finish.
"Taboo topic, kid. Village's skeleton in the closet. I've been losing sleep over the Uchiha too."
"Made you my ward for two reasons: (1) Mirror was my bro, (2) hoped you'd be the Wi-Fi router between Uchiha and Konoha."
"Second Hokage tried the same with your dad. Didn't end well—guy pulled a heroic sacrifice with style points."
"Now? You're the last hope trailer. Outside wolves are circling. Inside drama? Instant game over."
Flashback montage: Madara yeets, Uchihas get nerfed, Second loses election, Third gets passed over—clan salt levels: MAX.
Qingguang's face screams "bitter melon," but his eyes harden into determination.exe.
"Lord Hokage—starting tomorrow, I'm moving back to the clan compound. Attending every clan meeting. Even the 3 a.m. ones."
"I know it's a dumpster fire, but I'll drag the Uchiha back into the light. Not just your dream—Dad's will, my will!"
He's glowing. Hiruzen's internally dabbing. Mirror, your kid's cracked the code. Rest easy, king.
That Night – Uchiha Ghost Neighborhood
Qingguang packs his sad bachelor pad and rolls up to Dad's old crib. Location: middle of nowhere, spiderweb Airbnb, dust bunnies included.
He stares at the crescent moon like it owes him child support.
Hiruzen's move? 100% predictable. And right on cue…
Seals → "Wind Release: Leaf Blower no Jutsu!" Who needs a maid when you have ninjutsu?
Door creaks open. Inside: Danzō, hair looking like he lost a fight with a lawnmower.
"Lord Danzō—sorry about the—"
"Pfft. That breeze? I taught you that jutsu, rookie. Sit."
Danzō doesn't care about bedhead. Priorities.
"Cut the crap. What did Hiruzen order you to do?"