Author's Note
Hey readers,
Just a quick heads-up so nobody gets confused later:
When Kai got truck-kun'd and spent an unknown amount of time (could be days, could be centuries—who knows) rotting in that endless black void, the only thing keeping him sane was the fact that some cheeky god/system/whatever apparently gave him unlimited anime, manga, light novels, and web novel access. He binged everything. Solo Leveling, Overlord, Bleach, Tensura, you name it—he's seen it, read it, and probably re-watched the dub just to hate on it.
That's why sometimes he walks like Sung Jin-Woo, schemes like Aizen, or pulls random protagonist tropes out of his ass. He's not actually those characters; he's just a former average dude who had literally nothing else to do except copy the homework of every OP MC in fiction. The void was his cram school, and he graduated summa cum laude in bullshit isekai behavior.
He still has his own personality buried under all the cosplay, promise. You'll see more of the real Kai as we go. Just… don't be shocked when he randomly strikes a dramatic pose or starts monologuing like a chuuni who discovered 4D chess.
That's all ✌️
Enjoy the chaos,
— Author
Nyx slams a crumpled quest sheet on the table like she just pulled out Excalibur.
"Behold! Our ticket out of level-zero hell!"
I lean over and read it.
Emergency Quest: Goblin Extermination
Location: Old Mill Valley, 2 hours east
Numbers: ~300 goblins (all Level 1)
Reward: 30 silver coins total (300 heads × 0.1 silver each)
Bonus: 1 extra silver per goblin ear pair turned in
Liora's eyes actually sparkle. "Perfect. Each Level 1 goblin = 1 EXP. One hundred kills each and we all hit Level 1 at the same time. We camp there overnight, grind non-stop, done."
I do the mental math.
30 silver coins = 30,000 copper.
That's literally pocket change compared to the 1,000 gold (1,000,000 silver) a single skill crystal costs.
No wonder they looked at me like I was a walking trust fund when I said I had Fireball.
Inside my skull it's pure screaming.
THREE HUNDRED GOBLINS?!
We're three level-zero idiots with starter gear!
We're going to get swarmed, violated by rusty knives, and turned into goblin jerky!
Mini-Aizen calmly steps onto the table with a tiny blackboard and chalk.
"Silence. I have prepared four contingency plans. Listen carefully."
I exhale, lean back, cross my arms, and drop my voice into that perfect low, confident tone.
"Guys… I have a plan."
Both girls instantly snap to attention, eyes wide, leaning in like I'm about to reveal the secrets of the universe.
I lay it out, slow and cool, like it's the most obvious thing in the world.
Plan A – "Firestorm"
I kite huge packs into the dry mill building. One Fireball to the hay bales = instant inferno. Roasted goblin EXP piñata. Safe, efficient, smells like victory (and barbecue).
Plan B – "River of Death"
We lure them to the narrow stone bridge over the river. Liora snipes the front line, Nyx cuts the ropes on the pre-loosened support beams. One hundred goblins take a permanent swim. Splash = cash.
Plan C – "Trap Alley"
We spend two hours digging punji pits and rigging falling logs with Nyx's rogue traps. Turn the whole valley path into a goblin Saw movie. We just sit on the hill and watch physics do the work.
Plan D – "Nuclear Option"
If everything goes to shit, I spam Fireball until I'm out of MP, then we leg it back to the village while the forest fire we started acts as cover. We live, come back tomorrow with reinforcements, still claim partial reward.
By the time I finish, both girls are literally glowing.
Liora has actual stars in her eyes, hands clasped like she's in church.
Nyx's tail is wagging so hard it's generating wind, and she's looking at me like I'm a five-star Michelin chef who just offered free samples.
"That… that's genius," Liora whispers.
"You're a monster," Nyx says, voice husky with awe. "A beautiful, terrifying monster. Marry me. Or at least let me have your babies after we survive this."
I just smirk, flick an imaginary speck of dust off my sleeve.
