To be honest, I don't really know how to begin.
I had planned to quote "Pinocchio" as a joke about me being just a useless piece of wood. Ah, no, I'm better than a piece of wood in that I can squirm and my mouth can foolishly babble "oohs" and "aahs."
That's right, I've become a newborn baby.
How? I have no idea either. Maybe I'm the main character of some cheap novel. Or... I'm dreaming.
But anyway, I think this is a good time to run a flashback to understand why I'm in this situation.
My name is Ryuji Satou.
Unfortunately, I'm not a high school student; my school years passed about six years ago. So that's one important trait for a main character lost.
But I was actually quite brilliant, you know. I graduated with honors from the University of Tokyo, and right after completing my graduate program, I landed a job as a lecturer at that very same prestigious university.
And I was let go after half a year.
Because my teaching skills were rock bottom at that time.
Then, funnily enough, I became unemployed. Perhaps in this nosediving economy, no research institute would care about someone pursuing basic science majors. If I were an AI engineer, I'd probably be rich. What a shame.
Then some research lab in the US pulled me over to work for them. At first, I didn't understand why they would hire someone like me, a Geochemistry major who was dabbling in Biochemistry (because it seemed fun).
But when I found out that a few fast-food chains were behind them, I started to understand.
Did I say 'a few'?
'All of them' would be more accurate.
A strange alliance of corporations, all funding an 'independent' research institute.
But after working there for about two years, I understood the reason. All the research papers related to the interests of those companies, 100% of them had falsified data. At first, I didn't care much because it was all harmless stuff.
Until... I discovered something in the restaurant formulas of one of the 'bosses' that would cause food poisoning.
My discovery paper was thrown into the trash immediately. Along with it came threats.
I don't like being threatened, so I went ahead and published it anyway.
And I was sued. I'm not quite sure for what crime, but in the end, I lost the case.
And just like that, my life as a researcher went straight down the drain. That's how I ended up unemployed and broke at the age of 30.
But I hadn't given up on fate yet and was lucky enough to get a job teaching Chemistry at a high school. Sometimes I thought all I needed was to get lung cancer to be just like some protagonist, but I didn't dare touch a cigarette because I couldn't afford it.
How did I end up like this?
I lay on my chair in the teachers' lounge and wondered. The rain started to fall, and there weren't many people left at school.
I grabbed my umbrella and walked the path home.
Ah.
It suddenly dawned on me.
So that's how I 'died'. Right now, I'm feeling a bit bewildered.
Have I truly been reincarnated, or is this just a hallucination caused by DMT?
Just like that, two years have passed.
My initial bewilderment is now gone. I've finally accepted the reality that, no matter what, I'll have to temporarily 'live on' in this infant's body.
The time that has passed has also gradually helped me understand a bit about my current identity and the world.
The good news is that I was born into a wealthy family, apparently even a great noble one, where I'm surrounded by big-breasted maids. Excellent.
But the bad news is, this is a medieval world, which means no electricity, TV, internet, and the other conveniences I was so used to. Though, having gone without them for two years, I'm gradually accepting that reality.
And the second piece of bad news: it seems my mother in this life unfortunately passed away right after giving birth to me. The only thing I know about her is the name 'Anna' and that she was a 'maid'. Which means I'm a 'bastard'.
Fortunately, I'm still considered part of the family in this clan. Perhaps it's because my mother, despite being a servant, was accepted as an official concubine, which is why I have this 'privilege'? The logic of the medieval noble world seems a bit difficult for someone like me.
Speaking of luck, now comes another piece of misfortune: 'my father' in this world.
I've never seen his face. It seems that for the past two years, the man hasn't bothered to look at me even once. I've heard that he sometimes has 'relations' with one of the maids taking care of me. A pervert, that's the first thing I know about him. The second thing, I heard his name is Pilemon. And the third, more shocking than anything else, he just turned 15.
That means I was born when he was 13.
And I have a few other siblings; my eldest brother is apparently about to turn 5.
Which means he became a father at the age of 10.
It took me three whole days to get over the first shock of my new life.
Maybe people here develop faster than normal, I thought to myself. Maybe ten years old here is equivalent to twenty on Earth. I prayed that was the case.
But when I met my half-brother, Luke, he was no different from a normal 5-year-old on Earth. An innocent face, brown hair, and the aura of a future handsome man. I was shocked again when I saw that little brat jump up and grope a maid's butt in the hallway with a perverted smile.
This family is insane!
