He really didn't expect to get dragged into this for no reason.
Rain Country – Akatsuki Base
Hidan:
"Kakuzu-senpai, what's going on here?!"
Kakuzu:
"Hidan… there's actually a hidden truth behind all this."
Uchiha Obito:
"Pffft—HAHAHA! I'm dying here!"
Hidan turned to look at Obito—his eyes suddenly lit up.
Hidan:
"Kakuzu-senpai! I get it now!
We didn't really die back then, right?
It's like what he did… we faked our deaths!"
Kakuzu blinked in surprise.
This Hidan… was a genius in his own way.
Even Kakuzu himself hadn't thought of that excuse.
So—he nodded.
Hidan immediately burst out laughing.
"Ahahaha! That makes so much sense now!"
Kakuzu, however, looked completely deadpan.
"What the hell do you even understand?"
Hidan:
"From what we saw in the vision—
those Konoha shinobi were really going all out for revenge over that guy named Asuma.
Even though none of them were your match, Kakuzu-senpai,
if we kept fighting, it would've just wasted time and…"
His eyes lit up with excitement.
"More importantly—
your strength that can defeat the First Hokage would've been exposed too early!
So you must've used some mysterious forbidden ninjutsu I don't know about
to fake both our deaths and escape!"
"That has to be it!"
Kakuzu: "...Sure. Whatever."
He gave another wordless nod.
Even though he knew this lie would eventually blow up in his face—
He figured: if that day came a little later, that'd still be great.
And so—
Thanks to Hidan's own mental gymnastics,
Kakuzu's bluff about being able to beat the First Hokage remained temporarily safe.
But!
Hidan was burning with anticipation for the day that secret would be revealed.
Which meant—
It was only a matter of time before Hidan blurted it out in the group chat.
The image continued:
[Up to this point, Konoha had been on the defensive in the war against the Akatsuki.
The root cause:
Konoha operated in the light, while the Akatsuki hid in the shadows.]
[Eventually, the tides turned thanks to Jiraiya,
who had spent years gathering intelligence outside the village.
He brought back two critical pieces of news—]
[One: Orochimaru was dead, killed by Sasuke.
Two: he had discovered the location of the Akatsuki's leader.]
[Tsunade slammed her desk:
"This is great! We can finally rally the entire village and wipe them out!"]
[Jiraiya, however, said leisurely:
"How about we go grab a drink and talk it over?"]
[Tsunade snapped:
"Idiot! I'm the Hokage now!
How can I be out drinking in the middle of the day?!"]
Chat Group:
[First Hokage Hashirama Senju:
Hahaha!
My little Tsunade's really grown up now that she's Hokage.]
[Uzumaki Mito:
Unbelievable!
Tsunade actually gave up drinking?!
I guess being Hokage really does mature people.]
[Second Hokage Tobirama Senju @Tsunade:
Never thought you'd reach this level of responsibility.
Color me impressed.]
[Jiraiya @Tsunade:
Is that really you?
Refusing a daytime drink?
Are you feeling okay?]
[Orochimaru @Tsunade:
So… have you given more thought to our cooperation?]
[Tsunade @Hashirama @Tobirama @Mito @Jiraiya:
Is that how terrible your impression of me is?!]
["Less Immature Than Tsunade-sama":
Old hag!
You really have no idea how people see you, huh?
How pitiful~]
[Tsunade @"Less Immature Than Tsunade-sama":]
["Less Immature Than Tsunade-sama":
Hey! Why are you tagging me?!]
[Tsunade @"Less Immature Than Tsunade-sama":]
Hidden Mist Village – Mizukage's Office
Terumi Mei, realizing what was happening, slammed her desk so hard she hurt her hand.
"Ugh! That damned old hag Tsunade!
She keeps tagging me just to get people to laugh at my username!"
"No! I won't stand for this!"
"I've already figured out how to use the Ox Talisman!
This time—I'll win!"
"And once I do, I'll make Tsunade change her nickname to 'Pretending-To-Be-Young Old Woman'
and tag her every day until the whole world laughs at her!"
Just then—
Tsunade tagged her again.
And that was the final straw.