"Pick your favorite plan, ladies. We leave in one hour."
Inside, Aizen adjusts his glasses with supreme satisfaction.
"Manipulation complete. They are now emotionally and tactically invested.
Proceed to goblin genocide. Profit."
I stand up, crack my neck, and flash them both the most dangerous grin I've got.
"Let's go farm some green bastards."
We shoulder our packs and step out of the guild into the afternoon sun, three level-zero badasses on a mission to commit fantasy war crimes.
The main street is alive: dwarves haggling, kids chasing hoops, some bard absolutely shredding a lute solo that has half the square dancing. I walk in the middle, hands in pockets, Liora on my left moving like an elegant blade, Nyx on my right practically bouncing with predatory excitement.
While we weave through the crowd I finalize the real plan; simple, brutal, and 100 % effective.
"We're scrapping A through D," I say, voice low enough only they hear. "New plan: we poison the ever-living fuck out of them."
Liora blinks once, then a slow, wicked smile spreads across her face. "You're evil. I like it."
Nyx's tail goes full helicopter. "Yesssss. Mass murder via tummy ache? Chef's kiss."
I lay it out quick:
1. Buy the strongest, fastest-acting poison the village sells (rat poison on steroids).
2. Buy cheap meat or bread from a butcher.
3. Soak that shit overnight in poison.
4. Sneak in at dawn, toss the bait into the camp's cooking pots and water barrels.
5. Sit on the ridge with popcorn (or in our case, Liora's arrows and my Fireball) and watch 300 goblins shit themselves to death.
6. Collect ears, collect reward, collect levels. Zero risk, maximum cruelty.
Liora nods approvingly. "We'll still need poison and a lot of burlap sacks for the ears. Can't carry 300 pairs in our pockets."
Nyx's ears perk straight up. "I know exactly the place. Shady alchemist near the east gate; guy owes me favors. Let's go."
She grabs both our wrists (Liora rolls her eyes but lets it happen) and drags us through the crowd like a cat that just spotted a laser pointer.
We turn into the bustling market square: stalls overflowing with glowing mushrooms, screaming fish vendors, a dwarf selling "genuine dragon-scale" condoms (probably just painted lizard skin).
Nyx leads us straight to a dark little shop with a sign that just says ☠️ POITIONS ☠️ (spelling is clearly optional here).
The three of us step inside, the little bell above the door giving a cute *ding* that feels hilariously out of place for what we're about to buy.
Time to go shopping for genocide.
We push open the creaky door and the little bell gives its cheerful *ding* like it has no idea what kind of shopping we're doing.
The moment we step inside, the vibe does a complete 180 from the sunny market outside.
- Dim green light from floating jars of… something that glows and occasionally screams.
- Shelves floor-to-ceiling stuffed with bottles labeled in languages that hurt to read: "Widow's Whisper (dissolves bones, not feelings)", "Instant Regret – 3 second delay", "Goblin-B-Gone (now with extra child-safe cap)".
- A whole wall of preserved things in jars: floating eyeballs that follow you, a tentacle still twitching, what looks suspiciously like a fairy giving the middle finger.
- The air smells like mint, sulfur, and existential dread.
- Behind the counter is a skinny old human with a hooked nose, wild white eyebrows, and a stained leather apron that has definitely seen some war crimes. One eye is normal, the other is a glowing purple gem that clicks when he blinks.
He looks up from stirring a cauldron that's bubbling with something pink and angry.
Nyx waves like she owns the place. "Uncle Mort! Emergency order. Need your strongest fast-acting poison. Enough to drop three hundred goblins before breakfast."
The alchemist (Mort, apparently) doesn't even raise an eyebrow. Just grins with too many teeth.
"Ah, little Nyxie. Mass murder again? For you, discount."
He shuffles to a locked cabinet, pulls out three fist-sized black vials stoppered with skull-shaped corks.
