Six months.
That's how long it took me to learn how to exist without really living.
I stopped laughing without noticing when it happened. Conversations felt unnecessary. Smiles felt like lies. I spoke only when required, and even then, my words were clipped, distant, almost emotionless.
"Viara, you're so quiet these days," dad said.
"I'm just tired," I replied.
The truth was simpler. I didn't trust anyone anymore.
After everything that happened, I learned one thing — people were selfish. Even those you loved. Especially those you loved.
Life, however, never waits.
Elvric left the colony.
His father got a job in another company, and they shifted soon after. No farewell. No closure. Just an empty space where his presence once existed.
I didn't care, why should i care about, he just make my six months miserable.
One evening, while returning home, I saw him.
Elvric.
Leaning against his bike near my house like he belonged there. Phone in his hand, posture relaxed, eyes lowered to the screen.
My heart betrayed me instantly.
I slowed down for a fraction of a second — then forced myself to keep walking. I didn't look at him. I didn't acknowledge him. I passed him like he was a stranger.
Just before I turned the corner, something compelled me to glance back.
He was smiling.
Not arrogantly.
Not teasingly.
Just… quietly. Almost sadly.
I clenched my fists.
Don't read into it, Viara.
I walked away.
Christmas arrived, dressed in lights and forced joy.
"I'm not going," I said plainly while fixing my hair.
My mother sighed. "You've been locked inside this house for months."
"I'm comfortable here."
"That's not comfort. That's avoidance."
I didn't reply.
My sisters leaned against the door. "Just come for a while. Everyone will be there."
"That's exactly why I don't want to go."
After more arguing than I wanted, I gave in.
I wore a simple knee-length dress — elegant, soft, nothing attention-seeking. When I looked in the mirror, I saw a girl who looked calm but felt hollow.
The celebration was loud.
Music, laughter, fairy lights — everything felt too bright. Snowflakes twirled outside the windows, catching the lights and reflecting tiny sparks, but inside, I felt cold.
People greeted me.
"Hi, Viara!"
"Nice dress."
I nodded. Smiled politely. Kept my answers short.
Then I felt it.
That presence.
I looked up.
Elvric stood a few steps away, surrounded by his friends. He was laughing at something someone said, but the moment our eyes met, his smile faltered.
He excused himself.
My chest tightened.
No.
I turned, intending to leave, but his voice stopped me.
"Viara."
I froze.
He stood in front of me now, close enough that I could see the hesitation in his eyes.
"You look… well," he said softly.
I met his gaze briefly. "Move."
His brows knitted together. "I just wanted to talk."
"There's nothing to talk about."
"Please," he said quietly. "Just a minute."
I shook my head. "I don't have time."
"I know I hurt you," he continued, voice controlled, careful. "I know things got complicated, but—"
I stepped back.
"You don't get to talk like nothing happened," I said coldly. "Excuse me."
I walked past him before he could say anything else.
Behind me, I felt his gaze — heavy, restrained, helpless.
I didn't go far.
I ended up at the edge of the celebration area, near the garden entrance.
From a distance, I saw Elvric standing with my friend.
I wasn't trying to listen.
But I heard anyway.
"She doesn't even look at me," he said quietly.
"She's been through a lot," my friend replied. "You disappeared, not explaining the truth to everyone" And her own cousin said that she didn't tell you about ash, her dad said she's lier, They grounded her and believed on her cousin, it's not like they want to but the situation tell them to trust on Jessica and that makes her cold, alley told him
"I didn't want to," he said. "But things weren't in my control."
"What do you want now, Elvric?" alley asked
He was silent for a moment.
"I like her," he said finally. "I always have."
My breath caught.
"I don't want to play with her feelings," he continued. "I want to be with her — properly. If she agrees."
My friend studied him. "You know What she doesn't trust easily now. "
"I know," he said. "That's why I asked you."
I turned away before hearing more.
I found myself in the old garden, sitting on the swing we used to share a Months ago
I closed my eyes and for a moment, I saw him differently.
We were just here once, I whispered to the empty air.
He pushed me on this swing, and I laughed so hard… I didn't care about anything else.
I remembered the way he had taught me to balance when I was scared to swing too high.
The way he had grinned when I finally let go of my fear.
That carefree, careless boy.
And now… that same Boy someone I didn't know now, someone who made my heart ache without even touching me.
Tears came quietly.
"My own cousin betrayal me, anyone can betray, it doesn't have to be boyfriend everytime to betray and that's I learn when I trust on my own cousin and told her About my secrets, I never think that a little matter can make situation this worse" I whispered.
"My own friend make the fun of me, I don't think having crush on someone is wrong but now I knew one thing that I shouldn't believe on anyone, I always think that he'll become my best friend But before that he becomes my enemy, and because both of them I have to be in pain and I didn't know a little matters can make such a fuss for teenagers but the problem is not matter, the problem is trust and no one trust on me and that's the pain."
Six months of pain.
Six months of whispers.
Six months of being called a liar.
They said I ruined a family's reputation.
They said I was shameless.
And no one asked what it cost me.
"I can't forgive them," I said softly.
Footsteps approached.
"Viara," my friend said gently. "Elvric sent a message."
"I don't want to hear about him," I replied sharply. "I want peace."
She sat beside me anyway.
"He asked me to tell you something."
I laughed bitterly. "What? Another excuse?"
"He said he likes you," she said. "He wants a relationship — if you're willing."
Anger surged through me.
"Of course he does," I said. "He's a playboy. Now I think that he definitely doesn't have any girlfriend now, so he remembered me, Isn't it ?"
"That's not what he—"
"Tell him," I interrupted, standing up, "that I don't want him to be my boyfriend. I don't need him, I don't want to see him again and tell him one more thing that i don't like him, got it!"
I walked away before my tears could fall again.
At home, the dining table smelled warm and familiar.
"Come eat," my mother said softly.
"I'm not hungry."
"You haven't eaten properly in days."
"I already eat in church with my friends ."
I locked myself in my room.
I sat on my bed, hugging my knees. The silence wrapped around me like a heavy blanket.
He only came because he was lonely, I told myself.
Nothing else. Nothing more.
But then… that smile.
The one I had seen near my house a few days ago.
Quiet. Careful. A little sad, maybe even hesitant. Not the arrogant, careless Elvric everyone thought he was.
Was it really just because he didn't have a girlfriend? I wondered.
Or… was it something else? Something I don't want to admit to myself?
I hugged my knees tighter. My heart was still angry. Furious, even.
And yet… it refused to be quiet.
It remembered the way he had looked at me — not mocking, not teasing — just… seeing me, in a way no one else had these months.
I closed my eyes.
My mind replayed the memory of that soft, restrained smile.
Why did it hurt so much?
I hate him Completely.
I wanted to push away every thought of him.
But no matter how I tried…
I couldn't erase it, he just insulted me.
I sighed, letting the weight of everything — six months of whispers, rumors, betrayal, and loneliness — settle on me.
I had been cold to the world, closed off, convinced that no one could be trusted. And yet, he had still found a way to reach me.
I touched the swing chain beside me, imagining him sitting here, just like we did when we used to play with each other, laughing without a care.
He's not the boy I knew… I whispered.
And yet… maybe he's still the one who knows me best.
Sleep eventually found me, heavy and dreamless. But even as I drifted off, one thought lingered, sharp and insistent:
That smile… it wasn't for anyone else. It was for me, really?