Besides the family situation and the fact that this family's moral compass is broken, it seems my name is Atur. When I first heard the name, my mind immediately jumped to the possibility that I had been transported into the role of the legendary hero who would lead Britain against invaders. But no, my surname isn't Pendragon; it's something like Notos Greyrat. I'm not in Great Britain either; I'm in a kingdom called Asura, which I'm sure no country on Earth has this name.
And one thing that made me certain this is another world is the existence of magic here.
I saw an old mage come and use some kind of magic to create a small rain shower to water the mansion's flower garden. I wasn't really sure what purpose it served, but seeing my brother Luke and his mother laugh happily about it, I guess the trick was mainly for show.
And because of that, I started to become curious about magic.
But getting to the library wasn't easy. Usually, the moment I stepped out of my room, a servant would grab me and take me back. Is this a method to prevent bastards from becoming too clever, to make them easier to control, or is it simply adults being overly protective of a child?
I don't know, but my constant attempts to sneak out must have annoyed someone.
"Stop running around! Get back to your room!"
This maid with her shiny golden hair tied back neatly is Mia. She seems to be the one mainly responsible for cleaning the area around my room and has also been taking care of me since I turned one.
To be honest, she's quite pretty. She looks a bit like a former colleague of mine from the research institute in my previous life. Her energetic and diligent work ethic gives me a very good impression (even though she often hides in my room to take naps). A rather contradictory person.
But anyway, she's the one who feeds me (unfortunately, from a bottle) and changes my diapers. She sometimes holds me in her lap and reads to me. She told me about the war with the demon tribe, the history of the Asura Kingdom, the bravery of the Sword God, the steadfastness of the Water God, and the wisdom of the North God. And sometimes, she'd talk about some guy she likes in town.
Honestly, I quite like Mia.
Not because of her breasts.
Well, that's a rather 'big' reason.
But the real reason is that it's been a long time since I've felt such a deep connection with someone. Perhaps besides Mia, it's been many years since anyone has talked to me so much.
There was a time I thought, if I grow up and that blacksmith's son she likes still hasn't returned her feelings, I would confess to her.
But just two days after I had that thought, Mia became 'one of' my stepmothers.
I swear, I hate that bastard Pilemon to the bone.
Besides the time spent pretending to be a child and trying to learn to speak, I swiped a few small books and started learning to read. It was quite fun; I didn't expect to learn a new language so easily. Maybe it's because I was a genius in my past life?
At first, I was quite disappointed that I didn't get a 'system' or any 'cheats' upon reincarnation, but on second thought, retaining my intellect is already a blessing.
And because of that, I started to wonder:
"Are the physical laws of this world different from Earth's?"
So I found a new game for my constrained time in this twenty-five-square-meter room.
I started trying to drop a ball, throw it, roll it, and then tried with a feather.
I could see that most of the basic things like Newton's laws, rolling friction, acceleration, drag,... all exist in this world.
Then I started observing the sky. The length of a day here seems to be about the same as on Earth.
In other words, it's quite similar.
I also started tasting and analyzing things. Like a scientist. I tasted sweat; it was salty, just like on Earth. I watched how butterflies flew.
I even opened the window to feel the wind.
I watched the sunrise and sunset.
And gradually, I felt a strange, joyous feeling begin to emerge. Even though these similarities didn't help me right now, they made me feel refreshed.
I was simply observing simple things and smiling foolishly.
Maybe living as a child isn't as bad as I thought.
When I turned three, I finally 'officially' began my education.
Mia - former caretaker, now stepmother - also became my literacy teacher (though I had already mastered it a year ago). After getting the alphabet down, Mia taught me more about culture, society, and the basic rules of a nobleman.
"Our clan is the House of Notos, the family that holds the wealthy land of Milbotts, located in the far east of the Asura Kingdom. Milbotts is famous for its vast vineyards and its most precious bottles of wine, renowned not only in Asura but also in other kingdoms and continents."
In other words, this place is like France on Earth, and Milbotts is Bordeaux. Understood. Although they also grow wheat and other agricultural products here, it seems grapes are their main product.
No wonder when I look out the window, all I see is a vast land of grapes. It's harvest season now, so the red of the grapes and the green of the leaves are the only two things I can see on the ground.
And to take this region's 'grape obsession' to a new level, the Notos family crest is a wreath of vines and grapes.
To be honest, I find it a bit tacky. Compared to the Boreas family crest, which features a wolf's head and two stalks of wheat, it seems much cooler.
Though I don't understand why that family with the badass crest is famous for producing perfume.
And not wheat.
They have wheat on their crest. How strange.
