I could taste the pillow with the drool running from my mouth and my tongue sticking out. I didn't want to open my eyes while enjoying the magnificent peace of waking up from that sweet sleep. I squirmed a little more. I turned my head left and right. I reached out to the blanket over me and tried to pull it up, but my hand met nothing. While trying to shield my head from the faint light hitting my face, I bumped my hand against a pane of glass. Trying to suddenly get up from the pain in my hand, this time my head hit the glass, forcing me to put my head back down on my pillow.
When I opened my eyes, I found myself inside a glass capsule. There was a blurry silhouette on the other side of the glass. The glass hadn't been cleaned for so long that a strange green layer covered it. At that moment, I felt like I was buried inside a thousand-year-old treasure chest.
Suddenly, I couldn't breathe. Yes… I knew it was psychological, but what else could I do? With no ideas in my mind, I started pounding on the glass, shouting as I hit it.
"I can't breathe, hello! Get me out of here!" I yelled.
I heard a voice from the other side of the glass: "You should be able to breathe, sir."
"Sir? If he's calling me 'sir', I should stay calm, shouldn't I?" I frowned, made a weird face, and closed one eye. After doing the facial expression that helps me think: "Yes, I guess that must be it…"
"Could you be having a panic attack, sir?"
"No… Would I ever have a panic attack…?"
"How should I address this voice? Politely or rudely? Should I just call him my slave? What kind of master am I? Maybe he just said 'sir' out of politeness?"
"…I don't, right, pal?"
"Pal? Do you really see me as your pal?"
"Shit, wrong word choice… So there was a hierarchical situation between us, and I just ruined it in two seconds. I need to salvage this."
"As long as you don't cross the line…"
"I always know my line, sir."
"Attaboy," I said and started lying back down a bit. This entire conversation had put my mind at ease. Even though I was lying in a glass-covered bed that I didn't remember entering, I was peaceful. "What if I'm the one outside, and they're the ones inside? I should think about it that way sometimes."
Yes, as always, my thoughtlessness was at its peak. I was unmatched at comforting myself. I know this is because of my nature, always finding a way to escape responsibility. Otherwise, who could live as a civil servant? After all, half of being a civil servant is avoiding responsibility, and the other half is drinking tea in the office as someone who doesn't understand technology.
"Being a civil servant? Now, that I remember… I remember being a civil servant. I hate that damn thing so much that it never leaves my mind."
"Hey, pal!" I shouted towards the outside of the glass. "Am I a civil servant?"
"Sir…"
"Yes, darling…"
"No, I said 'sir' because I didn't understand what you said. I mean, I couldn't hear it…"
"Ah… Can you hear me now then?" I tried to shout, but my body, which had been asleep for a long time, couldn't produce much volume.
"I can come a little closer to the glass if you wish."
"Press your ear right up against the glass…"
"I don't have an ear, sir."
"What?"
"I'm a drone assistant, sir."
"Then press your receptor, signal receiver, or whatever it is, against it."
"If you want, open the hatch, and we can talk. There should be a button on your right side." I ran my hand over the surface of the glass coffin, and there was a small bump somewhere on the glass. The moment my finger touched the bump, the glass capsule above my head suddenly opened, and a dusty air infiltrated the capsule.
I coughed first, as if my lungs were tearing apart. I placed my hands on the edge of the capsule and pushed myself up, continuing to cough with tears streaming from my eyes. As that dusty air filled my lungs, I couldn't see anything for a brief moment.
I was in a cave. It was filled with computers, cables, and other technological gear, just like those secret caves where superheroes live. I looked at the drone assistant; it was connected to a computer with a cable and hovering in the air with the help of the jets behind it.
There was a constant flow of data from the cable attached to the drone assistant's back to the computer. The drone had a huge black sphere for a head, which was probably its face. A protective glass covered that black sphere, like a cover protecting an eye… The drone assistant could be described as a yellow box floating in the air with a black, astronaut-helmet-like head.
"How are you, assistant?"
"I'm fine, sir," the Drone replied.
Just then, I tried to swing my legs out of the bed to stand up, but nothing happened. I tried again. No… My legs weren't moving. Then I looked down. To the place where my legs should have been…
Where my legs should have been, there was nothing but torn pieces of flesh dangling from my waist and cables connected to those pieces of flesh. I let out a huge scream and started yelling non-stop.
"Sir, are you alright?"
"My damn legs!"
"Sir, there were some issues below your waist. There was a small power outage while you were in the capsule, which caused some biological problems. While you were resting inside the glass capsule, the healing computer was trying to fix you."