"Nightshade Essence + Wyvern bile + my own special spice. One drop per liter of water = explosive diarrhea, organ failure, death in under four minutes. Ten drops and they'll literally melt. Fifty silver for the set."
Liora whistles low. "That's… horrifyingly efficient."
Mort winks with the gem eye; click. "I don't sell toys, elf."
Nyx slaps the coins on the counter like it's pocket change. "Throw in five big burlap sacks too. Ear collection."
Mort tosses the sacks over, along with a free tiny vial labeled "For the hangover after you count all that money."
We walk out with enough poison to wipe out a small country and sacks that will soon be full of goblin ears.
The bell dings again on our way out, still way too cheerful for what just happened.
Plan Poison is officially locked and loaded.
We leave the village behind, the east gate creaking shut at our backs.
The dirt road turns into a shady forest trail, sunlight dappling through the leaves, birds chirping like they have no idea we're about to commit chemical warfare.
Liora walks on my left, graceful as ever, bow slung across her back.
Nyx is on my right, tail swishing, occasionally hopping onto low branches just because she can.
And me? I'm in full Sanji mode, minus the cigarettes, plus 100 % reincarnated rizz.
Every ten steps I drop a new line.
To Liora (soft voice, slight head tilt):
"You know, the way the sunlight catches your hair right now… it's almost unfair to the rest of the forest. Poor trees can't compete."
Liora's ears twitch, cheeks go pink, but she tries to stay ice-queen.
"Hmph. Focus on the road, mage."
To Nyx (leaning in, playful smirk):
"Hey, Nyx. If we pull this off, I'm buying you the biggest grilled fish in the village. But only if you let me feed it to you, mademoiselle~"
Nyx's tail puffs up like a bottle brush, golden eyes wide.
"Deal! But if you burn the goblins extra crispy, I'll let you scratch my ears too~"
Liora immediately shoots her a death glare. "We are not doing ear scratches in public."
Nyx grins, showing fang. "Jealous, princess?"
I raise both hands like I'm innocent.
"Ladies, ladies—there's enough Kai to go around. One hand for elf ear massages, one hand for cat ear scratches. I'm ambidextrous like that."
Liora actually snorts, then covers her mouth like she's betrayed her elegant image.
Nyx outright cackles and loops her arm through mine.
"Keep talking like that and we're keeping you forever, Kai."
I drop my voice low, just for the both of them.
"Forever sounds pretty good right now."
The three of us keep walking deeper into the forest, me spinning flirtatious nonsense like it's oxygen, the two of them alternating between flustered, competitive, and full-on giggling.
By the time the goblin valley comes into view on the horizon, both girls are leaning into me from either side, cheeks warm, eyes bright, tails and ears doing happy little dances.
Mission "Make the Party Fall for Me" is already at 100 % completion.
Mission "Poison 300 Goblins" is next.
Life is good.
The plan executes like clockwork.
Nyx sneaks in under the cover of dusk, a black shadow among blacker shadows, and laces every cooking pot, water skin, and rain barrel with Mort's special "Goblin-B-Gone."
Liora perches on the ridge above the valley, arrow nocked but never fired; just keeping watch with those elven eyes that can spot a squirrel fart at five hundred paces.
I sit cross-legged on a fallen log, Fireball charged and ready in my palm like a tiny sun, just in case any green bastard gets wise.
Four minutes later the screaming starts.
Then the gurgling.
Then the wet, explosive sounds no one should ever have to hear.
By moonrise the camp is a ghost town of twitching corpses and the world's worst smell.
We spend the next two hours harvesting ears by lantern light, tossing them into the burlap sacks like it's the most normal thing ever.
300 pairs. 30 silver. 300 EXP split three ways.
Level 1 achieved for the whole squad, with change left over.
Now we're camped on the ridge overlooking the carnage, small fire crackling, roasting some of the (thankfully unpoisoned) goblin rations we found because we're broke and hungry.