Anyway, besides the Notos family in Milbotts who grow grapes and make wine, and the Boreas in Fittoa who produce perfume, there is also the Zephirus family in the Donari region, famous for sugar and wool, and the Eurus family in Wishiru... for trade.
"Actually, Wishiru has several places famous for seafood and is where novel goods from all over the world gather. You could say that by just visiting a shop there, you can buy almost anything from anywhere. As long as you have the money," Mia further explained.
Indeed, Wishiru sounds like a place I'd want to visit.
It's decided then, when I grow up, I'll go live there. Experience from my past life has taught me that places with developed logistics have the best standard of living.
As a Japanese person, after all, I'd also rather eat seafood than bread and cheese... Since Milbotts is deep inland, eating seafood is a hopeless dream for me.
I want to eat sashimi! Argggg!
While I was drooling over the thought of raw tuna, Mia continued her lesson.
"Besides the four great noble houses, at the head of Asura is the royal family. Can you guess, Atur, what their family name is?"
"Ah! It's Asura! Same as the kingdom's name!" I raised my hand and answered excitedly.
"That's right!" Mia clapped.
"Reward! Reward!"
"What reward does Atur want?"
"To drink Mia's milk!"
And I got a slap on the head.
Well, I can't blame her. I'm past the age of drinking milk.
"Anyway," Mia closed the book she was holding. "That's enough culture class for today. What do you think you'll learn next?"
"Magic!"
"No. Something else. You can't learn magic until you're five; that's the rule. Now it's time to learn family history!"
"Yes, ma'am..."
And that's how I began my education.
In truth, thanks to studying culture, history, and basic politics, I understood why I was confined to a room like this. It was because of the culture. As the child of a servant, I would be raised in seclusion, and only those who showed good progress would have a 5th birthday party held to announce their existence to the outside world. For some families or in other cultures, this rule even applied to children of the main lineage.
Actually, for the House of Notos, this rule had only been applied since Pilemon became the head of the family.
As for the reason, I heard it was because he felt jealous of his older brother's excellence and was determined to pass this rivalry onto his own children. He swore (according to servant gossip) that only excellent children would be allowed to bear his surname.
No one said what happened to the 'unexcellent' children, but I started to imagine some terrible scenarios, which made me focus on my studies to save face for the father I had never even met.
But if we're talking about someone I feel sorry for, it would have to be my half-brother, Luke.
Every day at 5 AM sharp, I'd see Luke begin his physical training in the yard. After breakfast, he practiced with the sword. After his lunch break, it was culture, politics, history, and etiquette until late in the evening.
It was even worse than a Japanese student cramming for university exams.
In just one year, that 'innocent' little boy who groped maids' butts had turned into this.
But the interesting thing is, Luke looked very determined. He never complained or cried. He strived every day from morning till night, which made me a little worried, even though that should be his parents' job.
Thinking about my own future being like that is a bit... concerning.
"Hey, Mia."
"It's Mother Mia. I'm your stepmother now."
"Mia." There's no way I'm calling you my mother. "Will I have to study like a maniac like brother Luke in the future?"
"Ah, that depends."
"Depends on what?"
"On whether your father likes you or not."
In that case, I don't want him to like me at all.
"If you want to be like Luke, then within the next year, you must memorize the entire family history, noble etiquette, dancing, the kingdom's history, and many other things. Then the family head - Lord Pilemon - will test you and decide whether to hold a 5th birthday party for you."
I already knew that. But does getting a birthday party mean I'll be tortured like that?
"And not only that, you must have some special talent to be recognized."
"A special talent?"
"Yes. Something Lord Pilemon thinks is useful. Like Luke's swordsmanship and... um... being friends with Princess Ariel."
Who?
"As for you, let's see..." Mia rubbed her chin. "You're a fast learner and good at reading, so maybe you could try writing poetry?"
Never.
"Poetry doesn't sound cool at all," I pouted.
"Hey now, poetry is very popular with the noble ladies. Who knows, if you win the heart of a great lord's daughter, Lord Pilemon will surely be very pleased."
Sounds like he wants to sell his children for political connections. So that's the reason that old man started his campaign to have as many children as possible as early as possible? To create marriage alliances all over the kingdom?
It's not an unreasonable thought, but being seen as a commodity like this makes me feel a bit hurt.
Now I understand the harsh fate of women in East Asia on Earth before the 20th century.
And so, my campaign to find a 'useful talent' began.
Based on Mia's suggestion, I could write poetry, sing, write, play an instrument... basically, things that are 'very popular with noble girls'. If I followed that path, the chance of me becoming a commodity and being married off to some family in the middle of nowhere is very high.