"But I don't feel any pain." When I tried to move my legs, the cables hit each other and vibrated.
"The healing computer does its job well…"
I was drenched in sweat. I caught my breath. I scanned the area below my waist again. To describe the situation below my waist, I would need a below-the-waist to describe it, but… But there was nothing below my waist. Just some cables from the glass capsule connected to my waist, that's all. I reached for my butt. Yes, it was as I thought… Some of the pipes were going into my butt. This was a terrifying situation. It was a miracle that I had a butt because my penis wasn't visible anywhere. I felt like fainting… I nearly fainted and then came back: "It's going to heal eventually, right? Then… if I don't feel any pain, there's no problem, right?"
"Well… I have to tell you something about that, sir. Since you came out of the glass capsule, the procedure was interrupted. Yes, your legs and penis will be reattached eventually, but there might be some functional problems with the area below your waist."
"What do you mean? I interrupted the procedure by opening the glass?"
"Yes, sir."
"You should have told me that, robot!"
"How could I know, sir? Doesn't a person realize that half of their body is missing? I thought you were aware of it. I allowed you to open the glass because I thought you had something very urgent to say. Otherwise, why would you want to open the glass?"
"Oh, damn it! Close it…" I said and reached for the glass. I was trying to pull the glass barrier above me like a blanket, but I didn't have the strength. "Close that glass, I'm going back to sleep. At least reattach my legs." I was trying to pull the glass and close the capsule again. "Close, damn you!"
"Sir, if you press the same button."
"Right… The button…"
I pressed the button and put my head back on the pillow. When the glass closed, I yelled.
"Put me to sleep!"
"Sir, I don't understand what you are saying."
When I opened the glass once more, the robot was standing in the same place in the same way.
"I said, put me to sleep, put me to sleep!"
"Sir, I don't know if you realize it, but you reset the procedure once again. And at a very critical point."
"How?" When I looked down, I noticed a knife that came out from under the bed and was stuck in my waist. "I was going to say, put me to sleep."
"I was going to put you to sleep anyway, sir."
"Right…" To avoid moving the knife stuck in my waist, I slowly lay down and asked once more before pressing the button. "How much damage could interrupting this procedure cause?"
"We'll see, sir!"
***
"So, I won't be able to take a dump again, is that it?" I asked, my face in my hands, my legs dangling from the edge of the bed. My legs also felt like they hadn't been properly attached. They felt heavy sometimes. It was as if they would tear off my waist and fall if I swung them too much. It could also be psychological. They were heavier than necessary and seemed to react a little late.
"Sir… Although the healing computer did its best, because you reset the procedure many times during the process, some of your organs could not be treated in a sterile manner. Your penis and your intestines lost their function."
"Completely?"
"Yes…"
"Ah… What wonderful news!"
"But don't worry." The robot extended its arms from the two circular holes on its right and left. Its hands glided towards the cover under its belly. It showed me a technological tube that it took out from the cover. "I can help you relieve yourself with this."
"With that tube?"
"Don't worry, I have a thin-tipped vacuum to help you urinate."
"Ah!" I screamed, as if a sharp pain had suddenly shot through my penis. But knowing that my penis couldn't feel any pain since the nerves were gone, I knew this was also psychological.
"Did something happen, sir?"
"No! I'm fine… Just keep those tubes away from me!"
"If your body cannot perform its excretion process, you could die."
"I know, robot! I know!"
"To prevent you from suffering pain because of the tube during your excretion process!" it said and pulled out some lubricant from its belly.
"I said I know! Put the oil back too!"
"As you wish, sir," the robot said, putting the thick, vacuum tube it held back into the bag on its belly, along with the lubricant.
Not seeing the tube in front of my eyes relieved me for a while. I threw my foot onto the floor and let myself fall to the ground. Of course, as someone who hadn't walked for a long time, I crashed face-first the moment my foot touched the floor. I crashed so hard that my mouth and face were shattered, and I passed out from the impact of the fall.
"Sir, are you alright? I will carry you back to the healing computer." After the healing computer put me back into the glass capsule and put me to sleep and woke me up once, I continued sitting in my bed as if nothing had changed.
"I have a few questions for you, assistant." I was yawning because I had just woken up.
"Yes, sir…" The drone hadn't even moved from its place while all this was happening, which was quite annoying. It was still hovering where it was connected with a cable.
"I don't remember anything. So, answer these questions. Who am I, what am I doing here, and who are you?"
"You don't remember anything?"
"Yes… I kind of remember being a civil servant, but kind of not."
"Very interesting…"
"What happened? Did something happen?"