Liora is hugging her knees, silver hair glowing in the firelight.
"You know… I have ten siblings," she says softly. "Elves live so long, most of them are already adults wandering the continent. I barely know half their names. The only time the entire Sylvara clan gathers is during the Elven Festival of Stars; once every eleven years. Next one's… next year."
She glances at me, ears pink. "Kai… would you come with me? I'd like you to meet them. Properly."
Before I can answer, Nyx flops dramatically across my lap like a giant housecat.
"Ten? That's cute. I lost count after twenty-something. Beastkin litters are no joke." She flashes fang. "We only all gather during the Night of a Thousand Tails festival. Once a year. Next one's in twelve months. Kai, you're coming with me too, right? You still owe me that grilled fish; and ear scratches."
Liora huffs. "He's coming to the elven festival first."
Nyx sticks out her tongue. "Says who? Cat festival has dancing and moonlit hunts!"
"Elven festival has actual culture and thousand-year-old wine!"
"Beastkin festival has wrestling and public make-out corners!"
"Absolutely not!"
They're both leaning across me now, tails and ears bristling, arguing like the festivals are next week instead of next year.
I raise both hands, trying (and failing) not to laugh.
"Ladies. Ladies. Calm down."
They freeze, glaring at each other over my chest.
I flash the laziest, smuggest grin I can manage.
"We're friends, right? Party of three. Ride or die."
Slow, reluctant nods from both.
"Then we do both. Elven Festival next year, Beastkin Festival the year after, and every single one after that. We'll make it a tradition. Deal?"
Silence for one heartbeat.
Then Liora's ears droop in relief, a shy smile blooming. "Deal."
Nyx's tail starts wagging so hard it slaps me in the face. "Deal! You're the best stupid human ever."
We clink our goblin-skewer "kebabs" together like champagne glasses and dissolve into laughter under the stars, the stench of 300 dead goblins drifting away on the night breeze.
Level 1.
30 silver richer.
Two festival dates booked years in advance.
As the last goblin ear plops into the sack and the system chimes ring out across the valley like a victory fanfare, three blue panels pop into existence in front of us, glowing dramatically in the moonlight.
──────────────────
**Kai Ashford**
Occupation: Mage
Age: 20
Level: 1 (EXP: 37/200)
HP: 120/120
MP: 180/180
Skills:
・Fireball Lv.1 [12/100 casts]
Title: «Goblin Exterminator» (new!)
Party: [Starless] (Leader)
Charm Rating (hidden stat the system just added because it ships it): S+
Current Mood: Smug as hell
──────────────────
Liora's panel flickers into view next, elegant silver borders with faint leaf patterns.
──────────────────
**Liora Sylvara**
Race: High Elf
Occupation: Archer
Age: 92 (looks 19)
Level: 1 (EXP: 41/200)
HP: 110/110
MP: 140/140
Skills:
・Precise Shot Lv.1
・Hawk Eye Lv.1
Title: «First Blood (Elf)» (new!)
Hidden Affection Toward Kai: 68/100 ↑↑↑
Current Thought: "He's dangerous… and I don't mind."
──────────────────
Nyx's panel materializes with black cat-paw borders and a little animated tail that keeps wagging.
──────────────────
**Nyx Shadowstep**
Race: Black Panter Beastkin
Occupation: Rogue
Age: 19
Level: 1 (EXP: 52/200)
HP: 115/115
MP: 100/100
Skills:
・Backstab Lv.1
・Shadow Step Lv.1
・Poison Resistance Lv.2 (racial)
Title: «Ear Collector» (new!)
Hidden Affection Toward Kai: 78/100 ↑↑↑
Current Thought: "If he calls me cute one more time I'm keeping him forever."
──────────────────
The panels vanish with sparkles.
Nyx whistles. "Seventy-eight? System, you snitch."
Liora's ears turn crimson. "It's… just a number."