I don't want that, boo-hoo.
But besides those things, what do I have?
A PhD that's useless here. I can't just run around asking for chemicals and hope to create something interesting, only to risk being burned at the stake for 'heresy'.
Well, I haven't seen anyone burned for that, but better safe than sorry.
At least, not until I'm strong enough to stand on my own two feet will I consider doing crazy things like scientific inventions.
"Sigh... I wish I were just some farmer's son. Life would be easier."
At least then I could run around in the garden, go to the forest, and even cook something new and delicious for myself. Eating soup and bread every day like this is boring to death.
"Wait a minute."
Why don't I become a chef?
After hours of begging, Mia finally allowed me to visit the kitchen of the Notos mansion. After dinner, so as not to disturb anyone.
"There. Are you happy now?" Mia sighed as she led me into the kitchen, which had just been cleaned up.
"Whoa!"
It was depressingly boring.
Two bread ovens, two large fireplaces for cooking soup, a large roasting oven big enough for a small pig, and an area for food prep.
THAT'S IT!
So this was the culprit behind the boring food I've been eating all this time!
My god, there's no oil! No fried dishes! No wok for stir-frying! No rice! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
The ingredients were just meat, some basic vegetables, and flour. The only spices were salt and ginger!
I'd rather just die.
What can I even cook with this pathetic stuff? I'm too used to modern dishes with complex spices. With only these things, I have no idea what interesting dish to make to show off.
Maybe I should just go back...
"Ah! Is all the food cleaned up already!?" Suddenly a shout came from the kitchen door, making me turn around.
It was a man, rather tall, with a goatee and a bald head. He wore a sturdy-looking suit of armor. He seemed to be a knight.
"It's an hour past mealtime, Sir Ken," Mia giggled. "After mealtime, there's only cheese scraps and bread."
"I guess it can't be helped," the knight named Ken sighed. "I was on duty on the other side of the city today. Should've just skipped work and come home early."
"Hehe, if you did that, I'd tell Lord Pilemon."
"Ugh..."
What a pain, huh? Seeing this man reminded me of my university days. My research lab was quite far from the cafeteria, so by the time I ran over at lunch, the line was always long, and sometimes there were no good dishes left.
So I usually made my own sandwiches to bring. They were convenient, delicious, and could be made just the way I liked.
Wait a second.
"That's it!"
"What is it?"
Hearing me slam the table and shout excitedly, both Mia and Ken turned to look at me.
I didn't care that they were watching and immediately got to work. I took a small stool, placed it at the prep station, and took out the smallest knife.
Mia was about to stop me, but my hands were faster.
Perhaps because I was so used to this, or because my fierce determination impressed my 'stepmother', she didn't say anything and just stood there watching, bewildered.
I took bread, cheese, bacon, and a few scraps of lettuce (from leftover meals) and put them together.
Ta-da!
The sandwich was complete!
"Oh... putting individual food items together to make a hand-sized pastry. That's clever," Ken was the first to speak. He seemed to immediately understand the purpose of this dish.
Hearing that, Mia also nodded.
"With this, I can stay at my guard post without having to worry about running home to eat in the middle of my shift!" Ken added.
"Right, right!" I nodded. "The ingredients are all things that can be preserved for a long time. You can have the kitchen make a few portions for you to eat throughout the day!"
"But..." Ken picked up the sandwich and examined it. "The bread is quite hard. It's convenient, but I think having the filling between two pieces like this might be a bit difficult to eat."
Ah, right.
That was one of the reasons I hated the food here; the quality of the bread was terrible. Too hard. Most people just used bread to soak up their food rather than actually 'eating' the bread. They usually dipped it in soup to soften it.
Normally, modern people would use tomatoes; the juice from the tomato would soak into the bread, making it soft. But unfortunately, that fruit doesn't exist in this other world, or at least, 'not yet'.
And that's when my culinary experience, backed by my 'PhD', spoke up.
"Salt water."
"Salt water?" Both Mia and Ken said in unison.
"Like this."
I took some water, mixed it with salt, and then dipped a clean cloth hanging in the kitchen into it. Once the cloth was just damp enough, I wrapped it around the sandwich. After a few minutes, I unwrapped it, revealing a soft and appealing sandwich before them.
"Or you can carry a small leather pouch, filled with salt water instead of drinking water. When you're ready to eat, just spray a little on the surface of the bread, wait for the moisture to soak in, and the bread will instantly become as soft as if it were freshly baked."
And that is how the 'Night Watchman's Bread' was born.
The very next day, my father finally decided to appear before me for the first time in my life.