The drone assistant extended its arms from both sides. It moved its hands magically. "Hmm…" it made a sound. "…very interesting," it continued. It definitely looked like it was about to do something.
"Is it going to give me back my memory?"
It lingered with its hands a bit more. Its arms were hovering in the air like the miraculous hands of a magician. The hands moved… those robotic hands with cables instead of veins… But all the robot finally did was place one of its hands under its chin, like the thinking man statue. It supported that hand with its other arm.
"What was that now?"
"You were the one who told me to simulate and learn hand and arm gestures. Not just those, either. People's speaking style, tone of voice, ways of objection, etc. I thought people made this gesture when they were thinking."
"I told you that?"
"Yes… You said it would make me more humane. Look, even…" Some lights came on on the pitch-black sphere, and an eye created from blue light formed on the sphere. The eye blinked and disappeared. "…I can do mouth gestures as well as eye gestures. Should I show you?"
"You're a robot! Why are you doing such stuff?"
"I told you, you asked for it, sir."
"No! You're not doing such things around me anymore! No gestures until the second command!"
The robot then lowered its arms, and a blue, sad face formed on the black sphere. Seeing this, I felt strange and involuntarily said:
"Fine, you can do whatever you want…"
"Thank you, sir."
"Now, can you tell me what's going on here without going off-topic?"
"First of all, I'd like to tell you that you've been lying down for 400 years," the drone said with a confident tone. It was a drone anyway; it always had a confident tone. Whatever reason I gave this detail for…
"400 years, wow…"
"Yes… You have been lying down for 400 years. First, I want to give you even the most basic information, because I think you've lost all your knowledge. In the year 2250, after the Interstellar Expansion Regulation became a valid regulation for all people…"
"Whoa… Whoa… Wait a minute… Aren't we going too fast? Let's go step by step… What exactly is the Interstellar Expansion Regulation?"
"Until the year 2250, only certain people had permission to go into space and own a spaceship. This regulation determined the laws for people going into space. There was a regulation for everything, from where to store waste, which planets could be landed on, to proper energy production. Later, the Supreme World Union, founded by the unification of countries in 2248 to curb relations with space, realized it could no longer control more space travel. People illegally going into space with their ships, those going irregularly, etc. Since controlling entry and exit to space became quite difficult, it had to legalize it for everyone."
"Yes… Very interesting…"
"In 2250, going into space became free for everyone. Anyone could keep a spaceship in front of their house, take off whenever they wanted, and go into space. The Supreme World Union managed to get rid of most of its expenses. Indirectly, so did the countries… Going into space was free, but the procedure for returning from space was very crowded. A nice, low-cost balance was thus established…"
"Yes… Very nice information, but why am I learning all this now?"
"Let's get back to our main topic… After space became common property for everyone, this supervisory union needed some institutions to oversee the laws jointly decided by the countries. Institutions that would be the arms and legs of this union in space. They established organizations such as Weapon Security Agency, the Interstellar Law Enforcement Agency, the Space Colonies Oversight Agency, and the Cosmic Financial Integration & Development Agency."
"They also needed an inspector's office to examine whether the biological experiments people conducted when going into space were ethical or not. We can understand from this that the 2250s were still years when religiosity and ethics were important. They called this organization the Bioethics Oversight Agency. This agency examines whether the creation of a new organism—whether created, mutated, or formed in any way—is ethical, and if it disrupts the planet's structure…"
Since I couldn't hold any more information in my head: "Okay, cut it short! Oh my god, you wouldn't stop talking. Are you aware that there's a human in front of you? How am I supposed to remember all this? Ah… What was I saying? Am I a Weapon Security Agency inspector? Do I inspect the weapons people make…" I asked.
"You are an Inspector for the Bioethics Oversight Agency, sir…"
"Oh, man! I tried my luck… What a boring job I have. Anyway… I'm going back to sleep then. You lost my interest when you talked about my profession, so sleeping is best…"
I got back into bed and pressed the button. The robot floated over to me and opened the hatch by pressing the button again before it could close.
I pressed the button and tried to close it.
"Sir, you need to know something."
It pressed the button and opened the hatch again.
"No… I won't take it… I'm going to sleep…" I pressed the button one more time because it looked like it was about to give me a task.
"I haven't told you the important part, sir," it said and pressed the button once more.
"Your tone sounds like you're about to saddle me with work." I pressed the button one more time.
"You are the last Bioethics Oversight Agency Inspector in the galaxy, sir…" This time, I pressed the button myself and opened it again before the robot could. I stretched my leg out of the bed and looked at the robot.
"Why?"
