"Hmm…" Miss Duan smiled softly, her eyes shimmering under the starlight. She didn't even know when her guard had lowered around this strange, infuriating, charming human. At some point, she had even forgotten to ask why Raj came to Cuiyun Mountain in the first place…
The two sat together by the fire, drinking wine cup after cup, tearing apart skewers of fragrant barbecue. Raj occasionally told jokes from the distant future — memes and internet absurdities Miss Duan could never understand, yet somehow they made her laugh until her eyes curved like crescent moons.
By the time the stars filled the sky, the pair had unknowingly devoured an entire calf and emptied three whole barrels of draft beer.
Miss Duan, though a great demon of formidable cultivation, was already swaying. Her delicate body leaned fully into Raj's arms, her warm breath brushing against his chest.
"Eh… Raj… Why do you… why do you have four eyes…? And you… you still say you're human…"
"You're drunk, Miss Duan…" Raj murmured, steadying her. He really hadn't expected her alcohol tolerance to be this unbelievably low — drunk off beer of all things.
"I'm… I'm not drunk!" Miss Duan protested, waving her hand clumsily. "You… you say you're human…? How… how can a human… look so handsome… s‑so handsome that my heart… my heart is moving…"
"You're definitely drunk," Raj sighed, helping her to her feet. "Come on, Miss Duan. I'll take you home."
"I… I'm not going home…" Miss Duan mumbled, swaying as she tried to resist, though there was no real strength behind it.
Just as they approached the entrance of the Banana Cave — her home — two little female demons suddenly appeared. They bowed with overly bright smiles.
"Greetings, Son‑in‑law!"
Raj blinked. "Son‑in‑law? … Me?"
"Yes!" the taller maid said earnestly. "The princess has never shown favor to any man. But just now, we saw the princess leaning in your arms. Naturally, you must be our future son‑in‑law of Cuiyun Mountain."
"Yes, yes! Young Master looks so much better than that ugly old ox who keeps pestering her!" the shorter maid chimed in. "I support you!"
Raj stood there stunned for a moment… then decided he absolutely loved this world's face‑based logic. "Anyway… where's her room? I'll bring her in to rest first."
The taller maid stepped forward. "Let us—"
But the shorter maid yanked her back. "Young Master, please follow me. I'll bring you to Princess Iron Fan's boudoir."
Behind her, the tall maid complained, "Why did you stop me? A man can't just walk into—"
"Are you all height and no brains? If he takes the princess into the boudoir, the boudoir becomes a bridal chamber. Then we can see our handsome son‑in‑law every day! Isn't that ten thousand times better than that hideous ox?"
"…Oh! You're right! You're so smart!"
"Of course. Do you even know who I am—"
Raj's sharp hearing picked up every word. He silently thought: These two girls are top‑notch… in pure chaos.
The maids led him deeper inside. After nearly a hundred meters, they arrived at a cavern transformed into a dreamy, romantic sanctuary. The stalactites glowed with soft, colorful light, like thousands of suspended lanterns. Vines draped the walls like silk, giving the room a gentle vitality.
At the center was a stone bed covered with soft furs and silks, surrounded by layers of gauzy curtains — unmistakably the boudoir of a young maiden.
Raj gently placed Miss Duan on the bed and pulled the embroidered quilt over her. Then he whispered to the maids, "Could you bring some tea? People get thirsty after drinking, and she probably will too."
"Yes, Son‑in‑law! Right away!" The shorter maid curtsied, dragging the taller one out. "Why are you dragging me—"
"You idiot, are you trying to get in the way—"
Their bickering echoed down the cave corridor. Raj chuckled helplessly.
He sat beside Miss Duan, gently brushing a stray lock of hair from her face. He couldn't help thinking: Such a beautiful woman… destined in the original story to be married to that ox demon, tossed aside like worn shoes, mocked by that damn monkey… What kind of director pairs humans with beasts?
Raj made a decision. A righteous one, in his mind. Oxen belong with oxen. Monkeys with monkeys. No beast gets near this woman.