I lean back on my elbows, grinning at both of them under the stars.
"Looks like we're officially a level-1 disaster trio now.
Next stop: richer, stronger, and definitely attending every single festival together."
They both scoot closer on either side, shoulders touching mine.
We trudge back into the village just as the first stars come out, three sacks of goblin ears swinging between us like the world's most morbid shopping bags.
At the guild, Reyna the deadpan receptionist doesn't even blink at the smell. She counts the ears (300 pairs exactly), slides over a fat pouch of 30 silver coins, stamps our guild cards with a crisp *ding* each, and mutters something that might have been "good work" or "get a bath."
Nyx jingles the pouch happily. "Food money! And rent money! …For like a week."
We step outside the guild. The night air is cool, the streets quiet.
Nyx turns to me, ears drooping a little. "So, Kai… where are you staying tonight?"
I blink. Realize I have literally zero plans. "Uh… I was gonna figure that out after not being broke."
Liora glances between us, shrugs elegantly. "Same. Everything decent is 15 silver a night for a single. We have 30 total."
Nyx's tail starts swishing. "So… one room, three broke adventurers, totally normal, right? We're friends. Friends share beds. No big deal."
I look at Liora. She's already nodding like it's the most logical thing in the world. "It's practical."
Ten minutes later we're at the Cozy Cauldron Inn (cheapest decent place in town). The innkeeper raises an eyebrow at three obvious newbies asking for "one room, one big bed if you have it," but 12 silver is 12 silver. He hands over the key without comment.
Up the creaky stairs.
Unlock the door.
One decent-sized room, one very big bed, moonlight coming through the window.
I don't even make it to the wash basin.
I face-plant straight into the middle of the bed, boots still on, guild card half-hanging out of my pocket.
"Goblin genocide is… surprisingly exhausting…" I mumble into the pillow, and I'm gone. Out like someone flipped the off switch.
I vaguely register the rustle of clothes, two sets of boots hitting the floor, the mattress dipping on both sides.
Liora slips in on my left, cool and graceful, curling up with a tiny contented sigh.
Nyx wriggles in on my right, tail draping over my hip like a blanket, purring already.
Left: elegant elf arm across my chest.
Right: warm catgirl forehead pressed against my shoulder.
Both of them are asleep in under a minute.
Three broke, exhausted, freshly-level-1 adventurers in one bed, fully clothed minus boots, snoring in perfect harmony.
Best end to the longest (second) day of my life.
I wake up groggy, sunlight stabbing through the shutters, brain still half-dreaming of goblin screams and Fireball backdrafts.
Then I actually open my eyes.
Liora and Nyx are standing at the foot of the bed, fresh out of the tiny washroom, skin still glistening with water droplets.
Completely, gloriously naked.
Liora first: porcelain-pale elven skin that practically glows in the morning light, long silver hair damp and clinging to her collarbones. Her breasts are perfect teardrops; firm, medium-sized, the exact kind that look like they were sculpted by someone who really loved their job. Pale pink nipples already stiff from the cool air. Lower, a neatly trimmed silver landing strip leading down to soft, flushed pink folds that look like they've never seen a single day of hardship.
Nyx beside her: warm golden-brown skin, black panther ears twitching, tail lazily curling. Her breasts are a touch fuller, round and perky, the same mouth-watering medium size, dark rose nipples begging for attention. Between her thighs, smooth and bare except for a tiny tuft of black, her pussy is the same delicate pink; swollen just enough from the hot water to make it obvious she's as affected by the situation as I am.
My body reacts before my brain catches up. Morning wood turns into full mast in 0.2 seconds, tenting the blanket like a flagpole.
Both of them notice instantly.
Liora folds her arms under her chest (which only makes everything look even better) and fixes me with that cool elven stare.
"No, Kai. You do not get to have sex with us."