"The year 2250 was when religiosity and ethics were observed, but it would not be correct to say that these values were given much consideration later on. Over the years, citizens of the Supreme World Republic stopped caring about values like ethics. They stopped holding people accountable, and thus the Republic stopped funding this unit. Most Bioethics Oversight Agency inspectors became Weapon Security Agency inspectors to inspect biological weapons. The others, of course, retired."
"Did you say Supreme World Republic? Wasn't it a Union most recently?"
"This Union evolved into the republic that governs the world after the Fourth World War, with countries handing over control to it. The Supreme World Republic was founded in 2401, sir. That's why I said citizens of the Supreme World Republic."
"So, did all countries disappear?"
"Countries existed, but there was a Republic above them that was the governing body.
"So, you're saying the wars are over? Everyone became a single citizen."
"Yes, inter-country wars ended after continuing for a long time, but wars moved to a galaxy-wide scale. And yes, there is a single citizenship, sir."
"How could inter-country wars continue for a long time? How could the Supreme World Republic allow that?"
"With colonies larger than the Earth itself established in space, inter-country wars on Earth could only be seen as gang wars. The Supreme World Republic, as the power above the countries, only controlled them on certain points. Genocides were forbidden, biological weapons that would affect humanity were forbidden, etc. Besides, as the years passed, countries and most ideological attitudes disappeared in dusty pages."
"If my unit was shut down according to what you said earlier, does that mean I'm unemployed?"
"I didn't say it was shut down; I just said they didn't get more budget after the year 2482. The Bioethics Oversight Agency continued to reap the benefits of investments made in its time. The Bioethics Oversight Agency still exists, but its inspectors are made up of robots to avoid expenses. It is also clear that analyzing ethical concerns where there are only robots is not very possible. So, if you think about it, you could be considered the last Human Bioethics Oversight Inspector."
"So, I'm an inspector for a fake unit, is it?"
"Yes… This makes you a very important person."
"What year is it right now?"
"It is the year 2852…"
"So, I've been sleeping since 2452…"
"Yes…"
"I want to ask this… If I've been sleeping for 400 years, how haven't I been fired for 400 years?"
"As I said before… Since the years before you went to sleep, namely since 2482, there hasn't been much need for bioethics inspection work. Even when needed, robot inspectors handled the work. I say they handled it, but it's questionable how much they could handle and how correct the decisions they made while handling it were. And the agency doesn't really care. Because people don't care about bioethics, very little work came in, and because it was less costly for the robots to handle the work, no work came to you."
"No work came to me? And I wasn't fired… Did the salary continue to be paid?"
"Yes…"
"My salary has been paid for 400 years?"
"Yes…"
"They paid my salary even though they knew I was asleep!"
The robot floated silently in the air for a while. Then it looked at its hands and its surroundings. It was trying to figure out if the reason it answered the same question 4 times was due to a software issue within itself. "You know how things work in state institutions. If work had come to you, they would have had to wake you up. Since they didn't wake you up, it wouldn't have been appropriate to fire you or retire you. If work had come to you and you hadn't done it, they could have fired you, but that wasn't the case. You couldn't retire because you weren't old enough; despite lying down for 400 years, your body was 38 years old. Considering the retirement age is 50…"
At that moment, I couldn't help but laugh hysterically. I had literally gotten rich lying down, and that was a huge pleasure. I must have a huge accumulation of money somewhere. A question came to my mind then. Perhaps the first question I should have asked when I woke up.
"So, I found a loophole in the system, huh… Damn, what a sly guy I was before I went to sleep. I swindled the whole Republic. Assistant, is that why I'm sleeping? Because I made a plan to swindle them?"
"I don't know, sir… You erased my memory before you went to sleep. A part of my memory is also erased once every week. I assume you did this so that my memory wouldn't unnecessarily fill up while you were sleeping for 400 years."
"Okay, I need to ask the main question: Where is my money?"
The assistant flowed data from the computer it was connected to. It hovered for a while. "Your money seems to be in Hemeh Bank. It was transferred there… I can only get this information."
"What is Hemeh Bank?"
"I could say it's your business bank."
"Let's withdraw the money then. I'll buy a mansion, multi-story too… A pool, chicks… A crazy life…"
"I would love to, sir, but your bank is blocked… Access has been closed because you haven't made any transactions for 400 years."
"Can't we call them and open the access?"
"There was a direct flow of money with the Bioethics Oversight Agency. If anyone can open the access, the agency can. We need to call the agency first…"
"Call them, what are you waiting for?"
***
I waited for a while, sitting on the bed.
