Azula once told Long that she loved no one. Love, she insisted, was for the weak. A foolish emotion for sniveling idiots who wished to depend on someone, or wanted others to depend on them. She was, however, being slightly dishonest...
In truth, Azula had loved... Her parents were the first figures in her heart. A mother and father are key figures in every child's life, and Azula was no exception. She genuinely loved her parents, but... regrettably, they did not reciprocate. Her mother devoted herself entirely to Zuko, Azula's older brother, practically ignoring her existence, and her father... At first, Azula believed he loved her, but with every passing year, the young Princess realized his affection was more like pride in a talented child, rather than full-fledged love.
It was painful for Azula to admit this, as she desperately wanted to appear strong, but sometimes she would simply cry alone in her room at night, feeling that no one loved her. In those moments, she felt abandoned. A girl unwanted by anyone. Azula yearned to be loved. With all her heart.
From a young age, the Princess decided that since she could not secure her parents' love, she would force the attention of her other relatives. The plan seemed simple and easy to execute to Azula. After all, a blood tie should have initially fostered sympathy, or rather, it should have already existed in her relatives towards Azula. Zuko seemed like the perfect candidate. Who could be closer or more dear than a twin brother? Even if he was young, Azula understood what love was, so shouldn't he as well?
Zuko did love, but not Azula, nor even their father. No, Zuko focused his love exclusively on his mother and himself. Ursa sometimes called Azula selfish, yet failed to see that she had raised a true egoist in her own son.
Azula tried her best to get along with her brother, but it was incredibly difficult. The Princess didn't understand why the twins were so different. Why Zuko ran to complain and cry to their mother after every minor setback, always making her out to be the guilty party. After a while, Azula simply grew tired of being scolded over empty complaints, and she truly decided to become the awful sister that her mother was constantly being told about by Zuko. Besides, she simply resented her brother for the favorable treatment he received from their mother and wanted to take it out on him. After this, Azula's relationship with Zuko was ruined. Mutual love was no longer even a possibility.
The next people Azula focused on were Iroh and Lu Ten, who were her uncle and cousin, respectively. As Azula later realized, she failed to account for Uncle Iroh's closeness with her mother. They sometimes stayed up late over a cup of tea, playing Pai Sho or discussing theatrical performances. Later, it became clear that the topics of their conversations did not end there. They also discussed the family. Therefore, purely due to her mother's efforts, Uncle Iroh had formed a poor impression of Azula, which was later passed on to his son, the Princess's cousin. Building a normal relationship with them became problematic.
There was also her grandfather. But he was eternally busy. If he wasn't attending to affairs of state, he was either sleeping or recovering. Age dictated its own terms. Azula believed her grandfather considered only his sons as family. Other relatives, even his sons' children, held no significance for him.
For a long time, Azula would wake up in a cold sweat, remembering how her father had wanted to become the next Fire Lord, and how her grandfather, in response to such arrogance, had ordered him to kill his firstborn. For some reason, in her dreams, the firstborn was always her, not Zuko. And upon waking, she would thank the spirits every time that she had been born after him. Because it was unknown what might have happened had it been otherwise. Azula did not want to die.
The young Princess became completely disillusioned with love, ceasing to believe in it, when she learned that her parents' marriage was one of convenience. It only took place because her grandfather insisted, for the blood of Avatar Roku, the mighty master of all elements, flowed in Ursa's veins! There were no feelings between her parents. Perhaps her father had loved her mother once, but his feelings had died out because he received nothing in return.
And when Azula was a little older, she learned another secret: Ursa, her mother, had been in love with another man all this time and wrote to him almost every day from the Fire Lord's palace. Not Azula's father, but someone else. Azula then wondered if she and Zuko had different fathers and that was why her mother didn't love her. But this theory was quickly dismissed. She and Zuko were twins, after all. It was just the Princess's childish imagination running wild. But the fact was, everything else was difficult to write off as a childish fantasy, so if the topic of love arose, the Princess would start spitting venom. The child's heart had hardened.
And it would have remained so, had Azula not experienced a childhood crush a little later. And this love was different from the kind she had craved from her mother and once offered herself. It was simply... other. For the first time in her life, Azula felt shyness. A feeling of nervousness and fluttery excitement.
It all started with a simple mistake. She showed some stranger her true feelings about her family, about Zuko. That was when Azula was introduced to Long, the bodyguard of her cousin, Lu Ten.
Long won the Princess over by treating her completely differently from everyone else in her circle. This forced Azula to think about him, to occupy her thoughts with him, to again look forward to their shared training sessions, which, in truth, brought Long no benefit. Although Azula was a strong Firebender by then, she couldn't teach her cousin's bodyguard anything useful yet.
She tried to understand why Long bothered with her. And the Princess realized it was most likely due to... pity for her. At first, Azula was angry with Long, but after thinking it over... she became grateful to him. Wiping a solitary tear from her cheek, she realized that this kind treatment had come not from a parent, a relative, or one of her few "friends," but from a complete stranger.
Azula initially didn't understand what she felt for Long, because this love was so unlike the one she had once given to others. For this reason, she decided to seek advice. Unfortunately, sharing such things with her father was out of the question. He would likely not have been pleased that Azula felt a slight weakness and shyness around someone. She cornered her mother one day, hoping to find things out indirectly. Azula lied, claiming that all the feelings she was experiencing belonged not to her, but to a friend. She simply wanted to help this friend understand herself...
