"Haaah... Haah..."
I did my workout today too. I stood in front of the mirror, drenched in sweat, and examined myself.
"As expected… no progress."
As I said this, there was fatigue in my voice, but also a slight hopelessness... I've been working out for a while now. From the outside, my body may look pretty good compared to others; my muscles, my posture, even when I look at myself, I sometimes feel a sense of achievement. But every time I see myself in that mirror, I feel something is missing. This feeling is like a discomfort that hasn't changed in years. Even though everything about my body is fine, the emptiness inside me just won't fill up. Maybe this feeling is just an illusion created in my head, but somehow I accept it.
I went to the locker room, put on my regular clothes, and left the gym.
As I walked down the street, I couldn't help but think. The people around me, this world I live in... they all felt foreign to me. For a moment, I wondered, "Do I really belong in this world?" It wasn't a simple question. I'm not talking about a sense of religious, national, or racial belonging. No, I felt something deeper. It was as if I wasn't just a part of this planet. Lost in my thoughts, my eyes unconsciously fell on the children in the park. They were playing, running, smiling. "How happy they are..."
My voice was involuntarily tinged with envy. Every time I saw the smile on each of their faces, something inside me broke. Something was missing. Something was missing in my life. And I couldn't fill that void.
As I continued walking down the street, I glanced at the watch on my left wrist. Time was passing, and I was wasting it.
"Damn it, I'm going to be late for dinner..."
My steps quickened, my muscles came back to life for a moment. Running was truly one of the things I was best at. I loved it because it gave me a purpose. Finally, I arrived home and unlocked the door with my key. As I entered, the delicious smell of chicken and rice wafting from the kitchen hit my nose.
I went into the room, tossed my gym bag into the corner, and changed my clothes. I washed my hands in the bathroom and went to the kitchen. My mom and dad greeted me with their smiling faces. "Welcome home, son."
"You're late, son."
A genuine smile appeared on my face. Yes, maybe the time I spent outside didn't really add anything to my life, but the warmth I felt at home changed everything.
"Nice to see you, Mom. I really didn't notice how time flew by at the gym. I guess it could be a side effect of the days getting shorter."
My father threw his newspaper onto the other table and laughed as he spoke. "The weather is getting colder, of course the days will get shorter. Why don't you skip the gym in winter, son? You know the price will go up because of natural gas."
I took a spoonful of rice and turned to my father. "This is my only hobby. Why don't you leave it alone?"
My father laughed heartily and said to me, "I'm joking, son." "You already spend very little money for your age. I can't deprive you of a hobby that benefits you, can I, dear?" At that moment, he passed the buck to my mother.
My mother replied with a smile:
"Really, our son is different from other young people. You can't deprive him of the only thing he loves."
I felt a little stung, but it also showed how well they knew me. I wish they could have realized that things in my life could change. But they couldn't... I had never given them that chance. It was my decision to be left alone with the emptiness inside me.
I finished my meal and got up from the table. I washed my hands and face and headed to my room. I threw myself onto my bed. I was staring at the ceiling while music played in my headphones. Of course, it couldn't be seen in the darkness.
"...I wonder… Will this nonsense ever end?"
As I stared at the ceiling for a long time, the emptiness inside me grew deeper. Finally, this emptiness lulled me to sleep. After a while, I fell into a deep sleep in the darkness.
"...Finally." I found myself in a dream once again. Or rather, for the past few days, I had been finding myself in the same kind of dreams. These dreams had one thing in common: the only thing I cared about in my life... Yet this interest was something I felt for an unattainable love. Yes, I admit it: I fell in love with a game character. It's foolish, I know. But right now, I don't care. Because I had completely lost myself in those yellow eyes staring back at me.
"Did you miss me?"
Those words, spoken by those beautiful lips, shook my soul deeply. Without hesitation, I said everything that was on my mind. "I don't know what I'd do without you."
She smiled and embraced me. Ah... this feeling was so real, it was as if everything was in its right place. Her blue hair touched me, falling over my shoulder. Her scent... it smelled like lavender. I could feel that this scent was real. She whispered gently and deeply into my ear: "Sssh... I know. I'm here for you." Then she kissed my neck.
My serotonin levels were so high that it felt like my body had completely surrendered to her. "Mhm... You're spoiling me so much..." I said, smiling. She responded by pinching my cheek: "Because you deserve to be spoiled." After saying that, the kiss I felt on my lips was like the peak of everything. Every second of the dream seemed to stretch out like hours. I thought about how realistic everything was.
The kiss lasted only a few seconds, but for me, those few seconds made me lose all sense of time. I don't know how I didn't faint. Maybe it was because it was a dream.
When I opened my eyes again, she looked at me closely with those deep yellow eyes and spoke one last time:
"It seems time is running out... I'll miss you... Come back again, okay?"
Everything around me began to slowly fall apart. I realized this meant I was nearing the end of the dream. Without wasting any time, I replied to him:
"I'll come. Please wait for me. No matter what happens, I'll find a way."
She smiled at me with that magical smile. Then the surroundings completely shattered with the sound of glass breaking. I felt a momentary void and... I opened my eyes. I was looking at the same ceiling again.
I continued staring at the ceiling with furrowed brows and added:
"Fuck your mother."