"Bioethics Oversight Agency, how may I help you?" said a woman's high-pitched voice.
"Hello…"
"Hello, inspector, owner of VFA-210… Your name does not appear in the records. There must be a problem in the database. Could I please have your name?"
"In the glass capsule machine I've been living in for a while…"
"Healing capsule…" the drone assistant corrected.
"Yes, in the healing capsule…" I said, glancing at the drone assistant. "…there was a problem, and I am experiencing memory loss. How is my name not in the records?"
"May I have your verification code?"
"Where is it written?" I asked and ran my hands over my white lab coat. It didn't have any pockets.
The assistant drone opened a fingerprint reader from its belly. After I pressed my finger onto the fingerprint reader, a page was projected via a hologram from the drone's eye. The page that should contain all information about me had blank spaces. No name, no birthplace, age… Nothing was written.
"Many changes occurred in our databases within 400 years. Since our budget is low, we couldn't keep all the data. It could be called a miracle that you even appear as a civil servant. How would you like us to address you?" the voice inside the drone asked.
I was like a newborn baby. I had neither a name nor any information about the world. I knew nothing except the fact that I was a damn civil servant. But somehow, I saw this situation as an opportunity. I could be anyone I wanted.
"Well, what are the most popular names?" I asked the voice.
"Human names?" the woman asked in surprise.
"Yes…"
"Besides well-known names like Mehmet, Jose, Maria, Nushi…"
"Okay, so what's the most popular one among them?"
"Mehmet…"
"Then my name is Mehmet. And the drone's name is Jose…"
"Understood, sir. Don't worry, I will always carry my name," the drone assistant said, giving a military salute.
"I am registering your name as Mehmet. How you address your assistant is none of our business. Why were you contacting us, Mr. Mehmet?"
"I wanted information about my bank account."
"Yes… Access to your bank account has been blocked."
"I'd like to open it."
"We would be happy to help you open it, of course, but we will have a request before opening the access restriction."
"I am aware that there is a task assigned to me. Your request is for me to complete that task, isn't it?"
"If we open the access restriction, it would not be deemed appropriate for you to take the money and leave the work unfinished. It would be very costly for the Bioethics Oversight Agency to appoint a new human inspector. We need to secure ourselves."
"Is this legal? Maybe I want to take my money and resign. What kind of agency operates like this?"
"We determine the laws, Mr. Mehmet," the voice connected by the assistant said.
"I woke up, and immediately work was dumped on me. Look at that… Okay… I accept… I'll finish my last few tasks and retire. Then I ask you to give me access to my bank."
"The agreement has been reached, Mr. Mehmet. Handle your mission and retire."
***
It took me about half an hour to learn how to stand. Learning to walk took an hour, and by the second hour, I was able to run. I wandered around the room full of computers a bit. I took my inspector clothes from the closet and put them on. I didn't know what to take with me, so I started filling my pockets with everything in the wardrobe. A phone, a digital ID, a device that attaches to the temple… The digital ID was nearly empty. Photo, address section… Everything was blank. It only said I was a Bioethics Oversight Agency civil servant and my name was Mehmet. The device I put on my temple was connected to my phone and projected the caller as a hologram in front of my eye. The drone assistant called me, and we confirmed it that way. With an earpiece that attaches to the ear, everything was complete.
"Will they hire another human inspector after I retire?"
"I don't think so, I don't like to guess, but most likely they will change the regulation. They will change the definition of human-specific tasks," said the drone assistant, now named Jose. Jose was a simple name, memorable, and could be said in a single breath.
"Why didn't they do this earlier?"
"They couldn't change the regulation until the last human inspector retired. This would prevent you from getting the money you're entitled to, and the lawsuit processes would become impossible to resolve."
"Do all jobs work this way?"
"In agencies with low budgets… Yes, they absolutely work this way, sir."
There was an iron-plated path at the exit of the cave. As I walked, lights turned on, illuminating the spaceship at the other end of the cave. I was mesmerized by the magnificence of the spaceship. As it stood on the ground with its three legs, the hatch underneath it slowly opened. I was thoroughly enchanted as its lights turned on one by one, as if it had noticed my arrival. Its wings opened like the wings of a falcon, and the engines beneath the wings started to blow fire. As the color of its pitch-black glass opened, the pilot seat was revealed. It had a huge laser beam machine gun on top and laser cannons on its wings. If the Bioethics Oversight Inspector's ship was surrounded by this much weaponry, who knows what the Weapon Security Agency Inspector carried?
A shiver filled me as I climbed the steps of the ship. "I hope they don't confiscate my money before all this is over."