Chat Group:
["Less Immature Than Tsunade-sama" @Tsunade:
Old hag! I challenge you again—
Let's have a rematch, same rules: arm wrestling!
If I win, you change your nickname to "Pretending-To-Be-Young Old Woman"!]
[Tsunade:
And if you lose?]
["Less Immature Than Tsunade-sama":
Then I'll never call you "old hag" again.]
[Tsunade:
Even if you stop saying it,
you'll still think it in your heart—so that's useless.]
["Less Immature Than Tsunade-sama":
Fine! What do you propose if I lose?]
[Tsunade:
If you lose,
you have to remove your fishnet stockings on the spot
and loudly say your full username three times in front of everyone.]
Tsunade had no fear.
She was confident that with her Strength of a Hundred Seal,
there wasn't a single person she couldn't outmatch in raw strength.
["Less Immature Than Tsunade-sama":
Fine! That's the bet!]
Terumi Mei was equally confident.
Now that she had mastered the Ox Talisman,
she truly believed she wouldn't lose.
[Uchiha Madara:
Nani?! These two are going at it again?!
Why hasn't the scroll reacted yet?]
As soon as Madara said this—
A popup appeared in the chat for all members.
[Event: Tsunade vs "Less Immature Than Tsunade-sama" – Arm Wrestling Match]
[Rules: Tsunade may only use one finger.
"Less Immature Than Tsunade-sama" can use both hands.]
[Punishment:
If Tsunade loses → her username changes to "Pretending-To-Be-Young Old Woman".
If Mei loses → she must remove her fishnets and loudly repeat her current username three times on the spot.]
[The event starts in 3 minutes.
Both participants, please prepare to be summoned to the battle room.
The event will be livestreamed across the entire ninja world and Pure Land.]
[All members may place bets.
No penalty for losing.
Winners will receive rewards.
Don't miss out!]
[Betting Options:
Tsunade Wins → Reward: Deluxe Ninjutsu Gift Pack
Mei Wins → Reward: Super Deluxe Ninjutsu Gift Pack]
[Please confirm after reading the announcement.]
[First Hokage Hashirama Senju has confirmed receipt.]
[Uchiha Madara has confirmed receipt.]
[Ōtsutsuki Kaguya has confirmed receipt.]
After the flood of confirmation messages—
The group chat grew lively again.
[Third Tsuchikage Ōnoki:
Wow! These rewards look pretty generous!]
[Chiyo-baasan:
Judging by how the scroll favored Tsunade last time—
and she did win—this time looks the same.
The scroll is clearly rooting for her again.
@All of Hidden Sand Village – don't let Madara sway you.
Bet on Tsunade to win!]
[All of Hidden Sand Village @Chiyo-baasan:
Understood!]
[Ōnoki:
Let's hope you're not being two-faced this time.]
[Chiyo-baasan:
Hmph! Mind your own business!]
[Ōnoki @All of Hidden Stone Village:
Chiyo may still be two-faced,
but Tsunade is clearly going to win again.
Bet on her!]
[All of Hidden Stone Village @Ōnoki:
Understood!]
[Fourth Raikage A @All of Hidden Cloud Village:
The Super Deluxe Pack sounds awesome,
but let's be real—Tsunade's gonna win.
Even the Deluxe Pack is worth it.
If you get it, press 1.]
[All of Hidden Cloud Village @Fourth Raikage A:
1!]
[Third Hokage Hiruzen Sarutobi @All of Konoha:
Tsunade is my disciple and the future Fifth Hokage.
Let's all support her together!]
[All of Konoha @Hiruzen Sarutobi:
Understood!]
["Less Immature Than Tsunade-sama" @All of Hidden Mist Village:
Believe in me, everyone!
This time I'll definitely win!
Blindly bet on me—it's the right call!]
[All of Hidden Mist Village @Mei Terumi:
Fifth Mizukage-sama—
Win or lose, we'll always support you!]
[Uchiha Madara @Everyone:
Both outcomes come with a Deluxe Pack,
but Mei's reward is Super Deluxe—
it's bound to be way better.
Just think about it…]
[First Hokage Hashirama Senju @Uchiha Madara:
Madara! Stop trying to stir up chaos!
This time, no one's falling for your tricks again!]
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