"Princess… wake up…" he murmured. He had sensed it long ago — her heartbeat was completely irregular. When the maids had whispered earlier, it had thundered like storm drums.
Miss Duan lay still, feigning sleep.
Raj leaned closer. "Alright… if you won't wake up…" He lowered his head and captured her lips.
Miss Duan's eyes snapped open, shock rippling across her face. She opened her mouth — perhaps to scold him — but Raj's tongue slid in at that exact moment, and their tongues entwined in a heated, instinctive tangle. Her breath trembled.
Even as the great Miss Duan, she had never tasted such sweetness — a sudden jolt of electricity that left her limbs weak.
But when she realized his hand had slipped past the edge of her clothing, she jolted awake and pushed him away. "Waaah… you're bullying me!"
Miss Duan — Princess Iron Fan of Cuiyun Mountain — was genuinely on the verge of tears. She had only wanted to test the character of the man she secretly admired… yet somehow she ended up losing more than she intended.
"Waaah… you're bullying me!" she cried again, her almond eyes glistening accusingly.
Raj pulled her into his arms without hesitation. "Alright, alright… don't cry. It's not my fault either."
"You're still talking—! If it's not your fault, is it mine?" she sniffled, her small fist tapping his chest.
"Of course it's your fault!" Raj said with absolute confidence. "Who told my Fan to be so beautiful? Even Buddha himself wouldn't be able to resist you."
"Hmph! Who's your Fan…?" she muttered shyly. Despite her glare, her fists softened immediately. Her heart was already melting.
"Don't… don't call me Fan like that…" she whispered. "Call me Duan…"
"Alright. From now on, you're my Duan."
"You troublemaker…" Miss Duan muttered, though her face was already pink.
For hundreds of years, she had never once allowed a man to approach her. Even a disrespectful glance would earn death. But Raj… the moment she saw him, she couldn't bear to part from him.
(Psycological Suggestions: auto‑success.)
Yet now she was terrified. Would he think she was indecent? Would he not cherish her? Would he leave?
Her eyes filled again. Drip.
Raj felt warm tears fall onto his hand. "Baby… why are you crying again…?"
"Will you—will you think I'm… indecent…? Will you not want me anymore…?" Duan whimpered.
"What a silly girl…" Raj finally understood. He pulled her close, whispering: "I swear: unless mountains flatten, rivers run dry, winter thunders, summer snows, and heaven and earth merge… I will never leave you."
Rather than reassuring her, Duan cried even harder. "You… you don't want me… Great demons can do those things easily… You're just lying to me…"
Raj nearly coughed blood. Cultural difference really kills romance. He tried again. "Gods and Buddhas above, if Raj ever betrays Duan's true feelings, let lightning—"
Before he could finish, Duan slapped her delicate hand over his mouth. "You fool! Don't make such oaths!" she cried. "Gods and Buddhas are real! If punishment comes, let it fall on me instead. Even if my soul scatters… even if I can never reincarnate… as long as you are safe… Duan is willing…"
"Duan…" Raj had never been so moved.
"You're really a fool…" he whispered hoarsely, eyes stinging.
"It's worth it…" Duan murmured, leaning gently against his chest. "From the moment I saw you… I knew I had been waiting for you… for hundreds of years…"
"…" Raj only felt that he had thousands of words to say to Iron Fan, but he couldn't say a single word. Since he couldn't say it, he would just do it. He lowered his head and once again captured Duan's pink lips, as if he wanted to tell her the thousands of words in his heart through this method.
Miss Duan also clumsily responded to Raj's enthusiasm, and her two fair hands unconsciously tightened around Raj's waist…
Unconsciously, Raj's hand once again climbed to the peaks, his fingertips constantly lingering on the pink peaks… Teasing Duan until she Moan couldn't stop…
Just as the two were about to spark a fire, two soft voices came from their ears.
"Don't block me… I want to see too…"
"Don't squeeze, if you".