With every word Azula spoke, Ursa's face grew more and more surprised. When the discussion turned to the heart beating faster when a certain person was nearby, or when one accidentally thought of him, Ursa unexpectedly squealed, firmly grabbed Azula's shoulders, and, kneeling down, declared with a joyful expression:
"My daughter is in love! Who is the boy?"
Azula learned many things that day. Firstly, the feelings she had for Long were also love, but not the kind that exists between a parent and child. Ursa explained everything in great detail. It was the first time Azula had spoken with her for so long. Secondly, it was suddenly revealed that her mother could be... different with her. Thirdly, Ursa knew how to embarrass people. Fourthly, an embarrassed Azula runs very fast. Fifthly, she would not seek advice from her mother again... And this wasn't because of the embarrassment, but because the foolish woman didn't understand anything! At least, that was the justification Azula chose for herself.
Azula started thinking about Long even more. Lu Ten and other people said the Prince's bodyguard was a completely unemotional person, but that wasn't true. He was definitely reserved in showing his emotions, but he did have them. Azula's sharp insight allowed her to understand that he enjoyed their fights. The corners of his lips were slightly raised. It was so negligible that many would not notice it at all. But Azula did. Long's joy made Azula herself a little happier. Long only wanted to appear aloof and detached from the world, but he was not truly that way.
Azula was honestly very scared when she used her blue flame against Long. It was strong. Incredibly powerful. At a level that an ordinary person could not achieve in their entire lifetime. Azula understood this instantly... Therefore, the Princess feared that even Long, the person she definitely liked at that moment, would say, like everyone else, that she was a monster. Azula's lips pressed together, her heart seemingly skipped a beat. She waited for the verdict. She thought she would be called a monster again, but... nothing of the sort happened. "That was amazing, Princess Azula," Long's words, which echoed in her mind from time to time, made her smile foolishly.
But their meetings with Long did not last long after the awakening of the blue flame. Her father decided to change her schedule and the training itself. To make them even more exhausting and difficult. Gradually, the image of Long began to fade. Years passed, and Azula completely forgot about the bodyguard of the late Prince Lu Ten. That's what she believed, until one day she stepped onto the deck of the ship assigned to her by the Fire Lord.
Long was instantly recognized. She felt what she had read in all the cheesy, romantic trash that Ursa had left behind. Azula felt those very butterflies in her stomach, and her heart, which had felt covered in cobwebs and seemed to beat only out of habit, suddenly accelerated, intensifying a mysterious heat with every beat.
Azula tried to suppress the suddenly awakened feelings. She didn't have time for them. She needed to execute her father's order as quickly and effectively as possible: deliver the Avatar or find the library. But she couldn't manage it...
Day by day, she felt drawn to Long... Azula was angry that she couldn't control herself. That she was gradually succumbing to love... She took out her anger on Long, hoping he would distance himself from her. But Long remained outwardly impassive, and even in moments when Azula managed to read him, she understood that he was not offended by her, nor did he hold a grudge, as many others would have... This made her feel pained. She would have much preferred it if he had hated her! That would have made things so much simpler for Azula!
Meanwhile, the feeling of love continued to flare up in Azula. With every damn day, she grew more deeply attached to Long. She wanted to touch him. She wanted him to touch her. And what pleasure Azula received when he first took care of her hairstyle and makeup. Long was so close that Azula could feel his warmth and his breath.
What followed was only worse. The Cave of Two Lovers became a torture chamber for Azula. She hated it with all her soul. Something broke inside the Princess when she went through that cave. She finally had to admit to herself that she had certain feelings for Long and... kiss him. Only after that were they able to leave the Cave of Two Lovers. But every kiss was torture for Azula. She was fighting for her future, yet she wished to surrender to love. But if Azula did that, she would be just like her own mother... If she stopped executing the Fire Lord's mission, Ozai would simply force her to marry some governor of the former colonies. And then, like her own mother, she would write letters to Long every day from a palace that wasn't her own. And would he even answer them?
Nights spent under the open sky were no better than the Cave of Two Lovers. She used Long's sleeping bag, which smelled of him. And even in her own dreams, Azula dreamt of him... In that moment, the Princess hated the sleeping bag, Long, and her own father. But she also loved the second one...
One night, Azula remembered her childhood desire: to love and be loved. And she began to weep silently over this, biting her lips in vexation. A couple of hours later, their small two-person detachment was captured.
Waking up in an Earth Kingdom prison, Azula thought this was the end. She couldn't escape from captivity on her own. The guard refused to make a deal. And in that moment, Azula suddenly realized that the only thing she truly regretted right now was that she hadn't managed to give her feelings to Long, to open up to him.
But soon, the situation that had seemed hopeless was resolved by Long. He mysteriously escaped from his cell, instantly killed the guards, and shortly thereafter proceeded to free her.
While they were forced to hide in a closet, Azula realized that she wanted to feel Long's care. She immediately seized upon his foolish suggestion that she was sick and decided to take advantage of it... and soon to confess her feelings. But the words just wouldn't leave her tongue. Azula simply couldn't utter them. Fortunately, luck was on her side once again.
Azula reluctantly ended the kiss and sat up on Long, looking intently into his eyes. The Princess was no longer pretending to be sick.
"Do you understand everything?" Azula asked, with both fear and hidden hope. The Princess drew her conclusion from Long's eyes. "You understand."
But it was unclear to Azula what Long himself felt for her. But that... in truth, it didn't concern her right now. She leaned toward him, dug her sharp nails into his neck, and whispered in his ear:
"Long, I... I love you... If you betray my feelings in any way, I will kill you. Be sure of that, Long."
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