Nyx nods, tail flicking, but her voice is softer. "Party members are second family. Life-and-death bonds don't mix with lovers. If one of us got pregnant on the road? Journey over. No abortions in elven culture, no abandoning kits in beastkin clans. We'd be forced to settle down and raise the kid. Adventuring done."
Liora continues, calm and matter-of-fact:
"From today on, we bathe together in rivers, pee in the same bushes, change clothes in the same tent. Separation kills parties. So no dating inside the group. It's… cultural law for real adventurers. Sacred, almost."
Inner me is having a full meltdown, but Aizen just adjusts his glasses.
"They're 100 % correct. Romantic entanglements inside a life-bound party are suicide. Accept the friend-zone. It is logical."
My erection wilts faster than a fireball in rain. Reality is the ultimate boner-killer.
I sit up, rub my face, and exhale. "You're both right. Party first. Family first."
Nyx's ears perk, and she flashes a fanged grin. "Good boy. If we wanna scratch an itch, we go to town. Strangers only. One-night stands at the bar, no strings, no babies, no drama."
Liora actually smirks; rare and lethal. "We were planning to hit the Tipsy Treant tonight anyway. With your face? The girls will line up, pretty boy."
Nyx leans in, tail swishing. "Come with us. We'll be your wing-women. Or watch us get worshipped. Either way, everybody goes home happy and the party stays drama-free."
I flop back onto the pillow, laughing despite everything.
"Fine, fine. I'm in. But you two have to wear something that gives the rest of the village a fighting chance."
They both laugh, grab their clothes, and start dressing like the conversation never got weird.
Culture noted:
Party = family.
Sex = strictly outside the party.
Sacred rule of the road.
…Honestly?
Kind of based.
I roll out of bed, still half-hard just from memory, and start pulling on my own clothes.
Tonight, the Tipsy Treant is going to war.
I strip down and step into the tiny inn bathroom (basically a wooden tub with a bucket of steaming water and a rough bar of soap).
Nyx pokes her head in, ears perked. "Need a hand, big guy?"
I nod, too tired to pretend I don't want the help.
She slips in behind me, still naked from earlier, tail swishing playfully. Warm water pours over my head as her claws (careful, gentle) scrub my back and massage shampoo into my hair.
Then her gaze drifts downward.
Nyx whistles low. "Damn, Kai. That thing's a weapon of mass destruction. Whichever bar girl gets it tonight is gonna need a healing potion tomorrow."
I bark out a laugh, water streaming down my face. "Jealous you won't find out firsthand?"
"Please," she snorts, flicking soap suds at me. "I'm just worried you'll break someone and we'll have to carry you home tomorrow because you pulled a muscle."
We're both cracking up now, echoing off the wooden walls, zero awkwardness. Just two teammates bullshitting while one scrubs goblin-valley stink off the other.
Outside the door, Liora's voice drifts in, calm and elegant as ever while she laces her boots.
"Save some water for me tomorrow, Kai. It's my turn to wash you. And you're returning the favor the day after. Fair's fair."
Nyx and I trade a look in the steamy mirror and just grin wider.
This is it.
This is the real party bond: naked scrubbing, zero sexual tension inside the group, savage banter, and complete trust.
Ten minutes later Nyx and I step out dripping, towels around waists. Liora's already dressed in fresh traveling clothes, hair braided like a queen, looking annoyingly perfect.
She claps once. "Finally. Breakfast downstairs, then shopping. We have 18 silver burning a hole in our pouch and a very important mission tonight."
Nyx throws on her cropped jacket, tail flicking excitedly. "Operation: Get Kai laid by someone who isn't us."
Liora nods solemnly. "And Operation: Get ourselves thoroughly ruined by total strangers so we don't murder each other on the road later."
I pull my shirt over my head, still laughing. "You two are the best wing-women a reincarnated truck victim could ask for."
We head downstairs together, three broke, horny, ridiculously synced-up adventurers ready to eat pancakes and then go clothes shopping for tonight's bar massacre.